


I Can't Get No (Satisfaction)

by Adarian



Series: The Rolling Stones Trilogy (1960's AU) [3]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-02-27 05:53:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 108,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2681567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: A Kirkwall styled after 1960's San Francisco. Hawke arrives as a refugee and discovers the world she was meant to be part of. Race riots, the fight for queer rights, all set in a background of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. With the occasional darkspawn and smutty sexual encounter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well folks, I wrote this loooong before I wrote the other two and therefore there are some...inconsistencies, mainly due to Tabris running off with Sten. I will probably go through and fix these minor things but I mean, whatever.

Hawke took off her headscarf, shook her hair out, and slipped out of her steel-toed shoes into her sandals. A colleague beside her poked at the purple bruise growing on Hawke’s arm.

“Has the matron been rough on you again?” Joanne teased.

Hawke grinned, stripped down to her bra and underwear as she changed out of the factory’s uniform, “Nothing I can’t handle. She’s tough on me. I prefer getting the stuffing kicked out of me by her than anyone else on the field.”

“I don’t get you,” Joanne smiled pleasantly, buttoning up her own dress, “Pretty girl like you, I’d get myself a nice husband, get out of this joint. Have a beautiful cat to pet and brush my long hair all day.”

“I’ve got three other mouths to feed,” Hawke reminded, “I’m sure when you get yourself that nice husband you’ll end up having plenty of children too.”

Joanne pursed her lips affectionately as Hawke finished dressing and picked up her bag from her locker, “You give my love to them, eh?”

“And mine to your parents,” Hawke smiled as she left the locker room. She made it down the stairs, braiding her hair back. As she exited the building, she saw her bus pulling up to the stop and she ran in order to catch it. She could hear one of the supervisors yell at her to stop, but she merely laughed, her legs pumping until she could place her hand on the vehicle. The bus driver shook his head and motioned for her to sit in the back. Other munitions workers who had no rides were there, many dozing in the pleasant heat of the early summer.

Hawke curled up in the back, pulling a book out of her bag. She only had twenty minutes until her stop and she dared not read at home. Those forty minutes a day were her favourite, and the poetry she read then would stay with her throughout the day. She would sing it almost as a chant as she screwed on the caps of the bombs.

This book she had ordered specially from Denerim, a little shop that specialized in this style. It spoke of violence, sex, love, adventure. It felt real to her. 

Too soon, however, she found herself back at her neighbourhood, and she hopped off the bus. Her neighbourhood was one of those developed after the Orlesian war, tiny little houses for those who were quickly starting families after the conflict. They had lived there for about five years, before then, renting apartments as they moved from city to city. But after Malcolm had died…well, they were sick of running. It had been a peaceful death for the wandering apostate, a quick illness that took him with little suffering. But when he was gone, they had just decided to stay in Lothering. Leandra didn’t want to leave the house her husband had died in. But she was a proper married woman and she didn’t think to find work to support her family. Hawke had been fifteen at the time, the twins just turning thirteen. She managed to keep Carver and Bethany in school, but she dropped out and took a job in the munitions factory. There was a war going on. There was always a war going on somewhere, she wouldn’t run out of work. She kept up training on the side, sword fighting, rifle shooting, archery. Just because guns were available didn’t mean ammo wasn’t expensive. The old skills were always useful and she never knew when she would find herself needing them. Especially lately.

They said it might be a Blight. There had been darkspawn throughout the villages, they had been told. Refugees were pouring into the city daily. There simply wasn’t enough room for them all. Hawke would have loved to help, but every penny she had went to keeping her family in their home and food on their table. The twins were graduated now. Bethany was taking a few typist classes, despite Leandra’s horror. Carver was a military recruit and damn proud of it. Still, Hawke’s was the only income. She had to keep going. At least until Carver was making a real salary.

She entered her little home, hanging up her shoes and coat. She could smell her mother’s cooking, hear Bethany humming as she reviewed her books. Carver would be around somewhere, no doubt posing in his uniform proudly. He seemed to rarely take it off now, much to Hawke’s amusement.

“Marian!” Bethany called out, smiling, as Hawke entered the kitchen.

“Hey sweetie,” she said, dipping down to hug her sister, “School was good?”

“It was great,” she beamed, “I’m up to 60 words per minute. Can you believe it?”

Hawke smiled proudly, “You’ll make an excellent secretary, Beth.”

Leandra scoffed, her back to them as she stirred the soup on the stove, “Hopefully your sister will never have to work. She’s a beautiful young thing, I’m sure she’ll get a marriage proposal any day now.”

Beth blushed, “Oh, Mom.”

Wanting to argue, but resisting, Hawke asked instead, “Where’s Carver?”

“He should be home any minute. Maker, they keep them so late these days, they’re going to run my little boy right into the ground.”

“It’s probably a Blight,” Hawke replied, slumping into a chair, “And if it is, then he’ll need all the training he’s going to get. There’s getting to be an ammo shortage, we can only build so much so quickly. There’s talk of them starting to use chemical weapons now…it’s a strange war out there.”

“I don’t like you working in the factory,” Leandra insisted, turning to face them, “It was fine before, but now with Carver having a job, you should really fine something…more suitable for a woman. You’re twenty years old, Marian. Its really time for you to find someone, isn’t it?”

“Sorry if I was too busy keeping bread on the table,” Hawke frowned, “I’m going to go wash up. I’ll be back soon.”

She wandered down the hallway to the washroom, turning on the radio as she washed her face. There was a propaganda short voiced by the King himself, rallying his people forward and insisting there was no Blight. She scoffed slightly, wiping her face clean with a cloth. 

She heard the main door opening and Carver’s loud footsteps stomping towards them. She heard Leandra shout at him to take off his shoes, but he seemed to ignore her and ran towards Hawke, just returning to the kitchen.

“Marian,” he said, slightly out of breath, “You need to come with me.”

“Hmm?” she asked, “What’s going on?”

“The horde is coming, just south of here, at Ostagar.”

“That ruined piece of land?” She asked, raising an eyebrow, “It’s not much more than a badly kept up heritage site, isn’t it?” 

“Apparently the King has a fondness for old legends,” he shrugged, “What does it matter? They’re calling for every able bodied person to fight. They’re even accepting female recruits for the battle.”

“They do like to bring us in when they’re desperate, don’t they,” she sneered, “What makes you think I want to go?”

He pulled her aside and away from the other two.

“Marian,” he said softly, “You’re a warrior. You’re not cut out for twisting caps on bombs for the rest of your life. If you prove yourself there, maybe they’ll take you on. There're a few women recruits, it wouldn’t unheard of. I thought…”

She bowed her head, “Of course. Carver, I’m sorry. Thank you.”

“So you’ll come with me?” he said a little louder, the other two turning to see.

She nodded, turning to her room to change into pants and a shirt.

She could hear Leandra yelling at Carver and Bethany begging him to stay. When Marian returned, dressed for enlisting, Leandra grabbed her arm and yanked her back.

“How dare you do this?” she hissed, tears in her eyes, “You wish to go and break my heart, do it. This is not how a woman behaves, Marian.”

“Then I guess I’m not a woman, am I?” Hawke said in challenge, pushing off her arm and exiting the house with Carver. There were transports going through the streets, they could see young men and women wishing their families well as they went into the back of the trucks, being carried off to the front lines.

“Are you okay?” Carver asked.

Hawke lied through her teeth, “Perfect.”

oOoOoOo

Hawke was growing tired as they ran, but she dared not rest her pack on the ground in case she did not have time to pick it up again.

They were still in their combat fatigues when they fled, the packs on their backs carrying ammo and survival supplies. It was still better than Leandra and Bethany who were in their night gowns, shoes hastily thrown on, coats bundled around them. 

The summer night was cold as they ran from Lothering. Carver was nearly out of bullets, even after taking some from Hawke’s pack. She had a dagger in her boot, but she knew this would be little use against the darkspawn. Bethany rarely used her powers in public, but what did it matter now? Everyone they knew would soon be dead. They might be too, if they didn’t keep running.

Aveline and Wesley had joined them on the path and while Hawke had concerns about the Suit, she knew he wouldn’t be turning them into national security now. The CBI had a division just for tracking down rogue mages. Men who came in the middle of the night, tore children from their beds. But Aveline was a good military woman, and Hawke immediately respected her. 

They had dispatched with most of the darkspawn easily enough and they slowed down as they reached a clearing, taking turns drinking from the rank water that their canteens held. 

The ground shook as an ogre climbed the hill towards them. Bethany tried to shield them with an aura, but the ogre crashed through it and reached out towards Leandra. Carver jumped in front, his bullets ripping through the ogre’s shoulder. Hawke heard his gun click and she reached into her sack, trying to find another round to throw to him. But it was too late, and the creature swiped him to the side, his back crashing against a large rock.

Hawke jumped forth with her rifle and shot the ogre between the eyes. As it faltered and collapsed, she jumped onto its back and using her dagger, pierced it straight through the heart. It moaned as it fell and another round of darkspawn was upon them.

When the threat was over, Wesley was slowly dying on the ground and Carver was growing cold nearby. Aveline held her husband’s hand as Leandra ran to Carver, holding his still body in her arms.

“This is your fault,” she hissed at Hawke, “You had more ammunition left.”

“You tell yourself that if you need to sleep at night,” Hawke replied curtly, “We need to go. Carver wouldn’t want us pining after him when we need to be getting out of here to…Maker knows where.”

“Kirkwall,” Leandra said, “If I lost my home, I want to be back in the city, where we have family, where we will be welcomed as nobles.”

“That’s across the sea,” Hawke yelled, “We have almost no coin or possession.” She looked over at Bethany who was comforting Aveline, Wesley now dead on the ground.

“Fine,” Hawke said softly, “We’ll get there. I’ll see what I can do.”

The darkspawn encroached on them again, and the three who could fight surrounded Leandra, their backs to her as they waited for the darkspawn. Bethany sent out a spell to paralyze them, and they slowed as they grew closer. Aveline took out her bayonet, and looked at Hawke. They nodded to each other and each struck forth, killing what they could as Bethany tried to protect them.

A loud roar went through the air and the darkspawn fled as a dragon flew down, snatching, raking its claws through the slower creatures.

Threat vanished, the dragon transformed into an elegant elder woman, her long dress trailing on the ground as she stepped forth to Hawke, grabbing her chin.

“A recent recruit,” she said, raising an eyebrow, “Unless a shaved head is the latest fashion in Ferelden. Amazing that you have survived what many did not.”

“I’m tougher than most,” Hawke said, pulling herself away, “Why did you save us?”

“I felt like it,” the woman said, “And I can help you once again.”

“We need to get out of this place safely,” Hawke said, “I’ll do whatever you want.”

“This is a witch!” Leandra cursed, “You’ll make deals with demons!”

“We won’t get to Kirkwall otherwise,” Hawke said softly, “I won’t lose anyone else tonight.”

“Kirkwall?” the witch laughed, “Now that is a far away place. I can get you to a ship and perhaps you will be clever enough to find passage. But you must do me a favour. When you arrive in Kirkwall, there is someone up in the mountains I need you to seek out. Give her this,” the witch handed Hawke an amulet, “That is not too bad a deal with a demon.”

Hawke nodded, putting the amulet around her neck, “You have my word.”

oOoOoOo

The journey was long, but the four women found themselves on the coast, part of the huddling masses waiting for a space on a cargo ship. Hawke leaned against Aveline’s shoulder, half asleep, when they were pushed forward. It was finally their turn to board the ship.

Hawke turned to see Ferelden for one last time. Aveline tugged on her hand to remind her to walk forth.

She came back, smiling at the other woman, and she marched into her future.


	2. Chapter 2

It had taken weeks to cross and they grew tired and weary, Bethany ill from the motions of the ship. Aveline and Hawke practiced their boxing on the deck, hearing the catcalls of deck hands. But Hawke did not mind. She only wanted to keep Aveline’s mind occupied and keep her body going. If that meant men leering at her, she would do it to see the look of amused concentration on Aveline’s face.

When they managed to get to the city, Kirkwall was not all they had imagined. Leandra promised them titles and nobility, but instead, they were harassed and molested by the immigration staff. In order not to get separated, Aveline posed as the eldest sister and from then on, was known as Aveline Hawke. 

They did manage to get into the city and after a night on the streets, they were finally taken into a women’s shelter run by some of the lay sisters in the city. There was only one bed for the four of them and they huddled close to keep warm. Leandra kept phoning old numbers, trying to find Gamlen, and it was only after two days she managed to get a hold of him.

He met them on the steps of the shelter, a sister watching over anxiously as she swept the street in front of them. He told a sob story about his debts and bad investments. Bethany and Leandra felt sorry for him and offered to help work to pay for room and board. Aveline and Hawke both could smell a scheme and looked at each other in apprehension. But they had no choice. Fereldeners were no longer being granted neither amnesty nor refugee status now that the Blight was over. They would have to apply for work visas and in order to do so they needed to be making an income until Gamlen had enough to sponsor them. Aveline at first did not want to be a burden on the family, but Hawke convinced her to pool resources together. She was a young widow on the streets; she would have nothing to her name. 

Bethany found work first, her typist skills allowing her to be a secretary in an investment firm in Hightown. She was bubbly and sweet, a ray of sunshine, it was easy for her to get forth in this new country. 

Aveline finally was able to join the police squad, which had been difficult despite her position in Ferelden and her degree in criminal psychology. She had to do extra tests, worked twice as long hours, and constantly had her ass slapped. But it was the job she wanted and it helped put bread on the table. So she persevered. She always did.

But Hawke had much more trouble. She had not finished high school and there were few factories in the city that would hire a woman when so many men were out of work. After a month, she worried she would not find a job and be sent back to Ferelden. It was only an act of desperation that saved her. When members of a gang came trying to collect on Gamlen’s debts, Hawke fought back, protecting the little money they had collected since arriving. She impressed the leader of the gang, who offered her work in order to pay off the debts. Having no choice, she accepted, despite Aveline’s horror.

It was tough work, but Hawke had always been a good shot and no one suspected the petite girl with the pretty smile was packing heat. Still, Hawke did not want to be there. She was trying to finish her high school degree, which was difficult since her records had been destroyed in Ferelden and she hadn’t picked up a textbook in over four years. She would sleep all day, go to night class, and then sneak out early on whatever task she was assigned.

Around eight months went by, the summer turning into fall into winter and slowly into spring. The five of them still lived in Gamlen’s small apartment, Aveline and Bethany both at their jobs and Hawke barely paying off Gamlen’s debts. Leandra had been sponsored already, but Hawke was close to not being able to stay in the country. She was attempting to apply for immigration, which was easier since her high school diploma was nearly done and a kind soul at the night school was helping her through all the paper work. A factory had also given her a morning shift, so she was back to making munitions, and only sleeping in the afternoons. 

Things started to turn around though, one spring day. Hawke was at an outdoor café, enjoying a breakfast after a long evening smuggling lyrium out of the city. She had not eaten since before she had gone to school, and for once, she felt like she could afford it.

As she sipped her coffee, she saw a man bend down as if to tie his shoes, but grabbed and snatched her purse and ran.

“Hey!” Hawke yelled, standing up and running after him. She pulled her gun out of the holster in her coat and shot the man in the hip. He fell down in the street. She ran towards him and he tried to get up to run away. She picked him up and slammed him against the wall of a town house and pointed her gun at his forehead. He dropped the purse and she let him go.

“Thanks,” she smiled, “Now I think you better get going.”

She walked back to the café as he ran off. Smiling to herself, she went back to her table, taking out cash to pay for her bill. There was already money on the table and a folded piece of paper. She unfolded it, and saw a quick sketch of herself, dressed in ridiculous futuristic clothing, pointing what seemed to be a laser gun at an alien with her purse. She laughed and saw the address scribbled on the bottom. 

She looked at her watch. It wouldn’t be long until her factory shift, but the address was in Lowtown, a bar she had been to a few times. She could always get a cab if she was running late. She had a feeling this would be worth her while.

oOoOoOo 

She dusted off her skirt as she came into the bar, fixing her hair as she entered. Two women were in mini skirts, around the arms of a lanky elf who winked at her as she passed by. Blushing, Hawke pulled out the piece of paper and scanned the room for someone who could have drawn it. She heard someone clearing their throat and she saw a dwarf smiling at her in the corner. He had long unkempt hair, small wire rimed glasses, and an open white dress shirt, revealing quite a bit of chest hair. He was clean shaved, unlike most dwarves she had ever seen. She walked over, holding out the piece of paper.

“I think I was wearing more clothes than that this morning,” she said, sitting down in the booth beside him.

He laughed and stretched out his hand, “I’m Varric.”

“Hawke.”

“I thought that’s who you were,” Varric said, motioning to a waitress to bring them drinks, “There’s not many women in this town who could have handled a shot so well. I’ve heard of your work. Oh don’t be coy. I know many of my associates might think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, but I’ve seen what your gender can do.”

“What was with the doodle?”

“A way of introducing myself. I like to write science fiction stories on the side and I’m always looking for a new hero. I rather like the idea of a woman who knows how to handle herself.”

Hawke smiled as the waitress came by with a pitcher, “It’s rather early for a drink, isn’t it?”

“I have the feeling you haven’t gone to bed yet, Hawke,” Varric said, “And the truth is, I haven’t yet either. So why not?”

They drank quietly together for a few moments until Hawke looked up at the dwarf.  
“So what can I do for you, Varric?”

“I’m looking for a business partner,” he said, “I’m mounting an expedition. Well, my brother and I are. We’re looking for a financier and a fighter. You’re definitely the latter of the two.”

“I’m flattered,” she said, “Don’t you think he might find my gender a liability?”

He laughed, “All he cares about is the size of your pockets. It’s alright if you don’t have the cash, you can get it.”

“So what’s this expedition?” She asked, leaning back into the booth.

“Nothing illegal, which I’m sure will be a pleasant change for you,” he said, “Treasure hunt, really. There’s a Thiag in the Deep Roads we have a map to. Establishing the trail alone would be a fortune, but finding the relics there? We’ll be rich.”

Hawke raised an eyebrow, “This sounds a little too good to be true.”

Varric said, shrugging, “It is. We need a reliable team. And we need funds. It’ll be dangerous, dark, and over all unpleasant. But it can make us wealthy. And it seems to me there aren’t many opportunities for a woman like you to make a living, am I right?”

Hawke bowed her head, taking another drink, “You have me there.”

“So join me,” Varric said, putting on his jacket, “I have a room upstairs. You probably have to get away to your legitimate job soon. You strike me as a woman who doesn’t have much time to sleep. And not for any pleasant reasons.”

Hawke blushed slightly, “I better go, you’re right. I’ll think about it.”

“Here,” Varric said, handing her over a book.

“What is this?” she asked, holding it up to see an illustration of a busty woman fighting a fierce monster with only her hands.

“One of my novels,” Varric said grinning, “Can’t say it’s good, but it’ll give you something to read on the bus.”

She laughed, “You seem to have me all figured out, dwarf.”

“I do my research, Hawke,” Varric said, as he stood, offering his hand to help her to her feet, “I make my investments carefully.”


	3. Chapter 3

The factory shift went on longer than Hawke expected, her arms aching from having them over her head, inspecting each bomb as it passed over her. 

On the bus home, she cracked open Varric’s book, which was full of tales of a feisty heroine who seemed to manage to either defeat or have sex with every other character in the book. It made her laugh a few times until she hid it in her purse as she got off at the bus stop.

She walked the blocks until she got to her apartment complex; climbing up the fire escape until the fifth floor where she cracked open the window she kept unlocked and slipped inside. Everyone except Leandra would be gone, but she tried to keep out of her mother’s way these days.

She snuck into her bedroom that she shared with Aveline and Bethany. Their rather small bed was cramped beside the wall, but it felt comforting to her with her mild hangover and her aching muscles. She had only slept about four hours when she felt Bethany shaking her shoulders.

Hawke reached up to smack her sister away, but eventually the woman got her awake. Bethany was still dressed in her work clothes, her stylish pink sheath dress with matching high heels, her hair swept back and her eyes lined with black. 

“What’s wrong, Bethany?” Hawke yawned, “I still have an hour until I have to go to school. You know you’re not supposed to wake me until then.”

“It’s not that,” Bethany said, plopping down beside her sister on the bed. Hawke felt sheepish in her overalls and plaid shirt compared to her sister and she tried to fix her hair, which had begun to frizz in the humidity.

“I want you to come to a knitting bee tonight.”

“Say what?” Hawke said, rubbing her eyes.

“There’s a new Women’s Auxiliary group down the street,” Bethany said smiling, “They’re making socks for the poor. Benjamin said it’s a wonderful occupation for single women and married ones too. Oh it would be so much fun, but I’m scared to go all by myself. I want them all to like me. I’ll feel so much braver if you’re there.”

“You woke me up for socks?” Hawke asked in disbelief, “Socks?”

“Well mother wants to go too, but she thought it would be good for you to come along. You work so much, you should come have fun.”

“Socks isn’t my idea of fun,” Hawke replied, “Are you sure you just don’t want to do this to impress Benjamin? You’re his secretary. He already pays you. What more do you want from him?”

Bethany frowned, “You can be really dense, you know that?”

She stood up and stomped out of the room and Hawke fell back asleep for a moment until her mother came in and dropped a wet towel on her face. Hawke sat up, spitting the towel off her face and looked at her mother in confusion.

“Bethany would like us to go to the Women’s Auxiliary tonight,” Leandra said with an impatient smile, “I think you can take one night off of class to make your sister happy.”

Hawke pursed her lips but she knew she wasn’t going to win. She didn’t have a job tonight, and she was looking forward to getting some much-needed sleep. Tonight did not seem to be that night.

“Fine,” Hawke muttered, wiping her face clean, “Let me change at least.”

“You have that lovely A-line skirt,” Leandra said, “Why don’t you wear that with one of Bethany’s blouses?”

“I didn’t realize we were out to impress,” Hawke replied, walking towards the small closet the three shared to pick out the skirt her mother meant.

“You forget we were once nobility,” Leandra said huffily, “We can still act like ladies.”

Hawke rolled her eyes, “Of course, mother.”

She thought of Varric’s drawing of her and grinned a little. 

oOoOoOo

The Women’s Auxiliary was being held in one of the homes closest to the Chantry. An elderly woman with too much coin was bringing in those who seemed desirable enough to do charity work. Bethany knew a few of the women from work, performing impossibly quick air kisses, while Hawke kept sticking her hand out waiting for someone to shake it. After awhile, she gave up and found a nice corner to hide in while she did her knitting. She made a few polite smiles when talked to, but mainly it was Leandra and Bethany who were social, making dates for teas and dinners they couldn’t possibly afford.

In the quiet din of the room, Hawke felt herself falling asleep, wishing she had knitted faster so her square would have been big enough for a blanket.

She woke suddenly when all voices dropped in the room and she could hear the click of high heels. 

A beautiful woman with flawless dark skin and curves that seemed to defy gravity walked into the room, a red satin evening gown flowing to the ground, her beautiful dark hair curling down to nearly her waist.

Hawke caught her breath, thinking that this must be the most beautiful woman in the world. 

“Evening ladies,” the woman said, smiling with impossibly white teeth, “Is there any more room for another charitable woman?”

The stern host buttoned up her own sweater as she walked over to face her, “I don’t think your…services are wanted here tonight, Isabela.”

“Oh?” Isabela laughed, “They tell me I’m good with my hands, I’m sure I can figure out how to tie a few knots.” 

When the host blushed, Isabela shook her head deviously, “When I was a ship hand, dearie, I don’t know what filth your mind gets up to in there.”

Leandra sensed an opportunity and walked up to face Isabela, “Now, this is an evening for the ladies of Kirkwall. If you aren’t going to behave like a proper lady-“

“A proper lady?” Isabela smiled, “And what would that be? A dowdy housewife? Someone nice and quiet? Perhaps someone with lighter skin than mine?”

Leandra blushed and Isabela saw Hawke in the corner, beaming at her.

“You, kitten,” she said, nodding towards Hawke, “You don’t seem like a proper lady either. Perhaps you want to get out of here?”

Hawke’s heart skipped a beat as she picked up her jacket, “Gladly.”

Hawke passed Leandra as she walked to Isabela’s side.

“You are a pretty thing, aren’t you?” Isabela smiled, holding Hawke’s chin as if appraising an artifact. 

“Marian,” Leandra hissed, “This woman is a…street walker! A lady of the night.”

“Sounds like fun,” Hawke said, trying to look more confident than she felt as Isabela took her hand and they walked out of the mansion.

Hawke burst out laughing as they got outside, and Isabela smiled at her.

“Marian?” She asked, as if testing out the name.

“Hawke,” She corrected with a smile, sticking out her hand.

Isabela shook, grinning, “Good. That suits you much better, sweet thing. Now, I know a lovely bar around the corner. I have a room there…oh not like that, unless you like, of course. Off the clock even.”

Hawke felt herself blush, “Oh…you actually are…”

“Yes,” Isabela smirked, “Come now, we were making such progress. You can say what I am. Any word. Hooker. Whore. I’ve heard them all. It’s all right.”

“It’s not that it’s a bad thing,” Hawke tried to explain, “Really. I just didn’t go out with you for that. I’m sorry if I-sorry, I’m sounding like a real ass.”

“You’re doing fine, Hawke,” she said, taking her hand and leading her down the street, “You’re taking your first steps into a larger world.”

“Hey,” Hawke protested, “I’m not completely sheltered.”

“I didn’t think you were,” Isabela smiled, “That’s why I thought you needed to be rescued. I can’t stand those old biddies. I love scaring them shitless. There’s much more interesting women to talk to in the city.”

“Like who?”

Isabela smiled as they neared a set of stairs leading into Lowtown, “Do you trust me?”

“I get the sense I shouldn’t,” Hawke laughed, “But I can take care of myself, do your worst.”

The two women went down the stairs and Hawke found herself in a neighbourhood she had never seen before. The walls were painted bright colours, seemingly often, as if the salty water air peeled it away. It was busy, despite the night, and oddly it seemed safe. 

Isabela held her hand as they walked past the shops and Hawke felt her mouth grow a gap. There were things she was told existed in the bad part of town, but she had never thought she would see them. Nude mannequins hung in the windows, their only clothing thin lingerie for all sexes. Another promised “adult” reading materials, another a cinema with merely “XXX” across the marque. 

There were other businesses as well, bars and pubs and inns. Restaurants. She could even hear the music from what seemed like a dance hall down the way. And apartment buildings everywhere! It was as if every one wanted a piece of this tiny place, this little three blocks in the middle of a dark city.

Seeing Hawke’s wide eyes, Isabela smiled, “This is Chantry Street. Its just a little place carved out of big mean Kirkwall. What do you think?”

“Its…its oddly wonderful,” Hawke admitted with a smile.

“Come on, there’s the bar I live above. Why don’t you come upstairs and we can talk? Maybe we can go grab a drink…but you look rather tired.”

“I am,” Hawke admitted, “It’s been…an interesting day to say the least.”

“Well,” Isabela smiled seductively, “Come tell me about it.”

oOoOoOo

They talked most of the night. Isabela’s place was lush and lavish, which in theory was because of her clients, but she admitted she loved having beautiful things around her. 

Isabela did not share much of her self that night, instead listening to Hawke, massaging her strained calves and feet. It was growing too late and Hawke was falling asleep. Isabela offered for her to stay, smiling as she explained she had one bedroom for clients and another for her own use. She liked to keep work and pleasure separate.

Hawke had felt greatly comfortable with Isabela. She had never met a woman who was interested in other women before, but she felt safe with her. She was another misfit in this city, someone who had carved out their own life. She admired Isabela and hoped they could grow to be friends.

Isabela and Hawke spent that night together, sleeping beside each other in her bed. When she woke up beside Isabela, Hawke smiled to herself. This was still new to her, but perhaps waking up beside such a gorgeous woman every day was not an unpleasant thing.


	4. Chapter 4

Isabela made her a quick sandwich to eat on the bus on the way to the factory. Hawke felt oddly cheerful eating her sandwich as she read Varric’s book. Now the heroine was facing off a species of alien robots. Hawke understood somewhat the mechanical aspects of the creature, but she thought the next time she saw him, she would give him a view pointers on how gears actually worked.

When she was finished her shift, a note was tucked into her locker. She saw it was from her other employer. It was barely a scribble, but she understood the time and place they were meant to meet. 

The bus didn’t stop anywhere in the Docks, but she managed to get close enough that she could walk there without too much fear. The warehouse was marked with an Orlesian symbol and she entered, raising her hands to show that she was not carrying any weapons.

Harris greeted her with a smile and he waved her over to the waterside. A ship was docked nearby and there were others moving cargo to and fro. 

“Congratulations,” he said, handing her a gold sovereign. 

“What is this?” she asked.

“Your first gold piece. You paid off Gamlen’s debts. You’re a free woman, Hawke. This is for the work you did with the lyrium two nights ago. You’re done. Unless…”

Hawke waved him off, “I told you. Once the debts were done, then I was gone.”

“It’s too bad,” Harris smiled, “It seems like a waste of a beautiful woman.”

“I’m done,” Hawke said firmly, “I didn’t want to work for you, but you really didn’t give me much of a choice. “

“Hey,” he shrugged, “Don’t blame me. I had to get my gold back one way or another. Now, I can’t force you. But I just want you to know. You are always,” he smiled, “Always welcome.”

He grasped her arm and she pulled away.

“You’ll stop fighting me one of these days, Hawke,” he said, “You’re a tough woman, but you’re just a woman. You know I could have you if I really wanted to.”

“You can never have me,” she spat on his shoe, “We’re done. I’m out of here.”

She left the warehouse as the sun began to set. It was growing colder and she realized she had forgotten her jacket at Isabela’s. She started walking towards Lowtown, hoping she could stop by her apartment on the way back to Hawke’s own. 

She rubbed her arms as she walked down the street, a few catcalls from those working on the Docks. She was glad to be done. She never wanted to walk down here again if she could help it.

Her ears picked up that she was being followed and she reached for her dagger, temporarily forgetting it was still at her house. She turned her head just a few inches and could see three of the dockworkers closing in on her. She picked up her pace and they picked up speed. She dodged into one of the tunnels leading into Darktown. 

Darktown was mainly beneath ground, and it stank of the sewers and landfills. It was full of rats and refugees, neither of which was thriving in the area. She hoped to hide among them, but the men were still on her tail. She saw another tunnel to her left and she ran into it, tripping over one of the many water pipes running through Darktown. She cursed herself as she fell, twisting her ankle over. 

The men came to her and she fought them off, kicking, screaming, and biting. 

She heard the crack of thunder as lightning rattled through her attackers, leaving her unscathed. She fell down as two fled, carrying the third over their shoulder. She tried to pick herself up to continue running, but soon a mage was beside her, helping her come up to her feet.

“My clinic is nearby if you’ll let me look at that ankle,” he said, his dark brown eyes scanning her for any other injuries, “I was just closing down for the night, but what’s another late night?”

“I hear that,” Hawke smirked, trying to walk forth and falling slightly. He caught her and offered to carry her. She wasn’t in a position to say no and welcomed getting off her swollen foot. He carried her to the next set of tunnels, bringing her through a doorway into a make shift medical centre. Medicines and potions covered the walls, all mismatched and in various stages of age. He laid her down on the table and waved his hand over a candle, giving them more light in the darkness.

“I think you may have broken it,” he said, touching the ankle lightly, “I’ll give you something for the pain and then I can heal it, okay?”

She nodded and he went and took a larger vial off the wall and ladled her a portion of it on a spoon. He offered it to her and she drank it willingly, lying her head back down as his hands covered her ankle. There was a pleasantly warm feeling as the medicine went through her and the bones started to knit back together.

She looked up at the mage. He was tall, almost gaunt in how slender he was. His hair was blonde, tied back with a ponytail, and there was a scar where it seemed an earring had been ripped out of his ear. He was wearing a lab coat over his regular clothes, but she could see the outlines of jeans and a flannel shirt.

“What’s your name?” She asked.

He smiled as he concentrated on her ankle, “Anders. You?”

“Hawke,” she said, “I’m sorry. I’m usually better at taking care of myself.”

Anders let go of her ankle and came to sit by her.

“This isn’t your fault, Hawke,” he said softly, “What those men wanted to do to you, you did nothing to provoke it. I’m glad I was there to help you, that’s all. Are you alright?”

Hawke looked away, “It’s not the first time that someone has tried…normally I’m heavier armed than that.”

Anders smiled weakly, “Well next time, you’ll have to remember the machine gun.”

Hawke couldn’t help but return the smile, turning back to him, “I normally don’t leave home without it. I guess it just didn’t go with this purse.”

“Alright, Hawke,” he laughed, “You must be doing okay. You want to try walking on that ankle now?”

He helped her off the table and she put pressure back on the foot. It hurt, but she could walk now. 

“You’re going to want to stay off that for a day or two,” he advised, “Though you strike me as someone who spends most of the day on her feet, so that may be a bit of trouble for you.”

“I work in a munitions factory,” she said, “I can’t exactly take a few days off. Um, can you point me which way to Lowtown? I need to drop by a friend’s place, but I got a little turned around during the skirmish.”

“I’m actually heading that way,” he said, “I live in an apartment building just outside…the District. I can walk with you if you want…though you may want to avoid being seen with an apparently dangerous apostate after the day you’ve been having.”

She smiled, “My sister is an apostate. I won’t tell if you won’t tell.”

“Deal.”

oOoOoOo

Despite her bravado, the experience had shaken her and she was more than happy to have Anders walk with her until she got back into Lowtown. He was pleasant enough company, a soft smile under the streetlights at they walked. He was a fellow countryman, moved here after the war only a few months after she had. 

“If the Blight was over, why did you come all the way to Kirkwall?” She asked, “Don’t you miss home? Its nice having people who speak the same language as you at the very least.”

He smiled sadly, “Ferelden was quite simply a mess after the war. The silverite spraying killed off a lot of the wildlife. There was a lot of death and chaos. I was drafted for a short while with the Wardens, just as well since I was on the run anyways. But…an old friend, he was in trouble. I was too. He was here and he needed me. So I came. I guess it’s rather a simple story.”

“How bad was the land damaged?”

Anders replied, “Some cities are practically craters. There are refugees everywhere. A lot of nobles were killed; there are mini despots all over. The Wardens were trying to control it, get them all to stop killing each other. They took all of us, all the rejected members of society and threw us all together. It was interesting, to say the least. The mountains were less badly off, most people just moved away from the forests and low lying areas.”

“I guess there would be no real point going back to Lothering, would there?”

“No so much,” he admitted softly, “It was almost razed to the ground, the darkspawn attacked the factories, blew them up. A lot of good people died.”

Anders touched her hand affectionately, “We should talk of something else. This has been a hard enough evening for you, hasn’t it?”

She shook her head, “I’ve never been one that looks away from the truth, no matter how unpleasant it is.”

He smiled admiringly as they reached the bar over which Isabela lived. He laughed slightly and asked, “Did you actually read the name of this place before you came in?”

“No,” she said and turned up to see the sign now lit up: The Hung Man. The neon silhouette of a barely clothed man left little doubt of why the bar was named such. She blushed and covered her mouth as Anders laughed at her expense.

Hawke recovered herself and thanked him for the escort, shaking his hand.

She got half way up the fire escape to Isabela’s apartment but turned to watch Anders walk away, hands in his pockets, whistling in the street as he went home. She smiled and continued, knocking on Isabela’s door as she reached it. Hawke found herself welcomed with a kiss on the cheek and was led in.


	5. Chapter 5

She woke up to Isabela bringing her coffee and toast in bed.

“You’ve practically made a domestic woman out of me,” she teased, “I don’t make breakfast for just anyone, you know.”

Hawke smiled, “I know. Thank you. I just…I couldn’t…”

“I know,” she said softly, “It’s a danger in my line of work. But you can’t be afraid. You just carry bigger guns.”

“I don’t think the factory would like it if I carried weapons into the building,” Hawke laughed and took a sip of her coffee, “Maker, Isabela, have you actually ever made coffee before? Yewk.”

“Well, you’ll just have to make me breakfast for once,” she teased, “Now go get out of here. I have an early client and you have to get to work. And will you actually go home to that mother of yours tomorrow? She keeps phoning me to make sure you’re alive. And when I don’t answer, she just sobs on the answering machine. She also is quite insistent that I repent of my sinful ways.”

Hawke laughed, “I promise. I will go straight home after work. No funny business today. I’ll try to not be so terrible a daughter.”

“Good girl,” Isabela said, “Now, if you will excuse me, I will have to go make myself look as fabulous as I normally do. You know you’re one of the few people in Kirkwall who’s seen me without at least some makeup on?”

Hawke looked up at Isabela, dressed only in her housecoat, her dark ringlets flowing freely, her eyes vibrant as she looked at Hawke.

Hawke only smiled and Isabela shook her head as she left the room. 

oOoOoOo

Hawke felt tired leaving the factory, more worn than she had felt in weeks. She needed to actually have a decent night’s sleep for once. 

She curled up on the bus, trying to rest her eyes for a few moments when it stopped abruptly, throwing her off of her seat. 

“What’s going on?” She asked, grumpily, picking up her purse.

“Traffic accident,” an older elf beside her muttered to her, “There’s usually a few in this intersection. Just be patient, shem, we’ll get going soon enough.”

They heard a gunshot and all scrambled underneath their seats. Hawke grabbed the knife she kept in her boot and crawled up to the front of the bus where the driver had hidden. She poked her head up slowly to see what was happening.

Three Qunari, dressed in simple black robes, stood, one of their clansman dead on the ground, four city cops surrounding them in their blue uniforms. She could see the hint of red hair tucked under one cop's hat and realized immediately it was Aveline. She seemed to be safe enough for now, but Hawke shifted down to the door of the bus, the bus driver hissing at her to stay down.

Aveline went forth, pistol in front of her, and announced diplomatically, “There is no need for further incident, this man was to be taken into custody and he resisted. You can take it up with the Embassy if you wish. But my colleague acted in self defense.”

The colleague in question, a witless man shaking in his shoes, stood behind Aveline, hoping to keep her between him and the Qunari.

The largest of the three Qunari came forth and bowed his head. They did not take the body, leaving it in the street as they marched back to their compound.

Hawke slipped out of the bus, running to her friend’s side.

“Hawke!” Aveline shouted, “What the hell are you doing?”

“Are you okay?” She asked. She wanted to hug her, but did not want to make her look weak in front of her colleagues. 

“I’m fine,” Aveline waved it off, “I would have been better if Jenkins here had at least shit for brains.”

“And you,” she said, not realizing her pistol was still in hand as she gestured to her, “Where have you been for the last two days? Your mother is driving me mad! And Bethany! Maker, if she gets anymore “domestic” I will punch her in the face.”

Hawke laughed, “I was just on my way home now. What are you doing? You’re usually off shift by 17:00.”

“There’s been something weird happening with the patrols…I don’t like it, Hawke, but there’s not much I can do right now. Go home, we’ll talk about it later.”

Hawke could hear the bus starting again and she climbed back up to her seat. The elderly elf nodded in respect to her as she sat back down beside her.

oOoOoOo

Hawke reached home, stretching her arms and shoulders as she walked in the door. Her mother rushed forward.

“Where have you been?” She yelled, “The last time I saw you, you ran off with that…that whore! I haven’t seen you since! I have been worried sick!”

“I’m fine,” Hawke insisted, sliding her bag off her shoulder, “Isabela has been a gracious host. I even get a full meal there occasionally, that’s rather nice. How did you get her number, anyway?”

Leandra stood straighter, “The Ladies Auxiliary has tried to reach out to Isabela multiple times. It is a faithful woman’s duty to bring the loose sheep back to the flock.” 

Bethany ran in, her makeup done as if she was an It Girl, her short dress barely covering her bottom.

“Marian!” She smiled, hugging her sister, “How do I look?”

“…Interesting,” Hawke smiled in return, “Are you going to a party?”

“Yes,” she grinned, twirling in front of her, “The ladies at the office invited me out to a club tonight. We’re going to dance and dance until the night is over. Peggy is going to tell us all about her date with Mr. Cullen, its fabulous.”

“Have fun,” Hawke faked a smile, “I’m sure you’ll have a great time.”

As Bethany left, Hawke turned again to her mother, “I ran into Aveline today. She seems to be having a great time of it at work.”

“Its unladylike,” Leandra muttered, “Running around in those pants like she’s just one of the boys. If she wasn’t a widow already, I’d say she’d have no chance for a husband.”

“Not everything is about finding a husband, Mother,” Hawke reminded as she walked towards her room. She paused as the doorbell rang and turned to see her mother opening it.

“Oh,” Leandra said cautiously, “We had someone come by earlier. We already are subscribed to the Kirkwall Chronicle.”

She heard a deep laugh and Varric say, “Sorry ma’am, I’m looking for a woman by the name of Hawke. I’m assuming the elder of your two daughters is home?”

Hawke smirked as she brought her friend inside, watching Leandra’s shocked expression at having a dwarf walk into her apartment. Hawke could have sworn she heard her mother whisper something about perversion as she left the room.

Hawke motioned to the couch in their small living space and Varric sat down.

“Can I get you anything?” She asked, pointing towards the kitchen.

“I’m fine, thanks,” Varric smiled, pulling into his satchel, “I’ve got a present for you, though. I figured you must want the sequel by now.”

She laughed as Varric handed her another tawdry volume, thumbing through it to see near nude illustrations of a busty women fighting off what appeared to be giant green spiders.

“Thanks,” she smiled, “It’s always fun reading these. You tell a hell of a story.”

“I love science fiction,” he shrugged with a smile, “I can make up entire new worlds. Not many people besides the Maker get to do that.”

“How did you figure out where I live?”

“Word of mouth,” he said coyly, “People like to talk. You talk to enough people; you get the information you’re looking for. You left me no number, it was hard to find a way to get in touch with you again.”

“To see if I want to go treasure hunting?” She laughed, “I still don’t really know if you’re joking or not.”

“Sweetheart, I may joke about many a thing, but I do not joke about treasure. We’re still missing about 20,000 dollars.”

Hawke grimaced, “That’s an awful lot of money.”

“And we need a team. A medic, definitely. A few good shots. There’s going to be monsters, Hawke, we need to fight them off.”

“This sounds like one of your novels, Varric. You want a beautiful woman on a desperate mission. Are you meant to be my love interest?”

He laughed, “You’re not quite my type, though Maker, you are beautiful. We can work together to get the money. I’ve got some royalties coming in, we can probably do a few jobs together. I’ve seen your work, Hawke, you’re wasted making bombs.”

“Sadly I probably end up injuring more people that way,” she shrugged, “It’s a weird world.”

“If this place is as rich as I think it is,” Varric said kindly, “You’ll never have to step in a factory again in your life. You can finish high school. You can move out. I know this isn’t an easy world for a woman to make a living. But…you could make your dreams come true.”

Hawke heard her mother pursing her lips in the other room and she sighed. She stuck her hand out, “You’ve got a deal, Varric.”

The door opened as Aveline came in, removing her police cap and letting her hair down. She raised an eyebrow at the dwarf.

“Varric, this is Aveline. She’s one of your good shots.”

“Say what?” Aveline asked, turning to look at Hawke.

“You’re the cop from the Qunari incident earlier,” Varric grinned, “I heard good things about you, kid. You did good work today.”

Aveline looked Varric, “Make it quick, dwarf.” 

oOoOoOo

After Leandra had finished yelling at Aveline and Hawke for having a strange man in the house, the pair went back to their room, grateful Bethany was gone for the night. The two curled up beside each other, ready for bed.

Aveline looked over at her friend and said, “Do you really want to do this? Go fight monsters in the dark for some spare coin?”

“We could move out,” Hawke said, “You and me. We could probably afford a little place. I mean…if you want to.”

“Hawke,” Aveline said, “I will always go with you. Wherever you lead.”

Hawke smiled as she reached out to turn out the light, “Then trust me.”


	6. Chapter 6

Hawke left the factory as the sun was rising, her nightshift feeling especially long as she grew used to her new sleep schedule. She went towards the bus stop, but saw Isabela waiting for her, leaning against a beautiful red convertible.

“Hi,” Hawke said in surprise, “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to pick you up, obviously,” Isabela replied, opening the car door for her friend, “Come on in.” 

“I’m exhausted,” Hawke warned as she sat down in the passenger’s seat, “I’m too tired for any adventures today.”

“Funny you should mention adventures,” Isabela smiled, sitting in the driver’s seat, tying her hair back before she started the engine, “I think we have a mutual friend. You know the silly little science fiction writer, don’t you?”

“Varric?” Hawke asked as they drove off down the street, “How do you know him?”

“We dated. Oh, don’t look at me like that, it was just a few drinks and a few laughs and well…some other activities. I had just moved to the city, I was looking for a good time. You read that one book of his, Planet War? Well, the buxom love interest in that one has eerily similar tastes as I do in bed.”

Hawke laughed, “I guess I should be careful then, he’s already made a few drawings of me.”

“He’s taken quite a shine to you,” Isabela said, “And he’s told me quite a bit of his mad treasure hunt. So I’ve decided to bankroll it.”

“What?” Hawke said, sputtering, “I didn’t realize-“

“What? That a prostitute could have cash?” Isabela playfully scowled, “Don’t be silly, of course I do. I’m not too wealthy, but I have enough stored away for a rainy day. I was hoping to use it on a boat…well, that didn’t play out as I thought it would anyways. I just wanted someone we could trust before I threw down that much cash. Bartrand, that odd brother of his, most of the financing would be his. But, still. I like you, Hawke. When I realized he was talking about you, well, I almost got excited. I’m not too bad a shot myself, you know. I’ve had some interesting past jobs…well, haven’t we all?”

“So you would go with us into the Dark Roads?”

“Of course I would! I have to make sure my money doesn’t go to waste. I’d like to have a few more hands though. We have Bartrand’s crew, but I want some of our own people. Varric mentioned your…sister? Friend? The red head.”

“Aveline. She’s a cop.”

“I’m impressed, she must have had to bend her knees a few times to get that.”

Hawke scowled, but Isabela glanced over and smiled, “Relax, sweet thing. I’m joking. I just mean she must be a tough woman to make it there. Is she smart?”

“Smart as hell,” Hawke replied with an affectionate smile.

“Excellent. Then we still need a medic, and of course, a few more people couldn’t hurt. We still have some time. My cash isn’t exactly liquid, it will take awhile to move it. Which is why we’re going to the bank today. Then I will buy you breakfast and put you to bed. At my place. While I do enjoy sharing a bed with two women, I have never managed to get much sleep while they are in my company, I don’t know about you.”

Hawke blushed, “Thanks.”

Isabela looked over at her, “You put up with my crash talk but you always blush. Are you embarrassed, Hawke? Not of me, apparently.”

“I’ve never met someone who talked about sex so openly,” Hawke said softly, “In Lothering…and well with my mother…and here, really-“

“This is a new age, Hawke, women can do whatever and whoever they want. I’ll break you of that adorable blush yet.”

Isabela pulled into the bank’s parking lot and parked the car. Hawke motioned to her dirty street clothes, but Isabela shook her head, “Hush. You look fine.”

Isabela waltzed in, Hawke but an adoring puppy following her, and all eyes were upon them as they walked into the bank. Isabela walked up to the clerk, her charming and seductive smile already in place as she motioned for Hawke to sit in the waiting area, handing Hawke her purse to hold. 

Hawke let herself sink into the couch, her feet aching from standing on them all night. She briefly saw in the corner of her eye two men walk in, their feet in synch with the other as they walked to the counter. She saw the one pull a gun, but it took her a second longer to register what was happening. The first grabbed Isabela’s arm, but she quickly reached down to her leg, pulling a gun from the holster hidden underneath her dress. She pointed it to his head as he went pale. The second pointed his gun at Isabela.

“Resorting to attack a woman in broad daylight?” Isabela smiled, holding her position, “Castilon must be getting desperate. Does he want me to make a withdrawal for him? He could have just phoned.”

Isabela’s eyes flicked quickly over to Hawke, but then back at her captors, “Gentlemen, surely we can discuss this in a much more…pleasant location.”  
Hawke slowly reached into Isabela’s purse and held her breath as her hand touched the cold metal cylinder of a revolver. She picked it up, standing up as the other customers cowered below her. She only had one shot. She looked at Isabela who blinked very slowly. She hoped that was the sign.

Hawke took the shot as Isabela ducked to the right, firing her gun off as well. Both shots made their target and the men fell dead to the ground. Hawke ran to Isabela, who merely smiled as she wiped the blood off of her face.

“You can see why I wanted assistance at the bank today,” she smiled, and then turned to the teller, who was now returning to his feet, “I still want that money transfer done. Thank you.”

Isabela took Hawke’s hand as they walked out of the bank and towards the car.

“Oh, hell,” Isabela said with a frown, “Some bird shat on my car again. They always have to pick the prettiest one in the parking lot, don’t they?” 

“You don’t want to explain what just happened? We nearly got shot and you are complaining about bird shit?”

“But we didn’t get shot. The bird did shit though.”

“Isabela…”

“Fine,” Isabela muttered, wiping off the shit with a handkerchief and throwing it on the ground, “I was married. Twice actually. The first one was an ass. Tried to beat me to death too many times. So I left. Then I made the mistake of picking another ass. This one was a gang leader. I worked a few jobs with him. He tried to hit me when one went wrong. So I left him. And took quite a few wealthy artifacts with me. He’s trying to track them down. Trying to see where I left them. I sold most, there’s where the cash came from. So whenever I try to move any funds, I usually have someone in the way. Usually not this direct though.”

Isabela opened her car door and started the engine while Hawke stood transfixed.

“You’re amazing, you know that right?”

“I know, sweet thing, now, let’s go get you some breakfast. I imagine your red headed friend will soon be here to help clean up the mess.”

oOoOoOo

It was near dusk when Hawke woke, some coffee and a few pastries on a plate beside her. She could hear Isabela’s laugh from the living room, which made Hawke smile as she started on her food.

There was another laugh as well. A man’s. Perhaps it was Varric. Perhaps it was one of her clients. Hawke decided it was best if she made her way out through the back in case of the latter. She didn’t want to scare off Isabela’s business.

The voice sounded oddly familiar and she decided to peek through the door, holding it tightly so it would not squeak as she looked out.

Isabela was in the kitchen now and she saw Anders rise up to help her bring in glasses and a bottle of alcohol. Hawke closed the door quickly, slumping against it slightly. She had thought of Anders a few times since her rescue and all of those thoughts led to near accidents at the factory. She didn’t realize he was one of her clients. While she did not think any less of Isabela, she felt her cheeks flush at the thought of her friend having sex with her rescuer in the next room.

“Hawke,” she heard Isabela’s purr out to her, “I heard you. Come on out, I promise not to ravish this man while you’re here.”

She heard Anders laugh as she entered the living room, conscious of the long shirt she had been sleeping in, wishing her legs were more covered.

“Come on then,” Isabela said, waiving her over to the couch, throwing a blanket to cover her legs with, “Meet my friend, Anders.”

“We’ve actually already met,” Anders smiled, “Though it is good to see you in much happier circumstances.”

“I should have realized,” Isabela chuckled, “How many apostates would be running around rescuing damsels in distress?”

“More than you might imagine,” Anders joked, “We meet up on Tuesdays. Special club. The Hung Man gets us half off drinks.”

“How do you two know each other?” Hawke asked, “You seem to know everyone, Isabela.”

“Oh, everyone worth knowing about at least. Anders is my doctor. Sort of.”

“I give you birth control and help you get rid of unpleasant diseases, you mean,” Anders said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you come in with a cough or flu.”

“I don’t get sick,” Isabela said, “Never a day in my life.”

“Mmhmm. Of course.”

“The Pill?” Hawke asked, “Is it legal in Kirkwall? In Ferelden it wasn’t.”

“It’s not strictly legal here either,” Anders shrugged, “But I need to do what I can to help. There are a lot of poor refugees out there. They don’t need unplanned children on top of their problems. I’m a doctor. I do what my patients need. Including that.”

“Aren’t you worried about getting caught?”

“I’m an apostate. Getting arrested for distributing birth control is the least of my worries.”

“Fair enough,” Hawke responded.

“Before you go,” Isabela said, “I’ve talked to Anders about our little expedition. He’s agreed to go along. Hell, he used to be a Grey Warden; he’ll be perfect at getting us not killed on our adventure. So if you see Varric before me, tell him we have our medic.”

“Your clinic will be okay while we’re gone?” Hawke asked in concern. 

Anders smiled with slight surprise, “Yes. I have a few apprentices running about. They can make sure the place doesn’t get set on fire for a few weeks.”

“The problem is, though,” Isabela said, “We need to do Anders a favour.”

“You make it sound like bartering,” Anders shook his head, “It’s just something I need to do before we go. And I was just asking Isabela’s help. But I could use yours too. The more, the easier it will be. My boyfriend…sort of…is in some trouble.”

“You’re…a homosexual?”

Anders laughed, “Do people still use that word? It sounds so clinical. I enjoy the company of men and women. Not unlike Isabela here. The person I am involved with is a man, does that bother you?”

“No,” Hawke answered, blushing, “I just haven’t met one before. Oh, that must sound so foolish. I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Anders smiled, “It’s still a much kinder response than most of us get. This neighbourhood is a safe spot for a lot of us who don’t fit into society’s norms. You must have noticed by now.”

“A little,” Hawke smiled, “But I rather like it. It feels safe.”

“Anyways,” Isabela caught in, “Unfortunately loverboy is also a mage and he’s in the Circle. But he’s gotten a day pass and the two want a look out while they go make out or be all affectionate in public.”

“Karl has sounded so strange on the phone,” Anders explained, “I just worry. He sounded like he was in trouble. I just need to see him before we go, to make sure he’s okay.”

“Of course,” Hawke said, “We can go. Just let me know where and when.”

“Thank you,” Anders replied, standing to go, “I just want things in order. Maybe there are a few things you want to settle first. Just in case.”


	7. Chapter 7

Hawke reflected on Anders’ words as she worked. She thought of the promise she made to the Witch, the amulet hanging around her neck. She needed to fulfill her end of the bargain. Perhaps her newfound friends would go with her. She was worried of traveling into the woods by herself and she dared not ask her family. Neither of them wanted to even acknowledge the deal, and they dared not tell Gamlen. 

She was meeting the three of them at the Hung Man for lunch, bringing Aveline along with her. It was Saturday, one of the few days they ever had off work. Aveline raised an eyebrow at the provocative sign above the bar, but to her credit, she said nothing. 

Varric had a booth for them near the back, away from the dancers and servers. It was not too loud a place, and friendly. There were not many places were one could be out in the open, but here was one. Hawke introduced Aveline to the other two and they started discussing their plans for the Deep Roads. 

Hawke explained her need to go to Sundermount and the group agreed to go with her. It was about a day’s drive away, but Varric had recently bought a camper van and offered a camp out once they reached the forests. It sounded almost like a holiday and this eased Hawke’s concerns.

So their itinerary was set. Tomorrow they would leave for Sundermount and would arrive back the next day. Tonight they would meet with Karl. They still had a few days until the money transfer would be complete, but Aveline needed their help investigating a few things around the office and they did not know how long that would take. 

As they were leaving, Aveline asked Hawke, “Do you think we should ask Bethany?”

Hawke shook her head, “I don’t think Mother could forgive me if I got another one of her kids dead. She’s happy here. She’ll stay safe here. When we come back rich and famous, it’ll be worth it.”

oOoOoOo

The air grew cold as they made their way through the streets. There was no parking near the Chantry, so the group walked the remaining blocks, leaving Varric’s obscenely orange camper van on the side of the road.

Anders walked beside Hawke, his hands shaking slightly. Without thinking, she grabbed his hand in comfort.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” she said with a smile, “Just relax. And if he’s not, we’ve got enough of us to bust him out. I’m sure we could use another mage on our mad treasure hunt.”

Anders replied, “Karl was never really the adventurous type. But I appreciate the thought. I just…I just hope he’s alright.”

They walked in the doors of the Chantry, Varric pausing by the statue of Andraste to bow his head slightly. 

The Chantry was busy for the upcoming mass, the priests in long black gowns with white collars escorting their flock to their seats. The group slipped away through the back, going into the archival rooms. Up a flight of stairs, a man dressed in the prisoner’s orange uniform of the Circle, had his back turned, his hands busy with organizing books.

“Karl,” Anders breathed a sigh of relief as they made it to the top of the stairs, “You’re alright, you had me so worried.”

Anders held his arms out to hold him, but as Karl turned to him, Anders gasped. Hawke had seen the mark only a few times before, the mark of the Tranquil. It was a tattoo given to those who survived the surgical treatment that separated the mage forever from the Fade. 

“Who did this to you?” Anders hissed.

“Anders,” Karl said in a monotonous tone, “It’s alright. I was so sad before. They fixed it. I’m not dangerous anymore.”

“No,” Anders murmured, and turned to see five CBI agents come out of the shadows, their guns cocked at the crew of them.

One stepped forth, his black suit shining in the candlelight, “Step away from the apostate, citizens. We are bringing him into custody.”

“The hell you are,” Isabela cursed, raising her own pistol up.

Anders eyes went from brown to blue, his skin almost glowing as the smell of lyrium rippled through the air. In a voice that did not belong to him, he cursed, “You will never touch another mage as you touched him.”

A blast of heat exploded from Anders, the books around them igniting, giving time for the team to position themselves properly for a gunfight. Hawke took out one of the agents, but she could see little in the smoke and all she could hear was the sound of the Chant over the firing of bullets.

The smoke was reaching the lower levels and they could hear the Chant continuing even as worshippers screamed and fled the building.

“Anders!” Hawke yelled, signaling the others to pull back, “We need to get out of here.”

“I can’t leave him!” He yelled, his voice returning to normal.

Hawke stood up, finding Anders’ silhouette in the smoke and grabbing his arm. Another agent came forth and Hawke shot him down. 

Hawke yelled at the others to get out of there. The other three complied, Varric shooting another agent through the leg as they ran down the stairs.

The Chantry floor shook as the remaining agent ran, the other two injured on the ground. The smoke began to clear and Hawke could see Anders casting spells to clean out the air, stopping the fire from spreading further.

The two injured agents fled as Anders ran to Karl’s side. Karl coughed as he tried to sit up, looking into Anders’ eyes as the younger man held him.

Hawke could not hear them, but saw Anders nod, his hands shaking. She saw him take a dagger from the inside of his belt, unsheathing it. She turned away again. She had no right to witness this. A gasp, a man being laid upon the ground. It was only when she heard Anders’ soft restrained cry that she turned, helping him to his feet.

“We need to go,” he said, rubbing away a tear, the soot from that cheek rubbing off on to his hand.

Hawke grasped his hand. He put the dagger away and they ran down the stairs, hiding amongst the parishioners escaping the fire. The orange van was near them now, idling on the road just outside. Aveline pulled the side door open and brought the two of them inside.

None of them spoke as they drove away. They were almost silent until Varric turned to ask them all, “Where to?”

“Sundermount,” Anders said quietly, all turning to see him, “I need to get out of this damn city.”


	8. Chapter 8

They had driven only a few hours of the way to Sundermount when they pulled over, emotionally exhausted. Luckily, their gear had already been packed and they pulled by a convenience store for Aveline to buy a toothbrush.

It was a quiet stretch off the side of the highway, a little wooded area where the cops would just drive by without investigating. The van was not big enough for everyone to sleep in the back but Varric had realized the roof of the van popped up to create a sleeping area. He and Isabela immediately chose that. Aveline and Hawke set up the back and there was enough space for Anders, but he wanted fresh air and instead slept in his bedroll by the fire. 

Hawke woke in the night hearing an all too familiar giggle of Isabela’s. She rolled her eyes and picked up her sleeping bag, moving quietly not to interrupt the gently snoring Aveline.

She found Anders sitting by the fire, snapping twigs and tossing them in, one by one. He stopped as he saw her and he motioned for her to sit beside him. 

“Can’t sleep?” She asked, immediately regretting the question. 

“You don’t have to comfort me,” Anders weakly smiled, taking the twigs back into his hand, breaking them into smaller pieces, “I…I suspected this day would come. They never made those who passed their Harrowing Tranquil before. It used to be if we were marked as dangerous, registered, guarded, they just let us live to use us. I should have known they’d use him as bait.”

“I’m sorry you lost your boyfriend,” she said quietly.

“He wasn’t really my boyfriend,” Anders sighed, “Not anymore. It’s…complicated. And I’m sure you don’t want to listen to my men troubles.”

“Maybe it’s important,” she said, “especially if it makes you act…like that.”

“Oh,” Anders said softly, and the fire crackled in the silence.

“You don’t have to tell me. But I need to know if you can control it.”

“It’s only happened twice. I…I didn’t think it would happen again. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. It only happens when…when someone I love is in danger. I think that’s what it must be…you see…well…when I was a Warden I made a friend. A spirit of justice from the Fade. He was dying. He needed help. I could never refuse a dying man. A weakness of mine.” 

“You’re possessed?” Hawke gasped.

“Only a little,” Anders tried to joke, “He merged with me. He’s part of me.”

“What?” Hawke asked, more confused than worried.

So that night Anders told her about how he ended up in Kirkwall. Of his life at the Circle. Of sex and drugs and loneliness. And in all of that, he found Karl. But Karl was taken from him, punishment for one of his many escape attempts. 

Then he was alone until he managed to escape again. He was happy enough with the Wardens, even fell in love again. But when Justice merged with him, there was an accident. They tried to hurt the one he loved and he lost it. And his love left him. Anders had come to Kirkwall for Karl. He wasn’t in love with him anymore, but he was still alive and Anders missed him. They were reunited, but it was different now. Anders wasn’t a child anymore. Karl was too scared to really love him again. They tried, but Karl was taken from him too.

Hawke sat beside him at the fire, the sun rising, and she asked, “Why are you telling me all of this?”

Anders smiled weakly, the bags under his eyes apparent, “Because you need to trust me. You will all put your lives in my hands when we go into the Deep Roads. So no secrets. Besides, you strike me as someone who would understand.”

Oddly enough, she did. 

oOoOoOo

They reached Sundermount late in the afternoon, pulling up beside the base of the mountain where many vans similar to Varric’s were, as well as tents and caravans. Colour was everywhere and the smell of illegal substances was in the air.

“A hippie commune,” Hawke said with disbelief as they unloaded from the car, “A witch sent me across the sea to a hippie commune.”

Elves and humans, a few dwarfs here and there, mingled and greeted them all. All dressed in bright colours, long flared pants, and some with very few clothes at all. Hawke saw a couple having sex just out of sight, and she blushed as she turned away.

An elder elf, grey and pale as the moon, came forth, her arms wide to embrace Hawke.

“I knew you would come soon. Aquarius is in the second house now. It is time.”

Hawke raised an eyebrow at Aveline who was stifling a giggle.

“I have the amulet,” Hawke said, pulling away from the woman, and handed her the golden chain that had hung around her neck all this time.

“Ah, but there is a ritual as well,” the elder said, “And I will send my daughter with you to see it through. Merrill!”

A elven teenager wearing a long flowing skirt and equally flowing blouse came to her side, daisies braided into her hair, “Yes, Keeper?”

“These people have come with the amulet. I want you to take them up the mountain. And then you will be going back with them.”

“What?” Hawke asked, looking over at the teen.

“You need to be among the city people for awhile,” the Keeper replied, “And this was the deal I made too with the Witch. She would send me a worthy teacher for you. And here she is.”

“Okay,” Hawke said in slight confusion, “I guess…if that’s…what?”

“Don’t worry,” Merrill chirped in, “I’m an excellent mage and I will be no trouble at all. I’ll live in the Alienage, you don’t have to worry about me taking up space.”

“No, Daisy,” Varric protested loudly, a flustered expression coming across his face, “That ghetto is not a place for a delicate flower like you. I happen to know a woman whose looking for a roommate."

He glanced up at Isabela.

“What?” Isabela protested and then looked at the eager elf, “Fine. She can stay with me. But you have to go get a job or something.”

“Okay,” Merrill beamed, “Let me go get my things. Oh my, this is exciting!”

oOoOoOo

The ritual was a success, though it terrified Hawke to see the Witch fly away. What exactly had she agreed to?

They made it most of the way home before they were all too tired to drive further. They camped out again, this time, Varric offering for Merrill to sleep on the popped roof, the other three in the back, while the men slept outside. 

Isabela huffed slightly as the three of them curled up in the back, “He likes her. The sentimental fool. She’s practically half his age.”

“It’s ten years difference, tops. Her mother graciously informed me that she is 18.” Hawke retorted, “Besides, she’s basically diabetically sweet. It’s hard not to like her... are you jealous?”

Isabela rolled her eyes, “Not even slightly. Just find it funny when men make fools of themselves over a pretty thing. Though I shouldn’t judge, that’s how I make half my income, after all. The other half are trying to forget about another pretty thing.”

“Go to sleep, you two,” Aveline muttered grumpily, pulling her sleeping bag over her head, “You kept me up half the night last night, Rivani, I need sleep.”

“And your snoring kept me up the other half,” Isabela stuck out her tongue as she curled up into her blankets.

Hawke smiled and she murmured as she closed her eyes, “This is nice.”

oOoOoOo

Hawke entered her apartment with Aveline just in the early afternoon. Both were concerned by how much work they had taken off, but it had been so pleasant being away from-

“Marian! Aveline!” Leandra shouted, “Where have you been?”

“I told you, Mother,” Hawke tried to reply kindly, “We were camping. With Isabela. And a new friend. You’ll like her.”

“I saw that orange van. That…that man! Varric. The one who writes indecent stories. He took you all out into the woods! What were you thinking?”

“I need to stop leaving his books around the house,” Hawke said to Aveline.

“I don’t mind, I like reading them over my coffee.”

“Enough,” Leandra said, “You two have been coming in all hours of the night and now you miss work to go gallivanting in the woods with some dwarf! And Maker knows what you were up to there!”

Aveline said softly, “Leandra, your daughter is working harder than anyone I’ve ever met. She took two days off. Even in Lothering, did she ever take a day off? All three of us are bringing in money. Soon, maybe we can buy a house.”

“You know I used to be a noble in this city. We had respect. I didn’t rely on the charity of a common deviant pretending she was the man of the house.” 

Aveline’s face fell as Hawke stepped in front of her.

“Aveline has been a better daughter to you than I ever have,” Hawke defended, “And she has saved our lives while we were looking for work. She doesn’t have to be here, but she is. And she works so you can stay here and pretend that you’re still living this kept life, that you can act the lady. But she is more of a lady, more noble,…and more, more good than you will ever be.”

“Let’s go, Aveline,” Hawke said, grasping her hand, “I’m out of here.”

“You’re just going to leave your Uncle and I here to starve?” Leandra called out, as they left the doorway, “What about your sister?”

Hawke sighed and turned to face her mother, “There’s money in the bank. Her income will be enough if you take in some sewing. I’ll even send you part of my paycheque. I just can’t stay here.”

Leandra yelled at them as they left the apartment, doors cracking open as their neighbours peered out to look at the commotion.

“Hawke,” Aveline whispered, “We don’t have enough money to live on our own and still send your mother back cash.”

“Then we better come home with a hell of a treasure.”


	9. Chapter 9

Isabela came home, rolling her eyes at the three women asleep in her bed.

“Really,” she asked, shaking her head, “Are you all just using my place to sleep now? Do none of you have a home? I work here. And sleep here.”

Merrill stretched as she got out of the bed, naked as the day she was born, “I’m sorry, Isabela, I can go sleep on the couch.”

She raised an eyebrow, “I appreciate that, kitten, but I think you may want to throw on a robe before you concern the more conservative two next to you.”

Aveline’s eyes widened, Hawke blushed, and both looked away.

Merrill laughed, “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before. At Sundermount, most of us sleep naked. Except in the winter. I tried that once, it was a rather terrible mistake.”

“Sadly, that’s not going to work as well here,” Isabela grinned, “Though I’m starting to suspect we should have stayed at the commune longer. They sound like folks that I could get along with.“

“What time is it?” Aveline asked, reaching around for the alarm clock beside her.

“8 AM. But remember, you both don’t have jobs anymore, so you might as well sleep in.”

Hawke groaned and pulled the covers over her head. Their attempt to take a few weeks off of work had gone badly for both. Aveline was allowed to return…at a reduced pay. She also had to apply again. Hawke was just shit out of luck. 

“I need to finish high school,” she grumbled, “Then perhaps they’ll start treating me like a human being.”

“Grow a pair of balls,” Aveline muttered, “Then they’ll start respecting you.”

“What I came in to tell you,” Isabela interrupted, “Is that the money transfer went through. I just got off the phone with Varric. We’ll be leaving in three days. I suggest you finish up any business you have in the city. I will be enjoying my clients before I have to go celibate and underground for weeks. So I suggest you all leave my home. Go take Merrill shopping or whatever. I don’t care. I need sex and I need money. You are all preventing me from two things I love.”

“Fine, fine,” Hawke muttered, “We’ll get out of your hair for awhile.”

oOoOoOo

Merrill was fascinated by everything, which made any journey through stores long and a little tedious. Aveline was rather irritated with the peppy young elf, but Hawke was growing rather fond of her. She reminded her of one of the girls she used to work with back at Lothering, another elf teen who was trying to work through college without having to work at a gentleman’s club. It was hard enough to find work as a woman; it was even harder as an elven woman.

Merrill found a trinket at a store, one selling old Dalish antiques from a tribe she was descended from. It was a ring with old Dalish words inscribed into it. She put it back, smiling sadly and Hawke could see her whispering to it, promising it to return to buy it when she had treasure. Hawke slipped back in later and bought it, putting it in her pocket to give to the girl later.

Aveline was hungry and the three of them sat down for lunch at a street side café, watching the people of Kirkwall walk past them. Near the end of their meal, Merrill excused herself to the bathroom and returned only a moment later, blushing.

“That was quick,” Hawke commented.

“Well…there wasn’t an elf washroom,” she blushed, “I wasn’t allowed in the human one. So I can hold it, don’t worry.”

Hawke sighed, “Your people have been free for decades and they still segregate everything in this city?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Merrill smiled, shifting in her seat, “Most places are fine. Just…well, some people are less open minded than others.”

“That’s no excuse,” Hawke said, rising up.

“Hawke,” Aveline reprimanded, “Merrill is okay. I’ll take her to the department store across the street. I know she can go there. You just take care of the bill and meet us there, alright?”

“Fine,” Hawke muttered, waiving over a waiter while the two picked up their purses and crossed the street.

Hawke lit a cigarette as she put her cash on the table. She did not smoke often, but she was feeling uneasy as she picked up her things. She heard the crash of glass and saw elves running out of their stores, men with masks chasing them, and the smell of smoke came into the air.

She left her bag as she raced across the street. She was knocked out as a man pushed her to the ground and her head smacked down on the asphalt. She could vaguely see Merrill reaching out to her as she was carried away, Aveline firing shots until she too was grabbed and taken. She reached out again but then all she saw was darkness.

oOoOoOo

She woke on the ground, a blanket thrown around her. She pulled it around her shoulders, noticing the blood on her hands.

Smoke rose from the shattered windows and many elves stood outside their homes and stores, recording their testimonies to the police officers. 

As she stood, she looked around for her bag, which was long gone. Her gun was still in her holster, but she left it there as she looked around. A police officer came to her side, and asked for her name.

“Marian Hawke,” she replied, coughing slightly, “My friends are missing. I saw them being taken.”

“Miss, there’s a lot of missing persons today. We will try to go through them as soon as possible. Can you give me details?”

“Merrill is an elf, long black hair, beautiful tattoos, very petite, dressed like one of the hippies. Aveline has red hair, I think she was wearing her training clothes.”

“Wait, Hawke? Aveline Hawke?”

Hawke nodded, “Is she on your squad?”

“Yes,” he said, “My name is Donnic…she’s probably never mentioned me, has she?”

“Probably?” Hawke grimaced, “I don’t listen a lot to her work stories.”

“Where did you last see her? You said she was taken?”

Hawke pointed to the department store, “Merrill was taken by two people all in black, they had a silver insignia on their clothes, I couldn’t read it. Aveline was trying to get her back and they grabbed her too. I hit the ground, I didn’t see anything more than that.”

“Black clothes, silver insignia?” Donnic questioned, “Was it a circle with a star inside of it? But a star with seven sides?”

“Maybe?” Hawke admitted, “It all happened so fast…what happened even?”

“Race riot,” Donnic explained, gesturing over to a crying elf family digging through their shelled out store, “Every once in awhile. There are different groups in the city. All have different reasons to hate each other. This group, I think the one that took your friends, is called the Followers of She. They think Andraste was only to redeem humanity, they think all elves should be slaves still. They started breaking into stores and then an elven extremist group, they call themselves the Black Underground, they retaliated. Civilians got in the way. Sometimes Followers take hostages…but I’ve never seen so many at once taken.”

“I need to get her back,” Hawke said urgently, “Please. How can I find them?”

Donnic motioned for her to come closer and whispered in her ear, “I know a guy.”

oOoOoOo

Anders, Varric, Isabela, and Hawke found themselves near the Alienage that night. It was oddly quiet since the attacks elsewhere in the city. All mothers and fathers had put their children to bed early that night.

“I leave you alone for one morning,” Isabela muttered, “And you manage to get yourself knocked out and the other two kidnapped. I’m never going to be able to have real clients anymore, will I? Always chasing after all of you.”

“Shh,” Varric put a finger to his lips, “I think Donnic’s contact is nearby.” 

“Good ears, dwarf.”

A lanky elf in a tan linen suit hopped down from a low rooftop, landing gracefully before them.

“You must be Hawke,” he said, bowing his head, “You may call me Fenris. I hear you are in need of infiltrating the Followers?”

She nodded, “They took two of our friends.”

“Both elven?” 

“One elf, one human.”

“Strange for them to take a human prisoner,” Fenris frowned, “But that is no matter for right now. Follow me, all of you.”

The four of them followed the elf through the Alienage, ducking through passageways and turning directions so often that Hawke felt rather dizzy. Finally they came to a door on the side of a wall. Fenris knocked four times and spoke a few words in Dalish that none of them understood.

Fenris went inside, leaving them outside the door. He returned a moment later, leading them further down the street until they reached another door, this one marked by a red stain across the handle.

“If you have any weapons,” Fenris turned to say, “This is when I would suggest readying them. Perhaps except the mage. If they hate anyone more than elves, it would be mages. I would suggest he stays behind.”

“I’m not leaving,” Anders protested, “I want to help.”

“It’s your funeral.”

Varric loaded his shotgun while Isabela and Hawke loaded their pistols. Fenris cocked his own gun up and after nodding at Hawke, kicked in the door.

They treaded down a flight of stairs quietly until a man dressed in black passed by the foot of the stairs and looked up at them. They ran down, Isabela quickly pining him down by the shoulder. 

Fenris went forth, placing the barrel of the gun against the gang member’s head.

“Where are the hostages?” he demanded.

“In the main chamber,” the guard rasped, “There’s about six of them left.”

Fenris fired his gun, the guard collapsing as blood poured from his mouth. 

“You killed him,” Varric stated, half accusing and half impressed.

“Does he deserve life more than those he kills?” Fenris shrugged.

They continued down the hallway, pausing at the slightly cracked open door. The leader stood in front of them all, a black cloak hiding most of his face from view.

“Bring forth the next repentant,” he demanded, his voice echoing in the cavernous room.

Two men brought forth a kicking and biting Aveline. Despite the bruise covering the left side of her face, she seemed more or else all right.

“Do you embrace the name of Andraste? The Queen of the Heavens? Do you repent for your impurity? You can still be saved, woman. You can repent of your sinner's life or embrace the purifying flame.”

“Eat shit,” Aveline spat.

“I hate these guys,” Fenris rolled his eyes, opening the door to reveal them all.

Anders blasted out a mind shaking sound from his hands. The Followers and the hostages fell to the ground, holding their ears. Hawke ran forth and untied Aveline, pushing her captors away as they screamed. 

She smiled at Hawke, blood trickling down her lip, “I knew you would find me.”

“Always,” Hawke promised, “Where’s Merrill?”

The blast ended and the Followers started to regain their strength. Before Hawke could blink, Fenris had shot most of them, stabbing a last one in the back while the leader escaped through a hidden door in the wall. Varric chased after him, but the door would not budge for him. 

“Merrill’s with the other elves,” Aveline said, coughing up a bit of blood, “They’re shipping them off to Tevinter. You have to hurry.”

“Anders,” Hawke called, “Stay here with Aveline and the others. Heal them as much as you can and get them out of here. Isabela, can you get them to the police station? I’m sure Donnic will want to document this.”

“Donnic?” Aveline smiled faintly, “You saw him? Isn’t he sweet?”

“Now I know you must be hurt,” Hawke teased, “I’ll see you at the police station, I promise.”

“I never doubt you, Hawke.”

Varric, Hawke, and Fenris went down the staircase, Fenris artfully sniping a guard on the way down, the other running from sight. Around 15 elves were caged and in various stages of disarray. Varric saw Merrill first, quickly picking the lock to her cage, letting her and the others out. Hawke worked on the other locks while Fenris stood guard.

Varric held Merrill closely for a moment as she protested that she was fine, a smile on her face still. 

“Don’t you scare me like that again, Daisy,” Varric warned, kissing the stop of her forehead.

“There,” Fenris said, as the last of the elves were freed, “You found your people. I will transport these elves back to my people. They’ll be safe with the others.”

“Thank you,” Hawke said softly, “I mean it.”

“I would have come either way,” Fenris replied, “I probably just wouldn’t have saved the human.”

oOoOoOo

The six of them met up at the police station in a waiting area off to the side. 

Anders was busy, his glasses pressed high up on his nose, as he examined cuts and bruises, healing the best he could without revealing his magic. Aveline was wrapped in a blanket, laughing at something Donnic had said, his hand on her knee. Merrill was casually knitting while Varric paced in front of her. Isabela was flirting with another police officer who was trying hard not to stare down her revealing dress.

Hawke curled up in her chair. They would be there for a while still, but she could try to get a few minutes rest while she could. Half asleep, she felt someone lay a blanket on top of he. She smiled as she dozed off.


	10. Chapter 10

Aveline threw a punch and Hawke deftly moved to the side, blocking her with the other arm.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk to them before we go?” Aveline panted.

“Definitely,” Hawke replied, trying to jab near Aveline’s jaw and missing, “I have nothing to say to them.”

“I’m tired,” Hawke said, attempting a low shot at Aveline’s stomach and being blocked, “Of everyone acting like we’re not coming back. It’s a treasure hunt. Worst case, we come back broke and cranky.”

Aveline stood up, making a T with her hands and then reaching for her water bottle. After her drink, she looked back at Hawke.

“It’s the Deep Roads,” she said, “I know we’ve faced darkspawn before…but never so many. And its two weeks underground. If…if I still had someone, I would be saying goodbye right now. Just in case.”

“I can’t,” Hawke admitted, resting her hands on her knees, “If I know they’re worried about me…I can’t do it. So that’s it.”

“Okay,” Aveline said, handing Hawke the water bottle.

“Okay,” Hawke replied, and took a drink.

oOoOoOo

They were outside the Hung Man, loading Varric’s van with the gear they needed for the journey. The District was a buzz with well-wishers and polite teasers at the gang looking to make their fortune. The other vans were nearby as Bartrand readied his team to go. 

Hawke was tying another set of tent poles on top of the van when she heard her name being called in the crowd. She turned to look out and saw Leandra and Bethany standing there, Leandra distracted and distraught by the clients coming out of the bar.

“Beth,” Hawke said, climbing down and hugging her sister.

“I want to come with you,” Bethany replied, “I can help. I’m sure you can use another…person like me. I’ve gotten time off work. Let me go with you.”

Hawke saw Leandra lecturing a half naked man walking in the street and turned back to Bethany.

“If something ever happened to you,” Hawke said softly, “I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. And if something happens to me…you need to be there for Mother. I will come home to you, I promise. I will make our lives better. Promise me you’ll stay here and take care of her.”

Bethany, her face crestfallen, replied, “Okay.”

“Thank you,” Hawke sighed, hugging her sister tightly.

“Hawke!” Varric called out from the front seat, “We need to get going.”

“Just a minute,” she said, turning back to see Leandra arriving beside them, her arms crossed and her face frowning.

“This is really what you want?” She asked, “You give up your job to go off with all these…people. And you convince your sister to go along!”

“I told her to stay,” Hawke said sternly, “Be good to her while I’m gone.”

Leandra’s face softened, “Marian….I….”

“I know,” Hawke replied, kissing her Mother on the cheek, “Me too.”

Isabela came to her side and nodded towards the crowd, “It seems we have an extra passenger coming along.”

Fenris walked towards them, a packed bag on his back.

“Need another hand?” He asked.

The two women looked at each other and Hawke nodded.

“Welcome abroad, handsome,” Isabela called out.

Fenris grumbled and got into the van.

oOoOoOo

It was only two days’ driving to arrive in the mountains, when they would start on foot into the Deep Roads. It would be too dangerous to take the vehicles; one never knew how sturdy the rocks would be.

In the dark roads, there was no sense of day and night. But whenever a watch would indicate that it was 10 pm, then they would stop and sleep until another watch told them it was 7am. Hawke had little trouble adjusting after her years of shift work and was used to waking up to an alarm versus her own internal clock. 

It would be a few weeks to get down to the Thiag. After the initial fear and excitement wore off, the group began to grow restless. Varric missed his typewriter and was beginning to tell his ridiculous stories orally, emphasizing with his hands the bustiness of his current leading lady. Merrill would always giggle at his performance and applaud at all the right parts. She had not been exposed to much science fiction in the commune; it was a whole new world for her. She did critique though that women did come in all shapes and sizes, so perhaps Varric might want to vary his leading lady. She was helping him with a new story, of a woman who had many love interests of all different species, many of whom had excellent bottoms, and she would chose among them and fight the aliens. 

Annoyed at the lack of attention from her ex, Isabela turned her sights on the brooding newest companion, but was often turned off by his insistent conversations about the plight of the elves and his insistence that he could never sleep with a shem. She took this as a challenge and decided to try to corrupt the extremist. 

Anders was quiet for much of the journey, though often spent time with Aveline. Both had killed a man they loved. While both were beginning to heal, it was not a process they could share with another. 

After nearly a week of being underground, a scout informed them that they were soon to reach the Thiag. According to Bartrand’s watch, it grew late, so it was decided that they would attempt to reach the ruin in the morning. 

A few of the dwarf workers mulled around the camp as Varric and Hawke sat by the fire, armed and ready for any darkspawn appearances. They had been lucky; so far any injury was healed with Anders’ skill. But as they grew deeper and deeper into the earth, the sounds of the creatures were more frequent. It made Hawke dream of Carver, of the ogre’s eyes upon her as it fell with a thud. She knew she would not sleep well until she returned to the surface.

“So Merrill thinks that during the third act, there will be this…thing. It’s like a recording of the old gods. But she can hear it and translates it for the other two. I still haven’t decided which guy she ends up with. She’ll sleep with them both. Merrill thinks I should give her the one with the nice butt, but I rather like the alien-“

“I’m sure either one will be fine, Varric,” Hawke teased, “Since when have you actually plotted out one of these tales beforehand? And since when does one of your heroines actually settle down? That limits it for a sequel, doesn’t it?” 

Varric smiled, looking over briefly at my tent, and we could hear Merrill giggling at one of Isabela’s tales.

“You’re in love with her?” Hawke asked in surprise, “But…she’s…so young. And…a mage. And an elf. That’s not the easiest life for yourself.”

Varric said softly, “I’m a casteless dwarf, Hawke, living away from my people on the surface. And my only livelihood, besides this mad adventure, is writing smutty science fiction stories. She’d be a fool to pick me. Besides, she grew up with the hippies. Free love and all that. She wouldn’t want to be tied down to any man.”

“Just talk to her,” Hawke replied, “You never know, right?”

Varric laughed, “Look at me, this is ridiculous. Some waify 18 year old walks into my life and suddenly I’m tongue-tied. You’ll be all right out here by yourself?”

Hawke nodded, “I’m far from helpless. Besides I need some adventures for you to base your heroine after. I hope she’s pretty at the very least.”

“Gorgeous,” Varric chuckled, “I’ll show you some of the sketches later. Night, Hawke.”

Hawke nodded as he walked off, swinging his machine gun over his shoulder. She saw him enter the tent and Isabela exited, coming to sit beside Hawke. She was beautiful even in her travelling clothes, her long black hair braided back, only the slightest amount of makeup, applied skillfully even in the dark of the Deep Roads.

“Finally,” Isabela muttered, “He’s been mooning after her for weeks and at last he goes for it. She’s a hippie. She’s been with twice the number of men I had at her age. I don’t see what he has to worry about there.”

Hawke punched her shoulder playfully, “To be fair, when you were eighteen, you had only been with two men. And you were married to both of them. Besides, what does it matter? Aren’t you always the one telling me a woman’s worth is not between her legs?”

Isabela pouted slightly, “You’re right. Merrill is a beautiful young thing. And I want Varric to be happy. I’m just so…grumpy. I’m always grumpy when I’m forced to be celibate. I miss sex. I feel like I’m just dried right up.”

“It’s been less than two weeks,” Hawke laughed, “But I see you’re still striking out with Fenris?”

“Yes, indeed. And there are so few interesting people on this adventure. The two mopers are not ready for anything. Varric and Merrill are apparently picking out curtains. That leaves…well, you, kitten.”

Hawke blushed, “I think you might be looking in the wrong place there, Bela.”

“Am I?” Isabela smiled seductively, “You always blush for me. Do I really make you so nervous?”

Hawke paused and said, “I…I feel a need to impress you. I want you to like me. You are so amazing. I can’t understand why you stick with me.”

“You are brave and loyal,” Isabela said gently, “Two things I have often found lacking in my life. You are…a good friend…Marian. I trust you. And you…you make me laugh. I fake happiness for a living. But you genuinely make me feel happy.”

Marian’s heart fluttered slightly and she reached out, touching Isabela’s soft hand. A siren went off and Marian jumped up, grabbing her pistol from her holster. 

She raced the front line, seeing a few of the workers already armed, Bartrand near the front of them. Hawke could see them barely in the darkness. Genlocks, hurlocks, and one very large ogre. Hawke was handed a shotgun and she swapped it for the pistol. She loaded the gun, holding it up to her eyesight as a creature came into range. She fired, striking the genlock down with a scream. She reloaded it without looking, aiming her weapon again to take another shot. She took down a smaller creature, but they began to move as blurs. 

Light surrounded the cave as Merrill stood forth, a transparent robe around her as she sent fire forth into the ceiling of the rocks above. 

In the light, Hawke saw the darkspawn invading from the second side. Chaos broke as all ran in different directions, fighting back against the wave. In the fading light, she saw the ogre approaching and the silhouette of a woman walking up to it, pistol in shaking hand.

Aveline.

Hawke saw the creature swipe Aveline to the side. She stood again, holding her side with one hand as she stretched out her other arm, a shaking hand aiming the gun again at the creature. Aveline fired, wounding the creature’s shoulder. It cried out and picked her up, squeezing her in one large hand.

Hawke’s shock ebbed enough for her to run to Aveline’s side, aiming the gun directly at the creature’s head and firing. It pierced through the side of the skull, causing the creature to drop Aveline. Hawke ran in front of Aveline’s crumpled frame and bared her teeth at the ogre, screaming at it with the sounds of a threatened animal. The ogre paused, watching her slightly as she aimed again, shooting the beast in the throat. It slumped to its knees, bleeding, as Hawke bent by Aveline, watching her crushed form for any signs of breath. 

The beast turned to stand, but Hawke turned, grabbing the dagger from her leg and slashing the creature’s throat further. Blood poured out as it slumped with a final sigh. Hawke shot it once more in the skull for good measure.

The darkspawn were beginning to be dispatched, but Hawke stayed by Aveline’s side, guarding her as she shot more stray creatures that neared them. As the siren rang again, Hawke knelt by Aveline’s side, brushing her hair out of her eyes. She could hear Aveline’s breathing now, slight, raspy, and she saw the blood trickle down her lips.

“You foolish, foolish woman,” Hawke whispered, kissing Aveline’s forehead softly, “Killing that ogre would not have brought them back…Aveline…Aveline….please don’t leave me. Please. You have to fight.”

Anders came to them, whispering to Hawke to move out of the way.

“No,” Hawke murmured, “No. If I leave her, I won’t see her again. No, I promised I would never leave her. Please. Please.”

Anders looked at her softly, “I promise to do all I can. But you have to get out of the way now. Hawke, trust me.”

Hawke looked up into his deep brown eyes. She nodded.

Hawke stood as Anders picked up Aveline, carrying her into one of the shredded tents. Others were injured, but they were aided with poultices and tonics. The others decided to go ahead, to make camp in a safer part of the Deep Roads. If they made it to the Thiag, perhaps the ruins would provide enough shelter for them all.

Hawke refused to leave Aveline with Anders. Varric stayed as well, waiting with the exhausted Hawke through the night. Hawke slept only a short time, resting her head on the dwarf’s shoulder while he hummed to her. 

As she dreamt, she saw Bethany, standing in the library of the Chantry. She turned to her, dressed in the orange jumpsuit and the tattoo of the Tranquil. Hawke screamed out for her, the smoke rising around them, and the voice of someone she knew, someone who loved her, calling her back from the Fade.

Hawke woke when Varric’s alarm went off, informing them that it was 7am. Varric yawned slightly as Hawke rose, walking tenderly to the bloodstained tent. She saw an exhausted Anders lying down beside Aveline, raising a finger to his lips sleepily as Hawke entered their space.

“She lives,” Anders whispered, “She is heavily medicated. She thrashes so in her sleep, I was worried she would open her wounds again. When we return to the others, I can refresh my powers and continue the process. She will recover, Maker willing, she simply needs time and rest.”

“Thank you,” Hawke whispered, tears streaming down her face, “Thank you. I don’t know…I can’t imagine…”

“I can,” Anders murmured, “No one should have to go through that.”

Hawke made to reply, but Varric entered, bringing forth a canteen of water for Anders who drank it greedily.

Varric said, “We have to get moving. It shouldn't take us too long to catch up since it’s only the four of us. Can she walk?”

“No,” Anders said, “But I have made a stretcher out of some of the tent poles and blankets. We can take turns. Though I imagine it should be mainly Hawke and I…the angle might be too much for her if you are on the one end, Varric…sorry.”

Varric grinned, “You just want me to rescue you all from the big scary darkspawn. I see how it is, Blondie. Don’t you worry, I’ll protect your little furry behind.”

“Furry?” Hawke asked in surprised.

Anders grumbled slightly, “Varric is obsessed with bottoms. He seems to have a fondness for mine, now.”

“I will dedicate my latest book to it,” Varric promised, “The butt that saved the world.”

Luckily for the literary world, Varric’s publisher did not allow him to do this.

oOoOoOo

It did not take long to catch up with the rest of the group. Despite how muscular Aveline was, she was surprisingly light when stripped of her guns and vest. Varric lead them, machine gun ahead of him, watching cautiously for any intruding darkspawn. 

When they reached the camp, Anders helped Hawke move Aveline to a sheltered spot in the middle of the camp. The others surrounded Varric as he reassured them they were fine and had made it through the night safely. Anders went off in search of potions to revive his strength, leaving Hawke to kneel down beside Aveline. The medication was starting to wear off, her eyes beginning to open. She looked around in fright, until her eyes met Hawke’s. Aveline painfully grasped her hand, squeezing tightly. 

Anders returned to them, bringing more medicine for Aveline to drink. She hesitated, initially pushing Anders’ hand away. 

Hawke murmured, “Please. Please. You need to make it through this.”

“I need to be awake,” Aveline said, “I need to be able to fight, to….” Her voice trailed off as her eyes met Hawke’s again.

“I know,” Hawke replied, “But let me take care of you for once. I will be all right. Rest. Live to fight another day. For me.”

Aveline hesitated again, but then opened her mouth to allow Anders to pour the medicine in. Her grip on Hawke loosened as she fell back asleep.

Merrill came to Hawke’s side, putting her small hand on her shoulder. 

“Go get some rest,” the elf said with a gentle smile, “I will stay with her. No harm will come to her.”

Hawke nodded and walked towards the encampment. She fell asleep to the sounds of those around her. But she could not escape the smoke, nor could she reach Bethany’s hand as she reached out to her.


	11. Chapter 11

Hawke was woken by Varric shaking her shoulder in excitement. She pushed his hand away, pulling the blanket further over her face. 

“Come on, Hawke, rise and shine! While you were lazing away all day, we managed to find a way through all that rubble. We’ve got a path straight into the Thiag! Its time to go find us some treasure!”

Hawke grumbled as she rose, running her hand through her hair.

“Is Aveline all right?”

“Wonderful,” Varric said, “She’s even up and walking around. That Anders is a miracle worker. We can take her with us if you like. It’s an easy path in and she'll be safe with the rest of us. I think she’s itching to have a look around as well.”

Hawke nodded, “Just let me have a few minutes to wake up, I’ll be right out.”

When Hawke left her tent, she saw her strange band of friends outside, all dressed for a day of scavenging in the Thiag. Aveline’s colour had returned to her face, but she still walked with a limp. She would need rest throughout the day, but Hawke knew she would have been broken hearted if she had been left behind. 

The expedition had almost the feel of a holiday. This area was safe, and no eyes had seen it for nearly a thousand years. Even Fenris seemed impressed; taking a few photos with a camera one of his underground brothers had lent him.

Hawke offered to take a picture of him next to an ancient pillar. Fenris grumbled at first, but the photo showed the hint of a smile on his face.

The party had stopped for lunch in the grand throne room of an ancient hall. Sprawled out over the rocks, they munched on the last of their fresh food, talking about what they would do with their portion of the money.

Varric was playing with an idol he had found, made almost entirely out of lyrium when Bartrand walked in through the great doors. Varric threw the idol at his brother who caught it adeptly.

“Look at this, Bartrand!” Varric said, “Isn’t that alone worth the trip?”

Bartrand barely spoke as he looked over the relic, turning it over in his hands as he left the room. The doors slammed behind him. Varric laughed, leaving Merrill’s side as he went to reopen the doors.

When he found it locked, he tugged on it further, “Come on, brother, ha ha, you got me, now open it up.”

“No.”

“….You would screw over your own brother for a trinket? Are you serious?”

There was no reply.

As the group tuned in to what was occurring, panic started setting in among them. Hawke stood by Varric, looking over them all.

“Listen, there must be a another way out of here,” She said practically, “A small group of us will go forward and find a path back to the Deep Roads. We will not be stuck here, I promise you that.”

Anders stood, “I will go with you, Hawke. The others will be safe here and I can warn you if any darkspawn are nearby.”

Varric said, “I feel responsible for my brother being an asshole, so I’ll go too.”

Isabela stood up, “I’ll go with you too.”

Fenris nodded, “I will stay here with the other two. We can defend this area until you return.”

The scouting crew got their gear together while Hawke stopped by Aveline’s side. She left her dagger by her and squeezed her hand.

“Even with broken ribs, I’m still stronger than you are, Hawke,” Aveline muttered, “You don’t need to treat me like an invalid.”

“It was my father’s,” Hawke said softly, “In case…well…”

Aveline’s face softened, “Thank you. I’ll bring it back to them.”

“No,” Hawke explained, “I want you to have it. In case something happens to me. I don’t have anything else to leave you. But this is the one thing I own. I got you into this mess. At least I can leave you something to hock so you don’t have to beg.”

“I never would,” Aveline said gently, tying the dagger to her side, “Now get out of here. Find us a way back home, Hawke.” 

Hawke looked up, seeing Isabela’s eyes upon her. She walked to her side, grabbing her pack off of the ground. Hawke followed the other three out of the room and into the corrupted tunnels of the ruins.

oOoOoOo

As they walked through the twisted path in the dark, Anders paused. The others stopped, watching his eyes scan around.

“More darkspawn?” Hawke asked tiredly, “They just keep coming, don’t they?”

“No…” Anders replied, “Not darkspawn…I think there’s Grey Wardens down here…not too far away. I think four or five…the one is faint, it must be a new recruit.”

Isabela sighed, “But how does that help us?”

“It doesn’t really,” Anders said, “I just haven’t felt another Grey Warden’s presence for a very long time. It’s good to know that they are there though, just in case.”

“Why did you leave the Wardens, Blondie?” Varric asked as they started walking again, “I can’t imagine them throwing you out, they’ll take pretty much anyone.”

“I didn’t want to put them in danger,” Anders replied shortly.

Isabela raised an eyebrow, “There’s more to it than that, isn’t there? Was there a someone you didn’t want to put in danger?”

Anders frowned as he turned to look at Isabela. She smiled as she shrugged, “What? We’ve been walking for hours and Maker knows how much longer we’ll be wandering around here. You might as well tell as a story. Especially if it’s a smutty story.”

Anders laughed slightly as he returned his gaze forward, stepping lightly over a rock, “There’s not much to tell you, Isabela, which I’m sure is a great disappointment to you. There was someone I loved. I hurt them. I left before I could hurt them more. I’m sure this is a Free Marches group of them, no one I know. But…I’d rather not run into them, just in case. I can’t…well, it’s been an unpleasant day as it is, I really don’t want to add an awkward run in with an ex to add to it.”

Isabela muttered, “I’m sorry.” 

Anders smiled sadly, “It’s all right. Let’s just keep going.”

oOoOoOo

The rest of the day was a blur to Hawke. The rock wraith had knocked her out cold, and only Isabela’s prompts reminded her of the circumstances leading to those moments. But the creature was defeated, its spirit ended by a well time shot from Varric. 

Now dead, the horde of treasure lay open to them and the path home free. Anders and Hawke stayed to guard the open while the other two brought the others through the tunnels to them. 

Anders tended to the wound on Hawke’s head, his hands gently brushing away the blood as the wound crusted over.

“Do you think we’ll make it back to the surface?” Hawke asked, “We have so little food and supplies left. We still have to find our way through the Deep Roads.”

“I’ll be able to figure it out from the maps,” Anders said, “We’ll surface earlier and find another way back to Kirkwall. Varric will have to leave his car behind for now. We’re miles away from where we came in.”

Hawke found herself dosing off, but Anders shook her shoulder.

“Hey,” he said, “You have a concussion. You need to stay awake for a while still. Eyes open, Hawke.”

“Do you still love him?” Hawke asked.

“Him?” Anders cocked an eyebrow, “What him are you speaking of?”

“The Grey Warden. It was a man, wasn’t it? There’s not many female Grey Wardens; they don’t usually recruit us. Do you still love him?”

Anders paused and then replied, “It doesn’t really matter now, does it?”

“It does to me,” Hawke protested, “You’re a good man, the best one I know. I want you to be happy. Maybe its him out there, maybe, maybe we can find him.” 

“Hawke,” Anders said gently, “Love isn’t always enough sometimes. You’re going to learn that one day, I’m afraid.”

“I still mean it though. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

“It’s nothing,” Anders protested.

“You saved Aveline,” Hawke replied, “That is everything to me.”

Anders bit his lip slightly, and went back to his bag, putting his supplies away.

“What?” Hawke asked, sitting up further, “What is it?”

“There’s some things you will have to figure out on your own,” Anders said gently, “But I will be here when you do.”

oOoOoOo

They had been three days since leaving the Thiag. They were all fed up with eating roasted deep stalkers, but it had been enough to sustain them. The water was running low, but Merrill had a knack for finding pools within the Deep Roads that were clean enough to drink. 

They were resting for a short while after a steep climb. They were close to the surface, but the way was tough and they were growing tired.

Hawke was cooking a rather small deep stalker, trying to perfect her technique of rotating it around the fire without the meat falling in. Anders watched her in amusement, providing the odd suggestion. 

He suddenly grew quiet and stood up, “They’re coming.”

“Darkspawn?” Hawke asked, still struggling with the slowly burning meal.

“No…” he said, “The Grey Wardens. They’re coming directly here.”

Hawke looked up at him in curiosity, “Maybe ironically they need our help?”

Anders called over to Merrill, who was sitting cozily on Varric’s lap as they shared a cup of poorly made coffee. She looked up and Anders signaled her to hide further down the passageway. 

Varric came to stand beside them as they heard the footsteps come towards them. The others rose as well, coming to stand around Anders. He grew pale. Hawke placed her hand on his arm and squeezed slightly.

Four men dressed in navy blue uniforms came into view. Their hair was buzzed short to their head, their pants and shirts stained with darkspawn blood. The leader came forward and saluted Anders, who returned the gesture.

“I’m Commander Straud,” he introduced, “We are the 3rd foot brigade of the Wardens of the Free Marches. Name and rank, soldier.”

Anders stood straighter, “Private Anders of Ferelden…we only had the one squad at the time. The Blight dwindled our numbers significantly.”

Hawke whispered, “Anders is your last name?”

Anders grumbled, “I’ll explain later. Shush.”

“You’re a long way from home, Private,” Stroud noted, “What brings you into the Free Marches?”

“Refugee,” Anders explained, “I escaped the Blight with my sister.” Anders put his arm around Hawke, “I took familial leave in order to provide for my family.”

“It has been over a year since the end of the Blight. And you are in the Deep Roads with…many others, it seems.”

Hawke stepped in, “We were on one of those adventure tours, you know, for only the most extreme tourists. Unfortunately, we got lost. Anders is on a special assignment, it’s supposed to be a secret.”

“Thanks…sis,” Anders said, frowning at her slightly, “That’s right. The Warden-Commander sent me herself. You’ll have to take it up with her.”

“Her?” Straud frowned, “You have been a gone awhile, haven’t you, Private? When have you last communicated with your Commander? She stepped down, son, maybe a few weeks ago. We got a telegram about it recently.”

“Whose the new Commander?” Anders asked, “Do you know why she left?”

“There’s rumours, none of which are too flattering to her. But what do you expect? They put a woman in charge. An elf out of all things too!”

“Commander Tabris saved my life,” Anders growled slightly, “She saved all our lives in Amaranthine.”

“Maker, I meant no offense. I only mean that things will run smoother under Commander Howe’s control. I mean his father was a real bastard, but at least the boy has some brains in his head.”

“Commander Howe?” Anders asked, squeezing tighter around Hawke’s waist.

“Aye,” Straud said, “But enough gossip now. Private, we will escort your party out of the Deep Roads before we continue our expedition. Ready at once. It is only a few hours march to the surface from here. I will arrange for one of our supply trucks to bring you back to….”

“Kirkwall,” Hawke said, “We live in Kirkwall.”

“That is not so far. I hope you don’t mind travelling there in the back of a truck, but it will certainly be better than walking.”

The other three Wardens assisted almost silently in tearing down the camp. Hawke managed to bring Merrill in without too much attention, warning her to be silent until they got back to Kirkwall. Anders had told her little of the Grey Wardens, but he had warned her how few condoned non-Chantry taught magic.

It was not until nearly sunset that they reached the base camp of the Grey Wardens, the military compound deep in the forest. Anders looked pale still as he watched them do their drills. 

There was much Hawke wanted to ask, but she dared not then.

They were packed into the back of an empty supply truck, heading back to Kirkwall for more food and water. They huddled together, Anders and Hawke sitting beside each other to keep up the illusion of being siblings.

The road was rough and badly kept. As they hit a pothole, Hawke was thrown closer to Anders who kept his arm around her. She was about to thank him for catching her when he bit his lip and turned to look at her.

“Nathaniel...Nate. His name is Nate,” he whispered and then looked away.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Hawke said, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Thank you for being there for me today. You have been a good friend.”

Hawke smiled, “You too…Anders? Should I still call you that?”

He smiled, “It was a pet name in the Circle. Once I escaped, I never used my name; it was too dangerous. I never even told the Wardens what my name was.”

“Does anyone know your name now?” 

“Very few. It is safer that way.”

“I will help keep you safe, Anders, I promise.”

Anders smiled sadly and held her chin with affection, “Do not promise things you cannot offer. There may be a time you are not able to do so. I don’t want you to blame yourself. I sense you do that enough anyways.”

Hawke sighed and Anders pulled her closer to him. They did not say another word to each other until they reached Kirkwall, yet that silence was more comforting than any words could have been. 

Hawke woke first, curled up under Ander’s chin, finding her face tickled by the scruff. She pulled back, seeing the doors of the truck open. She gave Anders a friendly shove and he grumbled. 

They were at the edge of the city. Varric had already made calls for cabs to bring them back to the Hung Man. They were all too tired for drinking and made their way upstairs, stumbling into either Varric or Isabela’s apartment. Hawke found herself in Isabela’s client room, a half naked and bandaged Aveline already curled up in the sheets. 

Hawke turned to leave, but Aveline called her over, patting the space beside her. Hawke laid down gingerly, worried about hurting her. Aveline pulled in closer to her, pulling Hawke against her for warmth. It was how they had often slept before, yet the action made Hawke’s heart pound as she curled into Aveline. She looked up once briefly, seeing Aveline’s timid smile as she fell asleep. 

She was back home.


	12. Chapter 12

When Hawke left the bedroom the next morning, she smelt breakfast being cooked. She heard Anders coaching Isabela on how to make a proper omelet, with the woman swearing at him in return whenever she found an eggshell in the mixture.

Fenris was half asleep out on the couch, a pillow over his head as he begged them to be quieter. He had first tried to spend the night at Varric’s, only to be disturbed by grunts and giggles and had fled to Isabela’s. 

The phone rang by Fenris’ head and he sleepily tried to knock the phone off the receiver. Hawke intervened and picked up the call.

“Hello?” She asked, looking up at the still irate Isabela.

“Marian?” Leandra’s voice called out in panic.

“Mom,” Hawke said in surprise, “Mom, I was going to phone you. I just got home last night…you might have heard, there was a bit of an accident. We’re all fine though-“

“Darling, you better come home. Please. I…I need you here.”

Hawke’s face paled as she sat down on the arm of the couch, patting Fenris’ head for comfort. He growled slightly and curled up further down the couch.

Leandra said softly, “Marian…you need to come home. Please. It’s…I can’t talk about it over the phone. Just get here as soon as you can.”

“Okay,” Hawke said softly, her hand trembling as it held the receiver.

“I love you, darling.”

“I love you too.”

She hung up the phone and Fenris looked up at her in concern. The other two still puttered in the kitchen, unaware, as Fenris pulled his shoes onto his feet.

“Come, Hawke,” he said directly, “I will take you home.”

0o0o0o

Hawke held onto Fenris fiercely as he drove his motorcycle through the city. His leather jacket was warm around her shoulders; it smelt of sweat and lyrium. When they made it to the apartment building, she offered the jacket back. 

Fenris shook his head, “I will wait here for you. If you have need of it, I will take you back to Isabela’s. If you wish to stay, then let me know.”

“Come with me,” Hawke said gently, “Please.”

Fenris looked at her in surprise, but nodded. She took his hand as they went up the stairs, his other hand resting on the pistol in his holster. 

The door was unlocked and Hawke pushed it open, letting go of Fenris. She saw Gamlen and Leandra sitting on the pull-out couch, Leandra crying fiercely as Gamlen awkwardly tried to comfort her.

“Mom,” Hawke said, her voice breaking as she raced across the room, “What’s wrong? Where’s Bethany?”

Gamlen stood, “Bethany was taken by the CBI two nights ago. We only heard from the lawyer this morning. They have proven her abilities. She will be transferred to the Circle within the week, after she is processed.”

“What?” Hawke screamed, “How could you let this happen? She was safe! She had a job! Friends! How did they find out? She barely ever used her powers.”

“Benjamin proposed,” Leandra wept, “They were starting to plan the wedding and she told him. He did not take it lightly.”

“That son of a bitch!” Hawke cursed, “Where is he? Where is she? What evidence could they possibly have against her?”

Fenris had stood there quietly to this point, waiting in the doorway with his head bowed slightly. Hawke turned to him, flushed with anger. She knew he did not approve of mages, those who had imprisoned his people for so long, but she saw only concern on his face.

He said quietly, “I will take you to the CBI headquarters. I know someone there; you will be able to see her, perhaps even talk to her for a while. I will find out what I can for you.”

“Thank you,” Hawke replied, turning back to her mother.

“This is your fault,” Leandra said, “You should have been here. I couldn’t fight them off. They took her from our home in the middle of the night and you didn’t stop them.”

Hawke didn’t reply as she left the room, Fenris following her without a word. 

As they reached his motorcycle, she paused, running her hands through her hair. 

“There will be time for mourning later,” Fenris said, “But now is time for action.”

Hawke nodded, “Thank you…I’m glad it was you today…”

Fenris smirked, “Because I am unfeeling and you have to act tough around me?”

Hawke shrugged, a small smile on her face.

“I am not a sensitive man, Hawke. I will not hold your hand through this. But I will be what you need right now.”

“And what is that?” she asked as she strapped on her motorcycle helmet.

He did not answer as she grasped his waist and the bike sped off. 

oOoOoOo

Besides a short interlude at a pay phone, Fenris wasted no time getting Hawke to the CBI headquarters in the downtown stretch. She had been in this area before; it was close to the precinct where Aveline worked. 

Fenris walked ahead of her as they entered the office. There was a waiting area that was filled with the men in suits, some accompanying mages clad in orange jumpsuits. Hawke looked around in bewilderment as Fenris spoke to an elf behind a piece of bulletproof glass, the men gesturing to their own hearts with three fingers. The man slipped Fenris a note underneath the glass and he glanced quickly around him before he took it.

Fenris came back to sit beside Hawke, scanning over the note before crumpling it and putting it into his pocket. 

“Your sister’s processing is done, there’s to be no trial,” he explained briskly, watching a CBI agent eye him up and down, “But you have permission for a five minute visit. Its been arranged right now. It seems she’ll be in a fairly low security area; she may even be brought out for work detail for the CBI. She’ll have to pass her Harrowing first, but she’s fairly well prepared. I imagine she will do all right.”

Hawke leaned forth, resting her head in her hands. Fenris touched her shoulder briefly and said quietly, “You need to go see her. Tell her she will be safe and that I will know if any harm comes to her and there will be consequences.”

“Why are you doing this, Fenris?” Hawke asked in a whisper, “You hate mages.”

Fenris’ face softened, “I don’t. They subjugated us once, yes, but we both are at the whims of this society. They are our brothers and sisters in the struggle. I…I sometimes am not so patient with those who abuse their freedom. But I do not hate them. I wish no harm to them.”

A CBI agent came forward from the partition and called out, “Marian Hawke.”

She stood, looking down at Fenris. He murmured, “Be brave.”

Hawke was lead into a small room with only two chairs and no windows. There were three CBI agents inside waiting, one holding Bethany in chains. Her beautiful long hair had been shaven off; a serial number was tattooed on her bare forearm. Hawke ran forth and held her. The guards did not stop her. 

Bethany cried into Hawke’s shoulder and she held her sister tightly to her. She tried to think of what Fenris told her to say, but instead, she only could say what repeated again and again in her mind.

“I’m so sorry, Beth,” Hawke murmured, “I am so sorry. I love you. I don’t think I’ve told you that since we were kids. But I do. It was worth it all for you and Carver to be happy. I don’t blame you. I love you. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”

Bethany said softly, “I know.”

Hawke recovered slightly and said gently, “You will be safe with them, I promise. You’ll be all right. You’ll be safe. Just be brave.”

Bethany nodded and Hawke pulled back to wipe the tears from her eyes. Hawke kissed her sister’s forehead and pulled her back into her arms. She hummed a song that Bethany had loved as a girl, holding her sister under her chin as she had done when she was a child. 

When the agents finally pulled them apart, Hawke was escorted out of the room, hearing Bethany cry softly behind her. 

Fenris stood as she was let through the partition. She held him, his body stiffening slightly, but allowing his arms to be loosely around her. She apologized and pulled back, wiping the tears from her face.

“Take me home,” she begged, “Take me home.”

0o0o0o 

Hawke refused to speak to the others as she entered Isabela’s apartment. Fenris went to the others, explaining the morning’s events quickly and quietly. She could hear them murmuring as she entered the room she had shared with Aveline. 

Aveline was still there, now dressed, reading one of Varric’s books. She took her reading glasses off as Hawke entered, crying still. Hawke laid down beside her and Aveline wrapped her arms around her and brought her head to rest on her chest. 

Aveline kissed Hawke’s forehead as she held her. Aveline knew what she needed before she could ask. As she stroked Hawke’s cheek, she sang that same lullaby sweet and low to her.

_Stars shining bright above you  
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"  
Birds singing in the sycamore trees  
Dream a little dream of me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A dear friend of mine used to sing this song to me all the time. I find it profoundly comforting.


	13. Chapter 13

The weeks went by as their lives went back into a familiar pattern. After Varric had sold some of the bigger pieces, there was enough cash for the party members to start doing what they had planned.

Hawke had her money and the first thing she did was buy a house. They could never afford the mansion her mother had grown up in, but she could buy a little place of her own. It was a townhouse on a tree lined street, one that swept down into the bay. The sounds of the streetcar and the ocean filled the air. It was an older place, maybe thirty years old, and it needed a few repairs. But when Hawke walked into it, she knew it was home. She and Aveline only had to exchange a glance to know that they both were in love with the place.

There were three bedrooms upstairs and a small in-law suite in the basement for Leandra to move into. She resented moving in with her daughter, but she was pleased enough to have a real home to entertain her new society friends in. Aveline was excited to have a bed to herself after so long and became very possessive over her own space. But often Hawke would roll over in the middle of the night to find Aveline curled up beside her, having come in the middle of the night because she was too cold. That was the one issue with the townhouse. It was always rather cold, even on some summer nights. 

They had their friends over to celebrate three weeks after they had moved in. Hawke, at the age of 22, had finally finished high school. Leandra hid in her basement as the two women got the house decorated and prepared themselves for their first proper party at the house. Isabela had lent them both beautiful dresses. Hawke’s was a pale green empire waist dress that flowed to just above her ankles. Aveline had a dark blue sheath dress that was seductively cut just above her knees. 

Aveline was mixing the punch bowl in the kitchen and Hawke was stacking glasses when they heard the doorbell ring. Hawke smiled excitedly as she ran to the door, smoothing her hair as she came to greet her first guests.

Varric and Merrill were the first to arrive. Merrill was dressed in a flowing light blue gown embroidered with sunflowers, Varric in a dark blue suit. They had been inseparable since the Deep Roads. They had only been back a week when Varric had asked her to marry him. They were in the midst of the planning now. Varric was hoping to buy a place nearby for the two of them, Hawke had been house hunting with him. It would be difficult finding someone in the neighbourhood who would sell to a dwarf and his elven fiancée, but money seemed to sway even the most closed mind. 

Hawke welcomed them in, hugging them both. Varric handed her a wrapped package and she immediately opened it. It was the newest one of Varric’s tales, the one he had been finishing in the Deep Roads. She saw her smile on the heroine’s face and inside, a small description showed it was dedicated to her. She beamed with pride as Varric kissed her cheek.

“You’ll be less thankful when you get to Chapter 23,” he said, winking. 

Merrill skipped along to the kitchen to chat with Aveline while Hawke escorted Varric in the living room. She offered him a drink from their newly stocked liquor cabinet, but he refused. She smirked, but he rolled his eyes and smiled back.

“My Daisy has some new fangled ideas about…well…I’ll let her tell you herself some day. Its more of a girl talk type thing anyways.”

Hawke raised her eyebrows and heard the door ring again. She went to open the door, finding Donnic and three other men from Aveline’s squad at the door. She shook their hands, trying and failing to remember each of their names. Donnic bowed his head as he walked into the kitchen as the other three greeted Varric. She heard Aveline’s nervous laugh and saw Merrill sneak out of the kitchen and come to her side.

“Apparently you and I need to have a girl talk,” Hawke said with a smile.

“Has my future husband demanded it?” Merrill giggled, “Oh men. They seem to think that if they ever mention an ovary or a feeling that their masculinity will just dry right up.” 

The door rang again and Merrill skipped to answer it. Hawke heard her squeal happily and turned to see her hugging Anders tightly. He smiled, patting her on the shoulder, and made a face at Hawke. She smiled; hugging him in turn once Merrill let go and wandered back to Varric.

“Congratulations,” Anders said, kissing her cheek, “You certainly deserve it.”

He was dressed simply in just jeans and a purple button up shirt. All of his money had gone into stocking the clinic and to any of the refugees who had heard of his good fortune. But he seemed…happy; there was brightness to his face that Hawke did not see often enough. 

She saw Isabela and Fenris come in behind him, bickering amicably about a movie they had just gone to see. As always, Isabela did not think it was smutty enough. Fenris thought she was missing the point. 

Fenris was wearing jeans, and a tan vest over a black t-shirt. Isabela was wearing a sinfully short white dress that clung well to her curves. They both waved to Hawke and continued their argument as they came into the house, Anders stepping over to the side. He shook his head affectionately as he too came in through the door and Hawke closed it behind him. 

They joined the others in the living room. Merrill was at the record player, choosing an album from Orlais, a boy band that the Chantry was trying to have banned in the country. A song with a pleasant beat started with a scratch and she pulled her fiancée out of his chair and to the empty floor space. Others started to dance and the doorbell rang. Hawke happily brought in a few of her friends from school and work, many single mothers who were pleased to have a rare night off from their children. Drink and music flowed and Hawke could almost forget Leandra scowling in the basement. 

Hawke was dancing with Fenris since neither of them particularly was good at it and both were tired of being told by friends to find a partner. Fenris was surprisingly near the same height as Hawke, as she was quite petite for a human and he was quite tall for an elf. 

Alcohol buzzed through her veins as the elf held her close. She bent down slightly to rest her head on his shoulder. 

“Come now, Hawke,” he muttered, “This is your party. If I have to be awake, so do you.”

She laughed, “I’m just a little drunk, that’s all. My head is spinning a little.”

“Then come on then, shem,” He teased, leading her away from the other swaying drunks, “Let us get you some water and something to eat.”

Fenris lead Hawke into the kitchen. It was covered with empty glasses and plates, but Fenris managed to find a clean cup while Hawke sat on a chair, kicking off her high heels. He stood beside her, bringing her a glass of water.

She drank it slowly, enjoying the cool taste running down her throat. She always felt a little too hot when she was drunk, but she always forgot that until it was too late. 

“You still have some of those little sandwiches left over?” Fenris asked, opening the fridge, “Having something in your stomach will help.”

“You seem to know a lot about being drunk,” Hawke accused, “And I haven’t seen you touch a drop all night. You hiding back here from the rest of us?”

Fenris frowned slightly, pulling out a covered tray from the fridge. He sat back down beside and took the tinfoil off the top. He bit into one of the sandwiches absentmindedly, watching Hawke drink her water.

“I’m an alcoholic,” Fenris said, looking down at the tray again, “I had a problem for about three years. I’ve been clean…fourteen months now. So yes. I know.”

Hawke put her glass down and reached out to touch his hand, “Fenris…I’m so…”

He pulled his hand away, “No need, Hawke. You didn’t know.”

They sat there in silence for awhile, Hawke picking at a cucumber sandwich while Fenris finished his.

She looked up at him and asked, “Can you get me a glass of milk? You can get yourself one too, if you’d like.”

It was a strange sort of peace offering, but Fenris took it, nodding his head as he stood. He was opening the fridge again when the clock struck midnight, the sound clanging politely throughout the house.

Hawke looked at her own watch to confirm. It was growing late. There was a curfew in place in the city; citizens would only have another half hour to make their way home or stay where they were for the night. The curfew was only a week old and it still took time to get used to. Hawke had already informed her closest friends that they were welcome to stay the night. But she should say goodbye to the others and thank them for such a lovely evening. 

She heard the music shut off as the guests started to congregate in the landing area, some sitting on the stairs as they put on their coats and shoes. Hawke went through them, shaking hands and kissing cheeks as their friends got ready to race home before the city guard found them. It was only a small fine, but it was enough to encourage them to behave. 

As the guests either went upstairs to change into more comfortable clothes or left to return home, Hawke went back into the kitchen to finally drink her glass of milk and to begin cleaning up the mess.

She opened the door to find one extra visitor for the evening. 

Aveline was pressed against the wall as Donnic kissed her, his hand almost gripping the wall as he leaned into her. Aveline’s trembling hand went to his face, fingers tracing his jaw as his other hand rested on her waist.

Hawke closed the door quickly, resting against it on the other side as she tried to make sense of what she had just seen. She felt her heart pound slightly. She tried to shake off the feeling as she walked into the living room where Anders was pulling out the couch to sleep on. 

“Hawke?” He asked, turning to look at her with concern, “Are you all right?”

She did not answer quickly enough before he came to her side, taking her palm into his hand. She felt her heart race underneath his fingers. He lead her over to the bare mattress and told her to lie down.

“I guess you really can’t hold your liquor,” he joked, his eyebrows still furrowed, “I’m just going to get a cloth for your forehead okay? I’ll be right back.”

She tried to protest as she saw him go into the kitchen. She heard a giggle and saw Aveline biting her lip as she took Donnic up the stairs with her. Anders returned just as they were out of sight. He brought a glass of water and the damp cloth. He sat beside her as he put the cloth on her forehead, and then wetting the back of her neck. She felt her heart slow slightly and she took the glass of water from him as he rested the cloth on her forehead.

He moved his lips as if to speak, but then thought better of it and said nothing. 

She murmured, “You don’t have to sleep down here you know.”

Anders raised an eyebrow, “Oh? Where do you suggest I sleep?”

“Upstairs…with me.”

Anders cocked his head to the side and smiled sadly, “Hawke. You’re drunk.” He looked back to the stairs and then back to her, “And I don’t think I’m the one you really want sharing that bed with you tonight.”

She threw the cloth at him, but he grabbed it before it could hit his face. 

“I’ll help you upstairs,” he said softly, “But I’m going to stay down here…if there wasn’t a curfew I would leave, Hawke. I’m not going to let you make a stupid mistake because you’re pissed off at her.”

“Why should I be pissed off?” Hawke grumbled as Anders scooped her up into his arms, “She was just snogging some guy in our kitchen. Maybe they’ll get married and have babies and my mother will actually like her. Then I can live here. All alone. Except for my mother. Who hates me.”

Anders laughed quietly, bending his head slightly as they walked up the stairs to avoid hitting the low ceiling. As he made it to the second floor, he walked into the bedroom closest to the street and laid a struggling Hawke on the bed.

“I’m not an invalid,” she protested, “I could have made it up those stairs myself.”

“I was more worried about the stairs,” Anders said with a serious nod, “I would hate for them to have to be subjected to a drunk Hawke.”

She grumbled as she rolled over on her side. He pulled the covers from underneath her and laid them on top. She curled up in a ball as he put a pillow underneath her head.

“Any meds you need to take before bed?” He asked, trying to look her in the eye.

She met his glance and shook her head, pulling the blankets around her.

He knelt beside the bed and looked at her, “In the morning, you’re going to feel this more rationally. It’s going to hurt more and you’ll be hung-over to boot. But I’m here. I’ll be here as long as you need me.”

He was standing up to leave when she grasped his wrist and pulled him back down to his knees. She paused, watching his eyes study her.

“Am I in love with her?” She asked, her voice hoarse, “Is this what love feels like?”

“Sometimes,” he admitted, stroking her hair kindly, “But you’re going to have to answer that first question by yourself. I can’t tell you everything, Hawke. Remember I told you that there are some things you’re going to have to figure out on your own? This is one of them, love.”

“Stay with me,” she begged as he stood.

He looked down at her and for once Hawke could not read his face. Finally, he turned, turning off the lights and closing the door as he left.


	14. Chapter 14

The weeks after the party went by slowly for Hawke. She had decided to start taking a few college courses, now that she finally had time and money. There was little she was allowed to study in Kirkwall. She was stranded to almost entirely Home Economics and English. After much begging, she was finally allowed to take a few mechanical courses, which she absolutely loved. She knew no one would ever hire a woman to be a mechanical engineer; no one would even let her into the advanced courses she needed. But maybe she could buy an old car, fix it up with her own hands and skill. 

It was a good dream. It kept her mind off of other things.

After that night, Aveline tried to make a secret of seeing Donnic, embarrassed of her indiscretion. But eventually she brought him home to have dinner with Leandra and Hawke in their little house. Hawke had tried to forget how she had reacted, throwing herself at Anders in a drunken need for comfort. He had been good to her that night, but he had distanced himself slightly. As the curfew continued, his clinic was busier during the day and it was wearing him thin. 

Merrill was up at Sundermount for a few more days. Her mother and her were planning a wedding in the traditional way. They would all go up the day beforehand, and settle in the commune before the ceremony. Varric was nervous, but the new house was keeping him occupied. They were going to live only a block away from Hawke, another town house with a bit of a yard. Varric talked about getting a dog, a big Mabari hound. But in truth, he was thinking about a place for his future children to play. He didn’t have to tell Hawke that. She saw the way he smiled at Merrill, the way they talked of their future, the way he spoke of his own childhood. Hawke was happy for them, happy for Varric to finally have some peace.

Varric had spent that afternoon with Hawke, painting the empty bedroom in his new house. He had debated a long time, which colour to paint. Hawke had smiled, knowing that this would be the nursery. He wanted to know if he was going to have boys or girls. Hawke had finally suggested a pale green, which Varric had been quite enthusiastic about. 

The two of them sat on the floor of the room, drinking beers together while they watched the sun set through the open window. Varric wiped his face with a paint stained towel. 

“Do you think I’m doing the right thing?” He asked.

Hawke was surprised by the question and took another sip to give herself time to answer.

“Do you?” She asked in return.

He snorted, “That’s a pretty weak reply.”

She shrugged as he took another drink. “Why did you ask me if you didn’t think there was something wrong?”

“It’s not Daisy,” he said, “I swear. She’s…wonderful. I just worry this is going too fast. I know after Bartrand skipped town after what he did…well, maybe I just really needed a family quickly. I’m worried…”

Hawke raised an eyebrow, “Do you love her?”

Varric responded quickly, “More than anything.”

Hawke sighed and then said with determination, “Then who gives a shit? There’s never a perfect time, Varric. So what if you’re grieving right now? She makes you happy. You make her happy. So just be happy together.”

Varric laughed, “See, this is why I go to you. If I went to Blondie or Broody, they would just make me talk about my feelings and all that.”

“We could still do that if you want.”

“Nooo thank you,” Varric chuckled, taking another drink.

Varric paused, “Hawke…when we sign the register, we need two witnesses. Merrill has a childhood friend, Tamlen, he’s pretty much a brother to her. And well…my brother isn’t around anymore…”

Hawke smiled coyly, “My favourite dwarf, are you asking me to be your Best Man?”

“As I said, if I went to the other two they would make me talk about my feelings.”

Hawke laughed, “If that’s your excuse, I’ll go along with it. Of course.”

Varric stood, grabbing his empty beer bottle, “Thanks, Hawke.”

As Varric left the room and walked down the stairs, Hawke stood, walking to the windowsill. She could almost see her house, just around the corner. There was a park nearby. She could hear kids laughing. She heard a familiar whistling and she looked down, seeing Anders come and knock on the door. 

She smiled and smoothed her hair. She reached the top of the staircase as she saw Varric open the door and greet him. Anders walked in, patting Varric on the shoulder. Hawke wandered down into the living area, and was about to greet him when she saw the two sitting beside each other, Anders’ hand on Varric’s shoulder. Varric looked in shock, but a strange sort of glow came over his face, a strange smile that crept across without his mind even realizing it. He looked up at Anders, and turned and saw Hawke on the edge of the room. 

Anders patted Varric again with a smile and left the room, taking Hawke with him into the kitchen. Varric came in, his hand resting against his forehead, that strange coy smile still across his face. 

“Hawke,” he said, “Can you make a phone call for me? Merrill’s mother isn’t letting me talk to her before the wedding. We just pass messages back and forth.”

Anders grinned, biting his lip slightly.

Hawke looked at the two men in slight confusion, then Varric took her hand lightly.

“Tell her…tell her that’s wonderful,” Varric said, his grin widening.

oOoOoOo

They had driven through the night to arrive at Sundermount on Friday afternoon. The men and women were separated, as per tradition as a marriage approached in the colony. This was not a strict rule, as folks could choose which side to stay with. Hawke at first was to go with Varric as his surrogate brother, but he asked her to stay with his fiancée and watch out for her.

Merrill was radiant, her cheeks flushed with joy as she embraced Isabela and Hawke. Aveline was arriving the next day with Donnic, as was Fenris who was riding his motorcycle up. 

Isabela brought forth a wrapped package for her, winking, “I know you weren’t allowed to have a proper bachelorette night, so I brought you a little something to make up for it.”

Merrill smiled, “Oh what is it?” But as she opened the package, she blushed ever so slightly and immediately closed it again.

“You’re welcome,” Isabela smiled, nodding to herself proudly as she picked up her bag and carried it into Merrill’s tent. Hawke took the ring out of her pocket.

Merrill gasped, “You remembered! When I went back to the store, they said it was sold. I can’t believe you got it for me.”

“I meant to give it to you a while ago,” Hawke admitted, “But I thought I’d wait until a special day. “

Merrill smiled and slipped it on her right hand, holding up to admire it. She then threw her arms around Hawke and squeezed tightly. Hawke smiled and kissed her on the forehead.

“Come,” Merrill pulled her along into the tent, “We have a lot to talk about.”

oOoOoOo

Upon the morning, Hawke woke, feeling the warmth of another holding her. In her groggy state, she thought it was Aveline beside her, but turned to see Isabela’s arms around her waist. She grumbled at Hawke’s movement and let go, turning on her other side to curl up beside Merrill. 

Hawke pulled her coat around her and walked out into the misty morning of the Sundermount. It was still summer, but it was hard to tell this high up in the mountains. The grass was dewy and wet beneath her feet. She could see a few others in the camp stirring, readying the fires for breakfast. 

She did not feel like company and went out into the trees, forgetting her shoes inside of the tent.

Hawke wandered into the lightest part of the trees, her feet balancing on rocks that poked out among the litter of the forest ground. She buttoned up her coat over her sleeping gown, her feet growing cold on the rocks. She vaguely heard her name being called and turned to see Isabela. She stood before Hawke, wearing only a stolen pair of boxers and a faded band t-shirt. 

She tilted her head to look at Hawke and asked, “Kitten, what are you doing out here?”

“Nothing,” Hawke said, hopping down to the ground, the twigs cracking under her weight, “I just felt like going for a walk.”

“Mmmhmm,” Isabela said, folding her arms over her chest just beneath her breasts. Hawke tried not to notice the added strain of the shirt over them, how they laid so close to the surface.

Isabela looked down, and smirked slightly. She let her arms go loose and started walking back to the camp. Hawke followed her. 

They came across Merrill in her tent, brushing out her long black hair. Her hands were trembling slightly with nerves. Isabela embraced her and said, “Don’t worry, weddings aren’t that scary. Trust me, I’ve had two of my own.”

“Somehow that is not as comforting as you might imagine,” Merrill said with a slight frown, “Hawke, do you have anything better than that?”

Hawke looked down at the two of them, Isabela’s arms still around Merrill, her dark eyes watching Hawke in amusement.

“You’ll be fine,” Hawke said finally, “You are going to spend your life with someone who loves you. You love him. What is there to worry about?”

She thought of Anders in the Deep Roads. Sometimes love just isn’t enough, he had said. That did not apply here…but the truth of it stuck to her skin like glue. 

Merrill smiled, “See, Bela, this is what you tell a bride on their wedding day.”

Isabela shrugged, “My first one, all I was told was how to fake an orgasm. The second one…well, I actually don’t remember much about that one…huh…”

“Who taught you how to fake an orgasm?” Hawke asked in astonishment.

“My mother,” Isabela said with a smile, “Now that was one practical woman.”

Hawke tried to imagine a similar conversation with Leandra, but merely found herself shuddering slightly. 

At this point several women rushed into the tent and began cooing and fussing over Merrill. Cakes and teas were brought in, and there was a flurry of hands passing out makeup, mirrors, and other supplies. Isabela and Hawke sat near the back, watching Merrill’s clan sisters braid her hair and darken her tattoos with makeup. 

Isabela passed Hawke a baked good she had never seen before, but she hungrily ate, trying to catch the crumbs that landed on her jacket. Isabela caught one of the larger ones, and ate it out of her hand. 

When Hawke finished her pastry, they looked up to see Merrill standing, still naked, but with her long hair braided down to her back with flowers throughout. Her lips were bright red, her long eyelashes darkened to highlight her bright green eyes. Her tattoos were darker than usual, standing in great contrast to her milky white skin. A golden chain had been placed around her neck and Hawke could see she still wore the trinket she had given her the night before. 

Another two women came in, holding above their heads delicate laces and silk. Merrill clasped her hands in delight as they came in. The dress was made of three parts. The skirt was made of delicate lace, riding just over a silk underlay. There was a top that covered her shoulders, structured around her waist with great firmness. There was a lace vest that went over top the bodice, and this lace was more frayed, and had a slightly darker colour, as if it had been aged over the years.

When Merrill was dressed, she looked radiant and ethereal. Hawke felt a tear come to her eye and Isabela put her arm around her waist, still eating with the other hand. Merrill did a little spin and giggled slightly. 

The other women turned to Isabela and Hawke. Hawke felt herself being taken into their hands as they painted her arms with the markings of the clan. Her hair was braided back as well, though it only fell to just past her shoulders. She had a simple blue dress that Isabela had lent her, but she was given a well-aged cord of rope, passed with delicate hands as it was tied around her. Isabela was dressed similarly, but her ringlets would not take the braid and was allowed to simply be pulled back. Her red dress was more modest than Isabela would normally wear, and the dark lines of the clan were faded on her skin. Hawke watched her bow her head as the rope cord was tied around her waist.

There was seriousness to Isabela’s face, one that Hawke had rarely seen before. She watched her friend, seeing lines on her face she had never noticed, the way she held her arms when eyes were turned from her.

As they were leaving the tent to be brought before Merrill’s mother, Isabela grasped for Hawke’s hand. Hawke squeezed in return, stroking her thumb against Isabela’s hand, trying to comfort her.

They were soon in the tent of the Keeper, the leader of this commune. She recognized Hawke and Isabela and kissed them both in greeting. She held her daughter’s hands in her own and they spoke in their native tongue, words that Hawke could not understand.

Isabela leaned over and whispered, “Merrill was to be the next Keeper. She is asking if the dwarf is worth what she is giving up.”

Hawke could not understand Merrill’s reply, but her smile, the tear rolling down her cheek meant only one thing: Yes. A thousand times, yes.

The two embraced, the Keeper stroking her daughter’s cheek as she whispered other Dalish words to her. Merrill kissed her mother and grasped her hand.


	15. Chapter 15

Hawke tried to remember what came next as they were brought again from the tent and into the common fields of the camp. Merrill had to keep her head down and Isabela and Hawke were to lead her through the field. Hawke could see a line forming around them, well-wishers reaching out their hands to touch Merrill’s arms, whispering to her in various languages words of blessings and strength. Hawke looked up to see Varric also being led in a similar way, with Fenris and Anders each on an arm, the people of the clan reaching out to touch the dwarf’s arms. All three were dressed in the garb of the common people, tunics and pants, with a well-worn lace vest around Varric’s chest.

They met in the centre as the clan circled around them. The Keeper stood between them, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. They both looked up and met each other’s eyes. Hawke caught her breath. 

Merrill held out a small pink stone and put it in Varric’s hand. He in turn offered her a daisy, which he tucked behind her ear. 

The ceremony began. It was mostly in Dalish, which Hawke didn’t understand. She was still working on her knowledge of the Common Tongue of the Free Marches, which she still spoke with an accent. Perhaps Dalish would be the next one she would try to master. 

The Keeper signaled to Isabela and Hawke. Isabela nodded towards her, untying the cord around her waist and handing it to her. Hawke did the same. The Keeper held both cords up and began to sing a song deep in her throat. Others did the same, the bass of the singing vibrating among them. The Keeper took one of each Varric and Merrill’s hands and roped them together, still singing as she tied three knots in the cord. When she was done, she pulled the cord as it slithered off their hands, only three knots remaining in a single strand. She bowed as she handed it to Varric, who bowed in receiving it. 

She took their hands again and raised them in the air. There were whistles and applause and howls. As they lowered their hands, Varric pulled Merrill in for a soft kiss, holding his beloved tenderly in his arms. 

A path was made for them as they walked under the outreached arms of the clan, giggling as they looked at each other, holding each other tightly as they ran into the forest together.

“Where are they going?” Hawke whispered to Isabela. 

She grinned and whispered in return, “Dalish custom. They have to consummate the marriage before they sign the Chantry’s registrar. It’s a sort of sticking it to the man sort of deal…well, really sticking it to-“

Hawke cut her off, “I get the idea.”

The group cheered as they entered the forest. The celebrants dispersed, greeting each other, some slowly making their way over to the feast. Isabela took Hawke’s hand and they wandered over to the common area. The picnic tables had been pushed together to make long rows with elegant white linens, covered with food that the commune had spent days working on.

There was no head table. There was not even enough space for all to sit, so the Dalish brought out blankets to lay on the dewy grass. It was crowded, but there was a comfort to the bustle of the people around them.

Isabela let go of Hawke, mingling with the women around her, telling what seemed to be rather filthy jokes in a language Hawke could not understand. A little lost, Hawke made her way to one of the tables, sitting beside an elderly dwarven woman who wordlessly offered her tea. The two sat in comfort together, occasionally nodding or smiling to each other.

After the rest of the celebrants made their way to the area, slowly finding food and still greeting others, Hawke found herself being tapped on the shoulder. She turned to see Anders behind her. He was wearing a wool jacket now over his suit, the hood slightly over his chilled ears. 

He smiled impishly as he pulled Hawke to her feet, “I have a present for you.”

“A present?” She said with a smile, skipping over the seat and joining him, “But it’s not my wedding. Shouldn’t you save it for the happy couple?”

Anders led her away from the crowd, “I know it’s been lonely at your place lately…and I thought you could use someone to keep your bed warm at night.”

“Anders,” Hawke blushed, “That was once, I was drunk…”

“No,” he laughed, “I definitely did not mean me.”

They had reached Anders’ tent when she heard a small whimper come from the flaps. She frowned as she pulled back the door, but then her face softened. A tiny ball of fur was curled up in the corner, the puppy’s leg twitching as it dreamt.

“Anders,” she whispered, a smile sneaking across her face.

“She’s six weeks old,” Anders said, leaning in to pick up the pup, “One of the clan has been trying to spread out puppies from a litter. She’s the last one. She’s a mutt, a bit of Mabari, a bit not. Her leg is a little weak, but she’s…”

“Adorable,” Hawke murmured as Anders placed her in her arms. The little black dog opened its eyes and looked at Hawke for a moment. She licked Hawke’s hand and fell back asleep, curling up under her fingers. 

“I know I haven’t been there for you…and you need a friend right now,” Anders apologized, “I am sorry. I didn’t know how to handle that. I should have been better for you.”

Hawke wrapped an arm around him, her other arm still cradling the dog. Anders leaned down, resting his chin on her shoulder. 

“I’m sorry too,” she said. 

Anders pulled away, a faint smile on his lips, “Don’t be. Now come, we have a party to get back to. She’ll be fine for a few more hours. Apparently she sleeps like sixteen hours a day. Personally, I would have preferred a cat, but I thought you might be more of a dog person.”

“I have always wanted one,” she admitted as she put the puppy back down. She let the flap of the tent open and followed Anders back to the party. They heard cheering as Merrill led Varric back into the party, his cheeks red as she put her arm triumphantly in the air. 

Hawke felt herself giggle and she went forth to sign the Chantry certificate. She shook the hand of the blonde elf who signed with her, the boy that Merrill had grown up with. The music was starting. The next few hours were that of feasting and dancing. Hawke’s feet ached, but she felt a sense of joy. 

The sky was growing dark and the lanterns around the camp were lit, enveloping them in candlelight and the reflection of the moon. Hawke was sitting by the edge of the party, letting her feet rest in the cool grass, Anders’ wool jacket now resting around her shoulders as he danced a traditional round with elves half his size. She saw Fenris nearby, children eyeing his tattoos while a teenage dwarf tried to convince him to get another one on his bicep. Isabela was with a few of the young mothers, their babies tied to their fronts, laughing at something or another. She held one of the children herself, tickling the babe’s chin with her finger. The happy couple was just in eyesight, dancing slowly in each other’s arms, Varric’s hand protectively on Merrill’s hip. 

Hawke turned and then saw Aveline. She had her hair down, which she rarely did in public. She was garbed in a new modest black dress that Hawke did not recognize. She had a small smile on her face, Donnic’s arm around her waist, as they stood, talking with a few that Hawke could not see well from her position.

As if she knew, Aveline turned to see Hawke watching her. She paused as their eyes met, Hawke sitting up straighter. Aveline kissed Donnic’s cheek and came over to sit beside her.

“I hear we have a dog now,” Aveline said, smiling uneasily, “Have you figured out a name for her?”

“I was thinking Tali,” Hawke said, “When we were kids, Bethany had this street cat she really liked. She wanted to take it in and call her that. We never really got that chance. I never thought I’d be stable enough for a pet, to be honest.”

“Well I hope you don’t expect me to take care of it,” Aveline said firmly.

“I know you,” Hawke laughed, “She’ll be sleeping in your bed by the end of the week and will live off the scraps you feed her at dinner. Animals love you. And you know you love them.”

“It will be nice not having you eat my scraps at dinner.”

“Ouch,” Hawke pretended to wince, “Was I just your surrogate for a dog all these years?”

“You know that’s not true,” Aveline said softly.

“Ave,” Hawke said, touching her hand, “Are we ever going to talk about this?”

Aveline took her hand away, “There’s nothing to talk about, is there?”

“I’ve barely seen you for nearly a month,” Hawke said quietly, “You didn’t even want to come up with us. And you…you don’t smile anymore.”

“I smile all the time,” Aveline scowled at her, “Do you expect me to be the life of the party every moment of the day?”

“Even after…Wesley died,” Hawke said gently, “You would still smile. You have this look, when you feel safe. You…open, you look like you’re just beaming love…sorry, I blame the hippies for that one. But you do. You are so open then. But I haven’t seen you smile like that, Ave. You just seem…tired.”

“I never thought I would court another,” Aveline replied, “Wesley has only been dead for what, not even quite two years now. I feel…like I’m dishonouring him.”

“He would want you to be happy,” Hawke said softly, “You know that’s true.”

Aveline laughed, “You didn’t know my husband. Well, it is, but he was always the passionate kind. You know, the destined to be together, across the stars sort. I think if the positions were reversed, he would have never been with another.” 

“So you should be happy you managed to find someone that makes you happy,” Hawke said, and then paused, “If he does make you happy.”

Aveline raised an eyebrow, “What are you trying to say, Marian?”

Hawke found her mouth going dry, her palms clammy, “Do you really love him?”

“Love is rather strong,” Aveline retorted, “We’ve been barely together a month.”

Hawke felt herself stumbling over her words, “I…I…”

Hawke was interrupted as Donnic joined them, offering a hand to help Aveline up.

“It is getting late, Aveline,” Donnic said, “We should be going to bed.”

Aveline flushed, “I told them we could have a separate tent. I know things are…different up here, but I am unused to a group having such a lax attitude about these things.”

Hawke squeaked, “Have a goodnight, sleep well.” She stood up quickly and walked over to Isabela. Isabela frowned, seeing Hawke’s paleness. 

“Are you okay, kitten?” She asked, the back of her hand resting on Hawke’s forehead, “You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“I feel like it,” Hawke admitted, feeling her stomach turn. 

Isabela wished the women a pleasant evening and they waved with a smile. Isabela took Hawke back to their tent, stripping her of the wool jacket. Hawke’s heart raced as Isabela’s hand went to the back of her dress, unzipping her gently.

In only her bra and panties, Hawke found herself being wrapped in a quilt, her face lightly washed with a cool cloth. Isabela knelt beside her, her fingers resting on Hawke’s throat, counting the beats of her heart. 

Hawke felt her heart settling, the colour returning to her cheeks. Isabela leaned down to kiss her forehead. 

“Get some rest,” she advised, “You probably just drank and ate a bit too much. You Fereldeners, you can’t enjoy yourself like the rest of us.”

She stood to leave, but Hawke reached out for her, touching her cheek. Isabela leaned into her hand slightly, smiling coyly. 

“Stay with me,” Hawke asked, “Please.”

Isabela unzipped her own dress and laid under the quilt with Hawke. She held her to her chest, running her fingers through Hawke’s hair. Hawke curled up to her, resting on her breasts, wrapping her arm around Isabela.

Isabela rested her chin on Hawke’s head and murmured, “Go to sleep, Hawke.” 

Hawke felt herself nodding in agreement as she dozed off, the steady sound of Isabela’s heartbeat comfortably drowning out her thoughts.


	16. Chapter 16

Hawke vaguely remembered being woken for a moment to be transferred to the back of Isabela’s car. She woke a little while after sunrise to see Isabela and Anders riding upfront, their hair flowing in the breeze. Anders turned and told her to go back to sleep. She dozed off again.

She woke again late in the morning as they pulled off to the side of the road. Isabela woke her up with a pinch. Hawke realized she was dressed in her clothes from the night before, her shoes replaced with slippers that were much too large for her. She got out of the back of the car and followed Anders into a gaudily lit diner. Isabela excused herself to the washroom and the other two picked up a pair of menus and sat down.

Anders blinked blearily, covering a yawn with the menu.

“Where’s Tali?” Hawke asked sleepily.

Anders replied, “The puppy? Isabela refused to take her back in the car. You know how much she loves that thing. Don’t worry, Varric and Merrill will bring her up on their way through the city. They’re going to move her things into the new place and then head up the coast for the honeymoon. We should be back long before they get there.”

The waitress came back before Isabela returned, but Hawke ordered for her. Isabela always had a slice of toast with tomatoes and fried egg on it. It was her favourite breakfast, though Hawke could never understand why.

Anders and Hawke chatted until their food arrived. Hawke looked at him in confusion and asked, “Where’s Isabela?”

Anders had already started his breakfast and in between mouthfuls sputtered, “Go see if she’s still in the can. Maybe she’s sick?”

Hawke frowned and stood up, navigating her way through the booths until she found a room marked “Dammes”. She looked around, but only saw an elderly dwarf adjusting her makeup in the mirror. Hawke left and looked into the convenience store attached to the diner. 

There were about seven people standing there, fixated on the TV, Isabela just visible in the crowd. Hawke made her way through them, gently nudging a man out of the way to reach her friend’s side. Isabela stood, hand clasped over her mouth, and Hawke reached out for her other hand.

“What is-“ Hawke started to ask, but looked up and saw the news report. Three body bags being taken from an apartment complex, a muted police officer talking while the white script scrolled across the bottom of the page: Five dead after apparent raid on an apartment complex in the Chantry district. Suspect still at large. 

Isabela whispered through a clenched hand, “Hawke…”

Hawke watched the shots of the street; the zoom in on the Hanged Man. Isabela grabbed Hawke’s hand and squeezed tightly, her fingers trembling across her lips.

“It’s okay, Bela,” Hawke reassured, “We’re all safe.”

“They gave a description of the gunman,” Isabela whispered, “It’s him.”

Hawke paused and it dawned on her what she meant. She put her arm around Isabela and brought her back to the booth. Anders was nearly finished his meal and eyeing Hawke’s pancakes when he looked up to see them.

Hawke turned to Isabela and murmured, “Try to eat something. We’ll go to the police. We’ll get you in a safe place, Bela.”

She laughed sadly, but did not inform them of the joke.

oOoOoOoO

Anders drove the rest of the way to Kirkwall, only stopping once for gas and for some sandwiches for them all. Isabela laid down in the back, her head resting in Hawke’s lap under the protection of the car’s hard top. 

When they entered the city limits, it was nearing curfew. Hawke told Anders to drive to her place. The two of them would stay there. The Chantry district was not safe that night.

Hawke tiredly pulled out her house keys as the three of them stood at the door, Anders carrying their bags under his arms. Hawke stepped back as the door opened, and Aveline stood before them in her nightgown.

“It’s nearly midnight,” she said sternly, “Get inside before they catch you.”

They obeyed, sneaking in and locking the door behind them. Aveline hugged Isabela tightly and murmured, “Thank the Maker you’re safe. I’ve been watching the reports all night. You…both of you, you will stay here until my squad gets this settled, is this clear?”

They both nodded. “Good,” Aveline said determinedly, “Isabela, you will have my room, Anders can have the spare. I’ll sleep downstairs.”

Hawke disagreed, “Let Isabela have my room, I’ll sleep downstairs.”

Aveline paused and then thanked Hawke. 

Aveline then turned back to Isabela, “I’d like to talk to you about suspects, but we can do so tomorrow. For now, get some rest…you know where everything is kept.”

Isabela nodded and followed Anders up the stairs. 

Now that they were alone on the landing, Aveline embraced Hawke, holding her just underneath her chin. Hawke leaned into her, her arms wrapping tightly around her. 

“Why are you home already?” Hawke asked in a whisper, “I thought you and Donnic were staying in Sundermount.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Aveline murmured, “I want to be home. Our home.”

Hawke’s heart skipped a beat and she whispered, “Let me stay with you tonight. I just want to talk. I’ve missed you so much.”

Aveline replied, “Okay.”

Hawke readied for bed by herself, her hands shaking as she tried to brush her teeth. She overthought what she wore to bed. Aveline had seen her naked hundreds of times; she had seen what she looked like at her worse. But she was so damn nervous.

Aveline was already under the covers when she entered the room. She reached out for the lamp, turning off the light as Hawke laid beside her, being careful not to touch her.

Aveline rolled on her side, facing Hawke, her body barely covered in a thin nightgown, the outline of her body still distinct in the moonlight. Hawke gulped slightly, and she could feel herself blush. 

“Why did you come back?” Hawke asked in a whisper.

Aveline reached out, her hand touching Hawke’s cheek, barely brushing her skin. 

Hawke waited, letting Aveline’s fingers trace the lines of her face, stroke her lips, and come to rest in her hair. Hawke’s heart pounded. She could no longer wait. 

She pulled Aveline close to her, her hands around her waist, and leaned in to her neck, her lips brushing against her ear. She heard Aveline sigh slightly.

“This is my home,” Aveline whispered, “With you. My home is where you are.”

Hawke pulled back, coming to face Aveline, their foreheads pressed together as they both breathed heavily, looking at the other and waiting. Finally, Hawke leaned in and kissed her gently. Aveline kissed back, moaning slightly as Hawke ran her hands in her hair. Aveline ran her hands down Hawke’s back, the feeling tickling her as she arched her back. 

Hawke rose, kneeling over Aveline as she kissed anew, this one firmer and far less gentle. Instinctively, she lowered herself over Aveline, their bodies pressed together pleasantly as their lips met again. 

Aveline placed her hands on the sides of her face and they paused, looking again into each other’s eyes and waiting. 

“I love you,” Hawke whispered, “We can make this work. I know it’s not what either of us ever expected…but I love you. Be with me. This can be your home, forever if you want. I need you. I miss you so much when you aren’t there.”

Aveline stroked Hawke’s cheek gently, “You are still so young, Marian. Do you really think the world will let us just live together? That they will never talk? This is not a safe world for this sort of thing.”

“I will protect you,” Hawke swore, “I promised. I promised to keep you safe. I would do anything for you. You know that.”

Aveline sighed, “There are some things you may not be able to do.”

Hawke rose as Aveline slid from her, laying on the side of the bed with her arm dangling over the side. Hawke stood to leave, her heart pounding.

“Stay,” Aveline whispered, “We used to just be able to lie together. Does that have to change now?”

It broke Hawke’s heart to lay back beside her, to take her into her arms, holding her protectively as Aveline fell back asleep. She wanted to cry, but she dared not wake her. She fell asleep, her hands drifting from Aveline as she turned away.

oOoOoOoOo

Hawke woke to the sound of the telephone ringing. She reached out, forgetting she was not in her room. She heard the receiver being picked up and she sleepily wandered over, hearing Isabela’s voice through the wall.

Isabela sat on the edge of the bed, her hands shaking as she grasped the phone. She nodded a few times as Hawke sat down beside her. Isabela scrambled for a notepad on the nightstand, writing down a few numbers before muttering a farewell and hanging up.

“What’s wrong?” Hawke asked.

“I just got a call from Merrill,” Isabela said, trying to keep her face unemotional, “Varric didn’t come back from walking the dog this morning. Then she got a coded message telling her that he would be released if I came to a warehouse on the Docks within the next two hours. I’m supposed to go alone.”

“Isabela,” Hawke whispered, “If you go…”

“They’ll kill me,” Isabela replied matter-of-factly, “At least…most likely. Castillon wants a specific piece I stole with me. I never actually took it out of the package, I have no idea what it was. But it was stolen from me years ago. He tends not to believe that. So it’s the artifact, or my life. I guess he chose the latter.”

“I won’t let you do this,” Hawke said, “I’m coming with you.”

“No,” Isabela said, grasping Hawke’s arm, “They have Varric. They'll kill him without a thought if I screw up. And he is a good man. A better person than me. He has a wife now. He doesn’t deserve to pay for my mistake. And if he did…they would find me again, they always do.”

Hawke was going to promise her protection, but she thought of the promises she had made to Aveline in bed the night before, and she stopped. Perhaps there were some things she could not do.

But as she saw Isabela there, she knew she had to try.

“We’re going to get him back, Bela,” Hawke said, grasping her hand, “And I will make sure they never hurt you again.”

Her words sounded hollow even to her own ears and though she suspected Isabela heard it as well, she gave Hawke a brave smile. 

oOoOoOo

Merrill had been brought to the house, sequestered with Anders. The young elf demanded to let them trade her instead for her husband. Isabela knew Varric would never forgive her if something happened to Merrill and insisted that Anders watch over her.

Isabela went in her car to the warehouse, dressed as if she would make one last great performance in a long red evening gown, her hair pulled up in a complicated style. She drove with the windows down. She wanted everyone to see who it was going into the warehouse. 

She wanted to distract attention from the car driving slightly behind her.

Aveline and Hawke watched from a distance in their car as Isabela walked out and was not so gently frisked by an armed man in casual clothes. Once she was escorted inside, Aveline and Hawke hid the car behind a dumpster and strode out, loading their guns. Aveline saw a fire escape and led Hawke up it, crawling into an overhanging storage loft facing down on the waterfront. 

Both of them lay on their stomachs, watching Isabela being brought forth to the dock itself. There were five other men, two patrolling the lower level, two guarding a dwarf tied to a chair, a bag over his head. 

The obvious leader stood forth, greeting Isabela with outstretched arms. She was pushed forward as the man kissed her on the cheek.

“My delicate flower,” he said, “How nice of you to join us. I see that you have fulfilled your end of the bargain. Your…friend here must be quite wicked in bed for you to trade yourself so easily.”

Isabela grinned cockily, “Oh Hayder, if you wanted me to set you up, all you had to do was ask.” 

Hayder raised a hand to hit her, but she did not turn her face away.

“This could have been avoided if you just had given back the relic,” he said, “You know, there is still a chance. This can all go away.”

“I told you,” she responded, “I don’t have it. If I did, I would have given it back gladly. Your boys saw my bank accounts…quite briefly before they died, anyways. And you raided my apartment. There aren’t many other places I would have hidden it.”

Hayder took the gun out of his holster and leveled it at Isabela’s forehead. She merely blinked. Hawke reached for her own gun, but Aveline rested her hand on her shoulder.

“Stay your hand,” she whispered, “I’ll let you know when we have to move.”

“You have what you want,” Isabela said loudly, “Now show me I’m trading for the right goods.”

Hayder signaled to a guard who roughly took the sac off of Varric’s head. Varric sighed, trying to stretch his neck out to the side. 

Isabela smiled slightly, “Good to see you’re alright, dwarf.”

Varric grimaced, “You’re going to be in a heap of trouble with the Missus, later, you realize that right? I even lost Hawke’s sodding dog.” 

Isabela replied, looking back at the gun, “I think I’ll worry about that later.”

Hayder snapped his fingers again and Varric was untied and unceremoniously dumped on the floor. He was dressed only in his housecoat and briefly retied himself as to preserve his modesty. 

“So the deal is done?” Isabela said, her voice wavering slightly, “Is he free to go?”

Aveline tapped the countdown on Hawke’s shoulder: five, four, three…

The click of the safety went off on Hayder’s gun, “I think so.”

One.

Hawke whipped her pistol forward, shooting directly at Hayder’s ear as Isabela threw herself on the ground and rolled. His shot hit her shoulder. Hawke’s shot tore off his ear. Hayder cried out and Isabela kicked out his leg, pulling his gun from him as she stood above him, pointing the pistol directly at his forehead. 

Hawke and Aveline had run down the stairs, their own guns firing at two of the guards, successfully knocking them to the ground, killing one. They stood at Isabela’s side, protecting each other’s blind spot as they stood back to back. 

The other three guards aimed at them and Hayder yelled at them to hold their fire. Isabela spat down at Hayder, kicking his leg slightly as she continued her arm.

“What now, Aveline?” Hawke hissed, “Do you have something else brilliant planned?”

“I’m thinking,” she muttered, cocking her head slightly at Varric. One of the guards lowered his arm slightly, looking at the same direction. The thin wooden wall shattered, throwing splinters at them as a motorcycle was driven straight through it, a blast of fire surrounding it as it burned through. The motorcycle stopped suddenly and two elves disembarked, one wielding a gun, the other’s hands ablaze with unnatural fire.

The mage took off her helmet, her dark hair falling to her side.

“Get down,” she yelled. Aveline knocked Hawke off her feet, covering her body with her own as the fire blasted through, burning through the three guards, the one survivor running into the murky water and attempting to swim away. Fenris shot him quickly, his body failing as it fell into the water.

Isabela stood again, her hair slightly singed as she grasped Hayder by the collar, bringing him back up to his feet. She held the pistol to his forehead.

“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t shoot,” she threatened. 

“I could go back to him,” he promised, “I could tell him you were somewhere else. Or dead. Whatever you want.” 

Isabela sneered, “I think I’d rather show him what will happen if he comes after me.” 

Isabela pulled the trigger, blood splattering over the planks of the dock. As he began to falter, Isabela pushed him, letting his body fall into the bay and slowly sink.

She wiped the blood off of her face, looking back at her companions.

“Hello, Merrill,” she said in slight annoyance, “You aren’t supposed to be here.”

The little elf stood, helping her husband up. She bit her lip and said sweetly, “I wanted to help. Anders wouldn’t let me….I may have drugged him and then phoned Fenris to pick me up.”

“Then you drove in on a flaming motorcycle?” Isabela asked.

Fenris shuffled his feet, “The flames might have been my idea.”

Isabela sighed, “We better get out of here before the police show up.”

Aveline shrugged, “Should I just change in the car and pretend I got here ahead of the rest of them?”

Hawke laughed slightly, “No, we’re all going to go to my place and eat. Then Varric will be finding me my dog, since he had the audacity to lose her.”

“Sorry,” Varric grinned slightly, “Was a bit too busy getting kidnapped.”

They walked out into the daylight, Merrill and Varric climbing into the back of Isabela’s car, the dwarf holding her tightly in his arms. 

Aveline started up her car and Hawke got in the side door.

“I think we work well together,” Hawke said with a smile, squeezing Aveline’s hand. 

“Hawke,” Aveline said quietly as they started driving towards home, “There’s something I have to tell you.”

Hawke turned to Aveline, her eyes still focused on the road ahead. 

“Last night…last night was a mistake.”

Hawke swallowed dryly, “Oh?”

“I…I panicked. Donnic…well, he’s been transferred to another district, another city. He’s asked me to come with him. We’re thinking a quick civic wedding at the courthouse. I’ve been married before, it’s not a big deal. I think…I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be in another gun fight…I want to just be a wife and mother, I want it to be easier, I don’t want more blood.”

“If that’s what you want, then why come to me?” Hawke whispered hoarsely.

“I couldn’t imagine leaving you,” Aveline said, briefly glancing over, “But…I know I have to. I can’t watch you keep getting into danger, I can’t…I can’t do this anymore. I’m so worn…I’m so tired.”

Hawke felt a tear crawling down her cheek, “Aveline…don’t. Please. You don’t have to work. I will find something, I will take care of you. If it’s the city, we can go anywhere you want. I would do anything. Please. I love you….please don’t marry him. Don’t say its over.”

Aveline blinked away a tear, wiping it away with one hand, keeping her other hand on the steering wheel. She murmured, “Sometimes love isn’t enough.” 

They pulled up to the house, and Aveline waited in the car as Hawke got out. Aveline looked up at her, the engine still running. 

Aveline said quietly, “I have a few of my things at Donnic’s already…I think maybe if you can find a time you’ll be out, I’ll come for the rest of it.”

Hawke wanted to fall to her knees, to beg her, but all she could do was nod.

“I love you,” Hawke whispered.

“If you do,” Aveline said softly, “Then let me go.”

Hawke nodded, keeping her hand to her mouth as she tried to hold it in. 

Aveline pulled out, not looking back at Hawke as she turned back unto the street and drove away. She turned to see Anders standing in the doorway, blearily rubbing his eyes. She ran to him and he held her, tucking her head underneath his chin.

There was nothing he could say, so he was silent. He merely led her back inside the house, his arm around her to keep her from falling.


	17. Chapter 17

The months moved slowly after Aveline left. The house was so empty it was almost suffocating. Tali was found and brought back. The little dog grew into a fine hound, coming up in height to almost Hawke’s hips. 

The summer faded into fall and into winter. The atmosphere of the city was growing colder too. The curfews, meant to be temporary, were now a permanent part of Kirkwall life. Police recruitment skyrocketed. They simply did not have enough people to keep the streets safe at night with the fights between factions. The Followers of She had grown in number as anti-elf and anti-mage sentiments brewed. The Chantry and the Qunari grew too in animosity, the faithful wishing to cast out the heathens that plagued their city. 

It was that atmosphere that led to one wintery afternoon at the end of March. Hawke was writing her entrance exam. She was the last one in the room, the clock ticking. She only had a few minutes left. It had taken her so long. Her reading of the Common language was still fairly basic and she worried every question was somehow a trick that would catch her.

Her inspector, a gruff human man in his fifties, waited just inches away from her, judging her answers as she wrote them down. He tapped his watch impatiently and Hawke flushed, writing something incomprehensible on the final question and handing it in to him.

She picked up her bag and left the room in a hurry, nearly knocking over Fenris, who had been waiting patiently beside the door for her. He had been reading one of Varric’s books, which had become quite popular. A woman brought back from the dead to fight insatiable monsters. It also had quite a strange alien sex scene that Hawke could still not figure out, but she blamed that on her own lack of experience. 

Fenris had finished the test quite early, almost smiling when he had handed in his paper. He still seemed somewhat pleased with himself forty minutes later when he asked Hawke how she felt about the exam. Hawke merely looked up self-consciously at the men staring at them, some not so subtly scanning their eyes up and down her body.

Fenris took the cue and put his arm around her, guiding her out of the station and back to his motorcycle. He rubbed off one of the helmets, tossing it over to her.

“You’re going to have to get used to it,” he warned, putting on his own helmet, “It’s going to only get worse once you make Cadet.”

“If I do,” Hawke replied, sitting behind Fenris on the bike, “I don’t think they’ll want another woman on the squad. Aveline had enough trouble and she was a hell of a lot more qualified than me. And smarter too.”

“Well,” Fenris smirked, “Luckily for us they’re taking anyone right now. Imagine. I’m sure they’ll love having an elf and a woman on their squad. I think I even saw a few dwarves in there.”

Hawke grumbled, wrapping her arms around Fenris’ waist as they drove off. 

They arrived at the Hung Man just around 3 in the afternoon. The place was almost empty, but they still went upstairs for more privacy. Varric and Merrill were already sitting down in a booth, Merrill’s feet up on his lap as he rubbed her swollen ankles, her hands on her swollen belly.

She waved happily at the two of them, signaling Hawke to come sit beside her. The little elf rested her head on Hawke’s shoulder and Hawke stroked her hair affectionately.

“This baby,” Merrill yawned, “Has been keeping me up all night. He kicks and kicks and kicks. Nowhere is comfortable to sleep. I hope he comes soon, Hawke.” 

Hawke smiled, “Me too. Have you picked the day to go to Sundermount yet?”

She shook her head, “Maybe some time next week? With the new highway it’s much quicker, but it’s still a long drive. I might head up a few days earlier and let Varric meet me there. There’s no point him pacing for days when he could be writing. He always feels much better when he’s writing.”

“You’re brave,” Hawke admitted, “I would be selfish and not want to be left alone the whole time. It’s a bit of a terrifying process.”

“I have been part of many births,” Merrill said happily, “Each has been beautiful. I know the midwives will be good to me, I am not scared.”

Varric gave her foot a squeeze lovingly, “I am though. I hate the idea of you being in the middle of nowhere giving birth. We could always go here, to a hospital…with real doctors.”

Merrill shook her head, “I don’t want to be drugged, and I don’t want them to rip my baby away the minute he’s born. I want him to be surrounded by family, in a place of peace. They know what they’re doing. I was born out there, I turned out fine.”

Fenris smirked slightly and Varric elbowed him. 

Varric continued, “If you really want to give birth outside a hospital, we could do it at home. Anders could deliver and we could go to a hospital if there’s an emergency.”

Merrill frowned slightly, “We’ve been through this before. No uterus, no opinion.”

“Where is Anders, by the way?” Hawke asked, “I know he’s a workaholic, but he promised he’d take a bit of time off with us today.”

Merrill replied, “I talked to him earlier. He said he’s going to be a few minutes late. He had another gun shot wound at the last minute. He’s still teaching the apprentices how to clean the fragments out properly, he thought it would be a good teaching experience.”

Hawke smiled slightly, “That sounds like him.”

Edwina came by to take their orders. They ordered mainly food, since the Hung Man acted more as a diner during the day than a bar. Merrill had sworn off alcohol during her pregnancy and Varric had done the same out of sympathy. Fenris and Hawke shared a small pitcher of beer, waiting for their perogies and mozzarella sticks. Oddly enough, they had found they had similar tastes in food and often shared large platters of greasy appetizers whenever they went out. 

Their food arrived around the same time Anders did. Anders sat beside Hawke, laying on her other shoulder.

“One of you has to move so I can eat,” Hawke laughed.

“He’s more tired than me,” Merrill said, rearranging herself to sit at the table, her belly just underneath the surface.

“Are you pregnant too?” Hawke asked.

Anders grumbled, “I wish. Then it would at least be over at some point. I wish they would just let Fereldeners into med school already. I’m so tired of teaching almost teenagers-no offense Merrill-who don’t know the handle of a scalpel from the pointy end. I appreciate they want to help…but then I end up just having to do it myself anyways. And there’s so many of them. No one wants to go to the hospital; they’re worried they’ll just get reported, so they end up at my clinic. And no one has money, so they’re paying me with beans. And don’t get me wrong, I like beans, but I need other food…and to pay the water bill.” 

Hawke stuck a mozzarella stick in his mouth, “My contribution.”

He sat up and ate it, grumbling slightly to himself.

Fenris rolled his eyes, “If you didn’t spend your free time with your…friends, then perhaps you could actually sleep or work a job that pays.”

Anders raised an eyebrow, “Your extracurricular activities are much better?”

“My people at least like to feed me,” Fenris smirked, “Elves know the value of a full stomach. Perhaps the mages should start feeding their own better.”

“We would if we were allowed to even go to a grocery store openly. I have to show ID for them to even sell me bandages.”

“At least you have that delightful fake ID. I can’t exactly hide my ears.”

“Yes, yes, you’re both oppressed. Now why don’t you just whip them out and we’ll get this pissing contest over with?”

Hawke looked up at Isabela, beaming, “Glad you could join us.”

“Of course, kitten,” she said, squeezing in beside Fenris, “I miss this place. I even miss that dreary old apartment of mine. I miss those purple curtains. Do you remember those? They were hideous, but I miss them so.”

“I certainly don’t,” Hawke laughed, “I remember one morning Aveline and I woke up and…” her voice faded slightly and Merrill gave her hand a squeeze.

“When do you hear back about the exam?” Merrill asked cheerfully, “I hope you don’t have to wait too long.”

“Two weeks,” Fenris stated, “But it could be anytime really. They did not seem particularly invested in easing our nerves.”

“You? Nervous?” Anders teased, “Have you finally found something you might like?”

“Fenris already has something he likes,” Hawke responded, pulling the rest of the perogies from him, “He just really doesn’t like to share.”

“What I was going to say was,” Merrill shook her head affectionately, “Is that if you’re going to be pacing about waiting, why don’t you come up to Sundermount with me? We can go this weekend. Varric can drive your car up when he comes next week and you can swap then. My mother and sisters will feed you so much and you can get some reading done. It’ll be like a girls getaway!”

Isabela pouted slightly, “Oh? Am I not invited?”

Merrill giggled, “Of course you are. But there will be lots of talk of placentas and herbs and other things that would probably make you queasy.”

Isabela paled slightly, “You make a fair point, kitten. That does not really seem like something I would enjoy. You kids have fun being old biddies. I will enjoy my independence and my profitable sex.”

Merrill smiled, holding Varric’s hand, “It’s not that bad being an old biddie. The sex when you’re pregnant is pretty amazing too.”

Varric flushed and the other two men coughed and looked away, though Anders made brief eye contact with Merrill, who nodded as if extremely pleased with herself. She nodded at Varric as well, and he turned to his drink and downed it quickly.

“And this is why I’m not going to Sundermount yet,” Varric said with a smile, “I rather not have a bunch of hippies talk about…my…virility.”

“You’re all repressed,” Merrill smiled, “I was raised with sex everywhere. It was no big deal. I learned to respect my body and others. There is nothing wrong with me enjoying my pregnancy.”

Isabela smiled sadly, “I’m glad you are, sweet thing. You two deserve some happiness.”

Hawke looked at Isabela in slight concern, but was distracted as Merrill gave her a gentle nudge.

“Excuse me,” Merrill flushed slightly, “The one thing I do not enjoy about pregnancy. Can you let me out? I need to use the little girl’s room.”

Anders and Hawke stood up to let her out and Isabela stood too.

“I know I’ve just gotten here,” she apologized, “But I do need to leave. I have an appointment this afternoon.”

Anders raised an eyebrow but did not ask. 

Fenris stood as well, “I will give you a lift, Rivani, I have work I need to do, and I should be leaving as well.”

Isabela bit her lip slightly and then nodded.

They left, Isabela quick to be down the stairs. 

“Anders,” Varric said with a smile, “Will you give us a moment? I have to talk to Hawke…it’s a bit private.”

Anders replied, “Of course. I think I saw an old neighbor at the bar, I’ll go say hello.”

As Anders left, Varric signaled Hawke to lean in.

“All right, we don’t have much time,” Varric whispered, “So we have to be quick.”

“This sounds important,” Hawke smirked.

“I’m worried about Merrill. I’m worried she’s going to be stuck in Sundermount without an actual doctor. But she’s stubborn and I know she’s going. So I want Anders to go with her. Problem is, he’s booked up at the clinic for weeks….so…I need you to convince him to go with you too. Also, it has to seem like it’s for you, so they won’t be suspicious. For some reason, Anders is cool with this whole home birth hippie nonsense.”

Hawke laughed slightly, “That’s your big conspiracy? She’ll be fine, Varric. She’s the seventh generation of her family to give birth out there. It’s pretty damn impressive, actually. And it would be cleaner than Anders’ clinic, and you know she’ll pretty much refuse a hospital unless she was dying. Anders is a doctor. If he thinks she’ll be fine, she’ll probably be fine.”

“It’s just…” Varric frowned, “This is my child. My son. And my wife. The loves of my life are at stake here, Hawke. I know you think I’m being ridiculous…but I just have a bad feeling about it. If this goes well, then great. But I can’t lose another member of my family. Never mind two.”

Hawke smiled sympathetically, “If it means that much to you…I’ll talk to them. I don’t know what exactly you had in mind though.”

“I honestly don’t care,” Varric shrugged, “But do whatever you need to so Blondie will be up there. Okay?”

“You know Merrill is going to be really offended you did this behind her back.”

“I rather her be offended at me and alive,” Varric smiled, “She doesn’t scare me.”

“All right,” Hawke said with a sigh, “It’s your marriage, I’ll see what I can do.”

Hawke rose to leave, but Varric touched her hand as she stood.

“Hawke,” he said softly, “Thank you.”


	18. Chapter 18

“So you want me to take almost two weeks off to go to Sundermount with you two…why exactly do I want to do this? This isn’t some mad scheme of Varric’s is it? I told him she’ll be fine. The midwives have delivered more babies than I ever will, she’ll be perfectly safe.”

Damn, Hawke thought. 

“Umm…” Hawke muttered as she paced behind Anders. His back was turned to her as he leaned over a patient, tenderly stitching a deep incision across their knee. 

“You may have noticed I’m rather busy, Hawke,” Anders said less patiently, “You didn’t even think of a good story before you came here? Varric must have really put the pressure on, didn’t he?”

“Well…I thought it would be a good learning experience for you. You could learn different healing techniques from them. You’re always looking for things to learn. Well, here’s some free education. And you get to be there when Varric Jr or whoever is born. And you get to spend time with me?”

Anders sighed, cutting the thread and turning to shake his head at Hawke before he reached for the disinfectant. 

“That’s pretty pathetic,” he said, gently cleaning the area with some cotton. He went to the sink and rinsed his hands. Shaking them dry, he turned back to Hawke.

“Look,” he said, “With the new highway, it takes 10 hours to get to Sundermount, right? Just phone me when she goes into labour and I’ll drive up with Varric. I’ll pretend I’m giving him emotionally support. And frankly, at that point she probably will not care. Or kick me out. Either way. Why can’t I just do that?”

“That does seem reasonable,” Hawke started to concede, “But wait. I’ve got one now!”

Anders laughed, returning to the patient to bandage the wound, “Go for it.”

“You were a Grey Warden. You can keep us safe from all the beasts.”

“It's winter in the mountains,” Anders chuckled, “Most of those beasts are asleep or migrated. That’s why you’ll be living off preserves when you’re up there. You should probably bring them some food or something, just to be polite.”

“You really won’t go…for me?”

“Hawke,” Anders grumbled, helping the patient off the bed, “That’s a low blow.”

“Hawke,” Anders said, patting her on the shoulder, “Give me a shout, I’ll drive up when you need me. That’s the best offer I will make you.”

“I guess I’ll take it,” Hawke replied.

“Good work,” he smiled, “Now get out of here. The next patient has lacerations in a place they wouldn’t be comfortable having a stranger see.” 

oOoOoOo

After eight days at Sundermount, Hawke found herself desperately needing a reconnection with the rest of the world. Camping in the winter in the mountains, surrounded by midwives, had led her to borrow Varric’s van and drive into a small town nearby. The locals looked at her a little suspiciously as she hungrily ate a hamburger as if she had never seen food before. 

She had settled into the movie theatre. One screen, and their only film was an all male production of a human man’s adventures among the Qunari. Apparently it was based on a real story, but Hawke had never been one for history. But it was action packed and there was not even a hint of romance on the screen. It was what she had needed.

She had heard the wind outside near the end of the movie, but it was only when she got outside she saw the storm that was starting to brew. She cleared off the van with the sleeve of her jacket, grumbling that she should have taken a snowbrush with her. The van took a long time to start, causing Hawke’s heart to race as she feared that she would be stuck in this town overnight.

Luckily she managed to get the car to start after nearly ten minutes, the snow starting to come down thicker and heavier. It was a damp snow and it threatened to freeze the very road she drove on.

It took her nearly two hours to arrive back at Sundermount, twice the time it had taken her to get to the town. When she arrived, the sky grew white with snow and there were no people outside of their yurts. She heard a scream and she ran to it, her feet heavy in the snow, crunching loudly. 

It was coming from the Keeper’s hut. She barely took her shoes off before she ran inside. 

Merrill was almost naked, just a shawl around her shoulders as she paced back and forth, biting her lip as she held on to her belly.

“Where the hell have you been?” She yelled at Hawke.

“You’re in labour?” Hawke asked in shock

“Obviously,” Merrill grumbled, “He’s a week early, but the midwives think he’s ready, so I guess we’re just going to have to go for it.”

“How far along are you?” 

“Only two centimeters…Creators, I had no idea it would hurt so much!”

“Have you phoned Varric yet?” 

Merrill smiled weakly, “No?”

“Why the hell not?”

“I wanted to be able to do this on my own,” Merrill admitted, “I wanted to show I was a good Dalish woman, I wasn’t afraid of birth and mothering…but now I’m freaking out, Hawke!”

“You’re going to be all right,” Hawke promised, “Where are the midwives?”

“Trying to collect supplies. Normally they would go to the village for bandages and things, but the storm…it’s a bit chaotic.”

“This baby has terrible timing,” Hawke muttered, “Okay. I’m phoning Varric. Maybe the storm will calm down by the time they make it up here.”

“They?” Merrill asked in alarm.

“Um,” Hawke stammered, “Shit.”

“He was going to bring Anders up here? Against everything I asked him?”

“Ummmm…..”

Merrill screamed slightly, clamping her hands hard on Hawke’s shoulders. Hawke supported her and waited for the contraction to fade.

“Get my husband up here,” Merrill panted, “He can bring the mage if he wants.”

Hawke left Merrill in the main room as she went into the study. She cranked the light until it turned on, and starting spinning the phone to spell out their number. 

After twelve rings, no one had picked up.

She hung up and phoned Anders clinic. A nervous intern picked up the phone and nearly cried when Hawke barked for Anders.

Anders answered the phone with a sigh, “Seriously. She picked now?”

“Just get up here already. I can’t get a hold of Varric. Bring bandages? Hot water? I don’t know. We don’t have a lot up here.”

“It’ll be fine,” Anders promised, “Just stay with her and keep her calm. The midwives will take care of her. She just needs a friend right now. Can you do that, Hawke?”

Hawke squeaked, “I’ll try.”

Anders laughed quietly as he hung up the phone. 

Hawke walked back in the room to find Merrill sitting by the fire, wrapped up in a tattered quilt. Hawke sat beside her, rubbing her back affectionately.

“You think I’m stupid for doing this,” Merrill said.

Hawke shook her head, “Not at all. It’s your body and your baby. We’ll be fine. They said he’s fine, remember? We’re hardly alone out here.”

Merrill rested her head on Hawke’s shoulder and Hawke kissed her forehead.

“Hang in there,” Hawke said gently, “We’ll get through this together.”

oOoOoOoOo

“Where is he?” Merrill cried out, squeezing Hawke’s hand as a midwife examined her.

The midwife was an elderly elf with a cheerful smile and a pleasantly plump belly. Hawke had still not learned her name since she spoke little Common, but the few words she could were all very comforting: “sweetie”, “dearie”, and “it is good”.

Merrill translated after the midwife updated her, “She says I’m just a little over 9 centimeters. She thinks it won’t be much longer.”

The midwife patted Hawke on the arm, “It is good.”

“Thanks,” Hawke grimaced, “That’s very descriptive.”

“It has been twelve hours since you phoned,” Merrill complained, “He should be here by now. What if they got trapped in the storm? What if the car broke down? Oh Hawke. He promised. He promised he’d be here.”

“I’m sure its just bad traffic,” Hawke said unconvincingly, “Don’t worry.”

The midwife nodded and touched Merrill’s cheek, murmuring something sweet in Dalish. Merrill giggled slightly and replied in earnest.

She turned back to Hawke, “She thinks you are…um…we don’t have a good word in Common for it…it is like a servant, but a woman who coaches through the birth. Anyways, she thinks you are doing a good job. She asks how long you have been a Servant. I told her this is your first birth. She was very impressed.”

Hawke replied, “Thanks.”

The midwife smiled, “It is good.”

The Keeper came into the room and sat beside Merrill, “You should be moving more, it will help with the descent.”

Merrill shook her head, “No, I don’t want to yet. Varric is coming. I want him to be here. He promised he would be here.”

Marethari looked over to Hawke and said gently, “I will stay with my daughter. I ask you to drive down the mountain. Perhaps they will need assistance. Merrill still has some time.”

Hawke agreed.

Hawke was bundled in her winter clothes, but she found this made little difference as she went through the deep snow. She got the van started miraculously and slowed made the descent down the mountain, her breaks screeching as she tried to get the car to stay on the ice and not slip off the side of the road.

She had been driving for less than twenty minutes when she saw a flashlight and two figures walking up the side of the road, their faces obscured by a gust of snow. She pulled over carefully and blinked her headlights at them. The figures came over to the van as she pulled open the side door.

Varric uncovered his face and smiled, “You have amazing timing, Hawke.”

“Thank your Mother-in-Law,” Hawke replied, “I don’t know how she knows these things.”

Anders climbed in the back with Varric and slammed the door. Hawke made a U-turn, carefully climbing back up the mountain. They were almost silent as the wind gusted heavily against the van, shaking the walls as they tried to ascend the mountain.

“So I’m assuming my car is in a ditch somewhere?” Hawke asked jokingly.

“It is a very nice ditch, if that helps. I’m not sure where exactly…we’ve been walking for maybe two hours?” Varric replied

“Maker,” Hawke cursed, “Seriously?”

“I promised to be there,” Varric said firmly.

As Hawke pulled up to the end of the road, Varric almost immediately opened the door and ran out, following a small trail in the snow to the Keeper’s hut. Anders followed carrying a bag of supplies. Hawke followed them, carrying Varric’s forgotten jacket. 

When they entered the hut, Varric ran to Merrill’s side and embraced her, kissing her deeply. Anders went to the midwife’s side and talked to her in his very little Dalish. When he gave her the supplies, she merely touched his cheek and said, “It is good.”

Varric climbed behind Merrill, letting him lean against his chest as she pulled her legs up on the bed. Anders went to Hawke and pulled her to the side.

He whispered to her, “Just watch. She knows what’s she’s doing.”

The midwife went between Merrill’s legs, coaching her, touching her swollen belly, examining the baby’s position. She smiled and nodded again, and Merrill pushed, her hands squeezing Varric’s. 

Anders held Hawke’s hand. She turned to see the mage had a tear running down his cheek, which he wiped away quickly. 

They stayed there for awhile. Perhaps ten minutes, perhaps an hour. Time seemed to stand still for those in the room. 

Merrill made a final push, groaning loudly, and Varric kissed the back of her neck. The midwife held up a hand, to note silence. Merrill sat up and Varric went to the midwife’s side, her hands over his as a bloodied head appeared and slid into Varric’s open hands.

He leaned down and whispered into the babe’s ear as the rest of his body came forth. He brought the child to Merrill, letting him rest on her chest as she looked at her son for the first time. She started crying and Varric held her, tears coming down his cheeks as well.

The Keeper came forth and whispered a benediction over the family. Then she came to Anders and Hawke and politely escorted them out of the room. 

oOoOoOo

When Hawke came in later, the baby was swaddled in Merrill’s arms as she drifted off to sleep. He gurgled slightly as Varric reached in and picked him up, letting his wife fall asleep in peace.

Varric almost beamed as he brought his son forth, holding him out for Hawke. She picked him up tentatively, a sense of love surging through her as she looked upon him. Big blue eyes, pointed little ears, Varric’s curved nose. 

“What’s his name?” She whispered, rocking him in the crook of her arm.

“Theron,” Varric said proudly, “Theron Tethras. It’s a good name, I think at least.”

“It suits him,” she said gently, touching the baby’s cheek as he closed his eyes.

“Thank you,” Varric said, “Thank you for everything.”

Hawke placed the baby back in his father’s arms, Varric protectively curling around him as he kissed his son’s forehead.

Hawke smiled, biting her lip slightly. She left the room as Varric curled up on the bed beside his wife, his son sleeping on his chest.

They spent three days at Sundermount, the wind howling around them, the cries of a newborn just a whimper among the gusts of snow hitting the walls. On the fourth day, the sun rose, the sky grew clear and the snow began to melt, revealing the beginnings of the return of spring. 

The first two weeks were hard for Merrill. Often Hawke would sneak to their house at night, avoiding the curfew, in order to sit on the couch with Merrill as she tried to get Theron to fall back asleep. After weeks of seeing Hawke return sleepily to the house in the early hours of the morning, Leandra had intervened and had taken to helping Merrill with the baby during the day. Leandra had moved upstairs after Aveline left. She had taken a shine to Tali, even proudly taking the dog for walks around the neighbourhood. 

Now Leandra’s days were full. She would spend the mornings with Merrill, teaching her how to raise a baby, taking Theron into her own arms when she needed a break. She would spend the afternoons with her new friends at the Ferelden community centre, learning new card games she never would have played before. She had spent so much time alone after Bethany was taken. Yet now, she seemed to be embracing life again. She even smiled now, something Hawke never thought she would see. 

It was one of those mornings when Hawke received the phone call. A tired Merrill was asleep on the couch as Leandra held a swaddled Theron, singing to him as she rocked back and forth in her chair, Tali asleep at her feet. 

Hawke answered quietly, trying not to wake the new mother in the other room. She nearly dropped the receiver when they told her, a hand coming in front of her mouth to stop herself from yelling out gleefully. 

She wandered into the living room, watching her mother. She wanted to share, but she did not think she would appreciate it. Leandra looked up and smiled at Hawke, “Who was it, dear?”

“The Station,” Hawke admitted, looking down, “I made Cadet. Fenris and I are going to start training next week.”

Leandra frowned slightly and stood slowly, holding the baby close to her. She walked over to Hawke and embraced her lightly.

“If this is what you want,” Leandra said gently, “Then I am very happy for you.”

Hawke breathed a sigh of relief, “That means the world to me.”


	19. Chapter 19

Fenris shoved Hawke awake, the seat belt digging into her neck. She groaned slightly and stretched out, cursing him slightly for ending her nap.

The radio was static and Fenris hit it until the message came through clearer. 

“This is Precinct 11. Constable Hawke. Constable Leto. Come in. Over”

Fenris picked up the radio, “Precinct 11, this is Constable Leto. Over.”

“Constable, this is Corporal Bran. We have a possible kidnapping at 22 Mission Street. Report to location immediately. Over and out.”

Hawke groaned, “At least it wasn’t Emeric again. He keeps sending us on wild goose chases. Maybe this one will be an actual kidnapping.”

Fenris started the car up again, “That address is familiar though. That’s in Hightown, isn’t it? I feel like that’s close to City Hall.”

When they pulled up to the curb, Hawke flashed the lights to break up the crowd in front of her door. Other officers were pushing protestors with signs back while newspaper reporters tried to push ahead to have access to the entrance of the house. 

Hawke gave Fenris a questioning look as they entered the house, stepping over the police line tape in a synchronized motion. 

Lieutenant Brosca, a swarthy dwarf in his late forties, signaled the two of them over to the kitchen where several other officers were dusting for fingerprints. Young men were standing around, being questioned, many slightly inebriated despite how early it was in the day. 

Brosca greeted them, “Constables. About time you showed up. We have a missing person’s case. Seamus Dumar. 19 years old. A second year student at the University. I think he’s in comparative religions or theology or some artsy shit.”

“How long has he been missing?” Hawke asked.

“The last we can tell, he’s been gone just about 26 hours. Now normally, we wait until about 48 hours…but the kid is a bit of a special case.”

“Dumar,” Fenris asked, “Is he the mayor’s son?”

“Bingo, elf,” Brosca replied, “And perhaps you haven’t read the signs out there, but we may be in for a rather large scandal if we don’t get him back soon and without incident.” 

“He’s a teenager,” Hawke reassured, “I’m sure he’s just drunk in a ditch somewhere. We’ll get him back in one piece. Any suspects?”

Brosca smirked, “The last person he was seen with was a Qunari. The boys in the frat house say they recognized the brute, the same guy who has been here a few times. All sorts of rumours are flying around. Apparently the press is now preparing to leak all sorts of delicious photos of the kid in very compromising positions with the heathen.”

“He’s gay?” Fenris asked, somewhat surprised.

“I don’t give a shit,” Brosca reiterated, “And neither should you. Get him back. Get him back safe. Figure out what happened. The Mayor signs our paycheques you might remember, he’s going to shit darkspawn if this goes any further.”

“Why do you need us?” Hawke asked.

“The kid might be a flight risk. An elf and a woman don’t look so threatening.”

Fenris bristled slightly, but Hawke nodded, patting his arm, “Alright, Lieutenant. We will report back when we have news.” 

Brosca handed her a file, “Here’s all we got so far. Good luck.”

She took the file as they left the house, stepping over the police line. Hawke looked up at the crowd. The protestors were those of the Chantry, calling for the expulsion of the heathen Qunari from the city. 

A few journalists came forth trying to get a story from them, but they merely waived them away as Fenris started up the car. Hawke flipped through the files as they drove off, looking for any hint or clue.

“Maker, Fenris,” Hawke grumbled, “They could be anywhere. Should we go to the Qunari temple? Maybe there’s someone there who knows this guy.”

“If they do, they won’t give him up to the police. Even if he’s innocent, they need a scapegoat, Hawke. The Qunari know what they would do to him.”

“It’s still worth a try,” Hawke replied, “If we can get Seamus to return home without a scene, we can avoid a lot of pain and heartache for everyone.”

Fenris scoffed, “The Qunari do not praise attachments, they smite them. You will have no trouble convincing the man.”

Hawke looked up from her dossier, “That sounded a little personal.”

“My sister and I grew up in Seheron before we moved here,” Fenris explained.

“You have a sister, how did you never-“

“Had. I had a sister.”

Hawke did not say another word as Fenris sighed and rested a hand on his forehead.

“We were migrant workers,” He explained, “Tevinter was at war with the Qunari. It’s always the poor that get shafted. I was fourteen; she was sixteen. A man offered to bring us to the Free Marches, for work on a farm. Me in the fields; she in the kitchen. They brought us here on a ship; they separated us. I worked on a farm with a hundred other elves; we were barely paid a penny for a work, we ate and slept all in the fields each night. My sister was taken from me. She was brought to a noble man’s house, so her only letter told me. She died not so long after that. She was beaten to death.”

Hawke went pale. She fought to urge to reach out and touch Fenris’ arm in comfort. 

“Do not pity me, Hawke,” he said, returning his hand to the steering wheel, “You have one story from me. I do not have energy to talk of Seheron now. But believe me when I say this: there is no happy ending to this boy’s story.”

They had pulled over to a diner in Lowtown, sharing a slice of cherry pie as they looked over the notes together. Throughout the hour, the two had taken turns on the pay phone, trying to use their contacts for any information. 

“So the last time he is seen, 30 hours ago, in his dorm room on the phone. His roommate hears him leave the house. He’s surprised because Seamus usually does not go out at night. He sees the Qunari outside the window and goes back to bed,” Hawke reiterates, “The roommate didn’t hear a car. None of the other three heard anything.”

“They could be lying,” Fenris offered, “Perhaps they do not want their friend in trouble.”

“From what it sounds like, the guys pretty much hated the kid. He was the Mayor’s son and what was it they called him…a square. He studied. Sometimes he went out to study. The only time he wasn’t, he would sometimes go camping.”

Hawke paused, “How do we know he’s still in the city?”

“We don’t,” Fenris countered, “There has been no sightings of them leaving the city. The mayor’s son and a Qunari would be hard to miss. I can’t think of a group that would smuggle them out. No gang would want the trouble. Half of them would kill either of them. The Arishok wouldn’t sponsor it either.”

“But what if was a freelancer?”

“No cash,” Fenris argued, “The Qunari would have no individual assets since he’s a member of the Qun and Saemus had no funds of his own. Apparently his father would give him a weekly stipend…even if he saved for months, no merc would want the trouble for that little coin. Unless there was someone who would do this out of the goodness of their heart.”

As Fenris rolled his eyes, the answer slowly dawned on Hawke.

“I’m an idiot,” she grumbled, throwing money on the table, “Come on, I think I know who our good-doer is.”

oOoOoOoOo

Anders was sitting for a moment, eating a meager meal in the back of his clinic, when Hawke and Fenris walked in. He put the bowl down on the floor, standing up to greet them both.

“Usually when I see police officers I am worried,” he admitted, “But it is nice to see you both. Are either of you hurt?”

Hawke glanced briefly at Fenris and then back at Anders, “Anders…where did you smuggle them?”

Anders smirked, “I think you and I both know you have to be more specific than that. Besides, while I care for you both, you both know I would never turn in an apostate.”

Fenris grumbled and turned away while Hawke stood forward, “We’re not looking for an apostate.”

“Oh,” Anders said slowly, looking at his watch, “Well, I do admit, I thought it would take a little longer before the police were notified. I thought the boy would be more careful than that.”

“Why did you get involved?” Hawke asked.

“Are you asking as a police officer or as my friend?” Anders asked, eyebrow raised.

“Mage,” Fenris groaned, “You know you are safe. Just tell us what you know.”

Anders closed the doors to the supply room, turning on an extra light. He picked up his dinner and sat down on the desk while the other two sat in his makeshift chairs. 

“Seamus came to me three days ago. He’s a good kid. Sometimes he brings the apprentices and me dinner. He would have made a good priest, it is a shame really, but the heart wants what it wants,” Anders looked down at the two of them, “Honestly, I had no idea who his father was…he only told me that there was a man in his life, someone his father would never approve of. But he could never break free of his father, and he worried for his lover’s safety. I told him I would get him out of the city and then in a few days, come with some supplies when the coast was clear. I…I know what is to be a young man in love…I could appreciate it.”

Fenris and Hawke looked at each briefly and Fenris asked, “And when you realized his lover was Qunari?”

“Ashaad,” Anders said, “It is his title, but also a name. Though perhaps he considers himself Vasoth now…so who knows what he will call himself. I…well, it is not the first time I have ever heard of a Qunari falling in love, never mind one outside of the Qun. They were in love. They needed help. Saemus feared for Ashaad’s life. So I took them out through one of the old passageways, got them out into the wilderness.”

“Where?” Hawke asked.

Anders sighed and stood, “Why does anyone care? He is of age. They both are.”

Fenris said, softer than Hawke expected, “Because his father believes him kidnapped. This could cause an incident for the Qunari in Kirkwall. And if Ashaad is found…I know he will be killed. There is no justice in these streets. It will either be a gang or a different officer. Hawke and I will bring Seamus back alive. I don’t think anyone else could promise you that.”

Anders ran a hand through his hair, “Let me go with you. If I have to do this…I want to say I’m sorry. They’re on the Wounded Coast. It will be faster if we drive there.”

Fenris nodded and stood, “I will go get the car. Bring supplies in case of injury.”

As Fenris left, Hawke said, “If you have told me…”

Anders took her hand briefly, “There are a lot of things I cannot tell anyone. Trust that I make the best decisions I can. I trust you to do the same. We are on the same side, Hawke.”

Hawke sighed and stood to leave when Anders spoke, “My friend…one of my closest friends…she had the love of her life taken from her, because of duty,” he smiled sadly as he said the word, “If they were willing to throw all away for the sake of love, then I wanted to help. He is a good boy…he did not choose the life he was given.”

Hawke said gently as she left the room, “You should not have been so careless.”

oOoOoOo

When it grew too steep for the car to climb, the three left the vehicle behind and began to hike up the hill. Hawke recognized the path. She had done a few smuggling operations here herself, though those were usually at night. 

Anders went ahead of them, almost skipping over the rocks that the other two had trouble climbing. It was obvious that he had been here often.

Hawke heard someone leaving one of the caverns and drew her gun instinctively. To her surprise, a Qunari dressed in jeans and a faded t-shirt appeared from the rocky face, his own gun drawn on Hawke.

“Ashaad,” Anders said softly, lifting his hands up, “Put down your gun. We don’t mean you any harm. We just need to talk to Saemus. We’ll leave right afterwards, I promise. I won’t let them take either of you in.”

Ashaad looked at Hawke suspiciously and holstered his gun. He signaled to them to follow him to the edge of the cave. Seamus stood up from the fireside, his curly dark hair covering quite a bit of his face. He went to Ashaad’s side and whispered a few words to him. Ashaad sighed, bending down to speak to him. Saemus touched his cheek lightly as the Qunari left his side and went further into the cavern.

Seamus went to Anders and the mage held him for a moment.

“I would not have done this if it wasn’t important,” Anders promised, “You trusted me, I did not mean to take advantage of that trust.”

Seamus sighed, “If someone had to find us, I am glad it is you.”

Fenris let Hawke step forward, “Saemus, the entire city is in a tiff. The zealots want to throw the Qunari out. They call you a symbol of the perversion of the people, that the Chantry needs to take charge of the city.”

Saemus grimaced, “You could not use kinder words?” 

Fenris growled, “If you leave, they will hunt you down. Both of you. Neither the Chantry or the Qun can allow two men, of different faiths, of different races to walk off into the sunset. You must not be that foolish, you must know that. If you go back, the story can be contained. They will kill him if they capture him and the Qun will seek retribution. There will be war, boy. This city has been on the verge of violence for months. Gangs, petty criminals. But if you take the two biggest parties, the ones with the most firepower and influence...if they go to war, there will be no survivors. Can you be that selfish? Can you live with that?”

Saemus knelt down, breathing heavily.

Anders stood forth, his hand on the boy’s shoulder, “War may come either way, Saemus. You know your father’s heart, but he cannot hold peace forever. If you want to run, I will help you. But you will have to leave the Free Marches and Ashaad cannot return to Par Vollen.”

Saemus looked at Ashaad, whittling driftwood into a halla, and then looked back at Anders. He whispered, “Will they kill him?”

Anders knelt beside him in the sandy earth, “The Chantry wishes control. Ashaad can be made an example of if he is found. Perhaps he can return to the Qun, perhaps go to Seheron. But he will not be safe in the city. If it is not the courts…there are many in the streets that take the Chant to extremes.”

Saemus closed his eyes and said almost silently, “I will go back with you. But you must get Ashaad out of the city safely. He will not go easily…let me talk to him. Just…just give us a moment.”

“Take your time,” Anders said softly, helping Saemus to his feet, “We will wait as long as you need.”

The three of them waited, hearing vaguely their words, hearing a faint cry. When it was done, Saemus marched to Hawke’s side, wiping a tear off his face. He looked up at Anders, “Ashaad is willing to go. I have coin…it is not much, but it can get him passage to Seheron. I cannot tell the Arishok, but he needs to know, so there are no repercussions.”

Fenris said briefly, anger flashing just behind his eyes, “I will take Ashaad to Port Gorim. Hawke, take this foolheaded mage and his even more foolheaded friend back to the city. I have no wish to deal with politics today. Take the car. It will be safer if we go on foot.”

“Fenris,” Hawke started, but he waived her off.

“For once, Hawke,” Fenris sighed, “No questions.”

oOoOoOoOo

Seamus sat in the passenger seat, the car idling as Hawke waited. Saemus sat, hands covering his face, a strange whimper coming from his throat.

“You are strong enough,” Hawke promised.

“He thinks I hate him,” Saemus murmured, “How can I go through this, knowing the one I did it for thinks I hate him…that I took advantage of him.”

“One day at a time,” she said gently, patting his leg, “And pray to the Maker the man forgives you.”

Seamus lowered his hand and laughed sadly, “I’m sure the Maker would have little positive to say about my little…dalliance.”

Seamus bowed his head, “Okay…take me in.”

Hawke turned off the car, putting her cap on as she led Saemus by the arm up the stairs of City Hall. A few reporters noticed them, coming to their side, but Hawke gently pushed them away, protecting Saemus with the crook of her arm. A few protestors yelled for the boy to repent, one throwing holy water on him as he entered into the building.

Mayor Dumar ran down the staircase, out of breath, hearing Saemus’ voice. He embraced his son as the press stormed in, taking pictures of the reunion. Hawke backed away quietly, disappearing into the crowd.

oOoOoOoOo

Hawke watched the news report at the Lowtown Diner over coffee. The muted correspondent beamed at the “feel good story”, zooming in on the boy’s tears at being embraced by his father. The letters scrolled across the screen: Mayor’s son home safe after alleged Qunari kidnapping.

Fenris looked up at the screen, putting down his mug, “I hear that he’s taking vows to the Chantry now. He’ll be a priest after all, it seems.”

Hawke turned, leaning against the counter as she looked up at the screen, “Would you have come back, Fenris?”

Fenris picked up the coffee cup again and before he drank, he muttered, “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.”

Hawke ignored him, watching Saemus’ face in a press conference with his father. She drank again from her coffee and said no more about the subject.


	20. Chapter 20

When Hawke came home, she found Merrill asleep on her couch, Tali on the floor playing with Theron, who had recently begun crawling around after him. Hawke scooped the child up and he cooed slightly and bit Hawke’s cheek affectionately. She grumbled slightly, but kissed the baby’s head, carrying him into the kitchen with her, the dog following along dotingly. 

She put Theron in his high chair and fed Tali her food. She was warming up water for formula when Merrill wandered into the kitchen, yawning and immediately apologizing.

“Creators! I can’t believe I fell asleep! I was just about to bring him home…but the couch was so comfortable…and its been getting so warm lately, and your place is so cool.”

Hawke laughed, mixing formula together, “Sweetie, don’t worry about it. I know since he’s been able to get around on his own he’s been exhausting. Even Mum is a little out of breath chasing around after him. You need a break. Why isn’t Varric helping you out more?”

“You know men,” Merrill grumbled, slumping into a chair, “Why would you want to stay home and take care of poopy diapers when you can go out and drink with friends?”

“How long has been doing this?” Hawke asked, bringing the bottle to Merrill.

“Only a few weeks,” Merrill said, testing the formula’s heat on her wrist before giving it to the child, “It’s like suddenly the new father glow has worn off. This is all happened so quickly, maybe I should have expected-“

“Merrill,” Hawke replied, “This is his son too. He can’t just dump this all on you.”

“I know. I need to go out. Have some fun,” she looked down at the infant, happily sucking on his bottle while looking at his mother, “I love my wee one, but I need to have conversations with adults. Not him and your dog.”

Tali came up to Hawke’s side and she stroked behind her ear affectionately, “At least she’s a very sensible dog. You’d have very intelligent conversations.”

Merrill stuck out her tongue, a smile coming across her face, “She is a very political dog, she has many strong opinions.”

Tali panted happily and went out into the backyard. Theron reached his arms up for the dog, and whimpered slightly. Merrill picked him up and carried him to the door, “If Varric would just build a fence already it would make my life so much easier.” 

Merrill went out into the yard with Theron, letting him crawl on the soft green grass. It was a cool summer, but it was still pleasant after the harsh winter the child had been born into. He giggled happily as he picked a flower and offered it to his mom. 

Merrill smiled, “Thank you, sweetheart.” 

Hawke looked out with a smile when she heard the phone ring. She walked over and answered it, expecting it to be Varric. Instead, she was informed that she had a meeting in the morning with the Mayor. Before she could reply, the secretary hung up on her. Trying to shake off the feeling of dread, she went back to the door, resting her arm on the frame.

Merrill sat there in the grass, her skirt billowed out, her child starting to fall asleep in her arms as she rocked him back and forth, singing to him in Dalish. He looked at her in complete adoration, a faint smile across his lips as his eyes closed.

oOoOoOo

Hawke appeared at City Hall in uniform, alone. She was sent up to the Mayor’s office with little fanfare, many people passing by without looking at her. 

Dumar was an older man, the grey apparent in his face. He sat behind an oak desk, his office looking out on the courtyard of the Chantry. He did not stand when Hawke walked in, nor did he offer for her to sit down. So instead she stood straight, her arms folded behind her as she waited for instructions.

“Constable Hawke,” He finally greeted, “I am told I owe you a debt. You brought my son back to me and it seems you have not told the press what you have seen?”

“It was none of my business,” she replied, “I’m simply glad the boy is safe and unharmed.”

“And how fortunate for the Qunari that his kidnapper has disappeared,” Dumar sneered slightly, “It seems we will avoid violence after all.”

“It was…unfortunate that we could not apprehend him,” Hawke said diplomatically, her face betraying no secrets, “But my priority was Saemus’ safety.”

“Where is your partner?” Dumar asked, eyebrow raised, “It seems strange that you were able to bring the boy in on your own. It would be hard enough for one man, never mind a woman.”

Hawke bit her lip, “Constable Leto and I had a key witness that helped us locate your son. He was safeguarding the witness on the return. We split up for safety. As far as I know, Constable Leto is on our regular patrol now. I will be meeting with him after our meeting.”

“I do not think so,” Dumar replied, “I have instructions from the Arishok for you to go to their temple this afternoon to inform him on your…testimony of what occurred. He does not believe words from anyone who has not seen firsthand. But I wished to speak with you first, candidly, if we could.”

“Sir,” Hawke nodded her head curtly.

“We both know you let the Qunari go free. I do not begrudge you this. In fact, I thank you. My son would not be here if you had tried to kill his…friend. And there would be violence that quite frankly the city cannot handle. My supporters are pleased that this shows the Qunari in a bad light and the Qunari…seem to be indifferent. For now. I ask you to keep it this way. Your judgment was wise. Once. Remember that you act as a representative of this city. I know women feel too deeply; it is hard to make the difficult decisions. But remember that you are a officer first, and a woman second.”

“Sir,” Hawke bowed her head, “If it means doing what is right, I will always be a woman first.” 

“You are excused, Hawke.”

oOoOoOo

Hawke arrived at the Qunari temple just after the Chantry bells struck noon. She climbed up the fifty steps, slightly winded by the time she crossed under the red arch. She walked in without notice, the halls filled with quiet Qunari dressed in their long black robes, going about their business. A young human girl was near her feet, repeating words from the Qun while scrubbing the floor. She only looked up briefly, pointing at Hawke’s shoes.

Hawke noticed a rack to the side and unlaced her boots, putting them carefully with the others. She then bowed her head slightly and continued down the hallway. She climbed another flight of stairs, only five this time, and passed other rooms. She did this three more times, reaching another flight, passing by the Qunari at work and study.

She came to the end of the hallway, a closed red door just ahead of her. It was the only closed door. She assumed this is where the Arishok would be. Two guards stood outside the door, but they bowed their heads slightly, the one opening the door for her to enter. 

Hawke entered to find a large male Qunari sitting prostrate on the floor. He signaled her to a cushion in front of him while the door was closed. She sat, her knees up in front of her. 

“I am told your name is Hawke,” he began, his voice low and deep, “You are one of the police officers in this city. Unlike many, you have shown a kindness to my people.”

She paused, “I merely failed to apprehend Ashaad.”

The Arishok smirked slightly, “I am no fool, Hawke. Ashaad had fallen from our ways, he made…an error. But I am told he is on his way to Seheron. We have alerted the Ben-Hassrath to take him into custody upon his arrival. He will find the help he needs.”

“You think he made a mistake?”

“The Qun has no place for attachment,” The Arishok explained, “We have friends, we have…a bond of brothers, you might understand it as. But we are never to hold a relationship above the Qun. He left us for a bas, he abandoned his duty to be the lover of an outsider. He put his people in jeopardy. We will welcome him back but he has need to be reeducated.”

Hawke merely bowed her head.

“You have shown yourself to be adequate, Hawke,” he said, “And I thank you. In this fester of a city, it is good to see one with some semblance of honour. There are dangerous times ahead for our people. Perhaps one day we can broker some peace.”

“I thought the Qunari only came to conquer,” Hawke retorted.

“There are things words can do that no bullets can,” the Arishok replied, “Now go. I shall be in contact with you again. I shall send one of the my men to the station if I have need of you.”

She stood to leave, but then turned again to ask, “What will happen to Ashaad?”

“That is up to the Ariqun,” the Arishok said, “It is not my role to decide.”

She left without looking back, only pausing to remember her shoes beside the door.

oOoOoOoOo

She wanted to talk to Fenris about what had happened, but the rest of their patrol was far too busy. A retired CBI agent had them running all over town looking for evidence of connected kidnappings. It seemed to be a monthly occurrence, Captain Emeric and the shadows he jumped at. But they tried to be kind. There were not many friendly CBI agents, it was good to have allies where one could.

Hawke returned home to see Merrill and Isabela in her living room, glasses in hand, drinking and giggling. 

“Was there a party I wasn’t invited to?” Hawke teased, “And if so, why do people always host them in my house?”

Isabela came forth, handing Hawke a glass of wine, “Come on, its Friday. We’re going out tonight. I had a good talking with Varric. He and the boys will be babysitting and we shall have some fun, just us ladies.”

Merrill bit her lip and Isabela turned around, as if hearing it, “Theron will be all right with his father for one night. He hasn’t managed to kill him off yet. Come on, Mama, you need to get out for awhile.”

“So where are we going?” Hawke asked after taking a sip.

“A little place I know in the Chantry district. We always go to the Hung Man, it’s time for a change of pace,” Isabela said with a smirk, “Besides, as I said, it is a ladies night.”

Merrill giggled slightly and drank deeper into her glass.

Hawke raised an eyebrow slightly, “I’m not sure if I trust you, Bela.”

“You’ll love it,” she promised, winking slightly.

By dusk, the three of them were dressed for the evening out and were walking down Chantry street together. Merrill had dragged them into a shop that offered Dalish inspired exotic apparel. She was disappointed upon leaving, but Hawke had been thoroughly shocked.

Isabela lead them down an alleyway to door that merely said in white letters: Stable. She pushed the door open, leading the three of them inside. It took Hawke a few minutes to realize that there were solely women in the bar. 

She looked over to Isabela who smirked happily, “I thought you’d meet someone nice!”

Merrill beamed, “Oh this is exciting! No men!”

Isabela looked over to her and grasped her hand lovingly, “Now kitten, remember, this is their place, not yours. Behave yourself, you are a guest, keep it a safe space for everyone, sweet thing.”

Merrill blushed slightly, “Of course! Though…I do have to use the little elf’s room. I thought after the pregnancy I wouldn’t have this problem, but it seems my bladder is just not what it used to be.”

As Merrill scurried off, Hawke groaned and looked at Isabela.

“What?” Isabela asked defensively, “Merrill wanted a place with no men. And…I know we’re not supposed to talk about it, but Aveline is gone. It’s been over a year, Hawke. You need to start moving on.”

Hawke groaned again and Isabela lovingly pushed her forward, “Come, everyone will be very nice. Tell them you’re a cop. Everyone loves a lady in uniform.”

“I’m going to just go drink a lot.”

“Don’t drink the specialty brew. You’ll end up waking up in the street with a tattoo. And since you’ll be drunk and I’ll be picking the tattoo, you probably will regret it.”

Hawke waved her off, making her way to the bar. 

oOoOoOoOo

It had not been as bad as Hawke had first suspected. She had met very many nice women, had a few dances, and had a bit to drink. She started to notice other women, something she hadn’t done since Aveline had left. But to Hawke’s dismay, there was only one who truly held her interest. 

As the night grew to a close, Merrill was in a booth talking to three other women, all of whom were mothers and sharing their wisdom with a mother on her first night off. To her credit, she had not phoned the house to check up on Theron, but she had made Hawke phone twice. 

As last call approached, Hawke and Isabela danced together, Hawke finding herself even giggling as Isabela held her hip protectively. The music began to slow and Hawke found herself moving closer to Isabela, putting her arms around her neck and leaning in close to her. She rested her head against hers, almost feeling Isabela’s smile. Isabela held her, her hands settling on her waist.

“Maybe it’s just the alcohol,” Hawke said softly, “But I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look more beautiful.”

Isabela laughed, “Definitely the booze. I’m tired and my makeup is running. Besides, there is a room of beautiful women around you, there must be someone else who has your eye.” 

Hawke bent back slightly, looking deeply into Isabela’s bright brown eyes, “Only you.”

Isabela raised a hand, stroking Hawke’s cheek lovingly, “You don’t want me, kitten. You want a taller, red-headed model.”

Hawke paused, and then shook her head, “No…you…there has always been something about you.”

Hawke leaned in slightly, feeling Isabela’s breath quicken, her perfume and sweat comforting to her. Isabela panted ever so slightly as Hawke reached in and kissed her. Isabela kissed back, throwing her arms tightly around Hawke. She kissed her feverishly, and Hawke inhaled deeply trying to catch her breath. 

When Isabela pulled back, her eyes were fixated on Hawke, this strange glance Hawke didn’t understand. She had never had someone look at her like that before.

Hawke returned to Isabela’s arms as the song continued, Isabela holding her close, kissing her forehead as they swayed again.

Oh my love, my darling  
I've hungered for your touch  
A long lonely time,  
And time goes by so slowly  
And time can do so much,  
Are you still mine?

As the song ended, the bar closed and Merrill came towards them, Isabela pulled away awkwardly, looking almost sheepish. She looked small, vulnerable, and Hawke reached for her hand. She pulled Isabela close one more time and whispered, “I won’t regret it in the morning.”

Isabela smiled softly and stroked her cheek, “I forget how young you are.”

Merrill came to their side, oblivious of what had occurred, bubbling happily as she tugged on Isabela’s arm affectionately, “I have found my calling.”

“Your calling?” Hawke asked with a laugh.

“Yes,” Merrill said happily, “I am going to become a midwife. One of the city midwives. I was talking to a few, they’re looking for an apprentice and when they found out I was Dalish and I told them how Theron was born, they were just so excited.”

“That’s wonderful, kitten,” Isabela said, beaming, “Good for you.” She looked over at Hawke with a smile and said, “I think this has been a very…productive evening.”

Merrill smiled, “Thank you, both of you. This…I really needed this. I hope you two had fun! I’m sorry, I was busy chatting so long.”

“It’s all right,” Isabela laughed, “Come now, we should get going before curfew kicks in. Where are we headed to?”

“I’m going home,” Merrill said, “I miss my son and my husband. I know that sounds silly, but I really do.”

“I should get back to the house,” Hawke said, “I do have to go to work tomorrow and Mum doesn’t like being alone by herself in the house at night. Isabela, you’re always welcome to stay, saves you a trip by yourself in Lowtown.”

Isabela smiled, a sad twinkle in her eye, “I think I need to go home.”

As they went off in their separate directions, Isabela walking towards home and the other two sharing a taxi home, Hawke wondered what she did wrong.


	21. Chapter 21

The next day, Hawke was having a barbeque in her backyard with her friends and family. It was one of her few weekends off, and Bethany had been given a rare day pass, accompanied by a brooding CBI agent who was to phone into the Gallows every 45 minutes. 

Bethany’s hair was still buzzed short, but she was allowed to forgo the orange jumpsuit. Her clothes were ill-fitting, borrowed from her much smaller older sister and mother. 

Leandra was glowing from having her family around her. The young Theron played in Bethany’s lap as she gossiped with her mother. Tali played fetch with Anders, the two chasing each other with giggles and barks. Varric and Merrill were curled up by the fence, the two of them dozing off in the hot summer sun. Fenris was working the BBQ, trying to teach Isabela how to properly flip a burger. 

Hawke came out to see this, holding a tray of store-bought lemonade. She smiled, walking over to her sister’s side, offering her and her mother a glass. Anders came over and took one for himself and lay on the grass, the dog laying down beside him.

Yet in all this, the CBI agent watched patiently from the corner of the lot. He rarely said a word, only to briefly make apologies as he went into the kitchen to inform the Gallows of their location. 

Hawke went over to offer him a glass. He looked hot under his dark suit and sunglasses and she could almost see a hint of gratitude as he took the offering. 

As she returned to the table, she heard Bethany telling their mother about her probation. Hawke sat down, eager to hear the update.

“I’m going on two years now,” Bethany explained, glancing briefly up at the CBI agent, “If I keep this up, I’ll be allowed on day visits on my own, even though I’ll have to check in the same amount of time. They might even let me work one day.”

Leandra nodded sadly, “That’s very exciting, Beth. It will be good for you to get out a bit more. It’s so dreadful seeing you there.”

“It’s not too bad,” Bethany tried to convince them, “Its good food, a soft bed. Its better than I had it when we first came to Kirkwall…even better than what we had those first few years in Lothering.”

Hawke nodded, remembering with a shudder.

“I’m proud of both of you,” Leandra said, taking Theron from her lap, “We have not always had the best situations, but you have handled both of yourselves with…grace.”

Hawke’s face softened slightly. She was still getting used to this new side of her mother. It was a pleasant revelation, but it was one that Hawke was only tentatively adjusting to. 

Isabela threw down her apron as she stormed over beside Hawke. She groaned slightly, laying her head on her shoulder. Leandra made a dismissing cough and Isabela popped back up, smiling charmingly.

“I apologize,” she smiled with false sincerity, “It is more difficult than I thought preparing food. I didn’t realize it was such…art.” 

Hawke laughed, “How do you survive on your own? You can’t cook.”

“I eat out,” Isabela shrugged, “I can afford it and I hate cooking.”

Leandra laughed, “And what will you do when you have a husband and children of your own, girl?”

Isabela smiled sweetly, “I have no intention of a husband or children. I shall grow old and fabulous. Alone.”

The CBI agent signaled Bethany to follow him back into the kitchen. She sighed, “Sounds like it’s time to check in again. I’ll be right back.”

oOoOoOoOo

“And then Captain Aria Padre found herself alone in her cabin, waiting for that final moment…the moment that would decide who would live and who would die.”

Anders leaned over to Hawke and whispered, “Obviously she lives, there’s going to be a sequel.”

“Shh,” Hawke murmured.

Varric continued, standing on top of the chair while he gestured broadly, reading out from the draft of his typewritten manuscript. The others were curled up around the living room. Leandra had gone to bed shortly after Bethany had to leave and the others had been treated to one of Varric’s brainstorming sessions.

Varric stuck his tongue out at Anders and then continued, “She looked at the intercom with longing. Should she ask him to come up? She looked over at the picture of Carter on her desk…it wasn’t cheating if he had left her, left her in an angry fight. Padre decided to have a shower, and as her hands went up and down her naked, wet body-“

Hawke blushed slightly, causing Isabela to poke her affectionately in the ribs.

“She heard the door opening, slowly, hesitantly at first-“

“I thought this was science fiction,” Fenris complained.

“Quiet, Broody…where was I? Oh, all right. She wrapped herself in her towel, and nearly dropped it when she saw Feron standing in front of her, bottle of wine in hand, his eyes scanning over her body. She made the first move, coming forward and resting her head against his, scales against skin-“

“I really wanted her to end up with the fishy looking one,” Isabela smirked, “I always have had a thing for assassins.” 

The clock struck twelve and Hawke groaned as her party started to get ready to leave. Isabela paused to look at Hawke, the smirk still remaining on her face. 

“Stay?” Hawke asked quietly. 

Isabela nodded slightly and then turned to Merrill, holding the sleeping Theron while Merrill did up the buttons on her coat. 

After a few moments of goodbyes with false ease, the two of them stood apart, the inches between them seeming like miles. 

Hawke gestured upstairs, “Aveline’s old room is still available. You can sleep there if you want. I think I have a spare toothbrush somewhere.”

Isabela raised an eyebrow, “I didn’t think that was what you invited me here for, Hawke. Unless you’d like me to go…”

“No,” Hawke blurted out, “I just…I just thought we could use some time. We haven’t really talked since…since…”

Isabela laughed slightly, “Oh Hawke. You have always been so good with words. I know my way around your house. I will meet you in your room.”

Hawke’s stomach fluttered slightly and she nodded. 

Hawke cleaned up the lower floor, trying to put off going to bed. What would she say? What would she do? She thought of Aveline, of her lips against hers, and she violently tossed the thought away.

She came upstairs to find Isabela laying in her panties and Hawke’s t-shirt from her police training. Isabela had undone her hair, letting her long black locks trail over her skin. She lay just on top of the blankets, curled into the pillow. 

She looked up sleepily at Hawke, “I thought you wouldn’t show up. Now you’ve gone and woke me up.”

“You were waiting for me,” Hawke teased, lying down beside her, feeling incredibly unsexy in her nightgown. 

Isabela rolled on to her other side to face Hawke, “You wanted to talk. Let’s talk then.”

Isabela’s eyes met Hawke’s and she found herself catching her breath. Isabela seemed to notice, her vibrant brown eyes watching intently for Hawke to begin.

“I…um,” Hawke started awkwardly, “I don’t have really any experience at this. But…I like you. I think you like me…and I don’t know what that means.”

Isabela laughed and Hawke’s heart sank slightly.

Isabela played with Hawke’s braid affectionately as she said, “What do you think this would led to, Hawke? You don’t want me. What do you really want? We kissed when we were drunk, dancing in a bar. You always think these things have to lead to marriage and a happily ever after. You won’t get that with me.”

“Why not?” Hawke asked, “Why are you pushing me away? If you don’t feel the same for me, I understand that…but…just tell me.”

Isabela sighed, letting go of Hawke’s hair and bringing her own hands around her waist in comfort, “I have been married twice, Hawke. The first man nearly beat me to death. It took a nurse in an emergency room to make me realize what was wrong. When he died-“

“Died?” Hawke interrupted, “You said you left him.”

Isabela smirked, “I did, didn’t I? Well…that may have been more poetic than truthful…the truth is…well, the truth is quite strange actually. He was assassinated. The assassin took a shine to me. He had watched him for weeks as he planned the hit, he had watched how my husband hurt me. The assassin was…simply put, gorgeous. Perhaps I was a little in love with him. Perhaps he thought he could save me. He seduced me. He showed me what sex could be like, what it meant to be treated as a woman. I think he thought he loved me…but this was so long ago now.”

Hawke watched intently, and Isabela sighed as she continued, “I had a little money, but my husband had gambled most of it away. I started working in a small brothel…it was not good work, but it kept me off the streets. I met Castillon…and he offered me a world. We had adventures, we had…we almost had a good life together. But…now I see he used me. I was another tool for his business. I don’t know why he married me. I loved him though. I’ve been in love maybe a half dozen times…it has never ended well.”

“You told me once he hurt you,” Hawke said softly.

“He slapped me,” Isabela said with a coy smile, “I shot him in the hand. No one would ever hurt me again, not even someone I loved. He never reported it, but he does have a wicked scar now. That was more satisfying than the divorce papers. Then…well, you know the rest.”

“I’m not one of them,” Hawke protested gently, reaching out to Isabela, “I would never hurt you.”

“You think just because you’re a woman I’d believe that more?” Isabela chuckled, “Hawke, it's not you. I have no intention of going through any of that again. I don’t want to marry again. Ever. I’m not a woman to grow old with. I won’t make you happy.”

Hawke said softly, “You already make me happy, Bela.”

“It won’t last,” Isabela warned gently, one of her arms tentatively reaching back to touch Hawke’s hand, “One day…well…you may not feel that way anymore…”

“What happened to you…Isabela…none of that was your fault,” Hawke said tenderly, taking Isabela’s hand into hers, “You are worthy of being cared for. You are good, you are so smart and so beautiful.”

Isabela pulled away, and Hawke murmured, “Are you scared of loving someone? Or are you scared of being loved?”

“You don’t love me, Hawke,” Isabela said with a soft smile, “There’s a woman-shaped battering ram out there with your heart.”

Hawke did not know what to say, but as Isabela turned on to her other side, Hawke curled around her, holding her protectively as Isabela fell asleep.


	22. Chapter 22

Hawke always loved seeing Isabela first thing in the morning. Her long black curls would be flattened at points, sticking at wild angles until she brushed it out. Sleep would be in her eyes, her makeup somewhat smudged as she never removed it properly at night. Her curvy leg would be sticking out of the sheets, almost touching the floor as if she needed to make a quick escape. 

Her eyes always seemed to be larger in the morning, somewhat wider as she took in the first rays of light grudgingly. She rolled over, taking the pillow with her as she tried to shield herself from the sun.

Hawke rolled over to look at Isabela’s attempt at hiding from the morning. Isabela pouted slightly as Hawke leaned in to kiss her nose affectionately. Isabela grumbled as Hawke giggled at her and got out of bed. 

Hawke wrapped herself in her housecoat, walking down the stairs. Tali heard her and scrambled to her side. She laughed and walked to the door, patting her leg to get Tali to come to her side. Hawke knew Isabela would sleep in longer; she would have time to take the dog for a walk. 

Hawke was still in her long housecoat as she took Tali for her walk. It was early Sunday morning so there were few people active in her neighbourhood save for a few early gardeners and a few going to the first Chantry service of the day.

Hawke let Tali off her leash as they entered the park, letting the hound happily bounce around as she went off in chase of a squirrel. Hawke sat on the ground, enjoying the time she had to think through what she would say to Isabela when she returned.

Hawke was at a loss for words when she thought of Isabela. She thought back all those years ago, the first time she had seen her. After all this time, she never ceased to amaze her. Hawke never regretted following her that night. She always inspired her, always made her want…more. More than she thought she could have ever had. Maybe that’s all she needed to say.

When Tali trotted back to her, her tail between her legs with defeat, Hawke clipped her back on her leash and walked her back to the house. She smelt something comforting when she entered the door, an old porridge recipe her mother used to make when they were young children. 

Hawke came into the kitchen quietly, letting Tali off her leash. She saw Leandra and Isabela in the kitchen together, the older woman ladling a portion of the porridge for Isabela to taste. Isabela made an appreciative noise as she sipped. She took the spoon and stirred the pot, hesitantly. Hawke saw Leandra pat Isabela on the shoulder and go to the cupboard to find some ingredients.

Isabela blushed slightly as she saw Hawke in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Your mother thought I should learn at least one thing to make. She told me you mastered this one when you were 6, so I think I can manage.”

“I was a very smart 6 year old,” Hawke protested, “Dad had even taught me how to wiggle my ears by then.”

Leandra laughed slightly, “That is one thing I do not miss about your father. He would always do that when we were fighting to try to make me laugh. It just always made me angrier with him.”

Leandra tossed in a pinch of nutmeg and beckoned Isabela to lean over so she could smell it better. Isabela smiled and nodded, “You’re right.”

Leandra left the room with a smile, “I think you can handle this for a few minutes. I will go phone Gamlen, see if he wants to play in that Euchre tournament at the Community Centre.”

Isabela turned back to face Hawke, her hand still stirring the pot, “Your mother has apparently decided the new course of action is to instead turn me into a perfect housewife so I can marry and leave “that awful profession behind.” I almost miss when she just used to dart me dirty looks. It was fun being a fallen woman.”

“She likes you,” Hawke laughed, “She likes me for once! What have we done wrong? We’ve become almost respectable people.”

Isabela leaned forth and kissed Hawke, biting her lip slightly, “Not entirely respectable.”

Hawke felt a flush of heat go through her and she looked back at Isabela, who had turned her back to her, her short shorts leaving little to Hawke’s imagination. Hawke coughed slightly, “I think I’ll go…have a shower, now.”

Hawke wandered up the stairs, her body aching in a way she had rarely experienced since her teenage years. She undressed and as she stepped into the shower, she turned it completely onto cold. 

When she returned down the stairs, Isabela had taken the porridge off the burner and ladled it out for the three of them. Hawke ate hungrily, her eyes often returning to Isabela, trying not to stare as her mother told them her plans for the day. After Gamlen had picked Leandra up, the two women found themselves washing dishes together, Hawke barely able to string a few words together coherently.

Isabela flicked her lightly with the washcloth, “Come on, Hawke, pay attention. You’ll break all your mother’s nice plates.”

Hawke tried to concentrate, drying the plate as well as she could before putting it back into the cupboard. When she had put the plate down, she turned back to see Isabela standing, hand on her hip, her shirt slightly damp from a splash of the water.

“Hawke,” Isabela said with a slight grin, “If there’s something you want to say, why don’t you just say it to me?”

Hawke paused and a thought floated through her mind:

Why the hell not? 

Hawke threw her hands around Isabela’s neck and pulled her close in for a kiss. Isabela returned the passion, her damp hands making her way up Hawke’s torso, slipping underneath her shirt. Hawke felt her skin prickle at the sensation.

“Upstairs?” She panted.

Isabela grinned, “Too far.”

Hawke felt herself being pulled onto the floor. Isabela straddled her, kissing her deeply as she pulled Hawke’s shirt off. Hawke felt vulnerable in her brassiere, though she had little skin showing still. She looked up at Isabela with desire and Isabela slowly removed her own shirt, revealing she was wearing no underclothes. Her breasts hung in front of her, her nipples almost as dark as her hair, and she leaned forth to kiss Hawke again. Hawke explored her breasts in her hand, remarking on how soft they felt until she played with those deliciously dark nipples, feeling them harden under her touch. Isabela sighed and sat up slightly as she took her shorts off. Her lower hair was just as dark and curly as the rest of her and Hawke could not help but lean forth, twisting a finger around in it affectionately, shocked slightly at the damp slick she found as she reached for another strand of that thick hair.

Isabela lowered herself to Hawke, kissing her passionately as she unlaced her brassiere, as she took off her skirt, off her bloomers.

Hawke held Isabela close to her, letting their skin meet and meld as the heat of the summer morning and of the moment brought them both wet with arousal and sweat. 

Isabela reached between Hawke’s legs and she opened them slightly, letting her fingers slip in between her delicate folds. It was at first slightly uncomfortable, but she could feel herself growing wet as Isabela gently stroked her inner flesh, masterfully hitting a swollen mound she did not know existed. Hawke groaned slightly and Isabela held her closer, her thumb reaching up to touch her in the swollen place that Hawke had once or twice tried to explore, only to feel dirty and unclean. But now, now as Isabela stroked her slowly, nuzzling into her neck as she did so, Hawke did not feel that this was wrong or unnatural.

She felt loved.

Hawke ran her hands through Isabela’s hair, pulling on it slightly as she held her closer, pulling her head closer to Hawke’s breasts. Isabela took a hard nipple into her mouth and Hawke cried out as she sucked, her fingers curling upwards as they pounded into her. Hawke felt a sensation building in her gut, a warmth, an ache, and it grew almost painful.

Hawke moaned into Isabela’s ear, questioning without words what it was she was seeking. Isabela quickened her pace, switching the other breast as she licked the nipple, flicking it with her tongue.

Hawke did not understand, did not know what she was about to feel. But she knew she needed it. She needed it more than air.

And she needed Isabela to give it to her.

Hawke cried out Isabela’s name as she shook throughout. The flush ran through her cheeks, through her belly, and a wave of pure bliss ran through her skin. She grew sensitive and she touched Isabela’s cheek, who seemed to understand. Isabela withdrew from Hawke, coming up to kiss her. Hawke wrapped herself around Isabela, rolling on top of her as she kissed her passionately, robbing her still throbbing sex against Isabela’s. 

“Let me touch you,” Hawke begged, “I need you to feel how you made me feel.” 

Isabela protested, kissing Hawke softly, “I don’t think I could quite get in the mood knowing your mother could walk in on us. She was just starting to like me too.”

“You seemed to do well enough,” Hawke teased, kissing her nose.

Isabela touched Hawke’s check gently, “Not today. Please.”

Hawke nodded, kissing her again before the two of them sat, naked on the kitchen floor. Hawke started giggling slightly and held Isabela again.

“Thank you,” Hawke murmured between kisses, “Thank you. I had no idea it could be so good. Thank you.”

“I didn’t think Aveline would have been that terrible in the sack,” Isabela said with a smirk as she put her shirt back on, “She seems to have…strong hands.”

Hawke paused, watching Isabela put her shorts back on as she stood, “Aveline and I never slept together.”

Isabela swore suddenly in Rivani and then glared down at Hawke, “Please don’t tell me what I think you’re about to say.”

“It was my first time,” Hawke said with a little smile, a flush coming across her cheeks, “I just wanted to thank you…it was…really…good…what’s wrong?”

“I don’t sleep with virgins,” Isabela said, starting to pace, “They get all…clingy. This didn’t...if I had known, I would have never have done this. I’m sorry, Hawke. Please, I didn’t mean to suggest…this was for fun, you understand that? This doesn’t mean…whatever you might think this means.”

“Bela,” Hawke said softly, throwing her clothes on quickly as she chased after Isabela stomping down the hall, “Please, wait.”

Isabela turned, seeing a disheveled Hawke standing behind her. Isabela smiled slightly, tucking a strand of hair between Hawke’s ear.

Hawke took Isabela’s hand, “I know. I don’t own you. You don’t own me. I don’t know what this thing is between us, but there is no pressure.”

“This is just sex, Hawke,” Isabela reiterated, “I like you, you are a good friend. I don’t want to keep doing this if you will start thinking it means something more than that.”

Hawke reassured, “Of course. I promise. Just sex.”

Isabela sighed and rubbed her forehead slightly; “I have a few clients this afternoon. I better go anyways. I’ll phone you tonight, okay?”

Hawke nodded, too scared to say something stupid.

After Isabela left, closing the door behind her, Hawke slid down the back of the door, sitting with her knees curled up to her chest. Tali came up to her, licking her face until Hawke stood again.

Hawke wiped the tear from her cheek and went back upstairs, the dog trailing faithfully along behind her.


	23. Chapter 23

**TW: Abortion, discussion of sexual assault for this chapter and the next. The plot line is then, for the most part, resolved.**

 

Three days later, Fenris and Hawke were on shift together, drinking coffee at their favourite diner in Lowtown. Fenris was telling Hawke about the meditation weekend he had gone on at the Qunari temple. Hawke was trying to listen, but she was starting to miss when all Fenris talked about was elven rights. 

She was just starting to tune in when she heard Fenris say, “There was this woman, Belle. She’s an elf from the Denerim alienage from before the Blight. We were paired together for this exercise where we kept having to ask the other who they were. It grew so intense, it was almost…sensual.”

Hawke smiled, “Was she cute?”

Fenris scowled, “I love that you do not care at all about my spiritual needs, but the minute I mention a woman, you suddenly get interested. I don’t bother you about your sex life.”

“There’s not much to talk about,” Hawke said, sticking out her tongue, “You on the other hand have said very little about your romantic past.”

“There’s not much too tell…well, more than you at least,” Fenris smirked slightly, taking a drink of his coffee.

“Hey,” Hawke grumbled. 

Fenris smiled, “Hawke, I trust you. You know that. But this is something I don’t think partners need to talk about. Do you?” 

“Then why did you bring it up?” 

Fenris sighed, “You and I talk almost every day for hours in between trying to convince people not to shoot each other. I thought it would be nice to discuss something that wasn’t about violence or human rights. I thought you’d be happy that I had a good day.”

Hawke patted his hand, “Sorry, you’re right. I’ve been so…grumpy. I apologize.”

Fenris put some money on the table, “Come on. It’s nearly three. We should be getting back to the station. We still need to file that report about the missing wife of that…what was his name? I can think of the prostitute, but not the husband…”

“Maybe I should be writing the report,” Hawke laughed, picking up her jacket, “You need to start taking notes.”

“And carry around a huge journal like you everywhere? Do you really need to remember every sign you’ve read and every person you’ve ever met?”

“You never know when it will come in handy.”

“I have yet to be proven that.”

As Fenris and Hawke returned to the station, they saw several men dressed in the easily recognizable black suits of the CBI. They exchanged a quick look and Hawke picked up speed, gently pushing one of the men aside to get into the building. A cadet nodded to the two of them and they immediately saw a CBI agent yelling at Brosca. 

The dwarf crossed his arms in impatience as the blonde agent gestured angrily.

“Look,” Brosca said, “He committed a crime that falls under my jurisdiction. I don’t care if he’s a Tevinter magistrate or the archdemon itself, he is under my custody until he has either been released or sentenced, you understand that?”

“He is a dangerous apostate,” the CBI agent countered, “He was in the very Gallows courtyard. Who knows what other influence he could have had over my charges? Who knows what he was really planning?”

Brosca grumbled, a hand coming up to rub his temples, “Cullen, I’m going to need you to leave before I have you and your men arrested for disrupting the peace. I suggest you get out of here and I will phone you when the matter is settled.”

Cullen fumed as he gestured his men to move out. As the CBI agents left, Brosca watched cautiously and motioned for Hawke to come to his side. When Fenris came forth, Brosca waved him away, “Leto, go get some air. This is just between your partner and I.”

Fenris frowned and went to their shared desk space to file paperwork. 

“What’s going on?” Hawke asked, following Brosca into the holding cells. 

“Saving your ass is what,” Brosca growled, gesturing to a cell.

“Anders?” Hawke asked in shock.

Anders sat in the corner of the cell, his face bruised, one long cut down his cheek. He stood, reaching out through the bars and she grasped his hand.

“Your friend here managed to get himself arrested,” Brosca said, “I managed to get him before the CBI could get him…well…mostly.”

“They did this to you?” Hawke asked, reaching out to his cheek.

He winced slightly, “I got off fairly lucky. The police came and arrested me before they could do any worse.”

Brosca folded his arms, “Hawke, your friend here got caught handing out an illegal substance in the Gallows courtyard.”

“Drugs?” Hawke groaned, backing from the cell, “Anders-“

“It’s not what you think,” Anders said softly, “I had…a patient in the Gallows. It was a medical treatment, I was trying to save her life.”

Brosca continued angrily, “MI-21 is illegal in the Free Marches. I can’t think of a place besides Rivain where it isn’t illegal. Contraceptives are illegal here, what made you think that an abortion drug would be allowed? Anders, you’re a good kid and we both know I pulled strings to get you out of here before, but how could you do something so stupid?”

Hawke looked back and forth in confusion, “I’m sorry, what?”

Anders looked down at the ground and Brosca stormed off, “Hawke, you deal with this. Make this go away.”

When they were alone, Hawke came back to Anders’ side and he touched her hand briefly.

“When Bethany came to see us…she told me she was pregnant. There was a guard…well, it doesn’t matter. She was scared. She asked me for help. She…she’s your sister. I couldn’t do nothing. I know what happens to children born in the Circle…to mothers in the Circle. So I did what I could. I told her to meet me. I would slip her the medication and wait in the Gallows courtyard until I knew she was handling the drug safely. But…she reacted quite strongly and when I saw her hunched over, I stupidly went to her side to make sure there was no internal bleeding. A CBI agent saw me…it all went so quickly. Soon they were beating me…someone managed to call the police…”

Hawke knelt down quietly and Anders came down to her level.

“I couldn’t tell you,” Anders said softly, “She made me swear. I’m so sorry.”

"Just tell me she's okay," Hawke whispered.

Anders nodded, "She's fine. Just some cramping."

“What do you need me to do?” Hawke asked.

“I don’t know,” Anders admitted.

“You did all of this for Bethany?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I escaped seven times from the Circle,” Anders said softly, “Did I ever tell you that? Nearly drowned once, my robes were too heavy. I even worked as a prostitute for a while, I was so desperate to get away…I did it because I love you both. But even if I had never met her before, I would have done it the same, a hundred times. They take away every measure of freedom, every shred of dignity. If I could do just one thing to help her, even if it cost my life…while, it was worth it. It is not a shame to die for freedom.”

“They could make you tranquil, Anders,” Hawke whispered, “You told me once you’d rather die. This doesn’t seem enough...I’m grateful, don’t get me wrong, but I just need to understand.”

Anders opened his mouth to answer, but Brosca came back in and interrupted them.

“Hawke,” he said, gesturing towards the office.

Hawke followed him and Brosca sat down at his desk.

“The Knight-Commander has given me 48 hours,” Brosca said, “If we can’t figure out a way to get him out of this, I will be forced to hand him over to the Templars…Hawke, I don’t like this, you know it, but if I’m seen protecting an apostate mage like this…a lot of the work we do in this city, we won’t be able to do anymore. So unless you have a brilliant idea, we have to give him up.”

“If we charged him and kept him in prison,” Hawke reasoned, sitting on top of Brosca’s desk, “Then he’d still be in our jurisdiction, we could keep him here.”

“That’s not going to work forever, Hawke,” he reasoned, “We can’t keep him here for the rest of his life. His sentence is distributing an illegal substance, that’s a few years tops. He would still have to be transferred to a prison.” 

“He’s a Grey Warden,” Hawke insisted, “Or at least, he used to be. Doesn’t that give him any immunity?”

“If he’s active, then his Warden-Commander might be able to negotiate something. Then he’s not technically an apostate, so it would only be the illegal substance charge. The girl would get punished for participating…but it sounds like nothing worse than she’s already been through. You’d have to convince his Commander…who’s in Ferelden.”

“Let me try,” Hawke insisted, “Lieutenant…thank you.”

“He patches a lot of people down in his clinic,” Brosca replied gruffly, “Without him, we’d have a lot more corpses in our office. I’d like to keep the status quo. You can use the phone in the interview room. You better hurry. If the Commander is in the field, it may take awhile to get a hold of him.”

Hawke went into the interview room, taking the phone off the wall and walking, holding the cord as she sat down in the corner, her heart racing.

After a series of switchboard operators, she managed to get patched through to Vigil’s Keep in Amaranthine. She waited as the phone rang, and she prayed to a Maker she barely believed in that someone, anyone would pick up the phone.

Finally, a cheerful woman who introduced herself as Lieutenant Sigrun answered the phone. Hawke sputtered out her request, jumping to her feet at the sound of her voice. 

Sigrun immediately apologized, “I’m sorry, Commander Howe is out on an expedition right now. He’s supposed to be back tomorrow night.”

Hawke quickly did the math and swore under her breath, “Lieutenant, this is a matter of life and death. Please. I wouldn’t have phoned unless it was important. He needs to talk to me. Is there no way he can be reached?”

Sigrun sighed and paused, “They’re supposed to be in the Wending Woods. I can phone the outpost and send out a messenger to find him…I don’t know how quickly that will be. And who knows what hour of the night he’ll get back to you.”

“I’ll wait,” Hawke promised, “Please. Just do what you can.”

They exchanged contact information and Hawke hung up the phone and walked out of the room. Fenris waited outside the door, handing her a cup of coffee.

“I can get some of the Mage Underground to get him out,” Fenris whispered, “There must be some way. Stupid mage. Stupid, stupid mage.”

“He saved my sister,” Hawke murmured, “If there’s a way, any way, I would swap places with him. I need to talk to Bethany…I need to know she’s alright.” 

“A friend at the CBI has informed me that her condition is stable,” Fenris said, “And it seems she has received little punishment. It seems she is to spend a week in solitary, and her probation is gone. But, she is alive and she is unharmed. That is something we should be grateful for.”

Hawke felt her hands shake and Fenris patted her shoulder, “We will find Howe. Even if we have to fly to Amaranthine and pull him out of the woods by the ear.”

Hawke laughed slightly, “Will you wait with me?”

Fenris replied, “First, I’m going to get us take out from the diner. When I have sandwiches, I will wait with you.” 

Hawke found herself falling asleep and checked her watch. Five in the morning. It had been over 12 hours. They did not have much time left. Looking over to see Anders miraculously asleep in his cell, she left for the barracks in the back. The second shift was coming in now. Someone would wake her if the phone went off. She slept so lightly these days, perhaps she would hear it herself.

On her way back to the barracks, she heard the phone ring. She rushed to Brosca’s desk and answered within a heartbeat.

She sighed when she heard Lieutenant Sigrun’s voice.

“Sorry to wake you, Constable Hawke,” she said cheerfully, “Just wanted to let you know we managed to contact Commander Howe. If you would be so kind, his plane will arrive in Kirkwall at noon. He would be there sooner, but it seems his transfer in Denerim has been delayed slightly due to heavy rain. He will need transportation to the prescient and back.”

“He’s coming here?” Hawke asked in shock.

“Indeed. Take good care of him, Constable.” 

When she got off the phone, she contemplated going to Anders. She still had not told him what she was attempting to do, only promising a negotiation to try to get him away from the Templars. Would he be angry? He seemed to not want to see his Commander again.

Hawke shook her head. There was no point worrying about it now.


	24. Chapter 24

**Trigger Warning Still in Effect: Abortion, Discussion of Sexual Assault.  
Also one LGBT slur. **

Hawke waited outside the airport exit. She did not want to make a scene so she merely leaned against her car, the markings and her uniform making it apparent who she was.

She found a man trying to meet her gaze. He had dark hair, grey eyes, dressed in a wrinkled suit that was at least a decade out of style. He carried only an old leather rucksack, stained as if he had taken it directly from the field. 

“Constable Hawke?” He asked, his voice deep with a slight growl.

“Commander Howe,” She replied, going forth to take his bag from him, “I’m glad you had no further delays.”

“The Denerim airport has been a mess since the Blight,” he apologized, “But there are so few planes going into the Free Marches, I took what I could find.”

He got in the side of the car and she followed suite, placing his bag on the back seat.

As she started up the engine, she mentioned innocently, “It was good of you to come all this way. I’m sure this could have been arranged over the phone.”

“Private Anders is a good man,” Howe answered gruffly, “I don’t like seeing my men, even the ones not actively in duty, being treated as if they are private citizens.”

“Of course,” Hawke answered, looking distinctly at the road and trying not to glance over at the man beside her. As she started back towards the highway, she could not help wondering what Anders would have seen in such an obviously bitter man.

“We are to go directly to the Gallows?” Howe asked, “I was unclear where the meeting was to take place.”

“The Knight-Commander has granted you an audience,” Hawke clarified, “We’re going to her office. We have to be rather…discreet, however. The less press we get, the better. They’re embarrassed and we’re simply trying to make sure Anders doesn’t get the brand.”

“Why are they embarrassed?” Howe asked in curiosity.

“The mage Anders assisted was…” Hawke caught her breath, “Raped. She had been beaten and raped. While Anders gave her an illegal medical treatment in violation with Chantry teachings, it has brought into light the treatment of mages at the hands of Templars.”

Howe muttered, his voice slightly softer, “Foolish man. Is the girl alright?”

“As far as I know,” Hawke replied, “During the arrest, she was handled…roughly. I’ve heard reports, but I haven’t gotten to see her myself.”

“You know her?”

“She’s my sister.”

Howe nodded, “You have my sympathies. I have a sister too. After I lost my brother, she is all I have left. She’s married now, has a young son. I…I would not be handling this as well as you are.”

“I lost my brother too. The Blight?”

“Aye. Was he in Ostagar?”

“We both were. We managed to survive. I lost him to an ogre during the escape.”

Hawke turned to look at Howe as they came up to a red light, “What was Anders like when he was a Warden?”

Howe gave a ghost of a smile, “From what you’ve told me, it sounds like he is much the same. Did he ever tell you about the cat? He had a little kitten named Ser Pounce-A-Lot. Brought him along everywhere. Does he have another one now?”

Hawke shook her head, “Not that I’ve heard.”

The smile disappeared from Howe’s face, and he merely nodded, turning to look out the window at the city.

They pulled up to the Gallows parking lot, just before the tall fence that buzzed with a glyph of paralysis. Hawke parked the car and Howe walked ahead, standing, trying to brush the wrinkle out of his suit.

“It was my father’s,” He explained, “I never had a suit of my own.”

Hawke straightened out her hat, “Should we go in?”

Howe took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. After a long pause, he answered without looking at Hawke, “Yes.”

Hawke escorted Howe into the facility where CBI agents intercepted them. After they were patted down and Hawke relinquished her weapon, they were escorted through a cellblock in lower security on the way to the Knight-Commander’s office.

Many in the low-security section were tranquil, ignoring the passersby. A few, no brand on their shaven heads, looked up with hope at the two strangers. Hawke and Howe both kept their heads bowed and tried not to look.

They walked up a small flight of stairs, arriving at the Knight-Commander’s office. Hawke was asked to wait outside while Howe went in. He did not look at Hawke as he entered the office and closed the door. 

Hawke sat on a bench outside the office, disturbed by the surprising quiet in the facility. 

“Constable Hawke?” 

She stood to see the blonde CBI agent that had been harassing Brosca to release Anders into his custody. She recalled that he had been the agent at her household a few days ago, now that she saw his face under the bright fluorescent lights.

“Agent Rutherford,” she replied, “Is there something you need?”

“I…I wished to know the status of your sister, Constable Hawke,” Cullen bowed his head slightly, “I was the one to uncover what happened to her. I am ashamed, honestly ashamed at the behavior of my men. While I cannot condone what the apostate did…I must admit, I am grateful.”

She cocked her head to the side, “You knew? Didn’t you? That’s how she got the day pass so quickly. You set this up?”

“I cannot talk about this here,” he said in a whisper, nodding towards a security camera pointing down at them, “I will phone your house tonight and we can arrange a meeting. I want to help. Please believe that I am trying to do what I think is best.”

Hawke bit her lip slightly and nodded, “Okay.”

Cullen bowed his head again, “Constable Hawke.”

“Agent Rutherford.”

The door opened and Howe left, Cullen went into the office and shut the door. Howe’s knees buckled slightly and she ran forth and grabbed him.

She led him to the bench, “That was quick.”

“I didn’t have much to bargain with,” Howe said as he sat down, his hands trembling slightly, “Anders is safe. But I feel as if I made a deal with a demon to do so.”

“What happened?” 

“Commander Meredith has agreed to release Anders into my custody. The old laws about ex-Wardens have held; they are still members of our justice system and not hers.”

Hawke waited and finally Howe explained, “In order to let her agree to that.... I had to agree that her agents fell under her justice system. You can’t press charges against the men who harmed your sister. She never could, but you have to give up that right.”

“What would have happened if I had?”

“Honestly? She would face even worse things in that Circle. The CBI would not let your family rest. They could have charged you with hiding an apostate, but they still have not. I still must also punish Anders, otherwise it seems a miscarriage of justice. She will punish her men, and there will be retaliation…but less than what would have been otherwise.”

Hawke felt herself starting to cry and she stood, her hand covering her eyes. Howe walked beside her.

He said quietly, “When we work within the system, we have to give up the benefit of a conscience. I know the First Enchanter in Ferelden. The Circle is small, only rebuilding. She would be safer there. I know it is far from you, but I can try to make sure this does not happen again.”

“I need to get back to the precinct,” she said directly, “I will bring you to your accommodations for the evening afterwards and I will make sure that someone brings you back to the airport when you are ready to go.”

“Okay.”

oOoOoOo

Fenris was still waiting at his desk when he saw the two of them walk in. Howe walked straight to the main office, Brosca following him with slight difficulty. Hawke walked over to Fenris, sighing as she sat on his desk.

“I hate this job,” she complained, pouting slightly.

“You’ve had to make a few tough calls, we both have,” Fenris said, “But we have the power to do something, isn’t that enough?”

Hawke watched the shadows through Brosca’s frosted window, seeing Howe standing almost perfectly still as Brosca yelled at him.

“Does Anders know yet?” She asked.

Fenris shook his head, “You want to go tell him?”

“I don’t know what to say,” She admitted.

“It’s probably better from you than me…or Brosca.”

“Fine,” she conceded, putting her hat on Fenris’ desk as she went to the holding cells. They were fuller than yesterday, a few drunks, and a few petty criminals. She saw Anders talking to a teenage elf in the cell beside him.

“And Commander Tabris, she let Sigrun keep the book, and made her lie and pretend that the darkspawn took it.”

“She really had…erotica?”

“Even a Revered Mother needs some R’n’R.”

The elf giggled, stiffening when he saw Hawke walking into the area. Anders leaned out to wink at the kid and turned back to Hawke.

“Jethan here was telling me a rumour he heard about the Hero of Ferelden. I thought I would tell a more humanizing story.”

“Lots of rumours about her going around,” Hawke said distractedly, “Anders, there’s something I need to tell you that I should have told you before.”

“Did the negotiations go through?” Anders asked, standing straighter, “What happened? Will you have to turn me over?”

“No…” She said softly, “You are being put in the custody of the Wardens.”

“But I’m not from a Free Marches regiment,” Anders protested, “I would have to be given in custody to my…Commander.”

Anders turned, seeing Howe stand at the end of the hallway. He said nothing, his mouth slightly opening, his eyes sad and hopeful. 

“Nate?” He murmured.

Howe walked to Hawke’s side. He said gently, “Will you give us a few minutes?”

Hawke smiled weakly, “Sadly, I have to stay in the area, but I’ll go wait by the entrance. I would hate on top of this day for you to be charged.”

Howe rolled his eyes and nodded. Hawke jogged over to the entryway, peering over slightly as they knelt before each other. Howe reached in between the bars, touching Anders’ bruised face lightly.

Anders started crying slightly and they embraced each other as well as they could between the bars. Howe kissed the side of his face quickly before pulling back, wiping a tear from his face.

“Come back with me,” Howe whispered, “You don’t have to stay here. I’m Commander. No one will hurt you. I will keep you safe. We can make it work with…Justice. I swear. This is entirely my fault. Let me fix it.”

“This isn’t your fault, Nate,” Anders replied, “I made a mistake, the biggest mistake of my life. But I can’t put you and the rest of them in danger…there is work here I have to do. I can’t leave now. Karl…Karl was made tranquil. Do you know what that means? We’re being hunted. I can’t abandon them.”

“Anders,” Howe said, “You don’t have to do this alone. Please. Come back to Ferelden. I have lain awake almost every night since you’ve been gone, I can’t sleep without you beside me.”

“Queers!” Someone yelled from further down the cellblock.

Howe turned in the direction of the shout, made an obscene gesture, and turned back to Anders.

“Nate,” Anders said softly, “I can’t go back.”

Howe closed his eyes, resting his head against one of the bars.

“Okay,” Howe conceded, “I know I can’t convince you…I’ve never been able to convince you of anything…but you will be released when the paperwork is done. I don’t leave until tomorrow morning. Stay with me. We can just talk. I haven’t seen you for almost three years, Anders.”

Anders nodded, “Alright.”

Howe stood and walked towards Hawke. Hawke pretended to be startled and with a fake smile asked, “Ready to go?”

Howe rolled his eyes as he left and Hawke followed after him.

As promised, when the paperwork was done, Hawke and Fenris drove them over to the hotel. Fenris got out first, helping Howe with his bag and discussing with him briefly the rumour he had heard about ex-Commander Tabris.

Anders still sat in the back of the car, and Hawke turned to look at him.

“Will you be okay?” She asked.

Anders didn’t answer as he got out of the car. 

When Fenris sat back in the front seat, Hawke turned to look at him. Fenris waved her off.

“You don’t get to ask my judgment for moral decisions anymore, Hawke,” He grumbled, “You are only allowed to ask about non-life changing matters.”

As Hawke pulled away from the hotel, Fenris sighed.

“I miss when we just shot bad guys.”

oOoOoOoOo

For two days, Anders avoided Hawke’s phone calls. Finally, she waited at his clinic until he would see her.

When he finally did after closing the clinic for the evening, he brought her back into his office and sleeping area. He burst into tears and Hawke held him until he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly I didn't know what Cullen's last name was when I wrote this years ago. The benefit of time has allowed me to add it in.


	25. These Arms Of Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this was posted separately, as it is from Nathaniel's perspective, but...eh.

Nathaniel found himself sitting on the bed, his ill-fitting dress shoes kicked to the side, his worn suit jacket strung over the chair. The television played a black and white melodrama about an Orleasian prince, the static fading in and out.

The shower was still running. Anders had been in there for twenty minutes. He had always taken long showers, Nathaniel reasoned to himself as he went to the mini fridge and poured himself a drink. There was no reason to fear he was avoiding him.

And yet he could not stop the mantra in his head again and again: If he loved you, wouldn't he have come back?

48 hours ago he didn't know Anders was still alive. Now here he was, a few feet away, in this very hotel room. Nathaniel chastised himself for being overly optimistic. On the plane to Kirkwall, he had this daydream of Anders running into his arms and promising to never leave his side again.

Yet in the morning, Nathaniel would go back to Amaranthine and Anders was not coming with him.

Nathaniel poured two glasses of whiskey, adding a few pieces of ice to Anders' drink as he heard the water turn off. Nathaniel turned off the TV and sat back on the bed, looking out the window at the city lights of Kirkwall. He heard footsteps and he turned to see Anders wrapped in a towel, his blonde hair tangled and dripping slightly onto the carpet.

"My clothes still smell like the jail cell," Anders looked sheepishly at the ground, "You wouldn't happen to have some spares?"

"They might be a bit big," Nathaniel replied, pointing to his worn pack, "I'll have the hotel clean your clothes so they'll be ready tomorrow."

Anders hesitated, but thanked Nathaniel as he took the pack with him to change in the washroom. The mage returned shortly, faded jeans rolled up, Nathaniel's Warden t-shirt loose and baggy on his thin body.

Anders smirked slightly looking down at himself, "Now I know what you would look like shorter and skinnier."

"You're not nearly as hairy as I am," Nathaniel replied, handing him his drink, "You would have to fill it in with a marker."

"Not quite worth the effort. Besides, I don't think I would make a good brunette."

Anders took the drink and sat on the bed beside Nathaniel, drinking slowly.

Anders laughed slightly, putting the glass on the floor, "Sorry, this is a little absurd, isn't it? This has been such a strange day."

"I know what you mean," Nathaniel admitted, reaching out for Anders' hand. Anders lightly took it in his own. Nathaniel felt his heart leap slightly.

"I know there's a lot you want to ask," Anders said softly, "If I was in your shoes…I…I would not be taking this as well as you."

"I thought you were dead," Nathaniel said softly, "I prayed you weren't. Every night I prayed that you were out there somewhere, that one day you would come home."  
"Amaranthine isn't my home anymore."

"And that hovel in Darktown is?"

"I'm doing real work here, Nate," Anders said, standing to lean against the windowsill, "More than I ever could have done with the Wardens. And there is so much more work to do."

"You're so thin," Nathaniel said softly, touching Anders' arm.

"This isn't about me," Anders said, "There are more important things in this world than me."

"Not to me there isn't."

Anders turned around, tears in his eyes, "What do you want me to say, Nate? That we can go back to it all? That we can just move on from this? I could hurt you, I nearly killed you all, please, please…just…."

Nathaniel stood and swept Anders into his arms, kissing him deeply. Anders sobbed as he threw his arms around Nathaniel, crying into his shoulder.

"I'm so tired, Nate," Anders cried, "I'm so tired. Everything I do, I can't save them all, I can't protect them all."

"You don't have to," Nathaniel whispered, kissing his forehead, "You're one man, Anders. This isn't worth what you're doing to yourself. We were happy once. We could be happy again."

"Remind me," Anders said, looking up at Nathaniel, "Remind me what it was like."

Nathaniel caught his breath, looking down at desperate man in his arms. Part of him thought he should refrain, to not take advantage of Anders when he was so vulnerable.

Yet when Anders kissed him, his hands reaching to unbutton Nathaniel's shirt, he knew he could not resist. His hands went to Anders' pants, undoing his belt, the jeans sliding off easily without them. He smiled. After all these years, Anders still didn't wear underwear.

Anders' body felt cold under his hands and after Anders tossed his own shirt off and Nathaniel shrugged off his, he pulled the mage unto the bed with him, wrapping him in the thin sheets. Anders reached for Nathaniel's pants, but he pushed them off himself, kissing down his chest and through his blonde downy hair. Anders was still soft when Nathaniel took him into his mouth but he grew harder quickly as Nathaniel sucked his cock tenderly.

Anders moaned, tossing his head back and propping himself upward to better see. Nathaniel looked up at him and their eyes met for a moment as Anders bit his lip, stifling a grunt. Nathaniel nuzzled his face into his groin, quickening his pace. He felt his own cock growing. He looked up and saw a slight unease on Anders' face and he let go of his cock, kissing it affectionately as he knelt above Anders.

"What is it?" Nathaniel asked, eyes wide as he tried to understand Anders' discomfort.

"I don't deserve this," Anders said with a sad smile, "I should not be rewarded. You shouldn't treat me like this. Not after leaving you. Not after making you come all the way here to get me out of a stupid mess."

"Anders," Nathaniel said, exasperated, "This isn't about any of that."

"Then what is this?" Anders said, his hand stroking Nathaniel's cheek, "What are you trying to prove, Nate?"

Nathaniel took his hand in his and kissed it, "That you are still worthy of being loved. You never stopped being worthy of love."

Anders tried to protest but Nathaniel kissed him then, his arms wrapping around him as he brought his lover close to him. Anders threw his arms around him, kissing his neck as Nathaniel ran his hands down his back.

They stroked each other gently, their kisses continuing long and soft, their bodies pressed together, fitting together in familiar ways. Nathaniel did not want to let go of him as Anders pulled away slightly.

"I want you in me," Anders murmured, nuzzling against Nathaniel.

His heart leaped, "We'll take it slowly, I promise."

"Am I really so delicate?" Anders laughed softly.

Nathaniel looked at his thinned body, the lines of age creeping across his face, the cut across his cheek only starting to heal. Nathaniel had sworn to keep him safe, that no Templar would hurt him ever again. Yet as he laid beside him, Nathaniel could see his failure and his heart pained, knowing Anders would never let him help again.  
Nathaniel kissed him and left his side to find the pack in the bathroom. He stood at the sink and looked up at himself in the mirror. In those few seconds, he made his mind up, taking the lubrication he had packed away. After the years in the woods, he had learned to be prepared for anything.

He returned to see Anders lying on his side, his naked body covered only by a thin sheet, the streetlight highlighting the bruise around his right eye. Nathaniel took off his own pants and briefs, tossing them to the side. Anders came to rest on his knees as Nathaniel came to the bedside. Anders kissed Nathaniel's stomach and kissed the tip of his cock, which bobbed slightly in appreciation. He pulled him onto the bed with him, wrapping his thighs around his.

Nathaniel explored Anders' body until he reached that pucker of flesh. Coating his fingers with the lubricant, he slowly entered a finger inside him. It was tight and warm around him and he sighed slightly, Anders groaning slightly as he bit into Nathaniel's shoulder.

"Sorry," Anders murmured, "It's been awhile."

"Just relax," Nathaniel whispered, kissing him gently. Anders sighed deeply, resting his face in Nathaniel's chest as his finger stretched him tenderly. Anders kissed his collarbone and Nathaniel added another finger, reaching deeper inside him. Anders moaned and his hand went to his softening cock, stroking it as Nathaniel continued. Nathaniel held him closer, arching his fingers deep inside as he stroked. Anders cried out, pumping faster, bucking against Nathaniel's fingers.

He removed his fingers, Anders still stroking himself as he looked deeply into Nathaniel's eyes. Nathaniel hooked his thigh around his, angling his cock against Anders, feeling the vibrations of Anders' pumping hand against him. Anders nodded and kissed Nathaniel deeply as he slid inside of him. Nathaniel choked out a moan, nearly coming undone there and then. Anders groaned and Nathaniel moved inside of him, slowly, methodically, his hands wrapped around Anders as he pulled him closer to him.

Anders moved them to be on top of Nathaniel, his Commander lying beneath him as Anders took his cock in to the hilt, still stroking himself. Nathaniel cried out as Anders thrust them, moving up and down with an increased rhythm. Nathaniel tried to hold on to him, their skin slapping against each other.

"Anders," Nathaniel groaned, looking up at him. He knew the lubrication was drying; he needed to add more before it grew sore. But as he tried to move to reach the bottle, Anders pinned down his arm. Nathaniel tried to protest, but Anders kissed him and Nathaniel moved with him.

Nathaniel shifted, bringing the mage beneath him, holding his thighs around him. He quickly coated his cock with more lubrication before slipping back into him. Anders' legs started to shake around him and held him closer, not losing his gaze as he thrust into him.

"Nate," Anders whispered, "Nate. I need you to make me come. Tell me I can, please."

"Anders," Nathaniel said, between feverish kisses, "I need you to come. Do it for me."

Anders cried out as his hand squeezed his cock, seed spilling out against Nathaniel's chest. Nathaniel kissed him deeply, their chests pressed together as he thrust deeper into him, Anders shaking around him as Nathaniel spilled his own seed inside of him.

They held each other, panting and crying, sloppy kisses shared while Nathaniel stroked Anders' arms and legs. Nathaniel did not want to let go of him, wanted to hold him close to him for as long as he could.

But Anders insisted they should clean up and kissed Nathaniel softly before going to the washroom. As he heard the shower turn on again, Nathaniel sat back on the edge of the bed, wrapping the sheet around his body.

He turned back on the melodrama, and he cried just softly enough as to not be heard over the prince's speech to an angry mob of Antivan Crows. Nathaniel knew he had to hold it together for a bit longer, he would be home tomorrow, and then he could really fall apart.

But he truly understood then that Anders would not be coming back with him. He wanted to curse Justice, curse the Templars, curse all who led them here. Even himself. As the Antivan Crows cheered and the water continued pouring, Nathaniel went back to his glass, holding it in his palm.

He looked out unto the lights of Kirkwall and silently cursed himself for having come here.


	26. Chapter 26

Hawke had never been so ready for the weekend. The last few days had been a blur, getting Bethany ready for her transfer to Ferelden, comforting her mother throughout the process.

It was the third day. Cullen still had not phoned. 

When Varric phoned her near the end of her shift, she had been relieved to be given something else to think about. 

Now, they were spending the Friday evening on Varric’s back deck, admiring the fence he had finally finished. Young Theron was playing in the grass with Tali, who patiently let the small child climb all over her.

Varric had been spending more time with his son. It seemed Merrill had spoken to him about his absence. She was at one of her first birth observations. She was so absorbed with her new career path and Varric tried to accommodate her.

Varric was trying to tell Hawke about his thoughts for the final installment of his current series. It was still a few years off, but he was thinking ahead, trying to tie it all together.

“It’s a blessing,” Varric said, sipping his beer, “Since Daisy has been out so much, I find I’m getting more work done after the little tyke goes to sleep.”

“I guess you weren’t getting much work done being out all the time,” Hawke said passively, darting a quick look at Varric before turning her gaze back to the child and the dog.

“I should have guessed Merrill would have told you.”

“Varric, if this is all too much, you know we’re always here to help. I think Mom loves Theron more than she loves me half the time.”

Varric paused, opening his shirt slightly in the summer heat, then turned back to Hawke.

“I’m saying this only because I know you were worried about me,” Varric said quietly, “But I wasn’t drinking.”

“What were you doing?” Hawke asked.

Varric smirked slightly, “That’s not my secret to tell, Hawke. I made a promise.”

“So what changed? Why did you stop?”

“My son needs me,” Varric said, putting down his beer on the wooden deck, “That’s why.”

They heard someone open the door in the front of the fence, and they both turned to see Isabela, demurely dressed in jean shorts and a black t-shirt, wave at them.

“Hope it’s okay to let myself in,” she said, “Your Mom told me you were over here. I thought I would join the babysitting party.”

“We can’t spend every Friday night at gay bars,” Hawke teased.

“Why not? We can bring the kid along,” Isabela winked, rushing forward slightly to scoop him up in her arms. He laughed a little, nuzzling his nose against Isabela’s. She spun him around slightly, Tali spinning trying to follow Theron. 

Hawke felt her heart pang slightly and Varric stood, coughing slightly. “All right, Tee, it’s time for all good boys to go to bed.”

Theron frowned and muttered, “No.”

Varric rolled his eyes, “You have to learn one word, and that was the one you picked.”

“Merrill told me he learned a few Dalish words as well,” Isabela added, carrying him over to his father.

“Well that doesn’t help me much, does it? He can have a conversation with his mother and only tells me off,” Varric grumbled, taking his son into his arms. Theron looked up at him with a smile and the scowl wore off Varric’s face.

“I know,” Varric said, “You’re cute. I can’t stay mad at you. You ladies are all right for a little bit while I put him to bed?”

“I think we can handle ourselves,” Isabela said.

“Don’t set my yard on fire,” Varric warned, walking back into the house, Tali in tow behind him.

“How have you been?” Hawke said, trying to seem relaxed.

“How have I been?” Isabela laughed, “Is that all I get for being a complete twit?”

“Well, I didn’t want to say so,” Hawke joked awkwardly.

Isabela knelt down beside Hawke’s chair, “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to say it over the phone and then with everything with Anders and your sister…it seemed like a terrible time to say it. But…there it is. I care about you, you know that.”

“I know,” Hawke said softly, “But you didn’t have to run away.”

Isabela said quietly, “This isn’t easy for me, but I’m sorry I took that out on you. I want…I want to try things with you. But I have a few ground rules.”

“Okay,” Hawke said, her heart fluttering slightly.

“I can’t be monogamous. My livelihood depends on it. There’s no talk about the future. We live each day and we figure it out from there,” Isabela said, “And finally…there’s no talk of love. Ever.”

“Do you think any of that can change?”

“Maybe,” Isabela admitted, “But not any time soon.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes,” Hawke said, leaning over to kiss her, “I can work with that.”

Isabela kissed back, holding Hawke’s face in her hands tenderly. 

“You want to get out of here?” She asked quietly.

“Maker, yes,” Hawke groaned.

oOoOoOoOo

They had barely said goodbye to Varric as they ran to Isabela’s car. Hawke could barely keep her hands off her as Isabela drove, her hand creeping in between her thighs, feeling the pulsing heat of her sex.

Isabela led Hawke up to her apartment. She lived fairly close to her old place, only a few blocks from the Hung Man. During the elevator ride up, they purposely stood apart, watching each other lustfully as the bell sounded each time they went up a floor.

By the time Isabela was unlocking her door, Hawke was running her hand up her shirt, cupping her breast underneath her bra. Isabela tried to hide her grin as she opened the door and pulled Hawke inside.

They made it barely inside the entrance before they started tearing off each other’s clothes. Isabela smirked, unzipping Hawke from her police uniform.

“You’re going to need to come home in that more often,” she purred. 

Undressed, naked before each other, Isabela pushed Hawke against the wall, kissing her fiercely as a hand snaked in between her thighs. Hawke moaned as Isabela slipped two fingers inside, stretching her, stroking lightly, as Isabela kissed up her neck, coming to rest by her ear.

She whispered in Hawke’s ear, “I couldn’t stop thinking about this. Every day, I would want to be inside of you again.”

Hawke moaned, her own hand reaching for Isabela, and to her surprise, Isabela opened her legs slightly, letting Hawke touch her outer lips. Hawke let out a surprised moan, feeling the delicate folds, wet with arousal. She looked up, seeing the pleased look on Isabela’s face.

Isabela quickened her strokes, her other hand reaching around to cup Hawke’s ass, pulling her thigh around her waist. Hawke held Isabela closer with her free hand, her forehead resting against Isabela’s shoulder as she began stroking her swollen clit. Isabela laughed slightly, kissing Hawke’s neck.

Hawke felt that same sensation growing in her belly. She had tried to replicate it since then, a few feeble attempts in the dark. But here, with her…

Isabela started panting. Hawke had speed up without realizing it, and looking upon Isabela’s concentrated face, she wanted to make her feel it too.

With one finger inside her and another outside, Hawke stroked harder, her lips coming up to Isabela’s ear and whispered, “Please.” 

Isabela cried out, her legs shaking and Hawke held her tighter, her nails digging into her back, and she pounded into her. Isabela tried to speak, but all that came out was a moan as she held onto Hawke. 

Hawke felt her shake, the throbbing of her sex increasing, and the lovely fresh arousal that smelt almost sweet. 

Isabela gasped, kissing Hawke as she came down. But for Hawke, this was not enough. Hawke took her leg from Isabela and picked her up, carrying her over to the couch. Yet as she did so, Isabela flipped her over, kneeling above her with a coy smile on her face.

She pushed Hawke further down the couch as she went back, nuzzling her face in between Hawke’s legs. 

“This is my favourite,” Isabela said in between kisses on her outer lips, “I want to show you what I want you to do to me.”

Hawke nodded as Isabela slipped her tongue slightly inside of her. Hawke cried out, Isabela licking inside of her, her hands holding Hawke’s ass, pulling her towards her. Hawke felt herself grabbing her own breasts, playing with her hardened nipples as  
Isabela looked up and smiled.

“Good,” She said, “Keep going.”

Isabela turned towards Hawke’s clit and sucked on it lightly, her fingers reaching back inside of her, arching upwards to stroke that swollen mound Hawke remembered fondly.

She cried out, moving her body against Isabela’s and Isabela dug deeper, holding her closer as she sucked. Hawke trembled and cried out as the bliss once again rocked her body. 

As her panting slowed, Isabela laid down on top of her, kissing Hawke passionately even as the taste of her stayed on her lips. Hawke held her close, kissing her deeply.

Isabela grinned, “I guess there is a perk to virgins after all. I can teach you how to do it right the first time.”

Hawke blushed slightly and kissed her again, softer this time. 

oOoOoOoOo

They were falling asleep, side-by-side, Isabela was barely covered in the sheet as she turned to face Hawke. Hawke looked over at her, silhouetted by the streetlight, her curves distinct under the thin sheets.

“Maker,” Hawke murmured sleepily, “You’re beautiful.”

“I hope you’re not thinking of jumping me again,” Isabela yawned, “You wore me out. And I’m a professional at this.”

“Maybe I’m in the wrong profession,” Hawke teased, kissing her nose.

“We’ll swap,” Isabela joked, “I’m sure people would take me seriously in that uniform.”

“I like listening to the orders you give me.”

Isabela pushed Hawke away playfully, giggling slightly. She reached out a hand, stroking Hawke’s face tenderly. Hawke kissed her again, turning on her other side. To her surprise, she felt Isabela’s arms around her and she held her close to her chest.

This was the moment Cullen decided to phone Hawke’s home. Bethany was gone, already transferred in the night. Hawke put the phone down slowly and Isabela held her. At least now, it was finally over.


	27. Chapter 27

**TW: Addiction for this chapter and the next**

Hawke grumbled as she rolled over the check the time, Isabela curling underneath her outstretched arm.

Ugh,” Hawke groaned, putting the clock back down. She leaned down, kissing Isabela’s exposed cheek, causing the other to giggle.

“Bela,” Hawke said softly, “I’ve got to get going. It’s already 7am.”

“Stay a little longer,” Isabela purred, pulling Hawke closer, “I haven’t completed your training yet.”

Hawke laughed, “It’s Monday. I think I could use a rest day.”

“Nonsense,” Isabela grumbled, “You’ll just have to come back after work.”

“Who’s being clingy now?” Hawke teased, rolling out of bed.

“I just like having you around. I don’t have to cook and you smell nice. I’m using you for your body and culinary skills.”

“Mmmhmm,” Hawke replied, ruffling Isabela’s disordered curls, “I can’t come back tonight. I have a stakeout with Emeric. He thinks he finally found a suspect for all those disappearances. I’m starting to believe him, maybe they are all connected…it seems so strange though, no one has shown up.”

Isabela said gently, “When a woman disappears, you will either never see her again or you will find her body. Be grateful you haven’t turned anything up.”

“You might have a point there,” Hawke admitted, looking for her wrinkled uniform, tossed somewhere in the heat of passion.

“Be careful,” Isabela said quietly, “I know you’re a big old police officer…but…”

Hawke leaned down and kissed Isabela softly. Isabela smiled and curled back into the blankets, pulling the extra covers around her.

“I’ll phone you tomorrow, okay?” Hawke promised, zipping up her pants.

“I’ll phone you,” Isabela said, “I would hate for you to phone when I’m with a client.”

Hawke bit her lip slightly and nodded. This part would take some getting used to. 

oOoOoOoOoOo

Two hours into their shift, Fenris had still not arrived at work. Hawke looked up anxiously at the clock as Brosca walked past.

“Lieutenant,” Hawke called out as the dwarf paused, “Constable Leto hasn’t been in. Is he ill?”

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Brosca replied, “I haven’t heard from him.”

“Did you try his phone?”

“Constable, I have bigger problems than to track down an employee who decided to go for a joyride. I’ll deal with him when he shows up.”

But Hawke felt unsettled and as Brosca went back to his office, she spun her phone to call Fenris’ number. After five tries, he still was not answering. 

She looked around briefly and grabbed their car keys.

Fenris lived in a rundown home in Lowtown, long since abandoned when the richer homeowners moved into different areas. It was far too large for him to maintain and he spent most of his time in the lower rooms.

When he did not answer the door, Hawke looked under the mat to find an extra key. It occurred to her as she opened the door that she had never been inside Fenris’ home before. The intrusion into his space made her feel uncomfortable, but she worried about him more. 

A stale sweet smell came from the entrance and she saw a disgruntled, half naked Fenris lying on the floor, a spilled glass beside him. He blearily looked up at Hawke.

“Shit,” he whispered.

“Fenris,” Hawke murmured, walking slowly towards him.

“Stay there,” Fenris waved her off, “I can make it to you.”

He stood, his bare chest covered in thin white scars she had never seen before. His hair was greasy and unkempt. His one foot was swollen and he hobbled slightly to her side. She smelt the alcohol on him before he even reached her side.

“Fenris,” she said gently.

“What time is it?”

“It’s just after 10:30…its Monday.”

“Shit,” he swore again, running a hand through his greasy hair, “Shit. Shit.” 

“Fenris, it’s okay.”

“Of course its not okay!” He yelled, “I was clean. I was clean! I had nearly made it three years sober, Hawke. Then I lose track of three days and I wake up here and you’re here because I missed work and I screwed up.”

“Fenris,” she said, softly, watching him pace in front of her.

“I can’t be here,” he said, “I can’t.”

“What do you need?”

“I need…I need a shower…I need a place to stay, one without a drop of alcohol in it. I need someone to stay with me. And I need to get to a meeting.”

“We’ll set you up in my place,” Hawke said, “Once we get you cleaned and fed, I’ll drive you to a meeting. We’ll make it through this. I’ll phone work and-“

“Tell them what?” Fenris cried out, “That the elf is an a relapsed alcoholic? They already don’t want me there.” 

“Fenris,” Hawke said, stronger this time, “Don’t give a shit about that. You’re staying with me. I will get through this even if I have to kick the shit out of you. Get some clothes and get in the car. Now.”

oOoOoOoOo

It was four in the afternoon when they finally returned to Hawke’s house. Hawke had waited outside while Fenris was at AA, waiting with her head in hands wondering what the hell she had gotten herself into.

When he returned, weak in the knees, she drove him back. He didn’t say a word. 

She had helped him run a bath, leaving the door unlocked just in case. She had warned Leandra, who to Hawke’s great surprise, did not judge but merely suggested that she stay with Varric and Merrill until Fenris was back on his feet.

Hawke found herself falling asleep on her bed when Fenris returned, a towel around his waist as his hair dripped slightly on the floor.

“Hawke,” He said, “Do you have a sweater I can borrow? I’m starting to get chills.”

Once Fenris was dressed, she wrapped him in her cadet sweater, which thankfully was quite baggy on her. She laid him down in the guest room, wrapping the blankets around him as he began shivering. 

She lay down beside him on top of the blankets. 

“What can I do?” She asked.

“Stay with me,” he pleased, closing his eyes, “If I can make it through the next 12 hours or so, I will be okay. I’ve only ever fallen off the wagon once, and even then, I needed a day to get sober so I could get on track.”

“That seems like a very short amount of time.”

“I don’t stop wanting the drink then, Hawke,” Fenris said softly, opening his eyes to look at her, “But then I’m strong enough to stop myself.”

“Did you have someone with you then?”

“No,” Fenris admitted, “And it was much harder. This is…not easy, but…” he turned on his side to face her, “I feel more motivated this time.”

“What happened?” She asked.

“It was a couple of months. I…I started having flashbacks of being on the farm…my body ached, I could feel…” his hand went to the one long white scar on his face, “I could feel the blows again. They whipped us. I was lucky to have only one severe cut on my face. I got that the day I found out my sister was dead.”

“I tried to go to meetings,” he explained, “But…there are so few elves there, so few that have gone through what I have. I didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t want to talk about it. That was my mistake. So I stopped going, even though they had been so good to me. I stopped taking my sponsor’s calls. Varric sat with me at the bar, trying to keep me from killing myself with drink. But I was functioning, I was making it through the day.”

“What happened?” Hawke asked, “When I saw you on Friday…you seemed a little tired, but you were sober, weren’t you?”

Fenris nodded, leaning deeper into the pillow, “I…I don’t know how to explain it. I went to the LCBK, I bought…I don’t even remember what I bought to drink. I barely drove myself home. And I drank. Alone. I don’t remember eating, I barely remember sleeping. I don’t know what made me give up. But I did. Then you were there, and I was reminded…”

“Reminded of what?”

“Everything I have to live for,” Fenris said gently, “I have a good job, good friends. I am free and I am safe. I survived. I want to keep surviving. If I give in, they’re still winning. I…I am worthy of life.” 

“Fenris,” she said softly, wanting to reach out to him, but restraining herself. 

“You have been a good friend, Hawke,” Fenris murmured, “Better than I deserved. I’m sorry I dragged you into this.”

He tentatively stretched out a hand from under the covers, his cold fingers brushing her cheek. She leaned into the gesture, letting his fingers run into her hair. 

“I’m going to get you a hot water bottle,” she said, “I’ll be right back. Stay under the covers. Maybe some tea too. Can your stomach handle it?”

He nodded, smiling slightly, “No cucumber sandwiches?” 

“I’m afraid we’re fresh out,” Hawke teased, rising from the bed, “Hang in there.”

When Hawke returned, she found Fenris half asleep, Tali lying with him in the covers. She smiled, putting the tray with tea and a sandwich on the bed stand, and slipped the hot water bottle near Fenris’ bare feet. He stirred slightly. She grabbed her book and sat on the bed beside him, affectionately scratching Tali’s ear. 

Fenris woke less than an hour later, his tea cold and his hot water bottle needing to be attended to. Hawke put down Star Empire II and went to reheat his tea when he stretched out his hand to stop her. Another scar across his palm glinted. How had she never noticed them all? 

“I’m better, Hawke,” he said, “I think you’ll make me sweat to death.”

“It’s my first detox,” she teased, “Give me a break, I’m still learning.”

“Of the three,” he said with a tired smile, “This has been the most pleasant.” He grimaced slightly as he sat up, pulling the hood back down on Hawke’s sweater. 

“Are you in pain?” She asked in concern.

“A little,” he admitted, “My muscles always ache during the process. My body is getting used to not having alcohol in it again. It…takes some adjusting.”

“I can get you some Tylenol,” Hawke said.

He shook his head, “It would defeat the point. I have to work through it, other wise, I’ll just give in again.”

“You said before the meetings didn’t help…did the one earlier today work at all?”

He nodded, “I need to get better. They understand that. They want to help. I want to help them. I had forgotten that…I had felt so disconnected. There is another one tomorrow morning. I’d like to go if you’d help me get there.”

“Of course,” she replied, “Anything.”

“I think I will go wash up again,” he said, slowly rising from the bed, “I feel like a mess.”

She helped him stand and he smirked slightly, “So this is what being an old man will feel like. It will not be so bad if there is such a beautiful woman there.”

Hawke laughed, “Maybe that Belle will do the trick.”

It was only a brief glance between them, but suddenly both of them realized the thought that had floated through their minds. Hawke excused herself to make dinner and Fenris went to the washroom, immediately splashing cold water on his face. 

They ate together, the colour returning to Fenris’ cheeks. They spent the evening in the living room, watching mediocre horror movies side by side, Tali curled up in Fenris’ lap. Hawke felt herself falling asleep on Fenris’ shoulder and to her surprise, he put his arm around her. 

As the credits rolled and the clock struck midnight, Fenris turned the TV off, sending a sleeping Tali to her feet. He picked up Hawke, who laughed sleepily.

“I thought your muscles hurt,” she teased.

“I was always told that exercise helps,” he replied with a smirk, carrying her back up the stairs. 

They laid side by side in the guest bed. Fenris was oddly still, trying to force himself to fall asleep. Hawke stroked his arm, the web of scars smooth under her touch. He turned to lay on his back, his head leaning over to look at her. She sleepily smiled at him, coming to lay closer beside him in the bed. He put his arm around her, pulling her around his chest. She felt his heart slow slightly as he closed his eyes, holding her close to him.


	28. Chapter 28

TW: Addiction 

Hawke woke when it was still dark, Fenris gone from her side. In panic, she stood, quickly seeing him standing by the moonlit window. She went to his side, her hand going to his sweat drenched cheek.

“Fenris,” she murmured, “What’s wrong?”

“My mind keeps racing,” he said, “I keep thinking how much I’ve screwed up. Work…what will I say? Our friends…I just…”

She murmured, “Shh…don’t think about that right now. Get through this night. You’ll go to the meeting tomorrow. Do you want to phone your sponsor?”

He nodded, “Can I use your phone?”

She turned on the light while Fenris went to her room. She could hear the rotary dial turn and Fenris’ quiet voice muffled through the wall. She laid back down on the bed sleepily, fluffing Fenris’ pillow as she waited for him to return.

She was startled when he returned to the room, realizing he was only in boxers. He looked briefly at himself and apologized, “Hot flash. I can put clothes back on.”

“No, it’s okay,” she said, “Just turn off the light and come back to sleep.”

Fenris did so, lying as far as he could from her. 

“Are you still hot?” She asked.

“No,” he admitted, “I just…thought I should give you some space.”

“Okay,” she said mid-yawn, “Wake me up if you need anything.”

Hawke woke up one more time in the night and she rolled over to check her clock. 4am. She looked over to Fenris, who appeared to be sleeping, if only shallowly. She rose quietly from the bed and went to the washroom. She stood in front of the mirror, bleary-eyed. She realized her heart was racing slightly. She vaguely remembered a dream, but only the feeling of adrenaline lasted.

She splashed some water on her face and the back of her neck and dried herself with a towel. She returned to find the light on in the guest room. Fenris was sitting on the edge of the bed, but he stood as she returned into the room. 

“Fenris?” 

“Hawke,” he said softly as she walked to his side.

His hand went to the side of her face, his fingers combing through her hair. She looked up at him, and they both waited, their breathing growing deeper as they looked into each other’s eyes.

“It’s okay,” she whispered and he leaned in to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he picked her up around his waist. He carried her back to the bed as he kissed her again, slowly, tenderly. 

He knelt over her as he kissed her. She ran her hands down his chest, stopping when she reached a forked scar over his nipple. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered. 

He reached down and pulled off her nightshirt, revealing her bare breasts and her bloomers. He pulled them off gently, kissing her thighs as he did. She pressed her chest against his, feeling his body against hers. She kissed him deeply, a slight moan escaping her lips as he pulled himself away.

“Where’s my wallet?” He whispered.

“It’s just in the top drawer,” she replied, sighing.

He turned from her as he searched through the drawer. When he seemed to find what he was searching for, he cast his boxers onto the floor, turning back to her as he broke through the foil wrapping. 

She blinked slightly and felt a blush come over her cheeks as she saw his erection. As he rolled the condom over himself, he returned back to the bed, seeing her slight awkwardness.

“Hawke,” he said gently, “You mean more to me than this. I…I…”

“I want you,” she said softly, biting his lip affectionately, “This…this just wasn’t how I expected this evening to go.”

He smiled, leaning his forehead against hers, “Me neither.”

She leaned forward, kissing his neck and wrapping an arm around him. He took her in his arms, a hand reaching between her legs. She had not realized how aroused she was until then, her body pulsing as his fingers entered her. He stroked her lightly, gently, pulling her closer to him. 

But this was not what she wanted. Seeing his cock bob just above her, waiting painfully for her, she bit Fenris’ ear and whispered, “I want you in me.”

He groaned slightly, “Hawke…I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I won’t let you,” she promised, stroking his cheek.

He rolled onto his back, pulling her against his chest. He kissed her firmly and whispered, “Then you take control. I…I need you to lead me.”

Her heart pounding loudly, Hawke brought herself over his cock and slowly lowered herself onto the tip. She gasped slightly and rose again. But her body ached and she went down again, lowering herself further onto him.

He groaned, her head back as she moved again, taking him into her to the hilt. She moaned as she moved her body around his. He sat up, cupping her ass as she thrust herself against him. 

She cried out as she felt herself being filled, stretched so, his cock thrusting against her so deliciously. She leaned forth, wrapping her arms around him, her breasts so close to his mouth. He took one into his mouth, sucking her lightly as she picked up pace. 

“Maker,” she whispered, arching her back forth, as Fenris let go of the breast and kissed the space in-between them, his tongue lapping her sweat, biting her slightly when she moaned. She could feel his cock throbbing inside of her, thrusting exactly how she wanted and exactly where she needed it.

She rode him harder, digging her nails into his back. He grabbed unto her harder, her fingers gently touching the space they were joined.

“Fenris,” she moaned desperately, “Oh, Fenris.”

He panted, looking deeply into her eyes, “Marian.”

The pressure built and the waves hit her, squeezing around his cock as she rode out her orgasm. Her nails left marks as she scratched down his back, desperately pounding herself into him as she tried to squeeze out the last drops of her orgasm. As her breathing slowly slightly, Fenris pushed her onto her back, pushing her legs open as he thrust into her. She wrapped herself around him as he thrust faster, groaning into her ear. 

“Marian,” he moaned, grasping her cheek in his hand.

She kissed him deeply, her hands reaching down to stroke across his chest. His other hand took one of hers into his own, holding her arm down against the bed, their fingers interlocked. 

“Fenris,” she moaned, the orgasm building again in her quickly. He heard the desperation in her voice and quickened her pace, his hand letting go of her face as he reached for her back, arching her body closer to his. She felt his legs shuddering beneath her, his face relaxed as he squeezed her hand. She kissed him again, as he thrust as he came, his seed being caught by the latex. He withdrew and she groaned. 

He threw the condom away and returned to her, taking a breast in his hand as his head bent forth between her legs. He licked her wet lips, and they pulsed painfully. He licked upwards, resting on her swollen clit. He flicked his tongue a few times, causing her to arch her back as his fingers played with her hardened nipple. 

“Fenris,” she begged and she could almost feel him grin. His lips focused on her clit, sucking strongly, his other hand reaching inside of her, two fingers pounding into her. She cried out, wrapping her legs around his head, rubbing her body against his tongue and fingers until she came. Fenris kissed her clit, kissed her delicate folds. When he rose to see her, she kissed him hard, the taste of herself still on his lips. He kissed her, hands cupping her face. 

“Do you think you can sleep now?” She teased.

“Definitely not now,” he smirked, “But I did only have the one condom and I don’t think you’ll find a pharmacy open this time of night.”

“I think I have a few in my room,” Hawke lied, “You just make yourself comfortable, I’ll be right back.”

A quick phone call and Hawke snuck downstairs, opening the door before it could ring. Merrill stood outside in her nightgown, holding out a half opened box of condoms.

“You owe me,” she whispered sleepily. 

“You’re the best neighbor ever.”

oOoOoOoOoO

Hawke woke first when her alarm clock went off. She hit it quickly. There would be no work today. Fenris was fast asleep under the covers, his hair in disarray. She kissed his ear and he turned over, grumbling slightly. 

She went downstairs, wrapping her housecoat around her. She feed Tali and started the coffee pot. As it was brewing, she paused, looking at the kitchen phone. She took a deep breath and spun the rotary dial.

“Hawke?” Isabela asked grumpily, “It’s 7am. Why are you waking me up?”

“I slept with Fenris.”

“Kitten, we talked about this. We’re not monogamous. It’s okay. We can both sleep with whoever we like.”

“It was the first time it wasn’t with you,” Hawke said, “I…I just feel a little bit off about it.”

“…Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I don’t regret it. And it was…pretty good actually.”

“…Am I still better?”

Hawke laughed, “Is that all you care about? You being the best lover?”

“Did you use a condom?”

“Several…not all at once, I do listen to you.”

“Then I’m happy. You should be too, okay?” 

“Okay,” Hawke replied, sighing slightly. 

“Now let me go sleep. You go take care of him, okay?”

“Okay.”

Fenris wandered into the kitchen, the sheet tied around his waist. Hawke hastily said goodbye and watched as he stood in the doorway.

“Hawke,” he said, briskly, rubbing sleep from his eye.

Fenris smirked, sitting down at the kitchen table, “I guess I’ll have a lot to talk about at AA this morning.” 

“And what will you tell them?” She asked, pouring him a cup of coffee.

“I slept with my partner,” he said, taking the cup from her, “Four times, in fact. Now it’s going to be difficult going to work with her knowing what she looks like naked.”

She stuck her tongue out at him as she poured her own cup, “Is that really the worst thing? Now we’ll have something to do on the boring patrol shifts.”

“I think you’re a bit too loud for that.”

“Glad to see our relationship hasn’t changed,” Hawke rolled her eyes, sitting down in the chair beside him.

“Hasn’t it?” He asked softly.

She paused and then said, “I don’t know.”

“I care about you,” He said, “I think we both know that. I think you care about me too. But you’re in love with Isabela. We all know that. And I’m in no place for a relationship. I’m still getting my own self together, it’s not fair for you…or for me.”

“If it was a different time…different circumstances…” Hawke said softly.

“Marian,” he murmured, “If I was a better man, I would fight for you. But I’m too screwed up right now. And I think you and Isabela could have something really special. So don’t feel bad, don’t regret this. You…you really helped me last night. You are the best friend I could have. I mean that.”

“You too,” she said with a sad smile, holding his hand, “We’re going to have to go back to how it was before, won’t we?”

“No,” he said gently, “I will always remember last night…this morning, really.”

She smiled, “Me too…and apparently so will the 20 or 30 people at AA today.”

Fenris blushed slightly, “I talked about you with my sponsor last night. He told me if you and I were honest with ourselves, then I would know what the right thing to do was.”

“And what is the right thing to do?”

He took a sip of his coffee, “I have to get better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Also, pro tip: Don’t keep condoms in your wallet. Cool, dry place, kids. )


	29. Chapter 29

It was a beautiful evening as the sun slowly set. The crickets chirped as the summer heat started to fade. The world was coming back into autumn again, slowly, but surely.

Hawke’s friends had all come to visit and have a small party in the backyard. Earlier this week, Fenris had made it three weeks sober. They had been on shift at the time and chose to celebrate a few days later on the Friday night. 

Fenris was tired, but happily lying on Theron’s blanket as the child played with his hair. Merrill and Varric were near by, Varric keeping an eye on his son as he danced with his wife to the record playing through the open kitchen door. Anders and Isabela were playing a game of Wicked Grace, both of their brows furrowed in concentration at trying to beat the other.

Hawke found herself on her deck chair, curled up sleepily. It had been a hard few weeks. More women were missing and it seemed every day a new report came across her desk. Now, a few lost pieces of jewelry would appear, even disturbingly a severed hand. But there was still no end in sight, and no pattern.

Fenris had been awkward at first to work with. When she looked at him, she saw the scars that she had traced so tenderly, she saw the hands that gripped her in passion. But that faded as their lives became focused on what they wanted. Hawke wanted to be with Isabela. Fenris needed to get better.

She looked over at him. He sleepily raised his arm as Theron crawled beside him, curling up in his loose sweater and resting beside him. Hawke smiled and stood, walking over to Isabela. She was pursed her lips as Hawke held her from behind.

“You’re helping the mage cheat, aren’t you?” She accused, “He’s hired you as spy!”

“Bela,” Hawke said after kissing the back of her neck, “Anders has no money.”

“It’s true,” Anders agreed with a smirk, “Are you really going to cheat me out of my only living, Isabela? If I didn’t win at cards every once in awhile, the clinic would have to go without the supplies you desperately need.”

“Hush you,” Isabela said proudly, smiling slightly as Hawke squeezed her hip, “I am your most fabulous client, you would miss me if I didn’t stop by.”

Hawke heard the phone ring. She kissed Isabela’s ear and whispered, “I’ll be right back.”

“Good,” Isabela said, “Now I can concentrate on earning back my living. I intended to spend this all at that Wonders of Thedas outlet. I’m so excited they opened one here.”

Anders smirked, “Ah, how that makes me miss Denerim.”

Hawke shook her head as she went into the kitchen. 

“Hawke residence,” She answered, twirling the chord around her finger. 

“Hawke.”

“…Cullen?”

“I kept trying to phone…but I could never get a hold of you. I couldn’t be seen at the station. I need to talk to you.”

“Okay,” She said, “What is this about?”

“I can’t tell you over the phone. Can I meet you tomorrow?” 

Hawke paused, looking outside as Fenris picked up Theron, carrying him gently back into the house.

“Just me?” 

“Yes. The less involved, the better. If you need security, tell your partner where you’ll be. I need you to trust me. If that’s what you need, so be it.”

“Okay,” Hawke agreed as Fenris walked into the house. She motioned Fenris to stay still while she scrambled through a drawer, finding a pen and paper. She scribbled down the address and time Cullen said and hung up the phone.

“What is it, Hawke?” He asked.

“I have a meeting tomorrow with Agent Rutherford,” She said quietly, “I have no idea what about. Just in case, I’m going to give you the details. If I haven’t phoned you by 18:00 tomorrow, you put in a missing person’s report and come after me.”

“You don’t think…” Fenris asked.

“I don’t know what to think,” Hawke admitted, “But I think he wants to help.”

“You be careful,” he warned.

She smiled, pinching Theron’s cheek, “You look good with him.”

Fenris rolled his eyes, “I’ll never be the paternal type, Hawke. But he’s a good kid. It’s hard not to be fond of him.”

Theron grabbed Fenris’ chin and Fenris looked down at him with a slight smile. 

Isabela called out to Hawke, “Anders is cheating! Constable Hawke!” 

Hawke smiled and walked back into the backyard, vaguely noticing Fenris’ eyes following her.

oOoOoOoOoOo

It was a surprisingly cool day for August. Hawke wrapped herself in a cardigan over her summer dress. She even put on her fancier shoes, a pair of flats with a bow on them. She knew the less she looked like a cop, the safer she would be.

She passed Leandra on the way out and her mother whistled slightly. Hawke felt herself blush.

“Have you got yourself a proper gentleman caller?” Leandra asked, “It’s about time. I see how you look at Theron. You’re ready for a husband and a baby of your own.”

“Mom,” Hawke said, blushing, “I’ve just got a meeting, that’s all.” 

“Oh,” Leandra smiled, “Is that what they call it these days?”

Hawke found herself blushing further as she made her way out to the car.   
Cullen had asked to meet her in a park in Hightown, near an elementary school she often passed by on patrol. Children were playing on the jungle gym, their parents chatting with others, comparing gossip from their own circles.

She barely recognized Cullen sitting on a bench near the edge of the playground, dressed in jeans and a faded grey t-shirt. He walked over to her side once he saw her, taking her arm in his.

“It’s safer if people think we are on a date,” he said softly, “Excuse my forwardness.”

“Of course,” she replied, letting him lead her over to a small fountain nearby. They sat on the edge of it, the babbling water covering their soft voices from the others around them.

“I have information for you,” Cullen said quietly, “There may be war with the Qunari soon. I need your help to stop it.”

Hawke tried to hide her shock as she moved closer to Cullen, “I don’t understand.”

“You have seen the tension in this city. It has gotten more relaxed these past few months, but that will not last long. The Chantry has been in talks. Many of the faithful are converting to the Qun; they are growing popular in the city. Some in the Chantry feel that their followers are being corrupted by the heathen faith, that they are losing ground. You remember Dumar’s son?”

“Saemus,” she replied, “Of course.”

“It is known that he has gone to a monastery to become a priest. But the rumour is that this is not his will…there is a woman in the Chantry, she is trying to create war with the Qun, to show the faithful of their evil ways. She wants to create a purge of all Qun from the city. I still cannot prove her actions and I cannot go forth on my own.”

“Why not?” she asked, “Wouldn’t the Chantry take the word of a CBI agent over a police officer?”

“I need to keep…a low profile,” Cullen said softly, “There are longer term goals to think of.”

He looked away from her and it slowly dawned on her.

“My sister…tell me what really happened.”

“It was as I said before. When they caught her…they wanted to give her the brand, your friend too. I was the one who phoned the police.”

“You’re working with the mages?” She whispered.

“I work for reform,” he said gently, “There is corruption in this city, but it comes from those running it. I have no love for the Qun, but many will die if we do nothing. I have no love for blood magic, but many will die if we continue to hunt mages as we do…I saved your sister. I assaulted three other officers to protect her. I got her to Anders. I have tried to keep him safe…but that is not always easy. I do not think mages should run free without training or guidance…but that is no longer what my agency does, I’m afraid.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“I need you to speak to the Arishok. Tell him he is to report any disturbances to his people to you and not the rest of the officers. Anything out of place, they are to inform you. This Sister Petrice…I do not know what she is planning, nor do I have access to Saemus to see if he is still well. But perhaps we can stop her still if we watch from inside and out.”

Cullen stood, “I should go. You should also tell your friend that you were never in danger.”

She looked over to where she saw Fenris sitting on a nearby bench, pretending to read the Kirkwall Sun. Cullen kissed her cheek and she blushed slightly. As he left, Fenris put down his paper and walked over to her.

“Are you all right?” He asked.

“Well,” she said, a bemused look on her face, “That was unexpected.”

oOoOoOoOo

“Fenris, we’ve been here for hours. Let’s just go. I want to go see that new picture with the good looking army men.”

“Hold on,” Fenris muttered, scanning through the microfilm, “I know it is in here somewhere. Just give me a few more minutes.”

“That’s what you said an hour ago,” Hawke complained, loud enough a librarian shot her a dirty look. Hawke whispered, “Do you even know what you’re looking for?”

“I remember an article that mentioned Sister Petrice. I remember it was last June in the Kirkwall Sun. I think that’s fairly accurate. I read the paper everyday for a reason, Hawke.”

“If you had just written it down, then maybe we would not have been in this mess.”

“And flip through a 500 page notebook for a scribble? No thank you. I know it’s here. I just need to look through another week of papers. It must have been at the beginning of June.”

Hawke grumbled, sitting down beside Fenris. He nudged her, “Go find yourself a book or a magazine. It might still be awhile…it might have been April.”

“Ugh,” Hawke complained, standing up.

She wandered over to 800s and sat on the floor of the newer volumes of poetry. She started to remember fondly those days at the factory, coming home with a new volume about sex and love and war.

She picked up one she had not read, the ink in it still new from being catalogued. She flipped open, a single sentence bolded: I am with you in Rockland. 

Hawke curled up in the aisle, resting her head on a shelf as she continued. She heard Fenris cry out, “There!” and a mumbled apology.

She put the book back and wandered over to him as he frantically scribbled down information to carry to the librarian. 

“What is it?” She asked.

“I’ll show you in a minute,” he promised, “I just need a printed copy.”

They waited by the microfilm projector as the librarian returned with a sheet of paper. 

“Thanks,” Fenris said, handing the paper over to Hawke.

It was on the fifth page of the paper, just behind an ad for a type of dish soap. A picture of a blonde woman in the habit of an initiate. A small caption said, “Chantry Sister cleared of all charges.” A short description discussed a Sister Petrice being accused of holding a Qunari mage hostage, but no evidence had been found to convict her.

“We’ll still have these files at the station,” Fenris said, “We might be able to find something they didn’t know about a year ago.”

“You do have an amazing memory,” Hawke replied.

“One of us had to be the brains,” he said with a smirk.

oOoOoOoOoOo

“Hawke,” Isabela muttered over the phone, “You said you would be back tonight. I never thought I’d have to ask you to keep me company.”

Hawke flushed slightly and she turned away from Fenris, “I think we’ve nearly cracked it, Bela.”

“Kitten, come on. You can go back in tomorrow. I miss you…and you know how I get when I start missing you.”

A heat flushed through Hawke’s skin and her heart beat quicker, “I’ll try to get over there before 10 or so.”

“I don’t know if that’s good enough…I may be all worn out by then.”

“Damn it, Bela,” she whispered into the phone, “This is important. Don’t tease me like this. This is just mean.”

“You like it, Hawke.”

Isabela hung up on her and she turned back to see Fenris sitting at his desk, raising his eyebrows up at her. He flipped over the page as she took a deep breath and sat back down at the desk.

“Anything interesting?” She said with a feigned smile. 

“This is going to take awhile,” Fenris admitted, taking a drink of his coffee, “Are you sure you’re in for the long haul?”

Hawke thought briefly to Isabela and sighed, “I guess I have to be.”

oOoOoOoOo

Hawke woke, realizing she had fallen asleep on her desk and removed the paper stuck to her cheek. She looked over the desk to see Fenris curled up on the floor, using his motorcycle jacket as a pillow. 

She looked at the piece of paper in her hand, trying to wipe off the smudged bits. It was a news article from a few weeks ago. Sister Petrice was making an appearance at a local school. She was sitting in her modest black dress, her hair pinned back with the black veil that was customary for her age and rank.

Something bothered her about the photo. She felt that there was something in this article, something that she just wasn’t seeing. She stood up and went to the washroom, splashing cold water on her face. She looked at her watch, realizing it was just past 5 in the morning.

She went back to Fenris and kicked him gently. He grumbled and flipped over, looking up at Hawke.

“Come,” She said, “We’re going to Mass. We need to go get changed.”

They had taken the motorcycle and parked a few blocks away from the Chantry. Hawke dressed in a demure black dress, her hair pinned back modestly. Fenris had dressed to cover his tattoos, his hair even properly combed. 

Even though it was dark and 6am, the street grew busy as the faithful went to the first Mass of the Sunday. Hawke and Fenris slipped among the crowd, discreetly separating from each other. 

Hawke’s shoes tapped against the hardwood floor as she walked through the building, greeting those who stopped her to wish her the grace of Andraste. She made her way past the sanctuary, pretending to be going to help out in the kitchens. She managed to sneak her ways upstairs, heading towards the library. She paused as she passed the space, looking at the refilled shelves.

The Chant was beginning. She looked over the railing, locating Fenris near the back as he observed the ceremony quietly. She continued to sneak through the upper floors, reaching the empty offices of the Revered Mother and some of the higher sisters. She paused, looking around briefly, before she took out one of her hairpins and picked through the lock on the Revered Mother’s door. When she heard a successful click, she pushed the door open slightly. She made her way in the dim light to her filing cabinet. 

She made short time scouring for files on the Sisters, finally coming to Sister Petrice’s. There was nothing remarkable at first. She had joined the nunnery at the age of 16 after growing up in Kirkwall. Good family, all still alive. She kept looking until she managed to stumble upon what she needed.

It was a communiqué between the Revered Mother of the Kirkwall Chantry and the Revered Mother for all of the Free Marches, regarding how Sister Petrice should be punished within the Chantry, even if they managed to keep her out of the legal system. There was a Qunari, a mage, who Petrice argued she was protecting when others of his kind attacked them. The details were unclear, but at the end, Petrice remained unscathed while the mage was dead. 

She flipped through the files further, reaching to a letter only a few weeks old between the Revered Mother and Petrice. It was a photocopy of the transferring of Saemus Dumar from the Revered Mother’s custody to Petrice’s. It gave the location of the facility, a monastery just south of Sundermount. It also gave instructions for the handling and transporting of a new potential convert to the same facility. She didn’t recognize the name.

Hawke knew she didn’t have much time, so she started replacing the files when she came across the most recent addition to the file. It was a quick note, scratched with a bad pen instead of typed as the others were.

All it read was such:  
September 19th. 

Hawke frowned. That was only three weeks away now. Why this date? She could not wait longer and replaced the note as well, relocking the filing cabinet. She snuck out, locking the door behind her and replacing the pin in her hair. She went back the same way she came in, her shoes tapping lightly on the floor.

It was a particularly passionate part of the Chant when she returned to Fenris’ side, the tenor’s voice echoing throughout the chamber. They exchanged the briefest of looks and she nodded slightly to him. 

As the music receded, Sister Petrice came forth to give her sermon, motioning for the faithful to sit in the pews. Hawke sat, her heart racing slightly, and Fenris squeezed her hand.

“Faithful,” Petrice addressed, an arm stretched out to the crowd, “We come today in remembrance of Andraste and the Maker’s love for her. We remember the sacrifices made in the pursuit for the kingdom of God here on Earth.”

Petrice turned and Hawke could have sworn the woman’s piercing blue eyes were on her as she said, “We remember that the flames are as just now as they were then.”

As Petrice continued her sermon on the need to trust in the Maker’s plan, Hawke realized she knew who the potential convert was. The benediction went forth and all stood to greet their neighbours as the Mass came to a close. As Fenris awkwardly embraced her, Hawke whispered to him, “I think know what she’s planning.”


	30. Chapter 30

The Arishok was quick to accept her request for an audience. Still in their clothes from the Chantry, Fenris and Hawke made their way into the temple, taking their shoes off by the door. They were personally escorted into the Arishok’s office and signaled to sit on the mediation cushions in front of him on the floor. Hawke tried to sit sidesaddle, cursing the dress silently.

“What word do you have for me, Constables?” The Arishok asked, sitting before them in only his loose black pants, his bare torso and feet almost a light purple in the early afternoon light.

“How long has the Ashaad been missing?” She asked quietly.

The Arishok signaled his attendants to leave them.

“Ashaad never made it to Par Vollen. We thought at first he was Tal-Vasoth, that he had abandoned his people for the sake of the bas,” the Arishok said calmly, “We sent two of the Ben-Hassrath after him in Seheron, but they traced him back to the Free Marches. We have had no word since. I disregarded him as a rebel. He is not part of the Qun.”

“I think he was taken,” Hawke said quietly, “I think there is a plot to start war with your people.”

The Arishok frowned, “A kidnapped Vasoth will start no war.”

“If any more of your people go missing, I want you to contact me. Specifically me,” Hawke reiterated, “I will make sure they are returned to you. I promise. There will be no war if I can help it.”

“I know many of your kind wish mine to leave Kirkwall,” the Arishok said deeply, “But we cannot leave. It is the will of the Qun that we stay, to spread the word of the Qun among those who suffer.”

“But why do you have to stay in Kirkwall?”

“Hawke,” Fenris warned quietly.

“I want to work with you, Arishok,” Hawke said, “But we have to be on the same page.”

“We cannot leave,” the Arishok replied, standing and turning to face the window, “You have said your piece, Constable. I wish you would leave us to our meditations.”

As they left the office, Fenris hissed at Hawke, “What did you do that for?”

“There is something particularly about Kirkwall,” she said quietly back, “They want something. The Chantry wants them gone. If we can figure out what it is, maybe we can save ourselves all a lot of bloodshed.”

“We’re not detectives,” Fenris replied as they made it to their shoes, “We’ve been barely doing this job for a year.”

“Cullen picked me,” she said, “There must be a reason why.”

“I never imagined you to be a woman who trusted in fate, Hawke.”

“I’m not,” she smirked, “I believe in strategy.” 

oOoOoOoOoOo

Hawke almost collapsed into Isabela’s bed that night. After hours of phone calls and research, there was still little proof to back up her instinct. The Qunari had arrived shortly after the blight on a large industrial ship. They had built their temple quickly and had a small militia to keep their citizens safe. The Arishok made very few public appearances and did not seem to be actively seeking converts. There had been a few incidents: that shooting years ago that Aveline had cleaned up, the seemingly kidnapped mage that had been killed, the alleged kidnapping of Saemus, and a few other miscellaneous arrests and injuries reported on both sides.

As well, despite her knowledge of the code name of a facility and its general location, she was no closer to being able to prove the fate of Saemus and Ashaad. She could not even prove it was Ashaad there. 

But she remembered the tension, how close the city was to violence even then. If Ashaad were to convert, it would be a victory for the Chantry. But if something happened to Seamus and it could be framed on the Qunari, then that too would be a victory, even if it would end with war on the streets.

But what could the Qunari want with Kirkwall? What was here that was special?

Hawke looked up blearily as Isabela came in, two mugs of tea in her hand. Hawke curled up with her in the bed, taking a cup of tea.

“I wish Aveline was here,” she said softly, and corrected herself as Isabela frowned, “Not like that. I just think she’d figure this out a hell of a lot faster than I would. If I could just get them to leave peacefully…at least the Arishok, then maybe this could be all avoided. Or if I could just prove Petrice is up to no good…ugh.”

Isabela stroked Hawke’s hair lovingly, “You’ll figure something out, babe.”

Hawke reached up and kissed Isabela’s hand, “I think you have too much faith in me, Bela. I think I kinda suck at my job. We still haven’t figured out the missing women. What have I managed? Convince some guy to leave the love of his life? Even that, look how well that turned out.”

Isabela took Hawke’s mug away from her and put both of the mugs on the nightstand.

“Now, Hawke,” Isabela said with a serious face, “I’m going to only say this once because I’m no good at being sentimental. You are a strong woman. You are an amazing woman. You don’t have to take the whole world on your shoulders all the time. You’re not the soul protector of the whole city.”

“I’m not trying to protect the whole city,” she said softly. 

Isabela bit her lip, and Hawke cocked her head to look at her. Hawke could have sworn she saw a tear trickle down Isabela’s cheek, but in a quick embrace, Hawke found herself in her lover’s arms. Isabela kissed her deeply, her hands running across her chest, her fingers tracing down the curve of her hip. 

Hawke ran her fingers through Isabela’s hair as Isabela took off Hawke’s nightgown and bloomers. Hawke went to take off the t-shirt Isabela slept in, but she pushed her hand away softly. Isabela stroked her fingers on Hawke’s inner thighs, stroking upwards until she barely brushed her lips. Hawke moaned slightly, smirking as she said, “Is this my reward for my incompetence?”

Isabela shook her head with a sad smile and kissed Hawke again as a finger slowly entered her. Isabela lay beside her, one arm holding her closely as the other moved between her legs, guiding one finger into her, moving slowly in and out. Hawke groaned, nuzzling into Isabela’s shoulder. Isabela kissed her ear, quickening her pace slightly.

“Bela,” Hawke moaned as Isabela added a second finger, pushing deeper into her. Hawke panted as she worked, and she reached through Isabela’s thin panties to reach her warm, pulsing sex. Isabela smirked, “Let me focus on you.”

“No,” Hawke said softly, and kissed Isabela deeply. Hawke entered her softly, her thumb rubbing her clit as she stroked from inside and out. Isabela rubbed herself against her, riding against her fingers. In response, Hawke grew more aroused, and she bucked against Isabela as she grew wetter.

Isabela rode her, pressing herself on Hawke’s fingers until the point it was almost sore. But Hawke didn’t care. She looked up on Isabela’s face, the same sad sweet smile appearing between moans. She kissed her frantically, nipping on her lip, removing her thumb as she pressed herself against her, their hair tangling together as she rubbed against her, their hands brushing against each other as they thrust into the other. Isabela held against her tighter, biting into her shoulder slightly as her body starting shaking around Hawke’s. Hawke flipped Isabela underneath her, taking a breast into her mouth as she stroked her lightly while thrusting a finger into her fiercely.

Isabela cried out in Rivaini, pulling Hawke to her chest, kissing her fiercely while panting, Hawke still pounding into her as Isabela rode her fingers still, moaning into Hawke’s ear.

There were no ignoring the tears in her eyes this time and Hawke kissed her, raising her hands to Isabela’s face, wiping the tears away with her thumbs. Isabela clasped her hands around Hawke’s. 

Hawke kissed her again, gently.

“What did you say?” Hawke asked softly, “My Common is still shit and the only Rivaini you teach me are curse words.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Isabela said gently, “Nothing important.”

“Bela,” Hawke said gently, but Isabela already slipped down, kissing down her stomach and through her downy hair. She gasped as Isabela took her lips into her mouth, sucking the juice from them lightly. Her tongue went inside her, flicking against her and Hawke felt her lips quiver. Isabela continued licking, her tongue reaching that swollen mound, flicking against it as her hands reached around her and grabbed her ass, holding her closer to her face. 

The tension grew in her belly and as Isabela dug her nails into her, she cried out in pleasure. Isabela moved her attention outwards, taking her clit between her lips, circling her tongue around it. Hawke grew close, so close it was almost painful, gripping the sheets around her. Then Isabela kissed her clit and moved away. Hawke gasped slightly as Isabela laid on her back.

Without even thinking, Hawke went to her, lowering herself on Isabela until Isabela took her into her mouth again. Her tongue inside her, her lips matching her, Hawke moved her body back and forth, Isabela gripping her again.

Hawke came, her hands planted on the bed as she bellowed out Isabela’s name. She blushed as she moved to her side, kissing her deeply, their hands still exploring each other. 

Hawke cupped Isabela’s face in her hands and they looked into each other’s eyes without speaking.


	31. Chapter 31

Hawke agreed to meet Cullen just after noon Mass in a park across from the Chantry. The agent appeared again in civilian clothes and Hawke took off her police cap as she went to his side. He motioned for her to walk with him. They spoke quickly as they walked down the street, her hand in his, as she whispered what she had found in the Revered Mother’s office.

By the time they arrived back at Hawke’s squad car, Cullen pulled her in, whispering a time and place in her ear as he kissed her cheek. 

She drove away, ever confused by her quiet informant. 

She returned to the station briefly, working on her other work while Fenris went in and out of the office, discussing a case with another Constable. She slipped out before Fenris noticed, grabbing her keys off of the table.

Hawke knew the spot on the Wounded Coast well, a small alcove of trees in which she had often rested while waiting to make exchanges. She had not been here during the daylight hours and she felt a little false standing there in her uniform.

Cullen was already waiting, pacing slightly. He signaled her to sit down beside him on a makeshift bench of driftwood. 

“I know where the facility is,” Cullen said quietly, “But Ashaad is not there. To the best of my knowledge, there has never been a Qunari there. Saemus is most likely there and that alone is worth investigating. I will have clearance to get you there and be able to speak to him. I will arrange for a report to be filled charging some minor offense that requires secular policing. It falls within the Kirkwall jurisdiction; you will have authority to look into it. I know the date, it is that of the Ascension, of Andraste’s rise back into heaven after being submitted to the flames.”

“What does that mean for this?”

“I honestly do not know,” Cullen admitted, “But it does not bode well.”

Cullen rose, “Now, you must get back to the city. I fear you may have a busy evening ahead of you.”

On reflection, Hawke often wondered how much he had really known.

oOoOoOoOoOo

The call had come near the end of their shift, about twenty minutes before 11pm. Fenris drove them over to the Blooming Rose, patrons scattering as they got out of their patrol car.

Hawke went in first, taking off her hat as she nodded to the Madame. She waved them over to the counter, the room oddly quiet as the workers and patrons mulled near, listening in on the conversation. 

“Constable Hawke,” Madame Serendipity greeted sadly, “It seems only a few weeks ago we last saw each other. I’m afraid the circumstances are not much different.”

Serendipity lead them up the stairs, the elf’s hand trembling slightly as she gripped onto the handrail. She led them into one of the rooms, rapping lightly on the door before she entered.

The room was exceptionally tidy and looked as if no one had lived there for quiet some time. The only personal possessions were a stack of three books and a dozen white lilies resting in a vase. 

Serendipity sat in the corner as they investigated, looking for any evidence. Hawke picked up the three books, recognizing one of them as one of Varric’s early works. 

Serendipity smiled sadly, “Bea was an avid reader. She loved adventure stories. I got her that one only a few months ago.”

Hawke smiled in return, “We’ll find her.”

Serendipity said softly, “I think you and I both know that she is not the first and certainly not the last. She’s the fourth of my girls I’ve lost this year…there’s only so much I can do to keep them safe and the police…well, none of you have helped us, have you?”

“We are trying our best,” Fenris interrupted as he went through a drawer gingerly.

“That’s apparently not good enough.”

Hawke said gently, “I understand. I really do. My…friend, she’s…in this field. We’re going to get this son of a bitch, I promise you.”

Serendipity simply held her gaze without saying a word, but Hawke understood. She had heard enough empty promises.

Hawke turned and looked at the lilies. She asked, “I’ve always wondered, every time we come here, there are these same flowers. Is it part of the décor?”

“No,” Serendipity said, rising, “We often have flowers brought in from admirers and clients. Bea received these yesterday, I think. It’s hard to keep track of them all.”

“Do you have a record somewhere of what is received here at the brothel?”

“No, but I think I still have the card from this one. They usually don’t have a name, but they might have the name of the florist.”

Fenris scoffed slightly, “Do you really think this is the lead? I’m going to keep looking for blood smears. You go find your flowers.”

Hawke followed Serendipity down the stairs, and walked back over to the counter with her. She pulled out her record book, pulling out a stack of small name cards that she thumbed through. 

“Here,” she said, handing over a pink card scented with musk, “This came with the lilies. I told you, no name, but the florist is over in Hightown. I’ve met this guy once or twice, he’s a client here actually.”

“He wouldn’t happen to be in tonight, would he?” 

Serendipity raised an eyebrow, “You know I can’t tell you that.”

Hawke sighed, “Come on. I wouldn’t go harassing your clients if it wasn’t important, would I?”

“The things I do for you, Hawke,” Serendipity grumbled and flipped through her book, “He’s in room six with…umm…the Seheron Stallion.”

“Perfect,” Hawke said with a smirk and kissed Serendipity on the cheek, “I owe you.”

“I’ll put it on your tab,” she replied, shaking her head.

Hawke walked down the hallway and kicked the door open, seeing a naked man being rode hard by a dwarf with whip. She cleared her throat as they turned to look at her and she flashed her police badge. 

“Hi,” she said slightly embarrassed, “Which one of you is the florist?” 

The dwarf stood and covered himself and walked over to her, “This better be important, cop.”

“Your store has made quite a few deliveries of white lilies to the brothel lately,” Hawke responded, “I would like to see your record books. In fact, I could get a warrant, but I thought I’d save us all a bunch of trouble.”

The dwarf turned and looked at the man, now wrapped up in the sheets and looking at him adoringly. “I’ll be back,” the florist replied, “Don’t take another client this evening. Officer, at least let me put pants on before I have to deal with this.”

When he was dressed, the two of them walked out, meeting Fenris in the hallway.   
“Pull the car around,” Hawke told him, “I’ll stay with him before he runs off.” 

After the dwarf was safely strapped into the back of the police car, the three sped off towards the retail district of Hightown.

The dwarf made a vague threat about phoning his lawyer when Fenris turned to her, Hawke’s eyes staying forward as they continued down the street. 

“What is it, Fenris?” Hawke asked impatiently.

“I’m seeing someone.”

“What?” She asked, startled, looking at him quickly in the rearview mirror.

“I met someone a few weeks ago. We’re having our fifth date tomorrow.”

“Oh…why do I need to know this?”

Fenris turned away again, “I thought you would want to know.”

“Oh no, Fenris,” Hawke replied sarcastically, glancing back and noticing a car behind them, “It’s not like you told me you couldn’t see anyone when you were sobering up.”

“You’re with Isabela. You were then! What did you want me to do?”

“Excuse me,” the florist piped up, “But-“

“Shut up,” Hawke replied, and looked away briefly, “Fenris, I don’t care. Go screw whoever you want. Okay?”

“But you do care,” Fenris said, “We’re partners. We need to be honest with each other. You’re one of my closest friends, I can’t screw this up.”

Hawke was turning her head back to the road when she saw the car speeding towards Fenris’ side of the car. She turned the wheel as quickly as she could, pulling the right side of the car away as the other car smashed into them. They skidded, circling around as the glass shattered over them. As they came to a stop, Hawke looked back, seeing the florist bleeding in the back. Fenris was wounded, a cut across his forehead that he was barely holding together. She got out of the car, pulling out her gun as she saw another car speed past them, the same one that had been following them. There was no one in the car that hit them. 

“Shit,” she swore, “Fenris, get back in the back. Protect him and call for backup.”

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“I’m going after that car.”

Hawke ran down the street, flagging down a blue convertible and assuring them she was a police officer and would return it soon. She sped down the street, darting in and out of traffic. She realized quickly where the car was going and turned down a different street. She knew Kirkwall well; she knew how to get to Hightown faster. 

She made it to the florist stop, her heart pounding as the car skidded to a stop. She picked up a rock and threw it through the glass window, setting the alarm off. She stepped through the broken glass and picked her way through the rows of flowers until she could make it to the back room. The office was locked. She pulled out her gun and shot through the lock, the sound echoing through the building.

She rummaged through the desk until she found a book of receipts and orders. She put the book under her jacket and stepped back out into the lobby, her gun out as she stepped forth.

She heard the crunch of glass under another’s foot and she whipped around to the broken window, threatening whoever it was to reveal themselves.

A dark figure stepped forth, holding another by their throat, gun pointed to their head. The figure wore a mask of the old Templar gear, his jeans and t-shirt covered in blood. By the hook of his arm, he pulled Fenris along, his bare feet dragging across the shards of glass.

“Give me the records,” a surprisingly soft voice called out.

“Where’s the florist?” Hawke demanded.

“Dead. I went back to cover my tracks. I got sloppy. I do not intend to make that mistake again. When I found your friend here, I thought it would not be fair to let him bleed to death.”

“Hawke,” Fenris gulped, the arm tighter around his throat, “Just shoot him. We got the bastard. No one would ever convict you. Shoot him.”

“Another step closer and he dies,” the killer promised, the barrel of the gun resting on Fenris’ temple.

Hawke’s heart raced and she put her hands up, holding the book in her left hand, her gun pointed to the ceiling in the other.

She dropped the book and gingerly kicked it over to the killer’s feet. The killer dropped Fenris and pushed him down with his foot while he bent to pick up the book. He jumped out through the broken glass without another word. 

Hawke ran to Fenris’ side, cradling him in her arms as she tried to staunch the bleeding with a torn piece of her shirt.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I am so sorry. I was being such an asshole. I’m so so sorry.”

Fenris smirked slightly and as he slipped into unconsciousness, he whispered, “You should have shot him.”

Hawke started crying and held him tighter, hearing the police sirens growing louder as they grew closer.

The moments were a blur. She did not leave his side until he was forced into surgery and she was made to wait by the door. She slept in a plastic hospital chair, her fellow officers coming in and out to see on his progress. Brosca had come to file the report and to get the details to brief the officers. It was a serial killer, even if Hawke had thrown the proof away to rescue her partner.

For a few moments, the swarthy dwarf sat beside her and patted her on the shoulder. He said quietly, “I lost my partner once. If he goes…well, you come talk to me. We will drink together until we're stupid.”

It was nearly dawn when Fenris was transferred into a room. Hawke went in after all the others had gone to see him. He was hooked up to an IV, his chest bound with bandages, his forehead stitched together. He looked up at her tiredly, his face pale. 

“I didn’t think you were still here,” he said weakly, trying to sit up to see her.

“Go get some sleep,” she said softly, “I’ll be here when you get up.”

“Are we okay?” He asked.

“Of course we are,” Hawke said with a sad smile, “You know I love you. You’re part of my family. You’re my partner. I don’t think any romance would have ever worked…and if you’re happy…then I’m happy for you. I was being…jealous and selfish.”

Fenris reached up weakly and Hawke came to sit by his side and held his cold hand.

“…I love you too,” he said, his eyes closing heavily, “I’m sorry I couldn’t just say that. If our positions had been reversed, I would have let him go too. I think you’re right, you’re usually right.”

“Wow, you must be feeling ill,” Hawke laughed.

“There have been two times I have nearly lost my life, Hawke,” he said sleepily, “Each time reminded me of what has been important.”

“And what did you remember?” 

He smiled and closed his eyes as he leaned into his pillow, “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.”


	32. Chapter 32

The word went out throughout the city. Whenever a white lily was bought, the Kirkwall police knew. They had accidently accosted many innocent people trying to surprise a loved one. But Hawke could not rest until she either put the man behind bars or shot him herself.

Whenever she was not in the streets, she was at Fenris’ side in the hospital as he started to heal. After six days, he was to be released and was brought to stay with Merrill and Varric while he rested. Only then did Hawke return to Isabela’s bed. 

It was on that seventh day when Hawke woke in Isabela’s apartment to the smell of coffee being brewed and hearing Isabela in the kitchen singing to herself, slightly off key. 

Hawke smiled and wrapped a housecoat around her, walking out into the living room. Isabela was already dressed in a short wool red mini dress, a string of pearls around her neck. Her hair was still loosely tied into pigtails that swung back and forth as she flipped a pancake.

“Hey,” Hawke said with a smile, “You finally figured that one out.”

“It only took me…three years? Four years? I forget how long I’ve known you.”

“I don’t,” Hawke said with a smirk as Isabela handed her a cup of coffee, “But I will never tell.”

Isabela waved her off with a goofy grin, bringing over a stack of pancakes to her kitchen island. Hawke sat beside her and Isabela grasped her hand slightly. 

“If…if you’re in love with Fenris,” Isabela said quietly, “That’s okay. Really.”

Hawke looked up at her in adoration and kissed Isabela deeply. Isabela laughed slightly as Hawke continued kissing her and picked her up and carried her back to the bedroom. As she laid her down in the sheets, kissing her neck, Hawke cupped Isabela’s face in her hands.

There was much she wanted to say, but so little she could. But in that moment, seeing Isabela look at her with such caring, Hawke whispered what she held back from saying for so long.

“Isabela,” Hawke said softly, “I love you.” 

Isabela made a sad smile, “I thought we had a rule about that.”

“I don’t need a wedding or children or for anything to change,” Hawke said gently, “We can live the rest of our lives this way and I will die happy. I just need to know…I know that’s not fair, but I need to know if you love me too.”

Isabela murmured softly, “…there are things I haven’t told you. You may not feel the same-“

“Bela,” Hawke whispered, “I don’t care. There is nothing you could do or say.”

“I told you I can’t,” Isabela said quietly, pulling from Hawke, “Please don’t push me.”

Hawke stood, looking down at how vulnerable she looked, and in that moment, she saw a different woman than the one she had slept beside for so long. She saw someone in pain, and someone so scared to be really touched. 

“I’d like you to go, Hawke,” Isabela said, pulling a blanket around her, “I’ll give you a call. Just…please, please just give me some space.”

It broke her heart to do so, but Hawke whispered, “Okay.” 

oOoOoOoOoOo

“So then she just threw you out?” Anders asked, flicking the thermometer before inserting it into the ear of a small elven child.

“I mean, I did walk out. Should I have stayed?”

“Nope,” Anders replied, taking out the thermometer as it beeped slightly. He frowned slightly, and rose from his stool, the child looking anxiously up at him as he went through the cupboards.

Anders returned with a swab and took a sample from the child’s throat, sealing it in a plastic container. 

“Hawke,” Anders said as he gestured the child to sit up, “If she’s going to come around, she’ll come around. If not…well…I hate to say it, but she did tell you at the start that this might be the way things go.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have told her about Fenris.”

“Yes, lying would make this better. Now shut up for a second,” Anders placed his stethoscope against the child’s chest and instructed him to breath in and out. The child obeyed and Hawke watched Anders’ face as he bit his lip.

When he finished, he brought forth a small bottle of pills and wrote down instructions for the child’s mother. He ruffled the boy’s hair and he walked off, coughing slightly.

Anders sighed and sat back down on his stool, “That’s going to be the third one today.”

“It’s just a cold, isn’t it?”

“It’s whooping cough. None of these kids have had their shots. They can’t afford them. I’ve been trying to vaccinate them where I can, but I ran out of the vaccine ages ago. I keep trying to get more, but there’s been some trade embargo-sorry, you probably don’t care about this.”

“You always have real problems,” Hawke smiled sadly, “And then I come here and bother you with some sappy tale or another.”

Anders stood wearily and put his arm around her, “It is good to hear about something that does not involve life or death. It reminds me of being a teenager in the circle.”

After he squeezed her affectionately, he walked to the sink, taking off his lab coat and hanging it up, leaving him only in a black undershirt. Anders washed his face slowly, his serial number on his arm faded, but always marking him as other. 

He caught her staring and smiled slightly, holding his arm gingerly in his hand, “It’s a bit warped. It’s what happens when you’re tattooed before you’re finished growing. Most CBI agents have been able to decipher it though.”

“I’m sorry,” Hawke said quietly. 

“At least its this tattoo and not the other,” Anders said quietly, bringing his hand to rest on his forehead.

“Maybe I should go,” Hawke said, getting her coat and hat.

“Hawke,” Anders said softly, reaching out to her, “Please don’t go.”

She turned back to look at him and said quietly, “What do you need?”

Anders smiled sadly, bowing his head. “Nothing,” he murmured and Hawke left.

oOoOoOoOoOo

“There’s a message for you, Hawke,” Brosca said gruffly, throwing a crumpled piece of paper in her hand as she walked in the door.

She unfolded it, recognizing the handwriting. The date and time and location. She could make it if she left now.

oOoOoOoOoOo

“Constable Hawke.”

“Agent Rutherford.”

“Why don’t we take my car? You must be tired from the drive.”

Hawke locked up her car, wary about leaving it in the parking lot of a diner on the side of the highway. To her surprise, Cullen smirked at her.

“Don’t worry,” he said, “No one is going to steal a police car out here.”

Cullen’s car was a black sedan, the symbol of Andraste on the door. He opened the passenger door for Hawke and she slid in while he closed it again on her. She buckled up while he sat in his seat and started the car.

“It will be still be a few hours until we reach the facility,” Cullen warned as they drove onto the highway, “But you are free to rest if you like. When we are finished, I will bring you back to your car.”

“I could have driven there.”

Cullen smirked, “No, no you could not. The security is very tight. You will still have difficulty entering even with me by your side.”

“So what is the cover story?”

“Fortunately for us, vandalism falls under secular law. It seems a very crudely drawn piece of graffiti depicting Sister Petrice and several goats appeared on the wall of the facility. Maker knows how it got there.”

Hawke smiled, “You’re rather enjoying this, aren’t you?” 

“There are few pleasures I obtain from my job, I have to take them where I can.”

“Is that why you liked to pretend you were seeing me?”

Cullen sighed, “It is the easiest cover story. When in doubt, the less complicated the story, the easier the lie is to keep.”

“So what is the truth then?”

“Have I lied to you?”

“Why are you helping me? What’s the deep dark secret? You know mine: my sister was an apostate. So what’s your deal, Cullen?”

Cullen frowned, “Is this when I’m supposed to tell you some sad tale or tell you I do it for money? Or that I am secretly a mage?”

“I feel like it’s probably less complicated than that.”

“You heard a little about the Blight, how it was stopped, right?”

“Not much. There wasn’t a lot of news going back and forth. And with the new King, well, Maker knows how much he tells is true.”

“You want to trust me? Or are you trying to blackmail me?”

“Cullen,” Hawke said softly, “I just want to understand you.”

“Should it matter? Will you really see me differently? Will it change any of this?”

“Yes.”

Cullen sighed, resting his head briefly on the steering wheel before returning to his proper posture, his eyes flashing over to Hawke before he continued.

“During the Blight, there was a rebellion at the Circle of Magi. Blood mages took over the tower. Demons and abominations ran wild. I saw what happens when mages are forced to take actions into their own hands. I swore no mage would ever have to resort to blood magic again.”

“That’s it? Years of being told of the dangers of blood magic, years of fighting them, that’s it?”

Cullen replied, “I don’t see why it matters.”

“Because you know all about me,” Hawke said defensively, “You were there when those bastards hurt my sister. You saved her. I want to know what makes you different from all them.”

“Not as much as you would think,” Cullen said, “My reasons are selfish. I am not different from my brothers in the ranks. My selfish reasons instead benefit you.”

Hawke continued to watch him, her eyebrow raised, and a heavy moment passed.

“Fine,” Cullen said with a sigh, “I was eighteen when I was assigned to the Tower of Magi. I spent five years there after my rites of passage. I was young and foolhardy. I thought I was keeping the world safe from deadly criminals. But then…there was a girl. That’s how these stories always go, don’t they? There’s always a girl.”

“What was her name?”

“Noam,” Cullen said with a soft smile, “Her name was Noam.”

He was quiet for a moment, and then began again, “She was an elf from Denerim. They took her nearly the same age I was when I entered the monastery. She was…beautiful. There is no better word. She was feisty and strong and the sense of justice she had…she had a warrior’s heart in a mage’s body.”

Cullen turned briefly to look at her reaction, but Hawke’s face remained soft, her eyes widened slightly as Cullen continued, “We spent those first few months arguing, but she always held her ground. It was not long until I realized I was in love with her. When she went through her Harrowing, I was assigned to shoot her if she turned. I had never been so scared in my life. When she survived…she came to, and the first thing she saw was me, standing on guard by her body. When she looked at me…I realized she felt it too. But we were so young. I was barely nineteen and she not much younger. And she was a mage and I was a Templar.”

Cullen ran his hand through his hair and returned it to the steering wheel, gripping it tighter as he continued, “I knew I should have left then, asked to be reassigned. But…I could not leave her. I knew this was not the best life, but it could be a life together. I could keep her safe, protect her from the others. We could barely speak a word in front of the others, out of fear they would guess, and we would rarely be able to be alone. And then…then it was so…tense, neither of us wanting to reach out to touch the other in fear it would shatter. I was a fool. For four years, we watched, we exchanged brief words that held so much meaning. I knew I was betraying Andraste, betraying my vows, and the guilt I felt…it was so much to bear. But I had to keep her safe…so I kept going.”

“During the Blight…when Uldred took power, I went to her. I did not give a damn. As the tower fell, I ran to her side and refused to leave her. They sealed the doors, trapped us with the blood mages. On the second day, they ambushed us…I was captured and they tortured me. I do not know how long I was there, how long they made me watch her die again and again. I was released by Commander Tabris when she saved us…but when I was, I was told Noam was gone. I went with Tabris…but that is another story all together. She loved me, Noam. We had two days where we were not afraid. I remember her face like it was yesterday. I remember the twinkle of her laugh. We played by the rules. We did everything right. But she was taken from me.”

“And you did not blame the blood mages?”

“Aye, that I did too. I was angry for a very long time. But when I saw them, I realized I was seeing her too. They are a people oppressed, mages. I lost her because of the Templars as much as I lost her to the blood mages.”

Cullen said softer, “I dream of a world where she and I could have been together and there were no blood mages or Templars to tear us apart. We could have had peace. So for her, I fight, so one day children will grow to love without fear.”

He wiped a tear away and looked at Hawke as they came to a railroad crossing, the gates closing as the whistle of the train grew closer.

As the train blasted by them, the sound of the engine roaring by, Hawke whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

She never knew if Cullen heard her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another section that was highly changed after DA: I's release.


	33. Chapter 33

They arrived at the facility at dusk. Hawke woke up as Cullen had left the car, showing their ID to three other Agents. She rubbed her eyes as Cullen returned back to the car, handing her badge back to her.

They drove up to the actual building, a brick structure that jutted strangely in the woods around them. An agent took the car from them as they exited it, Cullen grabbing their bags before the agent drove off. 

Cullen gestured her to follow him, “Follow my lead.”

Hawke followed him to a scanner. She showed her weapons and let them through the conveyor belt as she was scanned for any other metal. When she reached the other side, Cullen was discussing something with another Agent who was looking at Hawke suspiciously. The other Agent waved her over.

“Constable, I am Agent O’Mell, I hear you are to question several of our students. Agent Rutherford will escort you through the process and will be present throughout. Please note that you are here as a guest and a sign of our cooperation with the secular authorities. However, you may be asked to leave at any time and I strongly suggest you comply when we do.”

“Of course,” Hawke replied, tipping her hat, “Thank you, Agent.”

Cullen brought her into an office. The next hour was spent quickly asking students about their whereabouts on the evening of the vandalism. Hawke tried to look uninterested when finally Saemus was brought in. The boy wisely acted as if he did not recognize her and sat across from them with a short nod of his head.

After a few of the standard questions, Hawke glanced up at the security camera and then looked back at him. 

“Are you happy here?”

Saemus murmured, “No.”

“Are you forced to be here?”

“In a manner of speaking. I am informed I will not be able to leave. I also have not tried. There is nothing out there for me.”

“What have they done?”

“Nothing too drastic. They want me to embrace the Chantry, to make a public statement about how cruelly the Qunari treated me when I was kidnapped. I think my father is lining up a convenient marriage for me in case them turning me into a priest doesn’t work.”

“Have they hurt you?”

“They wouldn’t dare to.”

Hawke leaned in slightly over the table, “How well do you know Sister Petrice?”

Saemus grimaced at the name and said quickly back, “Enough.” 

Cullen looked at his watch, “Only a few more minutes, Hawke. We don’t want to make this look more suspicious.”

“Do you know what is going to happen September 19th?”

“Ascension Day?” Saemus asked, “I have no idea.”

“Is there a way we can get you out of here? I fear if we do not get you out, you may be subject to more than just Chantry history.” 

“I don’t care,” Saemus said determinedly, “If it keeps Ashaad safe, I don’t care what they do to me.”

“Ashaad is not in Seheron. He’s missing. I’m worried they are planning something, I think the Chantry might have taken him.”

“But why would they do-“

A screeching alarm began to echo throughout the room. Cullen stood up as the emergency lighting went on.

“Get him out of here, Hawke,” Cullen instructed, “There’s a bunker in the basement, get him there now.”

“What’s going on?”

“The hell if I know.”

Hawke grabbed Saemus’ hand and led him out into the hallway. They went right. Cullen went left, loading his gun as he calmly walked. Saemus lead her down the hall and they ran, her loading her gun as several Agents marched past her. She heard something rolling on the ground and when she heard the click, threw herself over Saemus and rolled them away. The explosion roared through the hallway and smoke poured out around them. 

Coughing, Hawke stood, standing above Saemus as she circled slightly, trying to get a better view. She heard other footsteps and saw black masks.

“Tal Vasoth,” Saemus said in fear, “Hawke, we need to get out of here. Now.”

Hawke grabbed Saemus and they ran down the hall, the sound of gunfire behind them as the Agents met their fire.

“What are the Tal Vasoth?”

“Rebels, they leave the Qun to fight against the rules and structures. If they weren’t trying to kill us, I might almost like them.” 

They ran down a flight of stairs, Saemus panting as he tried to keep up with Hawke. They reached the exterior of the bunker where they saw Cullen waiting for them, firing a few shots at some Tal Vasoth in the other direction.

“Get inside,” he instructed, “Now.”

“Ashaad!” Saemus called out and Hawke whipped around. The kossith took off his black ski mask, revealing himself to be the same Qunari she had seen before.

“My name is Tojun now,” he said in that same deep voice, “Saemus…I have come to take you from these people.”

Hawke raised her gun, “You’re a terrorist now? You could have had him killed. You might start a war!”

Saemus wrapped his arms around him and Tojun kissed him deeply, then held him under his chin, his hands resting on the back of his neck.

Cullen stepped forth, “Qunari.”

“I am no longer Qunari.”

“Fine. Tojun. If you take Saemus from us, there will be war.”

“If I leave him, your people will kill him.”

“What?” Saemus shouted, “I don’t understand.”

Tojun looked at them all and said, “Now is not a good time to discuss this.”

Hawke asked, “Do you know what happens September 19th?”

“I do, human,” Tojun said, eyes softening, “We are on the same side.” 

Cullen took a deep breath and gestured at Tojun, “Shoot me.”

“What?” Hawke asked in bewilderment.

“I can’t let it look like I let them go. So shoot me. Hawke, get in the bunker.”

Hawke tried to protest, but Cullen grumbled, “Just do it.”

Hawke unwillingly agreed and after she heard the door seal behind her, she heard the gunshot and Cullen scream out. 

She paced back and forth, her heart racing as she heard the attacks continue. She was not the praying sort, but she felt herself falling to her knees, her hands behind her neck as she murmured, “Maker, let it be over.”

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

It was near midnight when she was rescued from the bunker, an elderly agent with a kind smile brought her back into the barracks. Wounded Agents lay on various beds, being attended to by registered Mages who were being watched carefully by less grievously injured Agents. 

She saw Cullen, arm in sling, walk towards her. He patted her affectionately on the arm and she came over to sit on a cot with him.

“Did they get away?” She whispered.

Cullen nodded, wincing slightly.

“So what happens now?” 

He looked over at her with an uneasy smile and said nothing.

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

It stayed out of the news for the most part, to Hawke’s great surprise. No tabloids speculating on the illicit affair. No rioters calling for the expulsion of the Qun. In a supervised meeting, the Arishok was said to have apologized to the Mayor and they even had shaken hands.

That’s what Hawke had heard, anyway. 

For her part, Hawke went home, finally arriving in the late morning only to find Isabela asleep on her couch, a blanket knit by Leandra wrapped around her. Isabela stirred, looking up at her sleepily. Hawke knelt down beside her and Isabela kissed her. 

Hawke felt a tear crawl down her face and Isabela sat up, holding her. She nuzzled into Hawke’s shoulder and murmured, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Hawke kissed her again and then walked up the stairs, dropping her hat on the end of the railing. She felt Isabela’s eyes watch her, but she did not follow.


	34. Chapter 34

Hawke woke in the early afternoon with Tali curled up in the bed with her. She smiled, snuggling into her dog’s curly fur. She turned her head, seeing a note folded over on her nightstand. She took a deep breath and unfolded it. In Isabela’s impossibly curvy handwriting, it said only, “I’m sorry.” 

With a slight panic, Hawke sprung out of the bed, sending Tali skittering onto the floor. The dog followed her downstairs, chasing after the tails of her housecoat. Hawke had no reason to fear those words…but in her mind, she thought of Aveline driving away and her heart began to pound in her chest. 

She came downstairs to see Isabela in the kitchen with Leandra, the older woman showing a baby photo of the twins. Leandra was smiling sadly, and Isabela had an arm around her while Leandra told a story of their first day at school. 

“And then I got a call from the principal, two hours after I dropped them off. Carver managed to get into a fight. A fight! He was five years old and punched a child for stealing another’s child lunch. He always had such a sense of justice…of course, I had to give him a scolding, but I was secretly proud. Oh Isabela, I wish you had met him. He was a good boy.”

Hawke paused in the hallway, wrapping her housecoat around her. Isabela met her gaze for a moment, but turned back to Leandra. Hawke walked in the kitchen and her mother grasped her hand affectionately.

“It’s the twins’ birthday today,” Leandra said with a sad smile, “I’m going to phone Bethany later, after her shift is over. But oh, Carver. I know it’s not the first birthday since he’s been gone…but it’s always so hard, you know? It’s the first one Bethany has been back in Ferelden without us…I feel like I’ve lost them both.”

“I know,” Hawke said, squeezing her mother’s hand, “I’m sorry I forgot…it’s been so rough at work lately…”

“Oh my little girl, keeping the city safe one day at a time,” Leandra said lovingly, “You are doing your best. Don’t worry about your old mother. Bethany is safe. I just got a letter from her this week, I'll share it with you. Carver is with the Maker, with your father. You are happy,” she glanced briefly at Isabela, “And that is what matters, isn’t it? Maybe I’ll never have any grandchildren, but I do have little Theron. He’s such a good little boy. Already toddling around!”

Leandra wiped a tear from her eye, “Now, I’ll let you two be. Tali and I will go for a walk and go visit the little one.”

Hawke kissed her mother’s cheek as Leandra grabbed the leash and headed out with the dog. As the door closed, Hawke grabbed Isabela and held her tightly. Hawke started sobbing and Isabela brought her back to the living room. They held each other as Hawke tried to choke out, “I thought you were gone.”

Isabela stroked the side of her face, “I would never do that to you.”

Hawke buried her face in the curve of Isabela’s neck, trying to get as close to her as she could. Isabela held her tightly in response, her long dark hair tickling Hawke’s ear until she started giggling slightly. 

Hawke lifted her face to hers and kissed her. The two held each other’s faces in their hands, kissing deeply. Hawke picked her up, carrying her around her waist as she led them up the stairs, still kissing her as she did so. 

As they entered Hawke’s room, she laid Isabela on the bed, kissing her tenderly as Isabela looked up at her. Isabela cupped her face as Hawke knelt over her.

“I can’t,” Isabela murmured, stroking Hawke’s cheek, “I want to…but…there are things…you can’t possibly. I can’t…”

“I still mean it,” Hawke murmured, “I’m always going to mean it. You can trust me. I will never hurt you.”

“But I might hurt you,” Isabela whispered, kissing her cheek, “I…I don’t want to break your heart, Hawke.”

Hawke slowly started removing Isabela’s shorts, kissing her neck as she started. Isabela protested mid-moan, “Hawke, I’m trying to-you’re not making this any easier.”

Her sex vulnerable and warm, Hawke took her into her mouth, her arms wrapped around Isabela’s thighs as she brought her closer to her. Isabela cried out, throwing her head back as Hawke stroked inside of her, breathing sweet hot air across her body. Isabela buckled against Hawke’s lips, arching her hips to be closer to her. Hawke’s hands moved to her ass, holding her tightly and firmly against her mouth. She closed down slightly, sucking lightly on her clit and then flicking it with her tongue. Isabela moaned and Hawke stretched an arm out, massaging a pert nipple in her fingers. Isabela ran her hands through Hawke’s hair, pulling on it briskly as Hawke picked up speed.

“Marian,” Isabela murmured between pants, a flush creeping across her face.

Hawke raised her head slightly, taking away her tongue and lips, the juices of Isabela’s arousal dripping off her chin.

“Say it,” Hawke demanded, a slight ire in her eyes as she bent her head back down and continued her technique. 

Isabela moaned out, digging her nails into Hawke’s scalp, which made her wince slightly. Hawke stopped again, kissing her out lips softly.

“Marian,” Isabela begged, “Please. I need you.”

“That’s not what I want to hear,” Hawke whispered, kissing her warm, sensitive thighs, “I know you want to say it. I know you feel it. And I need to hear it.”

Hawke looked up and saw Isabela firmly meeting her gaze. Isabela nodded slightly and Hawke returned, kissing up her thighs until she reached her delicate folds. 

“Hawke,” Isabela panted as Marian came to suck on her clit, her fingers reaching inside of her as they stroked her from the inside. Hawke went faster, feeling Isabela’s hot wet quim pulse around her. Isabela cried out as she shook around her and Hawke held her tighter and stroked her faster, pounding her fingers into her as Isabela held her tightly, her nails digging into her as she came. Yet as she started to come down, Hawke continued, arching her fingers up as she stroked that ribbed swollen mound, her lips still around her clit. 

Isabela writhed on the bed, trying to get closer to Hawke, her hands grabbing desperately whatever she could of her lover.

“Marian,” Isabela pleaded, “Marian.”

Continuing her efforts, Hawke looked up at Isabela with longing. Hawke squeezed her ass harder, digging her nails in as Isabela came again, wrapping her thighs around Hawke’s face.

Isabela’s sex still quivering, Hawke kissed it affectionately until Isabela grasped Hawke and rolled her beneath her. Isabela practically ripped off Hawke’s nightgown, throwing her underwear and brassiere across the room. Hawke felt herself grow wet, a flood of heat rushing from her face to between her legs. Isabela mounted on top of her, grinding her own heat against Hawke’s curls, her fingers immediately entering Hawke, who had to catch her breath from Isabela’s quickness. Isabela bent her head towards Hawke, a hand against the wall for leverage, as her lips met Hawke’s neck, biting her lightly as she pounded into her. 

Their bodies pressed together, the dampness slicking their clits against each other, Isabela’s desperate movements inside of her, the slight pain of her bites growing harder, Hawke moaned out as she felt herself unraveling in Isabela’s hands. 

“I love you,” Isabela whispered, moaning herself as Hawke’s hands went up to play with her breasts, “I love you. I love you, Marian. I love you, I love you.”

“Oh Bela,” Hawke cried out, her voice shaking along with the rest of her body, “I love you. I love you so much.”

Isabela threw her head back as she came a final time and collapsed into Hawke’s arms, panting as she laid her head on her chest. She smiled up at Hawke, who bent in to kiss her softly. They laid in each other’s arms, the blankets tossed around them as the late summer afternoon sun filtered through the semi-closed blinds.

As Hawke started to drift off, she murmured to Isabela, “Still mean it?”

Isabela nuzzled against her, closing her own eyes, “Always.”

oOoOoOoOoOo

Later in the evening after Hawke walked Isabela to her car, she saw her mother waiting for her in the doorway. Leandra beckoned Hawke to follow her into the kitchen. 

After they sat together in the kitchen, Leandra having poured out tea for the both of them, she grasped her daughter’s hand in her own.

“My darling,” Leandra said with a soft smile, “I know.”

“You know what?”

“That you care about Isabela…how most women would care about a man. I…this hasn’t been easy for me. And what she does for a living, I can’t agree with it.”

Hawke was about to defend her, when Leandra patted her hand, “Hold on before you blow your top, sweetheart. I thought of it. I thought of what my mother thought of your father. It’s different yes…but in many ways…perhaps there are some similarities. I never got to speak to my mother again. I don’t want to lose you, especially after everything that has happened. We cannot help who we fall in love with…and Isabela, despite her faults, is a good woman. And a marginally better cook than when I first met her. So…what I’m trying to say is…oh Marian, I love you. No matter what. I want the two of you to be happy. I want you to share this part of your life with me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me.”

Hawke started crying and her mother wrapped her arms around her, as if she was still a little girl.

Leandra smiled softly, “There, there, Marian. There’s nothing to cry about.”

Hawke grinned, wiping away her tears, “I’m happy, Mom. I…I wasn’t…oh Mum. I love you. You know that, right?”

“I never doubted it,” Leandra promised, kissing her daughter’s forehead.

They stayed up that night, drinking tea while sharing stories of suitors past and old tales of the twins when they were young. As the clock struck midnight, Hawke carried her sleeping mother up the stairs and tucked her into bed.


	35. Chapter 35

**TW: Violence against women, anti-woman slurs, discussion of rape**

**Basically, this is the “All That Remains” chapter. Please feel free to skip ahead a chapter.**

 

As Hawke came to realize, there were downsides to being considered a couple. One was evenings such as this, the thing Hawke had come to fear above all: Double dates. This was the third one in as many weeks as Isabela had told Hawke she loved her. Fenris was now actively dating and seemed to want Hawke’s blessing on any potential mate.

Fenris’ latest beau was a young radical feminist named Leslie who was incredibly excited to find out that his work partner was gay. Hawke felt somewhat uncomfortable at being limited by that, since both her and Isabela were as well attracted to men, but she hid behind this. It wouldn’t help Leslie knowing Fenris and her had slept together and this would keep the jealously at a minimum. 

As Hawke drank her beer, she prayed to the Maker that Varric also had to sit through this crap one day. His wife would have been much more sympathetic and interested in Leslie’s fascinations. Apparently having a small child at home was a good excuse. Hawke decided to look into the matter herself. Perhaps it would be a good investment. 

Isabela squeezed her leg under the table and Hawke smiled, glancing over at her girlfriend. Yes, she wouldn’t mind having a little tyke at home with her. She could never tell Isabela that. Hawke was just so happy to be able to be her girlfriend that she didn’t want anything more. That was a nice word…it had been almost a month now, but she still was excited every time she got to use it. Sadly, that was not often outside of their friends, but she didn’t care. 

Leslie on the other hand, seemed to.

“Marian,” Leslie said with a sad smile after a few beers, “You and Isabela should be able to freely proclaim your love from every street. Those boys at the precinct, they should ask about your girlfriend just as they would ask about any other! You should be free to get out of the closet!”

“The closet?” Hawke asked, glancing over at Isabela who giggled discreetly, “I didn’t realize I was being held hostage by shoes.”

“Why don’t you just tell your officers? You should fight it, make them accept you. Fenris, you should be supporting her more, tell her.”

“Leslie,” Fenris said politely, patting her hand, “Let Hawke do what she wants. She doesn’t ever listen to me, I don’t imagine she’s going to start now.” 

Isabela smirked, “I have no problem telling my clients I have a girlfriend. A few of them find it very hot.”

Leslie asked with a smile, “Oh? Are you a hairdresser? Stylist? You always seem so fashionable.”

“I’m a hooker, kitten,” Isabela said with a smile, “I have sex with people for money. A lot of them. Some of them all at once.”

Leslie paled and Fenris shot Isabela a disparaging look. It was at that moment a waitress came by and asked, “Constables Leto and Hawke?”

Fenris made to wave her off, but Hawke smiled, “Here we are.”

“There’s a phone call for you at the bar, a Lt. Brosca is looking for you.”

Fenris frowned at Hawke, but she merely smiled, “Thank you! Fenris, I’ll take the call. Can you get the car? Bela, will you give our friend here a ride home?”

“Certainly,” Isabela smiled wickedly and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. She whispered not so subtly why Hawke should hurry back to her place, causing Leslie to blush.

Hawke kissed her goodbye chastely and went to the bar, picking up the phone while Fenris passed her to get to the parking lot.

“Brosca?”

“Hawke. What the Void took you so long? I’ve been phoning all over town.”

“We’re off duty, what could be so important?”

“The serial killer. We think we’ve found him.”

Hawke’s heart began to pound, “What?”

“He’s got hostages in a hotel in the Alienage. He’s apparently refusing to speak to anyone except you. Get your ass down here. That’s an order.”

Hawke scribbled the directions and bolted for the door, rushing into the waiting car. She barked out the address to Fenris and they rushed out into the night.

“This might finally be over soon,” Hawke said after she explained, “We might finally catch this son of a bitch.”

“Be careful, Hawke,” Fenris said cautiously, “I’m not going to be able to go in with you. You make sure…well…”

They glanced at each other and Hawke smiled softly, “You too.”

Fenris nodded and turned his eyes back to the darkened road. 

They saw the crowd before they saw their fellow officers trying to keep them back. They flashed their badges as they went forth, gently pushing watchers out of the way. 

When Hawke made her way to the front, Brosca signaled her over and handed her a bulletproof vest. 

She went to bring out her gun, but Brosca opened his hand to take it.

“No weapons, I’m sorry, Hawke.”

Hawke shook slightly and looked at Fenris who went to protest. Brosca said, “It’s not my rules. There’s 20 people in there, some of them are kids. You don’t have to do this, Hawke, but I know you can. We’ll shoot the bastard the minute we get a clear shot, I swear.”

Hawke nodded and the officers let her pass as she got to the door. Fenris touched her hand, his eyes lingering on hers, and he whispered, “Any sign of trouble, get out of there. Promise me.”

She nodded and stepped through the door, putting her hands up so the killer could see. She stepped forth slowly into the lobby of the apartment building, gagging as she saw two dead bodies strewn across the floor.

“My name is Constable Hawke,” she said loudly, “Though I have a feeling you already know that.”

She did not hear anything and she continued, walking slowly across the warped boards of the lobby and down into the first floor of apartments. Her hands still shook but she kept them up as a camera pointed at her.

“I’m willing to negotiate,” Hawke said loudly, “But you and I need to be able to talk.”

Over a crackled PA system, Hawke heard, “How do I know you won’t just kill me?”

“I don’t want any more people dead,” Hawke said honestly.

She heard a broken laugh and then, “You really are a dumb bitch, aren’t you? Fine. Floor 3. Apartment 23. You’ll find five hostages there. They’re my present to you. Take them and go.”

“I want all of them,” Hawke said, “I’m not leaving the rest with you.”

“Perhaps a wise move, Hawke. You wish to see me? Fine. Come to the basement. If you so much as raise a hand to me, I will kill them all. You understand?”

She nodded and then made her way to the maintenance area, finding the door was already unlocked. She opened the door and walked through the stairs, the darkness enveloping her as she scrambled to feel the walls and railing.

She could see a flickering light near the end of the stairs and she made her way towards it. In the back of her mind, she could see a very angry Fenris and she tried to put the promise she made to him in the back of her mind.

She looked around, trying to decipher the shadows until she was under the flickering light.

She saw someone step from the shadows and she put her hands up again.

“Easy,” she said, “I’m not here to hurt you.”

“And yet they think you're in danger?” The killer stepped out into the light, his Templar mask still covering his face, his jeans and sweater now stained in blood. 

“To be fair, you don’t really have a great track record,” Hawke tried to joke.

“Strange how willing they were to send in their woman, their only woman, without a weapon, without backup, into my lair,” she heard a dark chuckle through the mask, “Are you worth the price of a few elves?”

“Why are you doing this?” Hawke asked, her voice trembling.

“Does it matter? Would it make it better if I said I drank their blood? Would it be better if I raped them? Ate their hearts? Pick, Constable Hawke, pick your horror story. What would terrify you the most?”

Hawke could not reply, her knees knocking as he began to walk around her, examining her body, his hands reaching out as if to touch, but lingering just an inch away.

“In truth,” he leaned in, his mask inches from her face, “You’re not ready to hear the real story.”

“I don’t care,” she hissed.

“But you do. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

He cupped her chin in his hand, “You’re prettier than I expected you would be. I thought some dyke cop would be manlier, but here you are, a real woman in the flesh. I bet that whore of yours loves kissing those pretty lips.”

Hawke lost composure for a second and she could feel him smile, a dark chuckle coming through the mask.

“I had her as a target weeks ago. I thought she’d be easy to pick off. Another dark skinned whore who could barely speak Common. But then when I realized who she was…well, I had a bigger prize than I thought. Not just some whore. The whore of my favourite cop. The one who thought an elf’s life was worth more than shooting me.”

“Is that why you asked for me?” Hawke asked, “Because I made the mistake of letting you get away before?”

“No. Because you don’t think you made a mistake.”

Hawke glanced up at him, “What do you want?”

“Now that is a good question,” he paced around her again, “I could play the usual terrorist and you could die a martyr for Kirkwall. Wouldn’t that be grand? A real Andraste. Or is that too blasphemous for you?”

“Just tell me what you want.”

He cupped her chin again, “Everything.”

They paused as they heard a megaphone through the shallow walls of the building: “You have 10 minutes to show that Constable Hawke is alive and unharmed. If you do not, we will enter the building and take you by force.”

“10 minutes? Well, perhaps that is still enough time,” he replied, and grabbed her arm, “Come with me, Constable. You’re going to get the best view in the house.”

Hawke was unwillingly led up five flights of stairs until they reached the roof of the building where he pushed her out. He grabbed her by the back of the neck and pulled her to the side of the roof, showing her to the crowd down below.

“Your precious girl is safe, gentlemen,” he announced, “I’ll be done with her shortly.”

He tossed her back down on the ground and Hawke jumped up quickly, circling around him as he followed suite.

Hawke growled at him, “Make it quick, asshole.”

He replied, “Do you want to know the truth? The deep dark truth? The horror story that will haunt the rest of your very short life?”

He pulled in close to her, grabbing her by collar and whispered, “The simple truth is that I just hate women.”

He pushed her on the ground and she rolled as he started casting a fireball. Hawke stood and punched from the right, hitting him squarely in the collarbone. 

“Great,” she said, kneeing him in the stomach, “Because I’m not very fond of you either.”

“Hawke!” 

She turned and saw Fenris reaching the top of the stairs. He held his gun out, his hand trembling slightly as he walked towards them, Hawke taking the moment to hook her foot around the mage’s knee and knock him to the ground. She stood above him, her foot just over his throat and his hand faded from a lightning spell.

He muttered a word and Hawke was thrown back several feet, landing painfully on her arm. She tried to stand and was held in stasis as the mage held his hand out, squeezing the invisible binds closer around her. She felt herself being slowly choked and in desperation, turned and looked at Fenris. He did not hesitate to shoot. 

Three shots in the mage’s chest and he went down. Hawke fell from her binds and the two ran over to his side. Fenris held his gun beside the mage’s head as he laughed darkly, spitting in Hawke’s face.

“I still won, bitch,” the mage cursed, “Your whore wasn’t there tonight, so I got the next best thing. She even came willingly to trade her life for yours.”

“Mom,” Hawke gasped, “Where the hell is she?”

“You should have taken my first offer. She’s in Room 23.”

It was at that moment that Hawke noticed the cylinder in his hand, the button being pressed down. As the mage took a final breath, the cylinder beeped quietly into his palm.

Hawke ran with Fenris following closely behind her. Even as they reached the stairs, Hawke began to feel faint. The green gas billowed out from the vents and pipes, covering the air until Hawke could barely breath.

Fenris began to carry her out, but she protested, pushing him away.

“He has my mother,” she cried out, “Let me go you son of a bitch, I need to get to her.”

“Hawke, you’re going to get yourself killed,” Fenris said, “We need to get out of here now.”

“I can reach her,” Hawke said desperately, pushing her way through the stairs as she began coughing, blood pounding through her head.

“Marian,” Fenris said softly. 

She turned and began to sob. He picked her up and carried her back up to the rooftop. The dead mage still lay and Fenris shot him once again before picking up his radio and started commanding orders. Hawke merely sat beside his feet, sobbing hysterically as he continued his instructions. When she heard the officers being dispatched, Fenris sat down beside her, not touching her.

The hours went by in a blur but when they finally were allowed to leave, Hawke could not face going back home. Fenris arranged for Varric to pick up Tali and phoned Isabela ahead to let her know what had happened. 

Hawke walked up the stairs alone and waited on Isabela’s stoop, not wanting to ring the doorbell. Finally, she did and Isabela immediately opened the door and led her in. Hawke could not touch her at first, could barely stand without falling apart, her eyes red and puffy still.

Isabela brought her a cup of tea and sat her down on the couch. She did not say anything, just went back to the kitchen and brought some store-bought cookies out and placed them beside the couch.

Hawke started to cry again and Isabela cradled her in her lap, holding her close to her as she stroked through her hair.

Hawke kissed her, softly at first, and then desperate and wanting. Isabela kissed back gently and helped her get into bed.


	36. Chapter 36

Hawke woke blearily, looking out at the unfamiliar sight of Isabela’s apartment. The night’s events hit he fiercely and she sobbed quietly again. 

Her mother was dead.

A thousand things filtered through her mind, people she should tell, things she had to arrange. Her hands trembled. Bethany. Maker, Bethany.

As she sobbed, she heard a knock on the door and was surprised to see Merrill poke her head through the door. Hawke nodded and Merrill went over to the bed, scooping Hawke up in her arms and singing softly as she stroked through her hair.

When Hawke stopped crying, Merrill murmured, “There, there. We’re all here for you. Even the baby and the dog. We’re going to get you through this, dear.”

“Bethany?”

“She knows,” Merrill reassured, “I phoned her myself a few hours ago. She can’t get leave for the funeral, but some of the mages pooled their money together and sent some flowers. They’re quite pretty. There are some flowers from the prescient too.”

“Is that all people can do?” Hawke asked with a bitter smile, “Any white lilies?”

“Luckily the ban on them was still in effect."

Hawke nuzzled into Merrill’s shoulder and Merrill patted her back as she would her own child. Merrill said softly, “We’ve already set up the spare room for you. Varric’s cleaning up the house so if you want to sell it, it’s ready. I’ve been making the phone calls, trying to get things arranged. We’re here for you. You’re a sister to the two of us. You won’t be alone, I promise.”

Hawke stood up weakly and Merrill took her hand affectionately, walking with her as she stepped out into the living room.

Merrill had been right, they were all there. Anders had Theron on his knee, coaxing the child to sleep. Fenris was curled up on the couch beside him, a blanket tossed over him as he snored lightly. Tali slept on top of him. Varric was on the phone, apparently ordering food for the funeral, Isabela beside him telling him to get more of everything. 

They seemed to pause what they were doing, looking up at Hawke for a moment before she nodded and they went back to their tasks. Merrill scooped up Theron from Anders, singing to him softly as she put him to bed in the other room. Anders stood and Hawke hugged him as he wrapped his arms around her. They said nothing. They did not need to say a word. 

Merrill was herself, bringing them food and tea while arrangements were made. Anders’ job seemed to be to distract Hawke. She appreciated it. He was not as soft or gentle as the others, he still treated her as he always had. She needed someone to still believe in her strength.

The funeral was that afternoon, a quiet affair with a reception at Hawke’s home. She greeted all her mother’s friends kindly, many bringing food and flowers until it seemed her house was full. She had been patted and stroked and many cried in her arms as she looked awkwardly away.

She managed to escape into the backyard and saw Anders sitting by himself, his bare feet swinging off the porch. She sat down beside him and for a few moments, they simply just watched the colouring leaves rustling in the trees.

“I’ve never been to a funeral before,” Anders commented with a sad smile, “I was starting to find it overwhelming.”

“Never?” She asked with surprise.

“No. They don’t do them in the Circle. Then I was on the run for so long. Even the Wardens are not big on ceremony. I guess I’m a real adult now.”

Hawke smiled sadly, “My first one was my Dad’s. Then we never really got to have one for Carver. I guess it’s just Bethany and I now.”

“You have us,” Anders said, “You know that.”

“I know,” she said, “But…everyone I came over with from Ferelden…they’re all gone. It’s just me now. Strange.”

“You miss Aveline,” Anders said.

“That makes me feel awful,” Hawke admitted, “Of course I miss my mom. I blame myself…I hate myself for not getting to her…and Maker, I miss her. But I want Aveline here. I want her to comfort me. That makes me feel selfish, but it’s the truth. We were in this together…but she left me. Bethany and Mom were taken, but she left. I wouldn’t have left her.”

Anders did not reply, but simply looked out into the trees, “You have someone who wouldn’t leave you, Hawke. Don’t be stupid and push her away now.”

Hawke looked through the sliding doors and into the kitchen, seeing Isabela passing out glasses of wine. Isabela was dressed demurely, but still her eyes shone. She seemed to notice she was being watched and came out to porch after excusing herself.

Anders stood, “I should go back in. Don’t stay out here too long, you’ll catch cold.”

“Yes, doc,” Isabela replied teasingly, “I promised to be a good patient from now on, didn’t I?”

“Yes and my penicillin supply thanks you. Be good.”

Isabela rolled her eyes affectionately and sat down beside Hawke, reaching out to hold her hand. Hawke squeezed back. 

“I never want to be in this house again,” Hawke admitted, “I keep seeing her everywhere. I still smell her perfume. I…I can’t do this again. It was hard enough losing Dad…then Carver…and Beth.”

Isabela said quietly, “I was fifteen when I lost my Dad.”

Hawke looked over at her in curiosity and Isabela said gently, “We weren’t a wealthy family. My mother sold trinkets and told fortunes, he was a merchant. He was a good man with a big heart. Eventually it gave out on him. I didn’t cry. My mother used to hit me when I cried. It sorta stuck. But I wanted to cry for him. He wasn’t there much, but he would bring me back pretty things and ruffle my hair and tell me I would grow up to be a heartbreaker.”

“Is your Mom still alive?”

Isabela laughed, “I don’t know and I don’t know if I want to know. I haven’t spoken to her in nearly a decade. It was nice having Leandra, she was like the less smacking version of my mother. She also didn’t force you into marriage, another plus there.”

Isabela turned and said, “I’m bad at this. I know I am. I know you’d rather have someone else here, but…here I am. As long as you want me here.”

Hawke said softly, the words ringing true to her, “I only want you.”

“Now that is a relief,” she laughed, “I was worried you might try to funeral-shag the mage. He seems like a good funeral-shag, the angsty ones always are.”

“You pick up people at funerals?”

“Its how you celebrate life,” Isabela explained with a smile, “And it is a form of comforting I happen to be very good at.”

She kissed Hawke on the nose before anyone could see. Hawke smiled.

“Now come on, you still have some appearances to make.”

Isabela stretched out her hand and Hawke took it, following her love back into the house.

Once the crowd was gone, it was only the six of them drinking to Leandra’s memory, Fenris with a sparkling soda. Hawke was curled up with Isabela on the couch, laughing as Anders did an impression of Leandra’s scowl. Merrill followed with the first week of Theron’s life, the woman chasing her around trying to convince her that cloth diapers were unhygienic. Varric told about catching her reading one of his books. After that, he always left an extra copy “for Hawke” that never seemed to make it her way.

Merrill started to yawn, curling up on her husband’s shoulder. He played with her hair affectionately. Isabela groaned, “Just go get a room already. Go work on baby two or something.”

They smiled at each other, Varric kissing her forehead. He turned back to Isabela, “What, Rivani? It is time to celebrate life. I have a beautiful wife, can I not enjoy her company? I’m sure you’re ready to drag Hawke upstairs the minute she gives you the go-ahead.”

Hawke blushed slightly, giggling into her glass.

“And you, Blondie? Will you and the elf finally make love, not war?”

Fenris and Anders looked at each other and laughed affectionately, both shaking their heads at each other.

Fenris said, “I think I’ll just have to find a woman to replace the Leslie shaped hole in my heart.”

Isabela groaned, “Aw, but I liked her.”

“No you didn’t.”

“She was very amusing.”

“And you, Anders?” Varric asked.

Anders smiled kindly, “Sorry Varric, but you’re not nearly hairy enough to be my type.”

Varric grinned widely, “I keep working on it, Blondie, but it just won’t grow fast enough.”

Merrill looked at her watch, “Gods, its getting close to curfew. Any of you coming back to the house with us or is everyone staying here?”

“I’d like to stay,” Hawke said quietly and Isabela squeezed her hand. 

She nodded and asked, “Do you want me here?”

Hawke responded by nuzzling into her neck, sleepily resting her head on her shoulder. Varric smiled slightly and said, “Honey, why don’t we take the boys over for a good meal and then make up the spare room for them. Hawke, you come on over if you need anything, okay?”

Hawke nodded as they packed up their things, each pausing to kiss Hawke’s forehead on their way out of the house. Isabela picked up Hawke the best she could and led her up the stairs. They curled into bed together as Hawke started crying again. 

In a hushed voice, Hawke whispered, “Promise me you’ll stay with me.”

Isabela replied, “Of course, I’m going to stay tonight.”

“No, no, that’s not what I mean. Promise not to leave me. Please.”

Isabela frowned, “Hawke…”

Hawke murmured, “Forget it. Never mind.”

Hawke laid on her side, tears drying as she felt her eyes closing. Isabela curled up beside her, resting her chin on her shoulder.

As Hawke fell asleep, she heard Isabela whisper, “I promise.”


	37. Chapter 37

“Come on, Daisy. If you stay in here much longer, you’ll wilt.”

“I’m not a plant, Varric. If Hawke doesn’t want to go out, then I want to stay with her and keep her company.”

“She’s fine, love. She’s just got a bit of a cold and she’s even offered to take care of the tyke. What do you say, you, me, a nice ride in the country while we watch the leaves turn?”

“And sex in a field somewhere?”

“You know me so well.”

“Fine, let me go get some things-“

“I have everything packed already. Come on, let’s go while its still so nice outside.”

The two finally came into view as Merrill went to the hall closet and Varric passed the living room. He winked at Hawke, who was curled up on the couch, the toddler sitting on her triumphantly as he watched his black and white cartoons. Varric patted the TV to try to get some better reception and then said, “You two try to get some fresh air too, okay? You’ll feel better, Hawke, if you get outside for a bit.”

“I’m fine,” Hawke replied, “You two go and have some fun, alright?” 

Merrill looked at them both, worried slightly and Varric laughed, “They’re fine. Come on, let’s go have some fun.”

Theron waved, “Bye bye.”

Hawke smiled, “See? We’re fine.”

Merrill clucked slightly, “Alright, let’s go, Varric. I could use some sunshine.”

As they headed out, Theron hopped off Hawke’s lap and toddled over to the window to wave goodbye to his parents. Hawke was still surprised, even though she had known elf children tended to develop a bit faster. It seemed just yesterday to her that he was born, back in that cabin in the snowy woods. She sat down beside him as he watched the cars, patting his back affectionately. 

The phone rang and she went to answer it, keeping an eye on Theron as she did so. After the third ring, she answered, “Hello?”

“Hi,” Anders replied, slightly out of breath, “Can I come over? I need to talk to you about something.”

Hawke frowned, turning back to look at the child, “Are you okay?”

“Yes. I will be. Are you still under the weather, do you need anything?”

Hawke smiled, “I’m fine. Just come on over. You’re okay still with my car?”

“I honestly don’t know why you gave this thing up, Hawke. She’s beautiful, though far too flashy for me.”

Hawke did not reply. It reminded her of her mother. The house, the car, even the dog. It all hit too close to home, it made her heart beat loudly and her palms sweaty. But there was no need to tell Anders that.

“I’ll see you soon, doc,” Hawke said, hanging up the phone.

Hawke was in the kitchen with Theron when she heard Anders enter through the door. She turned off the stove and picked up the child, carrying him in her arms as she went to the front door. 

“Hi Anders,” she said with a sniffle, “I’m just making us some lunch. You want to join us?”

“They’re both gone?”

“Yeah, its just you and me.”

Hawke waved him into the kitchen, turning the stove top back on and letting the water boil. She put Theron in his high chair, and Anders sat beside him, tickling his chin slightly. 

Hawke added the dry noodles and asked, “So what is it, Anders? You had me a bit worried on the phone.”

She turned and looked at him, noting the bags under his eyes and the slight tremor in his right hand. Anders returned the glance and said, “I need your help.” 

“Do you need some money?” Hawke asked kindly, stirring the sauce, “I’m still in the midst of selling the house, but there’s some cash left over from…Mom’s savings. How much do you need?”

“It’s not that,” Anders said, smiling sadly, “Though I appreciate how generous you are, I do. It’s…well, you know what I do outside clinic hours.”

“Get drunk and dance at gay bars?” Hawke asked with a hopeful smirk and when Anders merely rolled his eyes affectionately, she said, “Yes, I do. Are you in trouble?”

“It’s not just me,” Anders said truthfully, “You and I have a mutual friend, yes? Well, he contacted me this morning. There have been…whispers, stirrings, just rumours really of legislation being passed behind closed doors. It seems that there may be some truth to what I have heard.”

“What have you heard?” Hawke asked, picking up the pot of boiling water and walking over to the sink. Anders waited patiently as she poured out the water, letting the pasta settle in the strainer. 

She looked up at him and he replied quietly, “They call it the Tranquil Solution. It is said there is a plan that within two years, all mages in Kirkwall will be given the brand, even those outside the Circle.”

Hawke rested her hands on the counter, the steam rising before her as she processed this. Anders waited a moment before standing beside her.

“There is a meeting tonight, some of the Templars who are standing behind this. Please, go with me. Help me find evidence to prove this plot so it can be revealed. I need an officer with me in case it turns sour. I know you’re taking time off, but…”

“This is more important than me wallowing in self pity,” Hawke replied softly, “It’s been two weeks. I need to go back to the real world. Can you phone Fenris? I need to feed Theron and put him down for his nap.”

Anders did so as Hawke mixed the pasta and sauce, chopping it up finely into a small bowl for Theron and two plates for Anders and herself. She fed the baby as she heard Anders’ murmurs in the living room, imagining Fenris’ response on the other end. 

When Theron was finished, she wiped him clean, the child cooing in her arms as she brought him upstairs and laid him down in his cradle. She looked around the little room, remembering a pleasant afternoon last summer of Varric and her sitting and drinking while they painted it.

She kissed the child’s face and tucked the blankets around him. When she went downstairs, Anders was still in the living room, on the phone. Still under the weather, she fell back asleep on the couch, only turning once when Anders put a blanket over her.

She woke in the late afternoon hearing Merrill’s rare, but terrifying angry voice. She sat up suddenly, looking over at Isabela, Fenris, and Varric watching from the hallway into the kitchen.

Wrapping the blanket around her, she came to stand with them, peering in to watch Merrill, her maxi sundress covered with grass stains, standing with her hands on her hips, pouting at Anders.

“Do you really all think I’m some helpless flower? Better keep Merrill out of the way, we’ll just end up having to rescue her.”

“You’re a mage. I was trying to keep you safe.”

“I can take care of myself, thank you. Who I worry about is you, you silly boy.”

“Merrill, I’m almost a decade older-“

“It doesn’t matter,” Merrill said, “You need someone to take care of you. All of you are like silly little children always getting themselves into trouble. I’m going with you. That’s final. You should have just talked to me in the first place, Anders. It’s no good for you to go off playing hero and getting yourself captured by Templars. And you,” she turned and looked down the hall, the four of them disappearing into the living room, “I see you all there. Varric, Isabela, you two will be staying here and watching over Theron. Yes, both of you. Fenris, Hawke, you two get into your uniforms and grab your badges. And you, Anders, you will sit here and not touch anything until we’re ready to go. Is that clear?”

“Yes, maam,” they agreed in unison.

“Good. Now get to it.”

Hawke glanced back and saw Merrill smirk slightly, “Perhaps I would have been good in the army after all.”

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

They hid the car just outside of Darktown, going on foot into the undercity of Kirkwall. Fenris and Hawke were both in their uniforms, covered up by black rain jackets. Anders and Merrill were both dressed in jeans, Merrill wearing a black blouse and Anders a black turtleneck. Merrill was still wearing her bright pink rain jacket, and Anders just wore a heavy brown cardigan. Hawke made a note to herself to buy Anders a real jacket for his next birthday.

Anders waved them over to a ventilation shaft underfoot, steaming in his face as he pulled off the cover. He lowered himself down and held out a hand to Merrill, who merely rolled her eyes and jumped down. Hawke and Fenris followed, Hawke pulling out her flashlight as Anders led them down the tunnel.

“This isn’t going to boil us or anything?” Fenris asked nervously.

Anders laughed, “This is just a bit of air from the factories and none of them can afford a real motor. Besides, they get half their profit letting the criminals run around in their ceilings.”

After thirty feet or so, Anders stopped and felt the wall ahead of them. He leaned into it, pushing until it popped out, allowing them to walk into an underground tunnel. The three of them followed, Fenris pulling out his gun as they walked, the water dripping overhead. 

“What is this place?” Hawke asked.

“Apostates usually hide here,” Merrill said, stepping over a large rock, “It goes out to the Wounded Coast, actually. It’s a pretty good way to sneak in and out of the city.”

“Have you gone through this before?” Fenris asked in confusion.

Merrill bit her lip, “Erm…a few times? You’d be surprised how many mages ask for a midwife before heading to the docks.”

“Not that surprised,” Hawke muttered, glancing at a burned out campfire.

“Come on,” Anders waved on, “There’s an entrance to the Gallows nearby.”

“Wait,” Fenris paused, “You never said we were breaking into the Gallows.”

“Scared?” Anders asked with a smirk, “That’s why I needed both of you. You came with a warrant for the Templar’s arrest.”

“Did we?” Hawke asked.

Anders handed her a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket, “It was the best forgery I could find. Sorry about that.”

“We couldn’t get a real one?”

“It would have tipped him off. Sorry, I did think of that first.”

“So who is this guy, anyway?”

“Captain Alrik. A nasty piece of work. He’s the one who…who killed Karl. He’s the one running this meeting, the one pushing for the Tranquil Solution.”

“I’ve heard of him,” Fenris mentioned, “He…well, he’s not known for anything too pleasant, shall we say.”

Merrill turned and said softly, “He has a thing for elven women. Makes them beg. Then kills them. Not all of them, leaves some of them alive enough to terrify any elven mage in Kirkwall.”

“Merrill,” Hawke said quietly.

“I’m not afraid,” Merrill said defiantly, walking in stride with Anders, “There’s no use in being afraid anymore. We’re getting close. I can smell the lyrium.”

“Me too,” Anders replied, leading them to the edge of the cavern. He flicked his hands at the pile of wood, and it formed a ladder in his hands. He put it against the wall and climbed up to the ceiling, putting his ear against the dirt and listening for a moment. He then pushed upwards and Hawke could hear something slide across a stone floor. She went up the ladder last, watching the pieces fall back to the ground as she made it onto the stone floor. 

She looked up at her companions and then looked around the tunnel. She climbed in, crawling on her hands and knees with the others, pausing as Anders stopped, turned on his flashlight to look at his watch and picked up speed as they came out into another underground cavern. 

“It will be easier if you don’t resist,” the voice echoed throughout the cave.

Merrill walked forth calmly, grabbing the gun from Hawke’s holster and firing the ceiling. A few clumps of dirt fell and the ground shook slightly as the confused Agents pulled out their own weapons, scattering as they looked for the sound of the firing. She handed the gun back to Hawke and walked forth, the three of them following into the opening of the cavern.

Five CBI Agents stood around what appeared to be a Senior Member, his black suit marred by the dirt falling from the ceiling. His black glasses covered his face as he looked over at them. A young elven mage knelt by his feet, visibly shaking as Hawke walked forth, holding her badge out.

“Captain Alrik,” She called out, “I have a warrant for your arrest. Tell your men to back down now.”

Alrik stepped forward as Hawke withdrew her gun and pointed it at him.

“Aw, yes, the female constable. I’ve heard of you. You’re the sister of that mage, Bethany. I remember her, such a good girl. She never fought back. It’s good to see one of you has some backbone. I’ll enjoy this. It’ll be nice breaking you in.”

Fenris stepped forth, clicking the safety off his gun, “Back off now, Alrik, if you want to get out of here alive.”

“There are four of you, only two of you with any weapons, and there are six of us. Do you really think you are any match? Two little women, an elf pretending to be a cop, and this…this…”

Hawke turned around and saw Anders glowing blue, his eyes faded into the back of his head as blue light poured out around him.

In a deep growl of a voice, Anders cried out, “You will never touch another, Alrik!"

Anders’ hands went out and a blast knocked them all of their feet. His hands drew up fire that scorched over them, and Hawke pushed the girl on the ground, shielding her with her body. Looking up, Hawke shot down one of the remaining CBI agents, and turned to see Merrill blast forward green vines that squeezed the life from two others. She tried to see where Fenris was, but instead saw Alrik standing above her. She stood as the girl scrambled, holding the gun out in front of her as she backed up, Alrik’s own gun pointed at her forehead. 

“You know what your sister would do when I took her? When she starting crying?” Alrik said with a smirk, “She used to sing this little song. How did it used to go? Stars shining up above you…”

Hawke pulled the trigger, the bullet going through his shoulder as he fell to the ground. She stood on his neck and put the gun to the back of his head.

“No,” Merrill said and Hawke turned to her, “If you take him alive, you can find out who else is in on this.”

“This bastard-“

“I know,” Merrill said, holding out her hands, the veins retracting into her fingers, “Believe me, I know. But we need him alive.”

Merrill turned and Hawke saw what she gasped at. Anders fully in blue, snapping the neck of the final CBI agent, and turning to the scared girl in the corner, reaching out his hand.

“Anders!” Hawke cried out, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“She has been touched by them, she is unclean, she is one of them, she bares their stench and taint.”

The girl merely whimpered, not taking her eyes off him. 

Hawke ran in between them, throwing Merrill her gun, and forced Anders to look her in the eyes. The blue met her fiercely and as fire built in his hands, she said quietly, “You’re better than this, Anders.”

The blue started to fade from his eyes, and his hands shook as they went to his face. When he withdrew them again, Anders was back in control. 

“Maker,” he whimpered, looking around, “No…no…I…I have to go.”

Hawke moved to go after him, but paused, turning to see the girl whimpering behind her. She knelt down in the dirt beside her and asked, “What’s your name?”

“Ella,” she whispered.

“Hi Ella,” Hawke replied with a sad smile, “My name is Constable Hawke. I’m going to get you out of here and somewhere safe, okay? Merrill, can you get her out of Kirkwall tonight?”

Merrill nodded, tossing Hawke back her gun, and walking to Ella’s side. Hawke went back to Alrik, bleeding in the sand while Fenris held his gun to his head.

“Let’s get him back to the station,” Hawke said quietly as Alrik looked up at her, “We’ll get this shit storm over with.”

oOoOoOoOoOo

“You did WHAT?” 

Lt. Brosca smoked angrily as he went back and forth, “Do you realize what you could have done if your information was wrong? You broke into the Gallows to track down a CBI agent and then arrested him and brought him back here?”

“He hurt my sister,” Hawke said hollowly.

Brosca stopped, sighed and said, “You know we can’t charge him for that.”

“But we can charge him for murder,” Fenris said, “That falls in our jurisdiction, even if he’s a CBI Agent. We need to make this bastard pay.”

Brosca grumbled, “Fine. I’ll phone the Commander and the Mayor. Just…just get out of here. You two seem to bring nothing but trouble to my prescient. I remember when we used to just have to rescue kittens from trees…”

Fenris and Hawke left his office, looking at each other in apprehension. 

“I need to go find Anders,” she said quietly.

Fenris nodded, “Go, I’ll deal with things here.”

Hawke made her way back to Darktown, driving to Anders’ clinic. She parked outside, seeing the little lantern through the windows. She tossed her change to a street urchin and walked in, taking a deep breath.

The clinic was empty and she went through to the back, seeing Anders furiously throwing papers across the room, his hands running through his hair as he wordlessly screamed.

He turned and saw her standing there and he murmured, “Get out, Hawke.”

“Anders,” she said softly, stepping forth, “I’m not here to hurt you.”

Anders laughed harshly, “You’re worried about hurting me? I could have killed you today. I would have…I don’t know what…Hawke, I need to go. I need to stop screwing this all up.”

“Anders,” she tried again.

“Look,” Anders paused, “You’re happy. You have Isabela now. Varric and Merrill are married with a baby. Even Fenris seems to have his life on track. You don’t need me here screwing it all up because of a mistake I made…you already put everything on the line for me before, Hawke, and now…now…now I actively hurt you.”

“Will you listen to me?” Hawke said angrily.

He stopped and looked at her and she came closer to him. “What the hell went wrong, Anders?” she murmured, “I haven’t seen you like that since…and even then, then you were in control. Tell me what I need to do to help you.”

He stroked her cheek, “He threatened you…I…I thought of Bethany, I thought of Karl, I thought of…I knew what he could do to you. I couldn’t control it. He couldn’t take you. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you too.”

“Anders,” Hawke whispered in surprise.

Anders said softly, “That’s why I can’t stay. I could have killed you when I wanted to do was protect you…and you didn’t even need me for that. You never really needed me here.”

“Please don’t leave,” Hawke begged.

Anders bowed his head, “I don’t know what else I can do.”

“We can figure that out,” Hawke promised, “We can figure all of that out. Just stay. Please.”

Anders smiled sadly, “Are you worried about someone else leaving you or me leaving you?”

Hawke said truthfully, “You.”

Anders put his arms around her and she curled into his frame, holding him tightly against her. He cried silently as she held him. The lantern in the window flickered as the light began to fade. Hawke kissed his tears, his hands coming to cup her face. As they looked into each other’s eyes, the flame went out.


	38. Chapter 38

Hawke woke as she heard the crackling of a fire. She sat up, holding the blankets around her as she saw Anders bent over at the fire, putting another log in.

“Sorry,” he apologized, “The electricity tends to give out sometimes. I think this is going to have to be a wood stove day.”

He returned to the bed, curling back under the blankets with Hawke. She nuzzled into him, trying to steal his warmth for herself. He kissed her forehead and pulled her close.

As they lay there, Anders murmured, “I should get back to the clinic. It must be nearly 9 am now, I should get started.”

“So that life crisis went quickly,” Hawke laughed and he hit her affectionately with his flatten pillow. 

“This is strange,” Anders admitted, “I feel like we need to talk…but…”

Hawke understood. In the traditional way of understanding, nothing had happened. They had slept side by side, Hawke in Anders’ old flannel shirt. They talked and cried and held each other. There was nothing to feel guilty about, no act that Isabela would not understand and condone.

And yet…

Hawke said softly, “We were there for each other, Anders. That’s all. We did nothing wrong. Nothing has changed. We’re not going to go run off and have apostate babies in the woods.”

“They would be very cute little apostate babies,” Anders smirked.

Hawke stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed quietly, “You’re right. So if there’s nothing to feel guilty about, nothing wrong, then stay here with me today. I think we could both use a break.”

“Wait, you’re willing taking a day off?”

Anders smiled, nuzzling his nose against hers, “Yeah. I think I need one.”

He pulled her close to him again and as the room warmed, Hawke felt herself fall back asleep in his arms. She dreamt of her father, as he was when she was small, and once again watched him fall, hand on heart, as he collapsed into the dirt. 

She woke to the sound of the phone ringing. Anders grumbled as he reached out for it and Hawke kissed the top of his messy hair before reaching and answering it.

“Hello?”

“Hawke!” Fenris yelled, “Where the hell have you been?”

Startled, Hawke sat upright, “I told you, I went to see Anders. It was late and I stayed over. What’s wrong?”

“Great, so you haven’t seen the news then today? And you have the squad car. Perfect. Get to the prescient now. And bring the damn car. And phone your girlfriend so she stops phoning me asking where you are.”

“I’ll also bring you coffee.”

“…thanks.”

“I’ll be there soon,” she promised, hanging up the phone. Anders rolled over, looking up at her with big brown eyes. 

She asked softly, “Another time?”

Anders smiled, “No rest for the wicked.”

She stood, finding her disregarded uniform folded over a wicker chair. After she dressed, she knelt down and touched Anders’ cheek affectionately. He kissed her hand and winked at her, pulling the sheets back up around him.

Hawke arrived at the station a few minutes later, coffee in hand. She pushed her way through a crowd of reporters, flashing her badge as she made her way through the doors. Fenris stood there, fuming, taking his coffee and leading her through the lines of desks and back into the break room.

He pointed at the TV and she stood transfixed, eyes barely able to leave the screen. A choppy video showed a rioting crowd outside the Chantry, CBI agents out holding back the masses as Commander Meredith and the Revered Mother made their way out and into a waiting car. It flashed to the First Enchanter being hauled away in an unmarked black car and then to the dead CBI Agents left in the bottom of the Gallows. The scrolling text on the bottom rolled: **Police raid leaves five dead in attempts to uncover evidence of mage conspiracy. Captain Alrik has been captured and is in custody of Kirkwall Police. Police are refusing to answer further questions at this time.**

Fenris frowned, “As you may have seen, people are not reacting well to this news. There are rioters everywhere. People want him hanged, people want him released, and no one yet knows what really happened.”

“What can we do?”

“You?” Brosca asked with a laugh, turning to look at the two of them, “You’ve done enough. We’re breaking out the riot gear. When we get the signal from the Mayor, we’re setting out for Lowtown.”

“I need to phone Isabela,” Hawke said to Fenris.

“Do it quickly.”

Hawke jogged over to her desk, trying to ignore the reporters pounding on the window. She first called Isabela’s apartment, only to have no one pick up. She tried Merrill and Varric’s and after the first ring, Isabela picked up the phone.

“Fenris. Have you found her, is she okay?”

“Bela, it’s me.”

“About time. Maker, Hawke, do you have to give me a heart attack? City is rioting and you can’t even bother to tell me you’re safe! You never came home last night, what the hell was I supposed to think?”

“Bela,” Hawke soothed, “Are you okay?”

“I was up all night waiting for you and then when Fenris phoned me looking for…I just lost it. Hawke, tell me you’re safe. Tell me you’re coming home tonight.”

Hawke looked over at the break room, seeing the backs of her fellow officers as they stared at the television screen. She said softly, “I’m safe. I’ll be back as soon as I can, Bela. You just stay there and stay safe. I love you.”

Isabela grumbled, “You too.”

Hawke smiled slightly as she hung up the phone, the strange guilt still pecking at her heart. She saw the officers leaving the room and Brosca waved her over.

“We’re heading out?”

“Yes, but you’re not coming with us.”

“What?” Hawke asked.

“The Mayor wishes to see you, ancestors know why. Get your ass over to City Hall. Take Leto with you just in case. Keep yourself out of trouble, Hawke. You’re giving me enough paper work as it is.”

Hawke saluted and went to find Fenris.

oOoOoOoOoOo

After twenty minutes of waiting outside his office, Dumar finally allowed Hawke inside, leaving Fenris to stand guard outside.

“Sir?” Hawke asked, bowing her head.

“Come here, Constable,” he said, waving her over to his desk, “You know Councilor Bran, yes? I believe he has your Ward in Hightown.”

“Councilor,” Hawke nodded and then turned back to Dumar, “We’re in the middle of riots across the city. What do you need me for?”

“You still have Alrik in custody?”

“Yes,” Hawke replied, “He is secure.”

“Good. We will move the trial ahead as quickly as possible. I have a photocopy of the documents found on him as well as there is a transcript now of his initial remarks when he was taken into custody. Councilor Bran is a trained lawyer and will be representing the Free City as her prosecuting attorney. He will be in contact with your prescient as needed.”

“While this is all well and good, this is nothing you couldn’t have asked over the phone.”

Dumar went to the window, resting his head in his hands as he looked out at the crowd waiting outside city hall. “I have had a meeting with Elthina and Meredith. This Tranquil Solution was voted down, but they have warned me of…sentiments brewing among the Faithful. There is a group called the Followers of She. I have heard you have had experiences with them before.”

“Only a little,” Hawke admitted, “But that was years ago, I wasn’t even on the force then.”

“It has been confirmed to me…and this is meant to be classified knowledge, that the poison gas in the case of the White Lilies Murderer has been linked back to them. They are planning an assault on the city, Hawke. This riot…it is the perfect cover for them to move forth into the city. They will go after the elves, the dwarves, the mages, any who they think are deviant and beyond the grace of Andraste.”

“How do you know all of this?”

“We have a few agents operating within…oh do not give me that look. The KCPD has a few agents everywhere. You must have realized this. How else do we keep the city from falling apart at the seams? We may have only a few hours and we do not know from where they will strike.”

“Why do you need me? Why not tell someone higher up? Why not send in the CBI or the KCPD or the Wardens even-“ She paused, “I thought you had brown eyes.” 

She whipped around to see Councilor Bran grab her arms. She kicked out, trying to fling him, but Mayor Dumar grabbed her legs. She tried to scream out Fenris’ name but was gagged. He still crashed through the door and a guard behind him hit him over the head, causing Fenris to fall to his knees. 

Hawke felt a needle go to her neck and she felt herself go numb. As her eyes closed, she saw the masks being pulled from their faces as they carried her, running down the back stairs of City Hall.

She woke, tied to a chair, her mouth still gagged and her lips tasting bitterly of iron.  
I’m bleeding. 

A fast slap across her face caused her lip to split again and she looked up angrily at the man standing before her. 

“I’ve read a lot about you, Marian,” the man said, kneeling down to look at her, “You always seem to come up in the news. Oh they never say your name, but occasionally you see a photo. There’s not many female officers, you weren’t hard to find. I did have some trouble when I found Aveline Hawke, but she looked nothing like you, so that was fortunate for me.”

Hawke looked up, willing her face to stay neutral, closing her eyes as he hit her again.

“Yet here you are, and just in time! You managed to capture Alrik, our favourite little puppet. Don’t worry, we’re tracking down your friends from last night, they should be here shortly. Your little elven servant is fine, we just threw him in with the others headed to Tevinter. He’ll make a fine pet for a magistar, I imagine.”

“Let me guess,” he paced in front of her, “You’re wondering what we want, why we would bother taking you. Little old you. Do I want ransom? There’s no family left to ransom, is there? And the KCPD doesn’t negotiate with terrorists. So what do I want from you?”

He undid her gag and she smirked sadistically, “Maybe another man who just hates women.”

He laughed darkly, “Perhaps, but that would be too simple, wouldn’t it? Too handy and would fit in too well with the rest of your life, wouldn’t it?”

He cupped her chin in his hand, “The truth is that you are the most sympathetic. A little girl who never finished high school, worked in the factories, lost her sister to the Circle and her mother to a mad man. A brother and father before she even stepped foot on the shore. The little boat girl.”

“So I’m a warning?” Hawke asked.

“No, a judgment. I cannot leave a sinful woman to live, to copulate with her whore, to serve as the arm of the law, to serve as the face of justice in this city. We are the Followers of She, we are the face of righteousness. We shall cleanse the world of the deviants and bring the Kingdom of God unto this world.”

Hawke smirked, “So you’ll burn me as the Tevinters did Andraste?”

“No, it is not fitting for you to die as our lady did,” he replied, “But I do believe we have another way to cleanse your soul.”

He came forth and gagged her again as she struggled, the syringe back in his hand and plunging back into her neck. As she faded back into unconsciousness, he whispered, “This is a kindness, Marian. A kindness.”

Her neck pulsed painfully as she woke, her body rocking softly as she tried to stand up. She was able to kneel, her hands bound in leather and her mouth gagged still. As she swayed, she realized that it was the ground beneath her that was unsteady. She looked around, seeing the real Councilor Bran and Mayor Dumar drugged and tossed to the side of her. 

She managed to get to her feet and look around. She recognized it as the hull of a ship, the sounds of the water around them drowning out any other. She tried to walk, the drug still pounding through her veins as she made her way to a ladder; only to fall again as a wave hit the side of the ship.

A trap door opened above her and she felt herself be pulled up by several deck hands, too drugged and weak to be able to resist them. As she landed on deck, she was pushed forward, led towards the edge of the ship. She looked out, recognizing the Gallows. She looked down, seeing the speedboats marked as KCPD. Weakly, she thought it was unfair they never let her use one of the boats.

The megaphone near her head was loud and echoed through her ears. A resounding one from the KCPD called out as well, demanding their release. As Hawke looked out among the boats, she could have sworn she saw Isabela standing at the bow of one, her own gun pointed at the ship. 

The megaphone screeched beside her as it issued an ultimatum and Hawke felt herself being chained around her legs. The hiss continued until the final words she heard were “and be cleansed.”

She could not even utter a scream as they tossed her into the water and the bullets began to fire. She looked up as she was dragged down, trying to fight through her bounds. The scene looked strange through the layers of blue and green. She tried to breathe in, her lungs burning as the salt water flooded through her. She pushed against her binds, falling deeper into the water. As she felt her heart slow, she saw a strange shadow move towards her. She struggled, her eyes closing until those hands touched her, undoing her binds and leading her up to the surface.

Hawke gasped loudly, coughing the water out of her lungs. She turned and saw Isabela swimming beside her, grinning until a bullet hit the water near her. She grabbed Hawke and helped carry her through the water, the fight still going around them as she managed to get Hawke to the shore. Isabela pulled them both up onto a dry dock, laying Hawke on her side as she threw up the rest of the salt water. Others were oblivious to them as they watched the battle in the surf. 

Hawke looked up at amazement at Isabela, noticing her bleeding shoulder and cut lip. Isabela smiled at her, “You just can’t stay out of trouble, can you?”

The megaphone sounded again, echoing through the harbor, “We are the faithful of Andraste, we are her chosen chi-“

The leader fell backwards, and chaos boomed on the ship. The KCPD moved forward, several CBI Agents behind them as they stormed the ship. Hawke felt her eyes closing again and Isabela caught her.


	39. Chapter 39

Hawke woke painfully, cradling her head in her hand, and quickly looked around for Isabela. She saw her girlfriend sitting beside her, a protective hand on her shoulder. 

“Hi,” Isabela said with a smirk, “Good to see you alive.”

Hawke glanced around, seeing herself on a hospital bed, a sleeping Fenris in the bed next to her. Varric and Anders were also in the room, talking quietly in the corner. She held her forehead again as she heard another siren go past.

“Sorry,” Isabela said, “I’ll get you some aspirin. Just hang in there.”

“No,” Hawke touched her arm to stop her, “What’s happening right now? Is the Mayor and the Councilor safe?”

Isabela sighed, “Fine, short version first: they shot the bastard, raided his ship, captured evidence etc. Hostages got away more or less unharmed. Riots are still happening throughout the cities, police are making arrests all over. The city is a mess, but it’ll live.”

Hawke raised an eyebrow and Isabela replied, “Sorry. Fenris would be better at this, but I think he could use a nap after all that’s happened.”

Hawke started to rise from the bed, clutching her ribs, “I need to get back on duty.”

“You nearly drowned, kitten, you need some rest. You’re not going to do much good when you’re dead on your feet.”

Hawke paused and asked, “Are you safe in Lowtown?”

“More or less. The zealots have been breaking into businesses in the Chantry district and throwing some…interesting literature. A few colleagues were hurt, but nothing too serious.”

“I’m sorry,” Hawke winced, “Is everyone okay?”

“I should get you that aspirin. Hang in there, I’ll be right back.”

As she left the room, Varric came over, sitting on the side of the bed.

“Daisy and I have decided to go to Sundermount for a few days,” he said, forcing himself to sound calm, “We think it’s the safest, especially for her and Theron. You’re welcome to stay in the house, but I think it might be best if you don’t stay there alone.”

“Is it really that bad, Varric?”

“Have you ever seen me run from a fight before?”

Hawke gulped slightly, “Alright…can you take Tali with you? And maybe…well…”

“Isabela will go if you tell her to, but frankly, she’s going to be damn pissed off at you if you tell her to. So plan that one carefully, Hawke. Between you and Broody, I’m sure you can keep her safe.”

“When will you go?”

“Soon. It’s best to get out of the city before night falls, just in case. I just wanted to make sure you were all right first. Daisy wants you to call us when you can, we want to make sure you’re safe.”

She embraced him, “I love you, Varric.”

She could have sworn she heard the dwarf cry slightly as he whispered, “You too, Hawke. Make sure you don’t get yourself killed.”

He let go, turning to see Isabela entering the room again. 

“I better go,” he said quietly, “The highways are packed heading north. Are you going to be at our house?”

Hawke nodded, “It’ll prevent looters from going after it. Phone me when you get there, okay?”

Varric squeezed her hand, “I promise.”

Varric made his quiet goodbyes to the other two, patting Fenris, who turned slightly in his sleep. Isabela gave Hawke the tablets and she took them with a sore gulp of water.

She held Isabela’s hand, “Get what you need out of your apartment. You, Fenris, and Anders will stay with me until this is over. Fenris and I need to stay and I know you two won’t leave. We’ll be safer in a group.”

Isabela hesitated, but then finally agreed, “I’ll get my things and meet you over there soon. The nurse said you and Fenris were safe to go when you were ready. I have a feeling they will need these beds soon.”

“Can you swing by Fenris’ place and pick up some clothes for him? There’s a spare key under the mat. I’ll just bring him to the house when he wakes up.”

“Okay,” Isabela kissed her cheek, “Let Anders drive so you get some rest.”

“Trust me,” Hawke smirked, “That wouldn’t be much of a rest.”

“Hey,” Anders protested.

As Isabela left the room, Hawke stood gingerly, “We better wake Fenris up and get out of here. Anders, do you need anything from the clinic? I didn’t even ask you, will your interns be okay? Is there anything you need?”

Anders ran his hand through his hair, “Just wait a moment. Please.”

Hawke met his eyes as he leaned in and kissed her. She melted into him, throwing her arms around his neck as his hands rested on her hips. He pulled away gently and she looked at him in surprise.

“I wanted to do that all last night,” Anders admitted, “And today I thought I would never get the chance. I’m sorry.”

Hawke could not respond and Anders went and gently woke up Fenris. 

oOoOoOoOoOo

“I know, Hawke.”

Hawke turned to look at Isabela, a strange mixture of guilt and relief flooding her.

Isabela said softly, “I know you’re attracted to Anders, and he to you. I don’t know why you didn’t just talk to me about it. Why is this such a big deal?”

Hawke couldn’t put the words to explain it and as she fumbled, Isabela kissed her gently, taking her face into her hands. 

“I love you,” Hawke murmured.

“I know,” Isabela said with a smile, “So why is this a big deal? This is something we can enjoy, have a bit of fun with.”

Hawke looked at her in confusion.

“Let’s just say that Anders has been more than my Doctor on a few occasions,” Isabela smirked, “Let’s just say what happens in Denerim, stays in Denerim…unless you’re me, because I tell about everything.”

“Oh,” Hawke replied, genuinely surprised, “You never said-“

“It was just sex, Hawke. I keep trying to tell you there’s a difference between sex and love. I see this as an opportunity. Perhaps you’ll indulge me with an exploration. It is definitely something you seemed interested in before.”

Hawke blushed, suddenly realizing what Isabela was leading to, “That was pillow talk. Something hot to…to think about, not actually do.”

“Kitten, if this is what it takes to get this out of your system, I wholly approve. It sounds like all sorts of good, wholesome fun. Let me talk to him. If you’re interested, of course.” 

Hawke’s heart fluttered, “I think so.”

“I think isn’t good enough. I don’t want to do this unless you want to.”

A strange heat pulsed through her body and she whispered, “Yes.”

Isabela took Hawke’s hand and led her into the guest bedroom in which Anders was staying. The mage looked up in slight concern, sitting up as they entered.

Hawke blushed and Isabela merely smiled, “I want Hawke to get screwed senseless tonight and have all this destructive rioting business be replaced with dirty, filthy sex-“

“Not filthy,” Hawke whispered.

“Fine. Boring, vanilla sex,” Isabela corrected, rolling her eyes, “And I wanted to invite you to join us.”

Anders raised his eyebrows, looking back between the two of them. When he met Hawke’s eyes, they both took a deep breath. 

He asked softly, “Are you sure.”

Hawke’s heart leapt, “Yes.” 

“Are there rules?” Anders asked, turning back to Isabela. 

Isabela continued, “Yes. She’s in charge. If Hawke is uncomfortable at all, you will leave. You are the guest. Understood?”

Anders nodded, his eyes not leaving Hawke’s.

Hawke closed the door, locking it behind her. Isabela knelt on the bed and Hawke sat beside her. Isabela kissed her deeply, running her hands through her hair, undoing her braids. Isabela then unbuttoned her own blouse, revealing her brassiere. Hawke looked over at Anders, still standing in the corner.

“Strip,” Isabela instructed him. 

Anders did so, unbuttoning his shirt. He pulled it away, taking off the undershirt underneath as well. He undid his belt, and unzipped his pants, lowering them to the ground.

He came closer as Isabela beckoned him and started taking off her own skirt and nylons. Hawke and Anders made eye contact, a look of pure kindness coming from his eyes. Hawke stood before him and kissed him, running her hands through his hair, undoing the ponytail. A hand went down his chest and pulled back his waistband. She could feel him harden at her touch and she felt a flush run through her own body. He kissed her harder and started fumbling at her own clothes. He stripped her of her shirt, his hands running over her brassiere. At her back, she could feel Isabela, naked and warm against her bare back. She groaned as Isabela kissed up her neck, her hands reaching to the back of Hawke’s pants and unzipping them. She pulled down Hawke’s panties, kissing down her ass and leg as she did so. Anders unhooked her bra, letting that too drop to the floor. Now naked, Hawke turned around to kiss Isabela, embracing her lover as Anders kissed down her back, his own pants and briefs falling to the floor. She felt his cock against her ass and she moaned slightly.

“You want him in you?” Isabela asked, her hand reaching down to stroke her lover’s wet lips. Hawke moaned her reply as Isabela slid a finger in her, teasing just the inside of her. Isabela removed her finger, Hawke sighing as she did. She turned and grasped Anders’ cock in her hand and he moaned in response. 

She let go of them both and made her way back to the bed, signaling Anders to come over. He laid down beside her and she whispered in his ear. Anders kissed her softly, his hands running down her body and his fingers sliding inside of her. She cried out as she went on top of him, angling herself above him. She slid his cock into her and moaned out as she bucked against him. She felt Isabela slide behind her, her lover taking her breast in her hands as she played with the nipple between her fingers. She felt Isabela’s hand brush against her ass as Isabela thrust her fingers inside of herself. She gripped Hawke’s breast harder and Hawke responded by picking up speed. Anders wrapped his legs around Isabela, bringing her closer to them. 

Hawke whispered, “Wait.”

Immediately her partners withdrew and waited for a signal from her.

Hawke turned to Isabela kissing her deeply and her kisses trailed down her body and into the damp curls. Isabela laid back as Hawke took her into her mouth, sucking down on her clit. As Hawke arched her back in the air, Anders came from behind her and he slipped inside of her, thrusting slowly so Hawke could focus on Isabela. 

The slowly building tension in her body, Anders’ hands holding onto her breasts gently, her mouth filled with her lover’s pussy, Hawke moaned and Isabela whispered to her in pants, “I need you to come, Hawke.”

Isabela withdrew and Hawke murmured until Isabela knelt in front of her, keeping herself close to Hawke’s face, letting her smell her lover as Isabela touched herself. Anders picked up speed and Hawke cried out. Isabela ran her hand to her own breast, the other still deep between her legs. Hawke moaned out as Anders pounded into her, his lips kissing her shoulders. 

Hawke could see Isabela come, her legs shaking, the smell of her orgasm spreading through her hair and fingers. Hawke pulled forward away from Anders, her hands in Isabela’s hair as she pulled her to her, kissed her deeply, until she nearly lost her breath. 

Anders pulled her back to him and he slid himself inside of her again. He gripped her hips tightly and Hawke cried out, pushing back onto him, wanting all of him inside her. Isabela continued to kiss her, biting down on her lip as Anders’ hand snaked around and touched her clit. She cried out as Isabela kissed her deeper, whispering those words in Rivaini that she knew now so well: I love you, I love you, I love you. 

Hawke came with a roar, pushing herself hard against Anders, her legs shaking as her moans shook through. Anders pummeled into her, his other hand reaching out to touch Isabela’s cheek, and he came suddenly, a surprised grunt in his throat as he spilled into her.

The three lay together, exhausted and entangled. Isabela kissed Hawke deeply and then turned to Anders, kissing him hard and fierce, her body laying on his. Anders nipped her neck affectionately, his hands exploring the curves of her body as Isabela giggled, looking down at his growing cock.

“That’s new,” Isabela smirked.

“The Grey Wardens gave me a few presents,” Anders smiled back.

Hawke watched jealously until Isabela stroked her cheek, “Don’t worry, kitten. I know. You’ll get your turn yet.”

Isabela slid down Anders’ chest, bringing herself just over his cock. She brought herself down and he cried out slightly. His hands went out to Hawke, his fingers brushing her lips before turning to kiss her.

“I want you too,” he whispered in pants as Isabela rode him, “I need you too.”

His fingers reached for her pulsing sex and she moved to him, kissing him deeply as he led her to him, his hands bringing her to just over his mouth. Her body ached as she lowered herself onto him and he took her lips inside his. She cried out as his tongue reached inside her core and she turned her body to watch Isabela. Her lover held her breast in her hand, the other gripping Anders’ hip as she rode him. She leaned forth and kissed Hawke fiercely. Hawke moaned out and kissed her way down Isabela’s chest, into the mess of hair where her lovers were connected, and back up Anders’ chest. She dug in her nails to his body and he moaned into her, licking her lips tenderly before sliding around her clit. 

She grew so close and she felt Anders withdraw from her. Isabela took her in her arms, her fingers sliding into her and arching to stroke her. She came almost instantly, her body shaking as she touched Isabela, pounding into her. She looked up, watching Anders just beside them, touching himself, his other hand stroking Hawke’s cheek. She kissed each of his fingers, her eyes not leaving his as Isabela moved on top of her. 

Isabela cried out and quickened her pace, causing Hawke to moan out loudly. Anders panted and she took his fingers into her mouth, sucking on each as he groaned and came, his seed spilling on the sheets. At the same time, Hawke shook from within, her eyes not leaving his as she cried out Isabela’s name. 

Isabela looked up at Anders, sweaty and smirking, and he sighed happily, “I’m afraid I’m going to take a little longer to recover from that.”

“I won’t,” she grinned and looked at Hawke with fire in her eyes, “Up for another round?”

After another round and a surprise fourth, the three lay in each other’s arms, naked and sweaty among the blankets on a crisp fall evening. Hawke found herself in Anders’ arm as Isabela lay just to the side of them, sleeping peacefully.

Anders was falling asleep, his thumb stroking her cheek as he did so. She kissed him and he sleepily returned it, nuzzling against her. He closed his eyes, his breath slowing as he drifted off, holding her against him. 

Hawke laid awake, her lovers asleep beside her. 

With great reluctance, she pulled from his arms and curled her body around Isabela’s. Isabela sighed in her sleep, pulling her around her and nuzzling into her body.

For not the first time in her life, Hawke wondered, _What the hell am I doing?_


	40. Chapter 40

Hawke was alone as she walked the halls of the Qunari Temple. The meditation halls were empty now, only a few of the Qun brushing away the shattered glass from the windows. She heard protestors outside and she was grateful that at least this act was peaceful. For two days she had been in her riot gear, every face in the crowd haunting her, some with fear, some wanting her blood.

The city had erupted since the death of the leader of the Followers of She. Splinter groups, sympathizers, all had sprung up from the cracks of the city. Elves and mages were beaten and killed. Yet the anger had shifted, had changed its target to one specific group.

The Arishok waited in his office for her and she entered without ceremony.

She bowed her head, “It is good to see you unharmed.”

The Arishok waved her off, “My life does not matter.”

The Arishok signaled her over to the window and she followed, looking out at the crowd of people outside, the police attempting to hold them back.

“What do you think of this city of yours, Hawke?”

Hawke was surprised by the question and replied, “I came to it a penniless refugee who never finished high school. Now I’m speaking to the leader of the Qunari. I think I have done well for myself here.”

“You approve of this chaos?”

Hawke said softly, “It’s a mess. But no worse than what it was like in Ferelden.”

“Your people seem to savor this violence. Why has no one put a stop to this? You let terrorists control your streets because they worship the same God as you? This cannot be allowed.”

Hawke replied, “Arishok, you do not have to stay here. You could return to your own country. It is not safe here.”

“You presume I did not come here to conquer,” the Arishok laughed, “That I will be the first of the Qun to abandon the land I have won. You are right, Hawke, but I cannot leave. The will of the Qun is to stay until my task is done.”

“Your task?” Hawke asked in curiosity.

The Arishok turned and glanced at her, “You do not need to know. That is not why I called you here.”

“So why did you?”

“To deliver a message,” the Arishok replied, “We will not hold back much longer. If your side insists on war, then we shall oblige.”

Hawke went pale, “You will attack?”

“We will complete our mission,” the Arishok said, turning back to the window, “We cannot leave until we do. Tell your leader, Hawke.”

Hawke left quickly.

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

“Did he say what the mission was?” Mayor Dumar asked, rubbing his forehead.

Hawke shook her head.

Lt. Brosca insisted, “I have told you that you need to restore order. We can only push people away from each other for so long. You have to take action, your Worship.”

“And what shall I do?” Dumar said, throwing his hands in the air, “It is common knowledge my son ran off with a Qunari, that they are having some torrid love affair on the coast. It is all I can do to make it seem that I have no Qunari sympathies. If I appease them now, I will lose control over the city.”

“We still have Alrik in prison,” Hawke stated, “He should be tried and sentenced. If you show that you want only justice in your city-“

“And be shown to be sympathetic to the mages?” 

“Will you stop caring what they think?” Hawke shouted. The three men turned to face her as she angrily said, “You’re letting these people destroy our city. They have killed the most vulnerable people in our society and now will cause a war that we cannot win. You know that. So stop being an idiot and do something!”

Councilor Bran shot her a look, “Perhaps the Constable would like to get some fresh air while we discuss the matter further.”

“Fine,” Hawke said, “I don’t give a shit. I didn’t ask to keep being pulled into this. You go play war and figure out how to save us.”

Hawke stormed angrily out, seeing Fenris waiting for her at the bottom of the staircase.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, “What happened?”

“Let’s just go down to Anders’ clinic,” she said, “We can at least do something useful…and I need to see Isabela.”

The clinic was as busy as was expected when they arrived. Hawke came in to see Isabela holding a woman’s hand as Anders examined her. The other mages were busily running around, treating who they could. Isabela and Hawke’s eyes met and Isabela smiled lovingly at her. Hawke’s heart softened and she finally let go of her breath.

oOoOoOoOoOo

“There’s something I have to tell you,” Isabela said softly. Hawke had curled up with her, holding her in her arms as they uneasily rested that night. 

“What is it?” Hawke asked, turning to see her better.

She saw Isabela’s face, dampened with tears, shining in the streetlight.

“I should have told you,” Isabela said softly, “I should have told you so many times, but I just couldn’t. We were doing so well, Hawke. I had never been this happy. I was even going to stop working, go back to school. I thought…I guess none of it matters now.”

Hawke could not reply before Isabela said, “I know why the Qunari are here. They’re here for me.”

Hawke sat up in anger, “What did you do?”

Isabela sat up, holding the blankets to her, “It was many years ago. Castillon and I were still together then, but not much longer. I stole a ship from him. He was a slaver…I never knew. I needed to protect them. When I did so…I stole quite a bit from him, to pay for whatever I needed after leaving him. One of the things I took was a relic, the one he has always tried to get back from me, the one I don’t have. It’s a book. A Qunari text, handwritten by the founder of their religion. They tracked me here. I don’t have it. I…lost it.”

Hawke fumed and Isabela said, “I wanted to tell you, a hundred times. Then…yesterday I heard from Castillon, he wants it back. He knows where I am now, he knows…about you. He’ll kill me, he might kill both of us. I might be able to get it back. I can fix this.”

“And the Qunari?” Hawke asked, “What should I tell the Arishok? How should I fix that?”

“I’m going to die,” Isabela said, “Doesn’t that mean anything?”

“How can you be this selfish?” Hawke yelled, getting up from the bed, “Did you think money was so much more important than this? Is that why you only hopped into bed with me after the Deep Roads?”

“That’s not fair,” Isabela murmured, “You know that’s not fair.”

Hawke ran her hands through her hair, “You’re giving the book back. Tell me how we can do this. We’ll deal with Castillon later, let’s just deal with this bullshit first.”

Hawke could not meet Isabela’s eyes as she nodded, “Okay.”

oOoOoOoOo

It was still late in the night as Anders, Fenris, Isabela, and Hawke made their way down to the docks of Kirkwall. They encountered a few of the Qunari lurking in the dark, but managed to get out of their way quickly.

Upon reaching the warehouse that Isabela had been told of, she paused and turned back to Hawke and asked, “Do you hate me?”

Hawke paused and said, “No.”

Isabela smiled sadly and pushed open the door.

In the flurry that engulfed them, Hawke barely saw Isabela sneak out the back, a large tome under hear arm. She jumped out of the way of a fireball, rolling to Fenris’ side. She knew she could not leave the other two here. 

They fought their way back out of the warehouse as the Tevinter mages fought the Qun. They scrambled back the way they came as Hawke noticed a note pinned on the back of a dead mage. She pulled it away.

All it read was _I’m Sorry._

Hawke crumpled it up and threw it away. Anders tried to reach out to her, but she pushed his hand away.

“I need to get to the prescient,” she said quietly.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Fenris asked.

She shook her head, “Both of you go home and get some rest. I want to be alone right now.”

Hawke arrived at the station shortly, the sun starting to peek out from the horizon. As she entered through the doors, she saw a riot squad arming up to go back out onto the streets. A man nodded to her as she passed, going back to her desk.

As she sat down, she found a scribbled note on her seat. As she read it, her hands started to shake and she destroyed it before any could see. She grabbed her coat and ran back to the car.


	41. Chapter 41

Hawke ran into the Chantry as the bell boomed throughout the city. She pulled her hood down and looked around the empty, dark sanctuary. Cullen’s note had told her to arrive as soon as she could, but she still did not see him or any other soul in the vicinity. 

She called out hesitantly, “Hello?”

She heard the flap of a pigeon’s wings above.

“Sorry, dear, we keep meaning to get that fixed.”

Hawke whipped around, her hand going to her holster, and she saw her come towards her.

“Marian Hawke, yes? I did not expect you to get my note until much later. How fortunate for both of us.”

“Sister Petrice?” Hawke asked as the woman stepped towards her.

“Mother Petrice,” she corrected, “You are not the only woman who knows how to make her way in the world.”

“Where is he?” Hawke asked, hand still on her gun.

“He is safe, for now. It would be a shame for him to ruin the spectacle. I wanted you to myself for a few minutes.”

Petrice smiled, “I’ve been a fan of yours, Hawke. It’s not so often I am impressed. You are much shorter than I expected though. That is not a shame, it will look dramatic in the news reels.”

Hawke withdrew her gun, “What are you talking about?”

“I would hate to spoil the surprise, not when we have worked so hard, despite your best efforts to stop us.”

Hawke’s face paled, “The She isn’t Andraste, is it? It’s you.”

“How sacrilegious of you, Hawke. But perhaps you are right. I am the prophet’s voice on Earth and I have been sent to cleanse this city of evil.”

“Where is Cullen?” Hawke demanded, putting the gun to her forehead.

Petrice smiled, “That won’t matter soon enough, dear.”

Petrice pointed towards the altar, “Go, go see what you have caused, Hawke. See what your compassion has doomed us to.”

Hawke did not move, clicking the safety off her gun.

“I’m giving you five seconds to tell me what is going on,” Hawke warned.

“Then you’ll shoot an innocent woman? My goodness, how reckless you have become, Hawke. Are you willing to throw it all away so easily?”

Petrice signaled to someone overhead and Hawke turned to look up as the lights went on. She blinked to adjust her eyes and saw Saemus slumped over the altar. Hawke ran to his side, but when her fingers touched his skin, she knew he was dead.

“What did you do?” Hawke said, bringing the gun back up.

“He came back to us,” Petrice sneered, “Claimed amnesty and the right to return to the Chantry.”

“Where’s Tojun?” Hawke asked.

“Dead, perhaps. Does it matter now?”

Hawke looked up as she saw others come forth from the shadows, coming around her and the body. 

“Now, Hawke, it is your turn. You get to die a hero, perhaps that will comfort you. Dying to protect him, a symbol of our city’s finest, slain by the Qun.”

Hawke backed up from the body, weapon drawn still as the crowd circled around her. Her hands shook slightly. 

“You would cause war for this,” Hawke asked, her voice shaking. 

“Andraste went to war,” Petrice replied, “We are given the right by-“

Petrice fell suddenly and Hawke rolled to the floor as shots ran out in the sanctuary. 

“Hawke!” She heard Fenris call out, “Get behind Andraste.”

“That’s something I never thought I’d hear you say!” Hawke replied, hiding behind the statue as the firing continued. 

She peered around and took a few shots, taking down a worshipper. She could make out Fenris and a few other shapes in the smoke of gunfire. 

As the sounds faded and the smoke began to clear, she stood up and walked out, seeing Fenris standing back with Cullen as Tojun went forth. The kossith was nearly ripped to shreds, bleeding, panting, as he stood in front of the downed Petrice. He put the gun to her head and pulled the trigger.

As she fell, he murmured, “We do not leave any of ours behind.”

Tojun walked to the altar, passing Hawke without a word. He kissed Saemus’ forehead and lay down beside him as his eyes closed. 

Hawke shook and Fenris ran to her side, holding her as she knelt on the floor. As she heard Cullen phoning the police, Fenris murmured to her, “Are you okay?”

She looked up at him and nodded before collapsing into his frame. 

oOoOoOo

Hawke woke up on a cot in the back of the police station, a jacket thrown on top of her as a blanket. She checked her watch. It was just after 8am. She saw her fellow officers walking in and out of the coffee room, and she picked up the jacket, carrying it around her as she walked out into the office.

The rest of the officers were standing in front of Lt. Brosca, who barked orders from the top of his desk. She went to Fenris’ side, surprised to see Cullen standing beside him.

“Good, sleeping beauty is ready to join us,” Lt. Brosca grumbled, “As I was saying. Squad three will be stationed with Mayor Dumar at all times. They will switch with Squad four every 12 hours. Squad five, you will be making your way to the Qunari temple. Squad Six, you’ll be down at the docks. I want every ship outbound recorded and marked. We’re not letting any of these bastards out of the city, is that clear? And you,” he pointed at Hawke, “You, the elf, and the blonde come over here.”

The three of them walked over and Brosca hopped off his desk. 

“Templar,” he said, “Get the hell back to your Commander. I dare say she’s going to need you today. Leto, I need you to see your connections in the Alienage. Get the area secure by your people as quickly and as quietly as you can. I don’t want anyone in that sector who doesn’t live there, understood? And Hawke…go with Squad Five. For some stone-damned reason, the Arishok seems to trust you. Explain what happened and get your ass out of there if he so much as looks at you the wrong way.”

“How long was I out?” Hawke asked.

“Twenty minutes maybe,” Fenris said, “Things are escalating quickly.”

“Get going,” Brosca ordered, “Keep in contact when you can. Dismissed.”

“We’ll talk later,” Fenris promised, “Keep yourself alive, Hawke.”

“You too.”

oOoOoOoOo

Walking into the temple alone, a sense of dread went through her bones. She saw how the Qunari watched her, and she kept her head bowed as she made her way up the stairs and into the office of the Arishok.

The Arishok was seated, but did not invite Hawke to sit down.

“I want no explanations, Hawke. I know that is why they sent you. You are the only one with a shred of honour in this forsaken land. I did not wish this day to come, but come it must. I wish I would not see you on the battlefield this day.”

Hawke looked up, “Please, let me-“

“You knew where the Tome of Koslun lay.”

“I never even saw it,” Hawke said.

“I cannot leave without it, nor can I stay in this city any longer like this. I warned you once, Hawke. Are you so sure of yourself that you will face me again?”

“It doesn’t have to end like this,” Hawke said.

The Arishok looked at her and said, “Leave this city, Hawke. It will be ours by nightfall. I do not wish to see you dead.”

“Neither do I,” Hawke replied, hands shaking.

The floor shook around them and Hawke grabbed onto the wall, holding on. She smelt the fire first.

“Go then, Hawke, let us play this game we were always meant to.”

Hawke looked up in fear as the Arishok grabbed her by her collar. She threw her weight into him and he stumbled slightly, causing her to be thrown through the window. 

She reached out and grabbed a nearby tree branch, feeling it bend beneath her hands. She tried to climb down the best she could, eventually jumping the last few feet. She landed painfully, rolling on the ground. When Hawke looked up into the window, the Arishok was gone.

She pulled out her gun and her radio, “West Precinct. This is Constable Hawke. The Qunari are invading. Repeat. The Qunari are invading. Repeat. Evacuate civilians. Over and out.”

Hawke stood for a moment, seeing the smoke rising from Lowtown. Her heart stopped. The Alienage.

She ran for her car and drove as fast as she could through the streets. The roads were congested as people attempted to flee. The wheel shook underneath her hands as she heard another explosion. She turned, seeing smoke coming from Hightown. Hawke went to turn the car, but she stopped. Fenris. She had to get Fenris. 

She barely made it to Lowtown and she ditched her car, pushing her way on foot through the crowds fleeing. She watched the lights go out from the businesses one by one, saw the Qunari entering the streets on foot.

She ran to the Alienage, climbing over the makeshift gate that had been erected. Jumping down on the other side, she put her hands up as guns were aimed at her. She saw Fenris with other elves in his brotherhood and he waved to put their arms down. He embraced her.

“We need to get out of here,” Hawke said.

Fenris shook his head, “I’m not leaving my people here, Hawke. They have nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. If this Arishok wants my city, he’s not getting this part.”

“Then I’ll stay here,” Hawke said, standing beside him.

“Hawke,” Fenris grumbled.

“No,” Hawke said, turning to face him, “You’re my partner. I’m not leaving you. If this is where you want to make our stand, then this is where we’ll make it.”

Another elf said something to Fenris in Qunlat and Fenris sighed, giving back a quick reply in the same.

Hawke raised an eyebrow and Fenris asked, “She wants to know what your plan is.”

Hawke said, “I don’t really have one.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“It usually works out.”

“Unless I get shot or strangled.”

“That has only happened one time each.”

Fenris rolled his eyes and met her eyes.

“I need you,” she said, “And you need me too.”

The elf whispered something, patting Fenris’ arm.

“Okay,” Fenris said, “Let’s go.”

He replied, kissing her on the cheek before following Hawke over the barricade.

“Yet another romance?” She grinned.

“Shut up,” Fenris replied, hopping over.

“Let’s get Anders,” Hawke said, “Before the roads are impossible to drive. We may need him…and I want to make sure he’s safe.”

They abandoned the car near the edge of the undercity, making their way through the masses until they found Anders’ clinic. 

Hawke threw open the door, seeing the masses of people hiding, many injured and bleeding. Anders turned and saw her. Almost immediately, Hawke saw Varric and Merrill standing behind them.

Merrill ran forth and hugged Hawke. She kissed her on both cheeks.

“Thank the Creators!” she said, “See, Varric? I told you she needed our help.”

“She’s always right,” Varric grinned, patting Hawke on the back, “Seems like a good time. An Arishok determined to wipe the city from the map. I’m sure this will make for great inspiration for the next book.”

“Where’s the baby?” Fenris asked.

“Theron is staying with my mother,” Merrill said, “They’ll be safe in Sundermount.”

“What’s your plan, Hawke?” Anders asked, rolling up his sleeves.

“I think everyone is a little too overestimating of me right now,” Hawke replied, her hand going to her forehead.

“Well,” Merrill said, “It’s simple, isn’t it? He can’t take over the city while it still has a leader. So, stop him from replacing that leader.”

Everyone looked at Merrill in surprise.

“I was going to be a Keeper, I know how politics work. Now come on then, what are we waiting around here for?”

They grabbed what gear they could and made their way back to the car. The cruiser was worse for wear, but still functional. They made it to the edge of Hightown, having to leave it as a horde of the Qunari marched into their street, smashing in car windows and pulling people outside. The five of them hid in a back alley, their bodies pushed against the walls as they tried to hold in their breath.

Anders touched Hawke’s hand and they exchanged a hopeful look. 

The five slipped through the alley, making their way into the dark marketplace. A group of Qunari spotted them and Anders cast a spell of fire out to protect them. Merrill sent out a strong wind to push them back as the other three brought out their guns and shot out. 

Hawke and Merrill slipped behind a statue as they continued their fire.

“I feel like we need time to catch up,” Merrill said, casting out a fireball.

“Is now a great time?” Hawke shot through a kossith’s shoulder. 

“In case we die, you know,” Merrill replied.

“So cheerful. So what do you want to talk about?”

“Where’s Isabela?”

“She left me,” Hawke said, her shot missing and hitting the wall, “Because we’re both assholes. I have no idea where she is. Apparently she’s also the reason the Qunari invaded. Somehow I feel like I should have figured that out.”

“She loves you,” Merrill said, draining the life out of an elven convert.

“Sometimes that isn’t enough. How about you?”

Merrill smiled, “I’m pregnant.” 

Hawke missed another shot, “And you came back to a warzone?”

“I want my kids to grow up free and safe. I also do not like bullies and I am very fond of you. You would do the same, Hawke.”

Hawke looked at her admiringly, “I’m not as brave as you, Merrill.”

“I told you once before,” Merrill replied, “There’s no reason to be afraid anymore.”

As the crowd cleared, the two ran, following the three men ahead of them. They made their way up a flight of stairs and came across two Qunari dragging a woman away. Hawke shot one of them, leaving the other to run, leaving the woman to flee quickly.

Hawke went out after the second one, running into a much larger group. She heard a horn sound and turned, seeing a squad of the police march forth in riot gear. She heard Brosca calling out to her.

“Shit, Hawke, you’re still alive!”

“I’m hard to kill off.”

“And the elf too? Great. Go get yourself gear and join me.”

“I’m going after him.”

“The Arishok? Ancestors, you’re stupider than I thought. Fine, go see how often your Maker decides to save you. Get out of here, kid.”

The five of them raced on until they were a block away from City Hall. They hid in an alleyway as Hawke went forth to look around. Qunari were in the streets, their war gear on as they made shot their way through those fleeing the fires. 

Hawke pulled back, closing her eyes as she tried to think. She turned to Fenris who grumbled beside her.

“I’m about to do something very stupid,” he warned her and before she could protest, he kissed her deeply. He ran out into the street, and sent three shots into the air. Five Ashaads saw him, recognizing his police uniform. They chased as he ran into another alleyway. Hawke motioned to go after him, but Anders grabbed her arm.

“We have to keep moving,” he said quietly.


	42. Chapter 42

The remaining four crept through the street and into the side entrance of City Hall. Varric shot the remaining Qunari on guard and they made their way into the building. They climbed the stairs, hearing heavy footsteps behind them. 

As they reached the main hall, shooting and blasting their way to the Council Chambers, they heard a shell crass into the side of the building. They fell to the ground, Anders catching Hawke before she fell down the stairs. Hawke stood and ran to the window, seeing three tanks before the building.

“The CBI,” Anders spat, “Only they would fire on a building with innocents in it still.”

Hawke replied, “We have to hurry.” 

They ran as the floors shook, Anders and Merrill casting a shield around them to protect them from debris. Hawke shot a final Ashaad in front of the Council Chambers and threw the door open.

The Councilors were tied and chained to the walls as the rich and well known were corralled into cages. She looked up and saw the Arishok on the small flight of stairs as he grasped the Mayor’s neck in his hand, a gun pressed to the man’s forehead in his other. Seeing Hawke, he pulled the trigger. 

Dumar fell to the ground as many cried out.

The Arishok wiped the blood off of his hands, calling for his men to back off her small group.

“I gave you a chance to escape,” the Arishok stated, “And yet you have returned, wanting my blood. Have you come to claim the title for yourself? Have you come to seek revenge? Tell me, Hawke, what do you hope to gain now?”

“I’ve come to stop you,” she said, bringing her gun level to his heart. She heard weapons being drawn and knew they were aimed at her.

“You would die to kill me?” 

“I don’t want to kill you. I want you to leave. I want my home back.”

“And I want the Tome of Koslum. I do not know how you will achieve this goal unless I have satisfied mine.”

“I think I can help with that.” 

Hawke turned and saw Isabela, dressed in jeans and a leather jacket, enter the room, a heavy book underneath her arm. She stepped over Dumar’s body and knelt before the Arishok, handing over the volume. 

“I tried to keep it clean,” Isabela apologized, “But the ink is a little warped on page 49. Sorry.”

The Arishok seemed surprised as he took the book from her.

“We will take the book, as well as the thief.”

Isabela’s eyes widened, “What?”

Hawke stepped in front of Isabela, “You can’t have her.”

“I propose peace. She must be punished.”

“You cannot have her.”

“Then you must earn her.”

“I’m not a prize to be won,“ Isabela protested.

Varric shushed her.

“You and I will fight to the death, Hawke,” the Arishok said, “With her as the prize.”

Hawke glanced up at him, “That hardly seems like a fair fight.”

“Prove your worth, bas.”

The space cleared as the Qunari moved back, letting the Arishok step down. Isabela looked at her in panic and whispered, “Don’t do this.”

Hawke paused, touching her face softly. As she leaned in to kiss her, Hawke whispered, “Forgive me.”

Hawke turned to face the Arishok, her hands shaking as she faced him, dropping her gun to the ground. He dove at her and she rolled out of the way. She kicked out his leg and he stumbled, pushing her back down with him. 

“There are no female warriors,” the Arishok hissed in her ear, “Shall I show them all your secret before you die?”

The Arishok stood, tearing through her jacket and he threw her across the room. Exposed to her undershirt, her body clawed from his hand, she stood defiantly, looking back up at him.  
As he walked towards her, she ran towards him and slid across the floor past him. He turned as her hand grasped her gun. She knelt as she fired into his chest, his blood spraying across her face as he fell to the ground.

She rose, nausea overtaking her as she stumbled to a potted plant and vomited. She wiped her mouth, turning back to see the Qunari leaving, book in hand. The others were freeing the captives. Anders came to her side and examined her scratches. He put his hand to her collarbone as magic flowed through them, mending the tears near her breasts. She felt nauseous again and he held her hair back as she vomited again. He went to pick her up and she protested.

“Isabela,” she whispered hoarsely, “I have to talk to her.”

The ground shook again around them.

“We don’t know how much longer the building will stand,” he said, “We have to leave, now.”

Anders picked up Hawke and carried her in his arms as they fled out the back of the building, the ground shaking around them and debris falling from the ceiling. She turned once as they exited, seeing the black suited CBI agents storming the building, the KCPD right behind them. 

She clung unto Anders desperately. She heard them vaguely talking around her but she could comprehend little as shock overtook her body. 

oOoOoOoOo

It was noon when they found themselves in Varric and Merrill’s burnt out house. Merrill cried as she stood in her child’s nursery and Varric held her comfortingly. Anders had gone back to his clinic, advising Merrill on cleaning Hawke’s wounds for infection. 

Isabela and Hawke loitered into the backyard, Hawke still covered in blood. 

“Why did you come back?” Hawke asked hoarsely.

Isabela paused and then said sarcastically, “You seemed to think my life was worth less than the book. I started thinking that you might be right.”

“Isabela,” Hawke sighed, “I..I didn’t mean…”

Isabela bowed her head, sighing, “No, listen. I came back for you. I came back to save your life. I know you shot the Arishok for me, very romantic and all that…but what you said…I can’t stop looking at you and hearing what you said.”

Hawke said softly, “I’m so sorry.”

“I know that,” Isabela smiled sadly, “But that doesn’t matter. I’m going…it doesn’t matter where I’m going. They’ll arrest me. They all saw me. The prostitute and the thief. I don’t know if you think my life is worth anything…but I realized I do. So I’m leaving, Hawke. I’m leaving before this all goes to shit…more than it has already. I want better than this.”

Hawke bowed her head, “I screw up everything I touch.”

“Not everything,” Isabela said softly, touching her cheek softly, “My boat is leaving soon…maybe…maybe some time we can try again.”

Isabela kissed her as tears streamed down Hawke’s face.

Hawke whispered, “I never deserved you.”

Isabela smiled, “Sometimes you did. Sometimes I even deserved you.”

“Be safe, Bela.”

“You too, Marian.”

oOoOoOoOo

By nightfall, Hawke was at Anders’ clinic, helping him the best she could. She and the Tethras would be staying at a nearby hotel, crammed into a little room together. They would go back to Sundermount in the morning. Hawke had decided to stay in the city however and wait until what she had done was discovered. She had no idea what would come of it…but she wanted to face the consequences.

Hawke was bringing water to a group of elven children when she saw him, dirt smeared across his face as he walked painfully through the street to him. She did not think. She simply ran. 

Fenris saw her and folded into her arms as she held him tightly.

“You stupid, stupid man,” she muttered, crying into his shoulder, “You stupid, stupid asshole. I thought you were dead, I thought I lost you-“

“You can’t get rid of me that easily, Hawke,” Fenris murmured nuzzling his face into her neck. 

As they parted and their eyes met, a strange feeling went through her body. He took her hand in his.

“You need medical help,” she said softly, “Let me get Anders for-“

He swept her into a deep kiss and she melted in his arms. 

“I thought you were dead,” he whispered, “I went to the house. I went to the station. I went everywhere to find you.”

“We shouldn’t,” she murmured, “Fenris…you have someone and Isabela…she just left me. This isn’t a good idea. I know…but…”

He said softly, “When all hell went around us, you went for me. You chose me.”

Hawke’s heart fluttered as he pulled her into the alleyway. He pushed her against the wall and kissed her hard. Her protests died in her throat as her hands went around him, pulling him closer to her. 

He shimmied her pants down around him, his hand parting her thighs and stroking her roughly. She cried into his shoulder as she pulled off his pants.

He paused as she went to touch him, “I don’t have anything with me.”

Her eyes met his and she hissed, “I don’t care.”

Fenris growled slightly. He pushed himself into her and she moaned. He bit into her shoulder, her arm, leaving dark blue bruises as he pummeled into her. She came almost violently, shaking around him as pulled closer around him. 

His lips returned to hers as he kissed her, a gentleness returning to his touch as he thrust into her. Her hands clasped his face, putting her forehead against his as he shuddered inside her. He pulled away, his expression pained as he parted from her. He saw the blood on her body and touched it.

“Most of it isn’t mine,” she said softly, touching his swollen wrist.

They walked over to the hotel, thankful that the other two were still dealing with the insurance company. Hawke poured a bath and the two laid in it together, gently scrubbing off the blood and dirt. 

She smiled softly, laying her head on his shoulder as she drowsed off. He woke her with a kiss on the nose, helping her out of the tub and into a robe. They laid together in one of the two double beds, not caring what was thought of them when they were found together. 

Fenris was quiet as she curled up beside him. He watched her face, stroking her cheek as she looked up at him.

She sighed softly, “You’re still not ready for me, are you?”

Fenris bowed his head, “I don’t know what is holding me back…you helped get me sober, Hawke. You are my closest friend and I trust you with my life. And the sex…it’s pretty good too. I just…I just can’t…”

She kissed him softly and said, “The woman I love left me today. I’m not ready either. I think we both know that if its to happen…its not now.”

Fenris laughed, bringing her into his arms, “We are a strange pair, you and I.”

“I’m glad you’re safe, Fenris. Now don’t do anything that stupid again.”

“You too, Hawke.”


	43. Chapter 43

_October_

Hawke was brought into the small cell, nearly tripping over her yellow jumpsuit. After two weeks, they still had not gotten a proper fit for her. 

She picked up the phone and smiled as she looked through the dirty glass.

“Hi Merrill,” Hawke said with a tired smile.

“Hi Hawke,” the elf replied cheerfully, sorting through her bag while two armed guards watched her, “I have some hats and mitts for you. They told me it would start to get cold and I don’t want you ill.”

Merrill lifted up the garments and the guards took them to be inspected later.

“That’s really sweet,” Hawke said softly, “How are you feeling?”

Merrill shrugged, “Not too badly. It’s only the second month. I didn’t get sick with Theron until much later. It hasn’t affected work. We delivered a healthy baby this week, in the middle of that big windstorm we had…you might not have noticed it, though, actually.”

Hawke laughed, “It’s not the most insulated place, I hear it well enough. How’s Varric? How’s Tali and Theron?”

“The babies are both just fine, though they both miss you. Varric is busy writing away. I think it helps him deal with everything that happened. He’s set to publish a new book, he’s promised to come bring it to you when he comes to visit next.”

“Any Qunari in it?”

Merrill giggled, “I think that would hit too close to home. And now that his favourite heroine is incarcerated, he’s having little inspiration on that front.”

Hawke smiled, “Well this is what happens when I try to be a hero.”

“Don’t worry, Hawke. It’s only a year. You’ll make it through, I know it. You’re a tough woman, Hawke, the toughest I know.”

“Have you heard from Isabela?”

“…No. Not so much. I’m sorry, dear. I’m sure she’s alright.”

Hawke rested her head on the glass, “I don’t know if I can do this, Merrill.”

Merrill rested her hand on the glass, as if petting Hawke’s head, “You can, dear. Keep writing your letters and keep studying. It’s only been two weeks; this will be the hardest part. Okay?”

Hawke smiled, “Give the kid a kiss for me, okay?”

Merrill smiled, “I promise.”

_November_

Hawke shivered slightly as she was brought into the cell. She pulled down the hat around her ears as she sat down. 

Varric grinned at her and picked up the phone. She did the same.

“That’s a wonderful shiner, Hawke. How did you get that?”

Hawke gingerly touched her black eye, “I may have punched out a guard. During a strip search he got a little too…handsy.”

“Nice to see you’re making friends.”

She smiled, “I’m trying. You can see how well that is succeeding. I heard you were going to bring me a book.”

“I did indeed, though the guards have it right now. They’re looking for any messages I secretly wrote you in the binding and such. I think they just wanted a bit of smut and a good time.”

Hawke laughed, “I may have to share it with the others after I’m done, is that okay?”

“Of course. I always wanted a fan following in a women’s prison. I might dedicate the next one to all of you.”

“Merrill still hanging in there?”

“She’s tired, though she’ll never admit it. Fenris is actually helping out a fair bit right now. I think without you getting him into trouble, he’s having trouble passing time. I’m going to bring him out next weekend, have a good guy’s night out…don’t worry, I’ll make sure he doesn’t touch a drop.”

Hawke asked quietly, “So he’s okay then?”

Varric laughed, “As okay as he ever is. He thinks he should have been punished. You get thrown off the squad, get thrown into jail…and yet he didn’t have any repercussions.” 

“I was the one who shot the Arishok.”

“Which saved Isabela’s life,” Varric reminded, “As well as your own. This manslaughter charge is bullshit and we both know it. They needed a scapegoat. Who better than the deviant lesbian?”

“I’ve heard that a few times now,” Hawke grinned, “You’d be surprised how many religious folks are in prison.”

“Think of it as a pet name.”

“I try.”

“You’re not going to ask me about Isabela?”

Hawke sighed, “If you had news, you would tell me.”

“And not Blondie?”

Hawke’s heart sank slightly, “I didn’t really get to say goodbye to him before all of this…and…I didn’t know what to say.”

“You make me glad I’m happily married,” Varric smirked, “At least you got plenty of time to figure all of this shit out. Good luck, Hawke. I’m rooting for you.”

_December_

“Your hair is getting long,” Hawke commented as she picked up the phone.

Fenris grumbled, “Neria really likes it. The things we do for women, Hawke.”

Hawke laughed, “I can understand that. How’s the prescient?”

“Slow without you,” Fenris admitted, “My new partner is not nearly as entertaining, though he is slowly growing on me. I may actually turn out to be a good cop yet.”

“I always thought you were,” Hawke smiled, “As good as they get. How is everyone?”

“Merrill is getting big already, but she’s always very pretty when she’s pregnant. The tyke is running around and driving me nuts. Varric is happy. Anders is…well…him.”

“What does that mean?”

“He’s thrown himself into work. We’ve barely seen him since…you got here.”

“Look out for him, okay?”

“Maybe you can talk some sense into him. He’s supposed to come see you next month.”

“Supposed to?”

Fenris ran his hand through his hair, “I don’t know if he will, Hawke.”

Hawke sighed and Fenris brought out something from his pocket.

“I brought you something,” he said, unfolding a bit of card, “The guards will look it over I’m sure before you can have it.”

“A postcard?” Hawke laughed, “You could have just put that in the mail.”

“I got it yesterday. I thought you might want to see it. Isabela sent it to me.”

“To you?”

Fenris shrugged, “I was surprised too. But…she did. It doesn’t say much, just says she’s in Ferelden and safe and not to worry. I thought you might want to have it.”

“Why is she in Ferelden?”

“I have no idea, Hawke. But…there it is.”

“Thank you, Fenris.”

“It’s no problem, Hawke.”

_January_

Hawke had been waiting for ten minutes, looking intently up at the clock as the guards looked on. The others were on the phone, talking to the other loved ones across the glass.

The buzzer rang and she looked up hopefully. Her heart fell when she saw Varric come into the room. He sat down, picking up the phone.

“I’m sorry, Hawke, Anders couldn’t make it. I’m sorry I’m late.”

Hawke tried to smile, “It’s alright, Varric. It’s good to see you.”

_February_

Hawke smiled as she saw a very pregnant Merrill sit down. Merrill sighed as she picked up the phone.

“If my ankles could swell more, I think I would have human size feet.”

Hawke laughed, “You look ten months along.”

“I know! It’s because…well, it turns out we’re having twins.”

“Congratulations!” Hawke beamed, “You must be….”

“Scared and nauseous? Yes,” Merrill shook her head, “Three little ones, and Varric. Hawke, you better get out of here soon, I need a lovely Aunt to help me out.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be there when they come.”

Merrill smiled softly, “You were there when Theron was born. That means more to me than you might know. You have been a sister to me, Hawke.”

Hawke pressed her hand against the glass, “You too, Merrill.”

_March_

“Fenris, you look practically green. Are you feeling alright?”

Fenris looked up at her, tapping on the phone receiver anxiously.

“Remember Neria?”

“I haven’t actually met her, Fenris.”

“We’ve written back and forth, you sort of know what she’s like.”

“What is this about?”

“I’ve asked her to marry me.”

Hawke froze, “And what did she say?”

“She said yes, Hawke.”

Hawke stammered, “Congratulations…I’m…I’m surprised, but I’m happy for you.”

Fenris smiled in a way she had not seen before, “I’m happy, Hawke. For once in my life, I am really happy.”

Hawke felt her eyes tearing and she smiled sincerely, “I am happy for you, Fenris. I really am.”

“We’re going to do next December. She’s always wanted a winter wedding. Something to do with her colours. I don’t know. But it means you can come. And I really want you to be there.”

“Of course,” Hawke said.

Fenris paused and then said, “I’m sorry.”

Hawke said quietly, “I had a lot of time to think since I’ve been in here. Maybe a bit too much time. But…I’ve figured a few things out. I’m really happy for you. I know you didn’t think you were ready for me…I think in truth, it was because we both knew I couldn’t make you happy. And you deserve to be happy.”

“You do too, Hawke.”

Hawke laughed, “I’m working on it.”

_April_

“Varric, you’re positively beaming.”

Varric grinned, “I can’t stay long. I just wanted to let you know. We have two healthy little girls at home, they were just born yesterday.”

“Oh Varric! Congratulations! Imagine I have given you a large hug.”

“And you a big slobbery kiss.”

Hawke laughed, “So what did you name them?”

“Well…we haven’t officially yet. I wanted to talk to you about that. Well, Merrill did, but she’s as weak as a kitten right now. The one girl is going to be Lyna…but Merrill wanted to name the other after your mother. She did so much for her when Theron was small…but if it’s not…”

“Lyna and Leandra,” Hawke smiled, “Sounds like trouble.”

Varric laughed, “They’re my children, of course they’re going to be.”

“You give them all my love, okay?”

“I promise.”

_May_

Fenris sighed, “Do all women require such things?”

“She wants a big Chantry wedding. Some do.”

“But I don’t want…”

“It’s her day too. Try to find a way to both be happy, alright?”

“How would you want your wedding to be?”

Hawke laughed, “Fenris, you’re not marrying me.”

“No, but I’m curious.”

Hawke leaned back in her chair, “My parents were married during the Orleasian War. They were married just the two of them in the woods, with only the Maker as a witness. My mom was always quick to remind me they had a legal ceremony after the war, well before any of us were born…but I always liked that. That intimacy, that only love mattered.”

Fenris smiled softly, “I want her to be happy.”

Hawke grinned, “Then I’m sure you can handle it for one day.”

_June_

Hawke wanted to pace. She had spent the past two hours in the gym, lifting whatever weights she could and punching whatever stayed still enough. But now, sitting in the chair, she was vulnerable, under the eyes of everyone else. She watched the clock, listened to the buzzer. 

It was only half past…he still had time…

She nearly jumped when she heard the buzzer again and waited. She only saw him as he was escorted to the booth.

Anders did not pick up the phone at first, only looking at her sadly for a moment. She desperately picked up the receiver and waited.

Finally he sighed and did so and said softly, “You look terrible.”

Hawke choked out a laugh, “You don’t look so hot yourself.”

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” Anders admitted, “I kept wondering if I was doing the right thing…I kept wondering…”

Hawke could not speak, her heart resting in her throat as Anders rested his head in his hand.

Anders said then softly, “I have thought of you every day, every night since…that night. I didn’t think it mattered…I thought it was friendship, but…I was jealous, I was angry. I didn’t think you would chose me the minute Isabela left…but when Fenris kissed you, I…I was so damn angry, Hawke. And then I was ashamed of myself. I…I don’t know where I fit with you, with your life.”

Hawke started crying silently as he continued, “I don’t want to be a consolation prize. I don’t want to be the leftover one that you chose because you need to be with someone. I want…I want you to want me. To need me like I…”

He looked up at her and wiped a tear from his eye, “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I…I had this all planned in my head how I would say it, and now it’s all falling apart.”

Hawke nodded, “Me too.”

Anders did not say more and she whispered, “I didn’t think you would come.”

Anders sighed, “I didn’t think I would either.”

The guard motioned to Hawke she only had a few minutes left and in a rushed tone, she asked, “Will you come back again?”

Anders bit his lip and then nodded, “Yes. I don’t know when…but I will. I promise.”

_July_

“Here, I took a few photos of them for you. Here’s the twins with Theron. Tali’s in the corner there, you can see. She’s a bit jealous of the little ones, but she’s starting to warm up to them now.”

Hawke smiled as Merrill held up the photograph, “They’re beautiful.”

“I always thought so, but I may be a bit biased.”

“Varric loving fatherhood again?”

“He has an even larger captive audience, of course he does,” Merrill giggled, “He’s already telling them all about you, you’ll be famous when they finally meet you.”

Hawke smiled, “Give them all a kiss for me, okay?”

Merrill smiled softly, “Only a few more months, Hawke. You’re doing well. You look better. You have…a glow almost to you.”

“This has been…a terrible experience,” Hawke admitted, “I’m homesick and hungry and tired of being treated like…trash. But when I have time to think, to lie down and think of my life…it’s been illuminating, Merrill. I’ve figured things out…I think.”

Merrill smiled coyly and Hawke stuck out her tongue.

_August_

“I…got a phone call from Isabela the other day.”

“Oh?” Hawke asked.

Fenris shrugged, “It was a pretty quick thing. She has pretty bad reception out there, it sounded like she was up North somewhere. Just wanted to say she was alright…she was asking after you. She wanted to know how you were.”

“What did you tell her?”

“That you’re a tough woman and doing just fine.”

Hawke smiled, “And then she said?”

Fenris smirked, “She said, “That’s what I figured”. Then I could almost see her smirk through the phone.”

Hawke laughed, “Of course she did.”

_September_

Her heartbeat grew faster as she was brought to the cubicle for the last time. Anders was already waiting there when she sat down.

He smiled sadly up at her as he picked up the receiver. She did the same.

Anders said softly, “When you get released next week…I want to be the one who picks you up. Maybe we can get away for a few days…I think I want to spend some time with just you. I don’t know if-“

“Yes,” Hawke replied breathlessly, “Yes. I want that very much.”

Anders sighed in relief, his hand resting against the glass. She put her fingers against his, imagining his touch.

Anders said gently, “There’s so much I want to tell you…so much I want to say…but I don’t want it to be here…just know that I…I…”

“Me too,” Hawke said softly.

“I’ll see you Sunday then.”

“I can’t wait, Anders.”


	44. Chapter 44

After hours of signing release forms and collecting her things, she made her way into the parking lot. She glanced around, her face softening as she saw Anders. He was pacing near her car, wearing the cleanest jeans he owned and a dark blue sweater slightly too big for him. He looked up at her. She wore the faded blue dress she had worn the day she had been arrested.

He held out a bag for her and said, “I thought you might want to change.”

“I’ll just change in the car.”

Anders blushed slightly and she smiled, blushing as well.

“This is a little ridiculous, isn’t it?” She said softly.

“We’re trying,” Anders said gently, “Let’s just keep trying.”

Hawke sat down in the seat beside him, the windows rolled down to let the fresh fall air in. She took a deep breath, relaxing into the seat. He touched her hand briefly as he sat down.

“Where are we going?” She asked.

“I have a little place, it’s less than an hour.”

“I think I may have a nap,” she said softly, “I couldn’t sleep last night.”

“I imagine, you must have been so ready to leave.”

Her eyes met his and his expression softened.

Hawke drifted in and out of sleep until she felt the car slowing down as it went up a gravel road. She yawned, looking up around them to see a small log cabin in the woods. Anders parked and they left the car, Anders grabbing their bags from the back. 

She waited at the doorstep as Anders scrambled for keys and unlocked the door.   
He flipped on the lights and she entered behind him. There was a faded leather couch in front of the fireplace; the walls covered in antlers and others artifacts of the forest. 

He frowned apologetically, “I know, it’s a little…primal…but it was what I could afford.”

“It’s perfect,” she replied, squeezing his hand. He blushed slightly and said, “Let me run you a bath. There’s some food in the fridge if you’re hungry.”

“You don’t have to take care of me.”

“I want to.”

Hawke’s heart fluttered as he touched her cheek. They parted and she went to the small kitchen, brewing them both a cup of coffee. She sat down with her cup and looked out the window at the field beside them. The trees were already beginning to turn. It was almost as if she had only slept and woken the next day instead of a year behind bars. Her hands shook slightly as Anders returned to her side.

He touched her shoulder softly as he sat down, taking the cup from her with a smile.

“It’s not the same,” he said, “But I remember the first time I ran from the Circle. I remember jumping into the river and I cried and cried, not thinking I’d ever to swim again. It was only eight months…but…I can understand, a little.”

She said quietly, “It’s not the same. I exchanged a year of my life and my career to save Isabela’s life. It was a fair exchange. They were to put you away for life for being who you are.”

Their hands met at the table and she clasped his hand in hers. 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do now,” she admitted, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes…I…I let so many people down.” 

Anders said softly, “Don’t worry about that now. Let me take care of you. I want you to relax, to feel human again first.”

Leaving the mugs behind, Hawke followed Anders as he led her into the bathroom, a deep curved tub steaming for her. 

He turned to go, but she touched his arm.

“Stay,” she asked gently, “I don’t want to be alone.”

She stripped off her clothes with little grace and slid down into the tub. Anders sat beside her, lathering a bar of soap in a cloth. With the same tenderness he would use with a patient, he washed her shoulders and arms. He washed her legs and feet, stopping as her legs curved towards her hips. He blushed and she smiled.

“I’ll take over from there,” she said softly.

As she washed the rest of her form, he lathered shampoo into her hair, his fingers gently massaging her scalp in a way that nearly made her moan. She leaned back, rinsing her hair off. As she arched up again, her hair wet and clinging to her shoulders, her eyes met Anders’. 

She could almost feel his heartbeat, hear the slight hitch in his breath. 

“I…I should get dinner ready,” he said quietly, standing to go. She saw the hint of a bulge in his pants and a flush ran through her body. Smiling to herself, she lowered herself back into the tub.

She returned to the kitchen later, dressed in a white blouse and plaid skirt. She was surprised by how tight they had become. She apparently gained some weight in prison. Not that she minded, she reflected as she looked in the mirror. She seemed fuller, curvier, and this pleased her.

Anders’ raised an eyebrow when he saw her and said kindly, “You look beautiful.”

“I look heavier,” she admitted.

“I think it suits you,” he said softly.

He was standing there with a flower-covered apron that was obviously lent from Merrill. She could smell spices on his skin as she moved closer to him. He gestured to the oven.

“Sorry, I should get those before they burn.”

“What are they?”

“Cabbage rolls,” he said, “My mother used to make them for me when I was little. I don’t know a lot of Ferelden comfort food…sorry.”

“Soups and porridges,” she said with a smile, “I used to really like this one noodle soup. I can’t remember what it was called now. Mom always used Common words for Ferelden dishes, always confused me.”

“I hope this will do,” he said, letting the dish cool on the top of the stove.

“It smells perfect.”

They ate in comfortable silence, Hawke happily throwing on dollops of sour cream onto her dish. As they finished eating, Anders picked up the dishes and carried them to the sink.

“Let me clean up,” she insisted.

He shook his head, “Nope. It won’t take me very long. Why don’t you go give Merrill a shout? I told her you’d phone her when you got settled in.”

“Okay,” she replied, lingering as she passed him. He turned and smiled at her and she blushed slightly, going to the bedroom. 

Merrill was very cheerful as she picked up the phone, answering, “How’s it going?”

“Well, the paperwork was a bit much, but at least I’m a free woman.”

“Well…that is good too. I meant with Anders.”

“I’m so nervous,” Hawke admitted, “I can’t think of the last time I was that nervous.”

“Isn’t that romantic? He’s more intimidating than the Arishok.”

Hawke groaned as Merrill laughed, “I’m kidding. Just have fun. There’s some condoms in the right hand drawer when you first come in the bedroom.”

Hawke stifled her laugh, “You think of everything, don’t you?”

“It saves you from phoning me at four in the morning.”

“You’re a doll, Merrill. I love you.”

“You owe me with a lot of babysitting. I love you too.”

Hawke hung up as she heard the taps turn off in the kitchen. She came back quietly, watching Anders strip out of the apron and sweater and down to his black undershirt. 

He flushed a little and smiled at seeing her. She came to his side, touching his arm.

“You running a little warm?” She asked, “I was hoping we could have a fire tonight.”

“Just got some dishwater on me,” Anders said, “I’m just going to throw on another sweater and I can get the fire going.”

“I can do that,” Hawke said.

Anders laughed, “Sweetheart, trust me, I can make a fire much quicker than you can.”

“Stupid mages.”

“You know you love us.”

At the word, Anders suddenly paused and then awkwardly left without another word. Hawke ran her hand through her hair, sitting down on the couch. He returned a moment later, a fresh white flannel shirt on. He knelt by the fireplace, casting a quick enchantment on the logs as they caught into flames. After putting the guard back on, he sat down beside Hawke.

She smiled at him and laughed, “This seems so silly, doesn’t it?”

Anders returned her smile, “A little. Justice is quite unthrilled with the whole situation. He feels this whole…courtship is a waste of time.”

“And what do you feel?”

“I feel like a teenager trying to decide when to make his move.”

Hawke smiled, bringing her legs up on the couch.

“There was a lot I wanted to say back in September,” he said softly, “I didn’t know how to say it then. I still don’t…but…”

Hawke held his hand and said, “Then let me start. I’m sorry, Anders. I’m sorry that I confused you and made you feel second best. I’m sorry I couldn’t just make a decision or say how I felt.”

“And how do you feel?”

Hawke smiled softly, “When I met you that night, so many years ago, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And everyday after, I always wanted to talk to you, always wanted to see you. After Karl, I didn’t think you were interested, so I moved on. Then made a fool of myself over Aveline and well…you were there. You have always been there and when I thought I might lose you, I began to realize what I had. When I was in prison, I thought about you. I missed you. I realized that I might have lost you, that I might have screwed everything up because I was too stupid or selfish.”

“You are neither of those things,” Anders said softly.

“In this department,” she said, “I might just be.”

Anders said softly, “It took me awhile to work through Karl’s death. But one day, there you were. It was slow and I tried to fight it. And that night you asked me to stay…I realized how badly I wanted to, and I fought it so. I thought it was just my body, just wanting to be with someone again…but it grew. I spent the last three years aching for you, the last one waiting, hoping that we had a chance, that you would want me as desperately as I wanted you.”

Hawke felt her breathing quicken as he leaned in closer to her and asked, “Do you want me?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Body and soul, all of me?”

“Yes.”

“Forever?”

“Maker, yes,” she whispered and he kissed her hard, throwing her down onto the sofa. The fire crackled as they kissed, clinging onto each other as they moaned into each other’s mouths.

He picked her up, still kissing her as he brought her into the bedroom. They stood in front of the plaid bedspread, the warmth and light of the fire slipping into the room. Anders kissed her hard as he took off her skirt, gasping as he saw she wore no underclothes. Desperately, he pulled off her shirt as she unbuttoned his. He paused in his undershirt and pants, watching her naked body cast in the light of the fire. He stood as she undressed him, pulling off his clothes quickly. Stepping out of his pants, his body erect and waiting for her, Anders reached out and touched her cheek.

She felt a wave of heat travel through her body as he kissed her again, desperately. He picked her up, pushing her against the doorway as he slid himself into her ready body. She cried out as he pummeled into her. She grasped onto him, her nails digging into his body.

“I saw you with him that night,” he panted between sucks on her neck, “I thought of that while I tried to sleep. I thought of his hands on you while you moaned into him. I touched myself and hated myself for wanting you so badly.”

She groaned as his hand explored her breast and brought it to his mouth. She cried out as he sucked on it roughly, his cock still slamming into her. 

“I want you. I want your body, but I want your heart,” Anders murmured, kissing her breast as he let go, “I want you. Tell me.”

“Anders,” she moaned into his ears, “I am yours, yours completely.”

He sighed, his face relaxing as she kissed him deeply.

“That night with Isabela,” he whispered, “I thought that would be enough, I thought that would satisfy me. But it didn’t. I need you. I need you…I need this like air.”

Hawke moaned as he thrust into her, burying her face into his neck and sucking. He lifted her again, carrying her to the bed. He laid down, letting her saddle herself on him, taking him into her body. She cried out as he sat up, holding his arms around her as she rode him. 

She came suddenly, groaning out her completion as his mouth took her breast again. Her hand went around to her clit, coming again as she rubbed it, biting into Anders’ neck. He sighed, letting go of her breast to whisper, “I love you.”

She cried out, thrusting harder against him, hoarsely calling out, “I love you.” He shuddered beneath her, holding on to her ass as he thrust deeper into her, holding her tight against him as he grew soft inside her. They kissed each other deeply as she withdrew, lying on his chest as they panted, holding each other.

“Shit,” she hissed, “Condoms.”

“How romantic,” Anders laughed, kissing her, “I’m clean. Are you?”

She nodded, “I got checked out before I was admitted into the prison…but…”

“I’m a Grey Warden,” he said softly, “It is unlikely I can give you a child…I never thought to even…I’m sorry.”

She kissed him gently and they held each other again.

“I meant everything I said,” she murmured, “You. Forever. I don’t give a damn about anything else.”

He nuzzled into her neck and kissed her. Hawke melted into his embrace, kissing him as the fire grew softer and flickered. Watching her lover’s face in the light, she was truly happy.


	45. Chapter 45

**TW: Queer slur, abuse**

_16 months later…_

Hawke woke, her head pounding. She reached over to her end table, fumbling through the drawer until she could find some painkillers. She took them dry, her throat pulsing at her from the intrusion. 

She looked over, unsurprised to find Anders already gone. He worked when he was upset and she did not blame him for being upset.

She dressed in the dark, walking out to the living room and finding her gear strewn across the floor. She flushed in memory, her body aching in the right ways at the thought of his touch the night before. He had been terrified, she knew that now, and had been so desperate to reassure himself that she was safe. 

The truth was, she had been very close to being in great danger the night before. Her side still was bruised, even if the magic had closed the bullet hole. The CBI agent would have hit her lung if Hawke hadn’t rolled just in time. It had torn her suit, causing quite the image as she beat at their apartment door. 

She sighed as she put on the coffee maker. Anders was right. She couldn’t keep doing these acts of mercy for spare coin. Yet she felt…

She turned, catching her reflection in the film covered window. The red paint was still on her face and she bent to take it off. It was how they knew her now. When she had been released from prison, the image was leaked to the media. Two photographs of the death of the Arishok. Hawke kissing Isabela and Hawke shooting the Arishok, his blood sprayed across her face like a paintbrush. The little people called her Champion, the ones in the Chantry district viewed her as hero. For the rest…what was she? A disgraced cop, a sexual deviant, a penniless immigrant? But for those who resisted in this city against the domineering force of the Chantry, for whatever reason, the mark of red across one’s face disguised it’s rebels like a mask and marked the martyrs as one of their own.

Hawke had not been such at first. She could not remember the first plea she finally listened to, the first time she painted her face and went out into the night. But it was becoming a routine, one that Anders did not approve of, even if the blue glow behind his eyes said otherwise. She knew he too had close encounters, late nights doing who knows what for the mage collective. Yet neither of them could speak of it, fearing endangering the other.

Hawke poured her coffee when it was done. She still had work during the day, a cover for protecting her other activities. There was little serious work she could do now that she had been dismissed from the force, and she had spent much of her days in the public library. One of the librarians had taken a shine to her and offered her an assistant’s position a few times a week. It was not much, but it kept her head on straight. 

She went to the fridge to make her lunch for later when the phone rang. She closed the fridge door, going to the kitchen phone.

“Hawke?” Merrill’s voice asked softly.

“Hi,” she replied, turning to sit on the kitchen counter, “What’s going on?”

“You need to come down to the Kirkwall Central Hospital, quick.”

“Are you okay? Are the kids okay?”

“….it’s Aveline.”

Hawke managed not to drop the phone as she lost her breath. She exhaled sharply and said to her, “I’ll be right there.”

*

Hawke arrived at reception, a weary nurse looked up at her and asked if she could help her.

Hawke paused, “I’m looking for Merrill Tethras. She’s a midwife-I mean, birthing coach. My name is Hawke. She might have left a message.”

The nurse seemed to recognize the name, but made no reference to her position, “She’s up in maternity. There’s a reception desk there.”

Hawke nodded as she was pointed towards the stairs. She climbed up the two floors quickly, her heart racing as she grew closer to maternity. She entered the ward, the faint pastels on the wall giving it away immediately. 

She walked down the hall, looking desperately until she reached the suite at the end. It was the only one with the door locked, though she could hear raised voices inside. Hawke knocked and asked loudly, “Hello?” 

Merrill opened the door and pulled Hawke inside. Hawke froze as she saw Aveline lying in bed, drugged and exhausted, her right eye almost swollen shut. Aveline turned to face her, a small smile crossing her lips.

Hawke rushed to her bedside, taking her hand in her own. Aveline took it back, squeezing the best she could with the IV in her arm.

Aveline swallowed lightly and said quietly, “Your number was disconnected. I tried…three times. But…finally, when I was here. I need someone to stand beside me. And you…you have always protected me.”

“Who did this to you?” Hawke murmured, her hand coming to touch her swollen face. When Aveline winced and moved from her touch, Hawke’s heart raced.

“Merrill, my son,” Aveline said quietly, “Can you go see him? I know he’ll be alright with the others…but I can’t stand the thought of him being alone.”

“I will, dear,” Merrill promised, “I’ll be back soon. I’ll talk to the nurse on the way back, so I’ll be just out here if you need me.”

As Merrill closed the door, Hawke asked her, “Donnic?”

Aveline nodded and Hawke stood, adrenaline running through her body.

“Where is he?”

“Hawke, I’m going to get a divorce,” she replied, “I just…I kept hoping, I kept hoping it would get better. They’ve always said it’s worst when it’s the first baby. 

“I’ll kill him,” Hawke murmured, her hand holding Aveline’s protectively.

Aveline smiled softly, “I knew I could count on you. I don’t…I don’t want him hurt. I just need to be strong enough to leave. And…I’ve never felt so weak in my life, Hawke. I feel as weak as a newborn kitten.”

“I’ll keep you both safe,” Hawke promised, “You and the baby.”

Aveline nodded, closing her eyes as the narcotics kicked in again. Hawke did not let go of her hand, watching over Aveline as she fell asleep.

*  
It had taken both Merrill and Hawke to help Aveline and her new son into the car. Aveline had grown smaller since they had last seen her, but she was still a strong and heavy woman. She refused to let her baby leave her arms, even as she drifted back off to sleep in the back of Hawke’s truck.

They had settled on bringing her to the Tethras household. There was not much space, but it was safer than Hawke’s apartment. Hawke helped her friend ascend the stairs and get into the guest bedroom. Theron’s old crib was set up in the corner, a few spare baby clothes folded gently inside.

Hawke helped Aveline dress into a nightgown, careful not to touch her sore abdomen. She tucked Aveline in the bed, her eyes fluttering as she tried to fall asleep again. Hawke heard the baby stirring and picked him up, bringing him to her chest.

The child looked up at her blearily, his fingers grasping her hand for a moment. Hawke kissed the child’s forehead and rocked him back to sleep.

*  
Hawke woke, seeing Aveline sitting on the side of the bed. Hawke rose, hearing Aveline sob quietly, her son lying in her arms. 

Hawke came to sit beside her, her arm going protectively around them both.

Aveline murmured, “It should have been Wesley. My first child…we would have been happy together. He would have been so…happy. But…I’ve screwed up so much, Hawke.”

“You married a man you loved,” Hawke said softly, “You didn’t know. You did nothing wrong, Aveline.”

“I’ll have been married twice and yet I still end up a single mother. No job, no family…I’ve never been so alone.”

Hawke said gently, “You have me. I know it’s not the same…but…”

“I loved you, Hawke,” Aveline said quietly, “I loved you so much it hurt. I chose the wrong one. I loved him too…but…I picked him because it was the safer choice, the wiser choice. If I had stayed…oh, Maker.”

She cried again and Hawke held her closer.

“You have a beautiful son,” Hawke said gently, taking him slowly from her arms, “Have you thought of a name for him?”

“I thought of Benoit, after Dad,” Aveline said with a sad smile, “You don’t think that’s too odd?”

“Not at all,” Hawke replied.

Aveline sighed as Hawke brought him back to his crib. She came to hold Aveline again as she cried.

“It will be alright,” Hawke promised, “You’re going to be happy again one day. I know…I know what we had, it’s gone. But, I want to be there, for you and Ben. If you’ll let me. We can be a family again.”

Aveline nodded quietly, letting herself fall into Hawke’s arms. Hawke held her as she fell back asleep, letting her head rest on her shoulder.

Of all the things she could have dreamt of that night, she dreamt of Isabela. She dreamt of Isabela at Sundermount, coming out to find her in the forests. Her smile, her long dark hair curling down her back. She held her hand out to her again and Hawke took it, smiling back at her. 

*  
Hawke went over the next morning to Aveline’s apartment, during the hours she suggested Donnic would not be home. She collected some clothing for her and Ben and as well as any personal documents she might need. 

As Hawke was leaving the bedroom, she heard a sound and drew her gun from her holster. She came face to face with Donnic, who was reaching for his gun at the sound of her.

“I should have guessed it was you,” he sneered, “The dyke cop. You always wanted my wife. You were jealous from the start. You must have loved her running off to you. Even managed to steal a man’s son.”

“Back off,” Hawke warned, “You’ll let me leave and you will not contact either of them again. Do you understand?”

“Or what?” Donnic cocked his head, “You’ll shoot a man in cold blood? In his own apartment. You don’t have the balls to do it.”

“I shot the Arishok,” Hawke said, “And I liked him. What makes you think I won’t shoot you?”

Donnic went slightly pale, “That’s murder.”

“Hasn’t stopped me before,” Hawke stated, clicking off the safety.

“Get out of here,” Donnic said quickly, “Before I change my mind. Just…leave. She won’t get a penny from me. Neither her or that kid. It’s probably not even mine either.”

Hawke did not answer him as she took her gear and left, slamming the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Donnic.


	46. Chapter 46

Merrill sighed in relief as she put her feet up in Hawke’s lap.

“Thank you,” she said with a smile, “I am so unused to wearing heels anymore.”

“Me too,” Hawke replied, “We haven’t gone out in ages.”

Aveline looked over briefly at her watch and Hawke playfully struck it away.

“All of the babies are at home and asleep,” Hawke said with a smirk, “Goodness. The minute you have a baby, you’re no fun anymore. Look at Neria. She’s been married a year and she’s still fun and hip.”

Hawke gestured over to Fenris’ young wife who blushed and replied, “Actually, we’re thinking about trying to start a family. He’d be such a good father.”

Hawke faked indignation, “I give up. Go phone Varric and make sure they’re all alive still.”

“Hawke,” Aveline grumbled, “It’s my first night away. I just keep thinking Varric is going to read out naughty stories to him and feed him beer.”

“I don’t know what naughty stories he would read,” Merrill reassured, “He’s been in writer’s block for weeks now. He’s writing the final one of his Star Empire series and he’s been going back and forth on killing the main character off. Something about every good hero needs to die. It’s quite silly how serious he takes these smut stories.”

Aveline snuck away to use the phone and Neria took another drink.

“So…you and Fenris are serious about kids?” Hawke asked, trying to sound indifferent.

“Don’t give me that look,” Neria rolled her eyes, “I know that look. Yes. And yes, he’s alternating between loving it and freaking out.”

“Men are always like that,” Merrill reassured, “Then they fall in love when they hold their baby. It’s adorable. Happens almost every time.”

“I hope you’re right,” Neria said gently, “He keeps worrying we’ll have another mage in the family. My twin sister was in the Tower in Ferelden, you know.”

Hawke looked carefully at the elf sitting across from her and shivered. She thought quietly of Cullen as she drank her pint.

“How about you, Hawke?” Neria asked kindly, “The thought must have crossed your mind at least once. That Anders is so pretty, he would make beautiful babies.”

Hawke was about to give her standard response about the taint, but paused, watching Aveline walk back to the table.

“I am aunt to four lovely children,” Hawke said smiling, “That’s enough for me. They keep me busy enough.”

“All four are asleep,” Aveline replied, “Varric is apparently losing quite badly at poker to Anders. Fenris finds this very amusing.”

The table laughed and gossiped, Hawke feeling her smile growing false as time went on. Merrill pulled Neria to the dance floor, the two married women dancing as the Hung Man grew crowded with it’s Saturday night regulars.

Aveline pulled her chair closer to Hawke and said quietly, “How long has it been going on?”

Hawke drank, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You’re not happy, Hawke,” Aveline said quietly, “It’s not all the time and maybe I’m not the best to judge, we’ve only been in each others’ lives again for a few weeks. But you seem…lonely. Are things not going well with Anders?”

“It’s just a rough patch,” Hawke promised, “We’ve both been busy and we just want each other safe. We’ll work through it.”

“That’s it? You can tell me, Hawke. If he’s hurting you-“

“Oh for the Maker’s sake,” Hawke said, putting her glass down angrily. Aveline’s eyes widened slightly and Hawke buried her head in her hands.

“I’m sorry,” Hawke said, wiping away a tear, “I know you mean well. I shouldn’t…”

“I’ve been going to the Women’s Centre down the street,” Aveline said quietly, “Maybe it’s making me hyper aware…I don’t know. But I just know you deserve to be happy and if you’re not happy anymore, you have the right to leave.”

“I know,” Hawke said, “But we’ll be okay. He’s a good man.”

Aveline held out her hand, “Come on, Hawke. Let’s go dance.”

Hawke smiled, taking Aveline’s hand as they made their way to the floor. The music slowed and they held each other protectively. The love was growing again. It was familial; Hawke felt as if she was gaining a sister again. 

For the first time in many weeks, she felt unconditionally loved. She wanted to cry, but instead, she just held on.

*  
She was drunk when she arrived back at the apartment. She meant to go to bed and not say anything until morning. 

Anders was waiting for her, reading quietly in their living room when she came in. He put down his book and went to her side. 

They watched each other without touching, waiting for the other to speak first.

“I miss you,” she whispered.

He bent down, kissing her softly. They held each other gently. It felt familiar, but there was a tension there that was new, that was just beyond her capability to describe. 

They melted into each other, kissing as they made their way back to the bed. They laid down side by side, fully clothed, his arm loosely around her body.

She felt a tear run down her face and she closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep.

*  
Hawke woke, hungover and exhausted. She could smell Anders cooking in the next room. He used to sing whenever he cooked, little songs from the Anderfels she could not understand.

Now he was muttering to himself in Common, practicing the lines of his tracts before he brought them to be photocopied. He was stuck on the wording of a sentence, trying to decide on the proper adjective to describe the conditions in the Gallows. 

Hawke sighed and rolled over. She closed her eyes and tried to fall back asleep. She heard the door open. Anders sat beside her, knowing she was awake.

“We should talk,” he said quietly, “why don’t you get dressed? I’ve made breakfast. You should eat something.”

Hawke unwillingly rose from the bed as Anders left the room. She sat on the edge of the bed, running her hands through her hair. She forced herself to change into jeans and a t-shirt and walked out into their living room.

Anders was already at the dinette set, picking at his eggs as he waited for her. She sat down, not wanting to look up at him. She served herself as he started eating, her hand oddly trembling as did so.

“Did you girls have fun last night?” Anders asked weakly.

Hawke laughed sadly, “Yeah…yeah I guess we did.”

Anders was quiet again as he drank from his cup of coffee.

“Whatever it is…” Hawke said softly, “I can handle it. Just talk to me.”

“I have been thinking a lot lately,” Anders said gently, “I…I can handle what you do for this city. And you are patient with me…more patient than I could ask for. We both want the same things, the same rights and freedoms for all in this city. But…I feel…I want to keep you safe. But you’re not mine to keep safe. You’re not a delicate flower. You’re the strongest woman I know. Tougher than me, certainly. But…I feel I need to protect you. But I feel…there’s more important things than you and I…yet…”

“Anders,” Hawke asked, “What are you trying to say?”

“Are you happy, Hawke?” He asked suddenly.

She frowned, “Usually, yes. It’s been hard lately, Anders. But we’ve been together over a year. We have a place together, a life. I know these past few weeks have been hard…but we’ll work through it.”

“It’s not going to get better again,” Anders said gently, “It is only going to get worse…and quickly.”

“And there you go, being cryptic and cynical again,” Hawke grumbled.

“I thought…I thought it would be better once I was with you. I thought I could let go of…this anger. I thought I could be a husband, maybe even a father…I thought…I thought it would be enough.”

“But you can’t stop being a martyr?” Hawke asked angrily, “Because you still think you don’t deserve this?”

“Do I? Every other mage can be left to rot suddenly because someone loves me now?”

“It’s never going to be enough for you,” Hawke said, standing, “You always think you need to do more. You’re going to kill yourself off because you can’t stand the guilt of possibly enjoying something in life.”

“No,” Anders said, his hand going to his forehead, “This isn’t what I wanted…this isn’t how I wanted…”

“Then just say it. Tell me what you’re thinking. Just actually talk to me.”

Anders bowed his head and said softly, “I can’t. That’s the problem. I can’t…I don’t know why, I don’t know why…I want to be open with you, to tell you everything, to be true partners…but every time I try…”

“Do you not trust me?” She asked.

“I do,” he reassured, “I just…I worry. I worry that the more you know, the more in danger you will be…the more in danger others will be. I can’t give you what you want. Not and still do what I need to do.”

Hawke did not want to bring it up, not the phone calls she had heard late at night, but the words slipped out before she could stop them, “Could you tell Nathaniel?”

Anders looked up at her as if he had been slapped. She wanted to sweep him into her arms and pretend it had not been sad, or to apologize profusely. But she needed to hear it. 

Anders sat back down and said gently, “Yes.”

Hawke wanted to cry as she asked, “And why can you talk to him and not me?”

Anders said softly, “I love you. You know that.”

“I know,” Hawke murmured, “I know. But you need…you need to tell me.”

Anders sighed, “I’m worried you’ll stop me. That you don’t realize how important my work is. I’m worried you’ll beg me to stop and that I still won’t. Because he’s always understood. And you…you need to be loved, above all. And I don’t know if I can do that for you.”

“And he’s willing to be second best?” Hawke laughed darkly.

“It’s not like that. Command is wearing him out. I…I can understand that. We’ve just talked. I have always been faithful to you.”

“I’m not worried about that,” Hawke replied, “I’m worried you think I’m some diva who thinks she’s the center of the universe.”

“I don’t think that,” Anders said softly, “I just…I love you. But…there are more important things than us. I want a world where someone like me can love someone like you and nothing will tear them apart.”

“And yet you’re letting this tear us apart,” she said gently.

Anders got up, “I need to go to the clinic. I can’t…”

“I’m going to Varric’s,” she replied, standing up, “I can’t be here right now.”

She glanced at him as she grabbed her coat and keys. He did not speak as she left the apartment, closing the door behind her.

*

The early spring sun shone on them as they rested in the Tethras family’s backyard. Theron ran with his mother, Merrill pretending to be a great Varateral. Aveline sat nearby, smiling as her infant son slept in her arms. The twins played by her feet in a sandbox Varric had constructed, tossing sand out of each other’s buckets. 

Varric kept a loose eye on them as he opened a beer and handed it over to Hawke. She took it with a sigh, lying back in the chair.

“First fine day we’ve had all year,” he said with a smile as he opened his, “I think we’re going to have a beautiful summer. Not all rainy and dreary and Fereldeny like last year.”

“Fereldeny?” Hawke laughed, “Merrill’s right. You are in writer’s block.”

“It’s just tricky, Hawke,” he explained, “I really like my heroine. I want her to live and get married and have babies. It’s a good life. I don’t want to kill her off. But I feel like it cheapens it to give her a happy ending.”

“You sound like Anders,” Hawke commented, drinking from her can.

Varric smiled softly, “He’s got a point. From a literary standpoint, anyways.”

“…is it worth it?” Hawke asked.

“What is?”

“This,” Hawke asked, gesturing to the backyard, “You went from bachelor to papa within a year. Three little ones, a town house, being respectable. Don’t you ever get bored? Don’t you feel…”

“I was bored all my life,” Varric explained, “Doing business here and here with the Lowtown BIA. But Daisy…life with her is amazing. It’s not being the Champion, but I prefer to not be all that responsible. I love my work. I love my children. I love my wife. This is the adventure, Hawke. It’s not for everyone. But I don’t want anything else.”

Hawke drank again, watching Aveline stop Lyna from ingesting a small insect.

“What do you want, Hawke?” Varric asked, a strange softness entering his voice.

“I think about Ferelden,” she said softly, “I think of when I was young…we were on the run for most of my childhood. My Dad died not long after we settled down. And it was hard. I worked and worked. Then…for what? Carver, Mom…they’re gone now. I may never see Bethany again. It’s just…me. I did so much for them….and what did it matter? Now Anders…I get the impulse. I feel it too. I feel like I need to be worthy, that I need to prove that…”

“That you deserved to live, even when they died?”

Hawke bowed her head and chuckled, “That sounds so stupid. But I guess he and I aren’t that different after all.”

“It’s your life, Hawke,” Varric said gently.

Varric drank and said, “It’s not my business. But I want to ask you something as a friend and pseudo-biographer. Consider it research for my book.”

Hawke smiled, “Alright. What is it?”

“Why did you shoot the Arishok?”

“It was a duel, Varric.”

“You’re a noble woman, Hawke. But nobody is that noble. No one goes up to the plate like that unless there’s something worth dying for. So what was it for you?”

“Isabela,” Hawke stated, looking away from him.

Varric nodded, looking back out at his children.

“Is it strange to love more than one person?” Hawke asked.

“Nah. You should see what the nobles get up to in Orzammar. And among the Dalish. They like that sort of thing…my point is, if you still have feelings for her…and Blondie has feelings for the Nose…then you can still make it work. If you want to. You just need to figure out what you want, Hawke.”

“I can’t have Isabela,” Hawke stated, “I don’t think I deserve her and…”

“I haven’t heard from her either, Hawke. Not since you were in prison, at least.”

Hawke sighed as Aveline walked up to them, Ben wrapped up in her arms. Hawke took the baby from her as Aveline went inside to lie down. He was still so small in her arms, cooing at her touch. He recognized her somehow, soothed by her touch and happy in her arms.

“Hi Ben,” Hawke smiled, stroking his cheek. 

Varric leaned in, smiling, “Now that’s a picture. Let me get my camera.”

Varric got up to go into the house as Merrill scooped up the twins, bringing them inside with her. Theron toddled up to Hawke, sitting on her knees and watching the baby in fascination.

“You’re enjoying having another boy around,” Hawke said, “Aren’t you?”

Theron nodded happily and asked, “Can I hold him?”

“Be very very careful,” Hawke said, sitting Theron in her lap before sliding Ben into the child’s arms. Theron smiled, tickling the baby’s chin. Hawke looked up as the door slid open and Varric emerged, camera in hand.

“Say cheese!”

Theron smiled, “Cheese!”

Hawke could not help but smile as Varric took the picture.


	47. Chapter 47

**TW: Miscarriage, briefest mention of Abortion**  
A few days later, Hawke was waiting outside the Women’s Centre in the Chantry District. Aveline was uncomfortable walking by herself at night and Hawke had offered to pick her up after the Centre closed. 

Hawke checked her watch. It was quarter after six now. Where was Aveline? 

She looked up as she saw the lights go out in the centre and a group of women leaving, talking happily together. Hawke saw Aveline and started the car. When she looked up again, she nearly lost her breath.

Isabela smiled back at her, waving as she walked over to the car. Aveline stood by the wall, trying not to grin as she rocked Ben in her arms.

“Hi stranger,” Isabela greeted with a quiet smile, “Do you fancy going out for a drink?”

Hawke nodded, “Just let me take them home first and then…we can go anywhere you want.”

Isabela got in the back as Hawke helped Aveline into her seat. She gave Ben a quick kiss and looked over her shoulder as she backed the truck up.

oOoOo  
Once Aveline and her child had left the car, Isabela came to sit in the front with Hawke.

“I know a little place in Lowtown,” she said, “Real Riviani food. It feels just like home. I think you might really like it.”

Hawke nodded, “That sounds just fine.”

They sat in awkward silence together as Hawke drove them. She occasionally glanced over at Isabela. It had been nearly three years since she had seen her. Her hair was longer, her eyes seemed to be muted, less vibrant then they had been. She would never say so to her former lover, but she could swear she saw the hints of wrinkles starting around the corner of her eyes. 

They did not speak until they arrived and Isabela asked for a specific table in the back. The two women sat down together, Isabela ordering for them both.

“I don’t know where to start,” Isabela said with a soft smile, “You look good, Hawke. I like you having a fuller body, it suits you.”

“I never got over the prison weight,” Hawke blushed.

“I mean it,” Isabela said, “You look…beautiful.”

Hawke wanted to return the compliment, but it seemed inadequate to her. Isabela had always been the most beautiful woman in the world to her. As she sat across from her, watching her deep brown eyes become brighter and happier again, Hawke felt herself falling under the age-old spell.

They both smiled and Hawke asked, “How long have you been back?”

“Three months,” Isabela said quietly, “I kept wanting to ring you…but…after I heard you were not exactly available these days, I thought it might send the wrong message. Then it just got too easier not to phone you, to tell anyone. It was nice having some peace and quiet for once.”

“Fenris said you were in Ferelden.”

“For a time,” she admitted, “I wanted to go home…but I didn’t know where that was anymore. So I went back to Denerim. It’s a mess, less so now. I went to school for a year. I rather liked it. I was working with women back there. There was a little shelter for women who needed help. I found I enjoyed it. They seemed to like me. It’s rare to for women to like me. For more than just sex, anyways. But I…I wanted to come back here. Ferelden wasn’t really home either. There was a job, I took it. Enough about me though. I’ve heard you work in a library now of all things.”

“It’s a bit of a slower pace, but I get arrested significantly less.”

Isabela smirked, “But I imagine a lot less fun. Though if I know you, you’ve found other ways to keep yourself entertained. I know Anders has a few tricks up his sleeve, though I imagine you’ve had enough time to discover them all by now.”

“Why now, Isabela?” Hawke asked, leaning forward. 

“I didn’t want to,” she admitted, “When Aveline showed up a few weeks ago…well, I wanted to run. She told me she wouldn’t tell you, not until I was ready. But then…she and I had a talk yesterday. I was worried.”

“About me?” 

Isabela laughed, “I guess I’ve always been worried about you. The first three weeks in Ferelden…oh Maker, I must have driven myself half mad. I kept watching the news, a big mistake. The photos came out during the trial. I kept seeing this blurry photo of us again and again. I had to stop after awhile.”

Hawke did not resist the urge to reach out and touch her hand. Isabela smiled and pulled her hand back.

“It’s unfortunately not that sort of place,” she replied, “Maybe…maybe after we eat…you want to come to my place. I would love to talk to you longer. I’ve missed you, Hawke.”

“I need to tell Anders,” Hawke said, “But…yes. I would like that.”

Isabela bit her lip, “Of course. I…I don’t mean to.”

“You used to never get this flustered around me,” Hawke smiled, “I remember me being the bashful one.”

“You were never inside my head,” Isabela laughed, “I was not nearly as smooth as you might have imagined me to be.”

The waiter arrived with their meal and they smiled to each other as they dug in.

oOoOo

Hawke found herself staring as she looked around Isabela’s apartment. It was stern and simple, very few decorations or signs that someone as vibrant as Isabela lived there.

She appeared to notice and explained, “It’s only been a few months and let’s face it, social work is a lot less of a racket than prostitution.” 

“You’ve stopped?” Hawke asked in surprise as she sat down on a couch.

“Actually, a few weeks before the Qunari invaded,” Isabela said, “I wanted to go to school. And I…I wanted out. I was done. I love sex still, but I wanted to go back to amateur status. It’s more fun.”

Isabela paused before she sat down on the couch and said, “No…I had this all planned out. What I would say, that it would be over…but it’s not over, is it?”

Isabela sat down beside her, bringing her legs up on the couch as she leaned over to look at Hawke. She said, “I want to tell you what happened. I don’t want you to say anything until I’m done. I want you to hear and afterwards…whatever happens, we start off on the right foot.”

Hawke nodded and Isabela began, “When the Qunari invaded, I was pregnant. I was five weeks along then. I’ve been pregnant once before. I had taken care of it then. When I found out, I was going to do the same. But this thought had come into my head then. We had been with Anders, there was a possibility it was his. But to me…it felt like ours. This baby I had made with you. It was insane and stupid…but I started thinking. I started thinking of what I wanted…and I wanted you. I wanted to be a wife and mother. I had a dream that I would take classes at school and we’d raise this baby together. Oh…I had such stupid little dreams. This was two weeks before the invasion. I worried…I wanted to tell you; I wanted to talk to you about it. 

Then when I heard from Castillon…I was terrified. And…well, you know that part. I fled. I thought you hated me, I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me. I was a few miles from the city, I was resting and I heard the news…I watched the TV and thought about you. I knew I couldn’t leave you, no matter what. I went back for you. I would have gone with the Arishok if it had meant keeping you safe. But when it was over…I was so confused. I needed time, I needed space. I wanted you to figure out what it was you wanted. So I left. I flew to Ferelden, to Denerim. I looked up some old friends, tried to start again. Then there was still the pregnancy. It was suddenly so different. I was alone in another country, one I barely spoke the language. I thought about taking care of it too…but I was so ill, I…I guess my body took care of it by itself. I mourned, I cried, I was so angry at myself…and at you. You were on trial then; I saw some of it from my bed. When you went to jail…I decided to try and start over. I took classes in something called Women’s Studies. They let me study sex all day, it was delightful. I started working and I felt…I felt better.

I wanted to phone you…I talked to Fenris first. But I couldn’t. I still feared you hated me. But I needed to come home. I needed to be here, I couldn’t keep running. And tonight…tonight I was going to tell you how amazing my life was and you could feel good going home to Anders and we could be friends again. But I look at you and every part of my body hurts. I look at you and I don’t ever want to leave you again.”

“Are you finished now?” Hawke whispered. Isabela nodded as Hawke pulled her into her arms and kissed her deeply.

They cried silently between kisses, holding each other like a drowning man to a life preserver. Hawke pulled away, holding her face in her hands, wiping her tears away with her thumbs.

“I don’t care if you love anyone else,” Isabela pleaded, “I don’t care if you sleep with the rest of Kirkwall. Just love me. Please just love me again.”

“I never stopped loving you,” Hawke said quietly. 

They rested their foreheads against each others, smiling quietly to themselves.

“What will you tell him?” Isabela asked.

“The truth,” Hawke replied, “I…I want to make this work. Some people can make this work. You were with others when you were with me…maybe…”

“And if you can’t have us both?” Isabela asked.

Hawke replied honestly, “I don’t know.”

Isabela said gently, “I would fight for you, but I know that will just hurt us both. Maybe this was a mistake.”

Hawke kissed her again, pulling her into her arms as she picked her up. She kissed her deeply, pausing as Isabela whispered the direction of the bedroom to her. They both grinned as they kissed again. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t,” Isabela said as they reached the bed.

“Do you remember Merrill’s wedding?” Hawke asked, bringing her down into the sheets with her. Isabela nodded as Hawke’s kisses went to her neck.

“Do you remember when you came out to me in the forests? Do you remember when you laid beside me that night?” Hawke murmured, her mouth next to her ear, “I keep dreaming of that. For weeks now. Again and again, I dreamt of you.”

Isabela moaned as Hawke sucked on her throat, her hands going to the front of her blouse. They quickly disregarded their clothing, Hawke’s hands rarely leaving Isabela’s body.

Naked, Hawke pressed Isabela into the sheets, looking over her lover’s dark skin, her breasts pressed against hers. 

“Maker,” Hawke murmured, “You’re even more gorgeous than I remembered.”

Hawke pressed her wet sex against Isabela’s and she groaned out underneath her. She held them together as she moved herself back and forth, their clits rubbing together. Isabela threw her head back, crying out as she dug her fingers into her back. Hawke bit her lip, concentrating, watching Isabela’s face as she moaned underneath her.

Hawke dipped down, kissing her neck as she grinded herself against Isabela. She picked up pace, the sensation building in her quickly, her core throbbing, desiring contact. She felt Isabela shake beneath her and she held her to her, taking a breast into her mouth as Isabela threw her arms around her neck.

Isabela rode out her orgasm, pleading in her ear, “Your hands. I want you inside me. I need to feel you. Please. Please.”

Hawke obeyed, moving her body from hers and sliding two fingers inside her eager body. Isabela cried out, bucking to her touch, her body still shaking. She screamed out as Hawke moved faster, her thumb reaching around to stroke her clit. Isabela groaned loudly, her arms holding on to her stronger, a quiet begging coming to Hawke’s ears.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Isabela panted, “No one makes me come like you do. Please. Please just don’t stop.”

Hawke groaned, kissing her deeply. She picked up her pace, whispering in her ear, “As you wish.”

Isabela buckled underneath her but Hawke did not stop, pounding into her until Isabela cried out a third time, shaking in her arms until she asked Hawke softly to stop. Hawke kissed her gently, lying down in the bed beside her as Isabela moaned in relief, pulling herself into Hawke’s arms.

“Tired already?” Hawke teased.

“No,” Isabela said with a smile, “I just want to return the favour.”

“Not tonight,” Hawke murmured, kissing her softly, “I just…I just wanted to do that. I needed to see you happy again. But…I need…”

Isabela kissed her, stroking her cheek, “I understand.”

They looked at each other adoringly. Hawke kissed her nose, “I should be going…I should deal with this…but Maker, you are ever so beautiful after sex.”

Isabela smiled at her, “Then you’ll just have to make it successful.”

Hawke kissed her softly, cupping her face in her hand, “I better go.”

“Mmmhmmm,” Isabela agreed, “You probably should.”

Neither of them moved. They fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	48. Chapter 48

**TW: LGBT slurs**

When Hawke finally went home the next morning, Anders was not home. She phoned the Clinic and an assistant told her that he was making a house call.

As she hung up, her heart thudded in her chest. Anders did not make house calls. She cursed as she sat down on the kitchen floor, running her hand through her hair.

She smelt it then, the vaguely sweet odor emanating from beneath the bottom of the sink. Hawke opened it gently, pulling back soap and tissues to see the three sealed containers at the back of the cupboard.

She immediately backed away, her hand reaching for the phone again. She was halfway through phoning Fenris at the station until the pieces clicked together in her mind.

“Son of a bitch,” she whispered. 

She wanted to wait for him, but she was too scared to be there, her heart beating too quickly at watching those innocuous white containers sitting there.

She hung up the phone, only to have it ring beside her. Her hands trembling, she picked up the receiver and whispered, “Hello?”

“Love, it’s me,” Anders replied, “I just got back into the clinic. I heard you phoned. I wanted to make sure you were all right. I’m sorry I didn’t come home last night, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Anders,” Hawke whispered, “You need to come home right now.”

“It’s been too busy at the clinic. Are you okay? You could always phone Aveline if you need some help around the house.”

“Get. The. Hell. Home. Now.”

Anders hesitated and said finally, “Okay.”

OoOoOoO

Hawke sat on the kitchen floor, unable to keep her eyes off her discovery until she heard the key in the door.

She stood up, her arms around her chest, feeling herself shaking. Anders met her gaze, then his eyes moved to see what was no longer hidden.

“I can explain,” Anders replied, “It’s not what you think.”

“I was a cop,” Hawke said hoarsely, “I may be a lot of things, but I’m not stupid. You have the makings of a bomb that could take down half of Lowtown sitting underneath our kitchen sink. And you know that too, otherwise you wouldn’t have hidden it from me. I haven’t phoned the police yet. I’m…Anders, what the hell have you gotten yourself into?”

“I can’t tell you,” Anders said softly, “Phone the police if you need to. But I can’t…”

“Where were you last night?” Hawke asked, “Planning where to put this? Or have you had a target for awhile now?”

When Anders did not reply, Hawke’s face softened, “Anders…please. Please don’t do this to me. Please, say something, anything.”

“There are things more important than you and I,” Anders said softly, “I’ve told you this. I tried…Maker, Marian, I…I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep doing this. This city…it’s killing me.”

Hawke replied, “Then we’ll go back to Ferelden. Hell, we’ll go to Tevinter. I don’t care.”

“I need to stop running, Hawke,” Anders said gently, “I need to do what needs to be done.”

“And who will suffer because of that?” Hawke accused, “Who will die to satisfy that vindictive voice in your head?”

Anders bowed his head, “I’m leaving, Hawke. Nate has been in town all week, I’ve been seeing him at his hotel…I think I’ll stay there until this is done. Hawke…don’t phone the police. If you ever loved me, let me do this.”

“Don’t ask that of me,” Hawke said hoarsely, “Please, don’t do this.”

Anders said softly, “If it means anything, I am so sorry, love.”

Hawke suddenly screamed, picking up and throwing the toaster across the room. She sobbed, falling to her knees. Anders knelt beside her, his arms holding her softly as she cried into his shirt.

He kissed her forehead and rose again, leaving her crying on the floor. She did not look up as he left the room.

oOoOoOo

Within a few hours, her family was in her apartment. Fenris had come over immediately, disposing the half used materials safely. He had put an alert out, not naming Anders, but warning of a possible bomb threat and to put any phone calls in as top priority. He had left Neria with Hawke, the two women playing cards quietly as they waited for the others.

The Tethras household arrived by the evening, the three children playing on the floor with their father while Merrill made sure Hawke ate. 

Isabela arrived after work with Aveline and Ben, bringing take out Orleasian food in a bag for everyone to share. 

Surrounded by those who loved her, Hawke felt her chest begin to relax, letting her head rest on the arm of the couch, Merrill stroking her hair as she closed her eyes. She could not sleep, envisioning Anders out there. Despite herself, she wanted to pray he would be returned safely to her. She wanted him not to be caught. She wanted him to change his mind and run off with the Warden. She wanted anything but the fate he seemed to be foolhardily running towards.

The phone rang as the sun was setting, all turning to face Hawke as she picked up the phone, hands shaking.

“Hello?” She asked.

“Hawke,” Fenris said, “You need to come down to City Hall. I’m going to come pick you up myself. Commander Meredith wants to see you.”

Hawke whispered, “Okay.”

oOoOoOoOo

Fenris squeezed Hawke’s hand as he left her by Meredith’s door. He stood with the CBI agents, showing his badge as he talked with them. Hawke took a deep breath and stepped into the room.

The Commander had seemed to have aged 10 years since Hawke had last seen her. She beckoned Hawke to sit by her desk and she did so without a sound.

“Constable Hawke,” Meredith said with a smirk, “I should have guessed you had something to do with all of this.”

“I’m a civilian,” Hawke reminded, “I got stripped of my rank awhile ago now.”

Meredith stood by the window, watching out in the courtyard below.

“I remember warning my predecessor about you,” she said firmly, “A woman recognizes her equal quickly, they say. We see beyond the bullshit easily. I’ve been keeping tabs on you, ever since I met you. I knew you were living in sin with that apostate. My sources have been watching your…activities in this city. I did not interfere because it did not seem warranted. You are not the first person who thinks they can deal with justice on their own. When the report went through, it seemed obvious to me. Your apostate has gone rogue. My men will find him, and they will kill him before he finishes whatever ghastly act he has planned. The question is, will you help me? You are not a fool, Hawke. You have a sense of right and wrong, even if you and I have different perspectives on that. And now that your former lover has returned, perhaps you no longer have use for a troublesome mage.”

Hawke said nothing, keeping her head low.

“I could force you,” Meredith replied, “Perhaps that Dalish apostate. A little midwife they tell me she is. Three young children, all of whom could carry magic in their blood. If you do not play fair with me, what stops me from doing the same, Hawke?”

“You have enforced martial law in this city,” Hawke said softly, “You have turned a blind eye to the injustices of all you seem unworthy of protection. For nearly two years, I have watched the mages fight back, stronger every time you squeeze them tighter. I have seen the elven miltias that have formed to protect themselves against Chantry zealots. I have seen the ones you call dykes and queers being beaten to death by those same zealots. You have stripped every strip of democracy away from this city and replaced it with tyranny. I may not agree with whatever Anders has planned, but there is no way in hell that I am helping you.”

Meredith slapped Hawke across the face, causing her to fall to the ground. Hawke held her jaw as she rose to her feet.

“Foolish, foolish girl,” Meredith sneered, “You think me petty, you think me the enemy. I have kept this city from falling apart. You think your stance will make a difference? I will find him, Hawke. The games have ended.”

Hawke saw her glance out the window and Hawke moved to her side, looking out at the troops gathering in the plaza below them.

“You’re going to march on the city,” Hawke replied.

“We will find him, Hawke. It would not have mattered. We have finally been given permission. A new city state, Hawke, built in the ashes of the old. The Divine herself will appoint Kirkwall a holy city, led by those who keep the Chant in their hearts. But the city must first be cleansed. It has been leading to this, you know this. It cannot be stopped.”

“I can damn well try,” Hawke smirked, grabbing the pistol from her holster. The door opened behind her, three CBI agents pointing their guns to her head as she pointed hers at Meredith. She glanced back, seeing Fenris under the barrel of the fourth agent’s weapon. But just behind them, she saw someone familiar.

“Get down,” Hawke ordered, both her and Fenris diving to the floor. The ground shook around them, the four guns misfiring, and the CBI agents falling to the floor. Fenris and Hawke ran, catching up with the figure racing towards them.

Merrill wiped her forehead, “Let’s get out of here, shall we?”

Hawke smirked, racing out of the building and towards the cop car, “We’ve got minutes until the end of the world. Let’s see if we can do something about that.”


	49. Chapter 49

Hawke fell as the explosion rocked through the city. Merrill sent up a protective barrier, protecting them as debris fell around them. 

Hawke stood, watching the smoldering wreck of the Chantry. Her hand went to her mouth as she whispered, "I didn't think he'd actually do it." 

Merrill touched her shoulder, "We need to get going, Hawke."

Hawke nodded, taking a deep breath before following Merrill into the car. They drove through the streets, quickly, ignoring the chaos that fell around them.

"Cullen phoned the apartment minutes after you left," she explained, holding onto the seat as Fenris sped through another light, "He warned us about the trap, but you see how well that went. So new plan. I went after you for now and he's coming to get you. He'll keep you safe."

"No," Hawke said quietly, "You need to all get out of town. Merrill, you have three children. I know you're going to tell me that you're doing this to protect them...but I don't think anyone who stays in this city is going to survive. You need to get out of here. They need you."

Merrill paused, bowing her head slightly, "I used to have nightmares about this, back when the Qunari invaded. I used to dream that I was leaving you to die. Again and again, I swore I would never do that to you."

"Merrill," Hawke said quietly, "She's not going to stop. She wants me. I'm not going to let her cut through all of you to get to me."

When they arrived at the apartment complex, racing up the stairs, they found the rest of their family waiting inside, barricading themselves against the looters. The television played on mute in the background, showing again and again Anders and Hawke's faces with the words **Terrorist Attack on Chantry** scrolling across the bottom. 

Merrill spoke first, "We're evacuating. No protests. Varric, I need you to get the children ready and in the van. We need to get to my mother before this moves North. The rest of you will start heading towards the coast. If we claim refugee status in Ferelden, I think that is our best shot, ironically. There's no more time. We need to move."

Isabela stood, holding Ben, "I have a few friends in Starkhaven. We can get out that way. Hawke, you're going to have to dye your hair or something, love, we can do it right now before we go."

"I'm not going," Hawke's voice faltered. 

The others' eyes turned to Isabela, who softly handed Ben over to his mother.

"I'm not going without you," Isabela said quietly.

Merrill interrupted, "Cullen's coming to get her. He'll keep her safe, but the rest of us need to move. Grab what you can and get downstairs."

Isabela said nothing further as they grabbed supplies and went downstairs. As Hawke left her apartment for the last time, Aveline put her hand on her arm.

"I'll take care of the slattern for you," she promised softly, "And Varric has already made a claim on your dog."

"Thanks," Hawke patted her on the back, "Aveline..."

"I know," Aveline said softly, kissing her on the cheek.

They went into the back parking lot, each family readying their vehicle to go. Varric was already set, all three children strapped into the back.

"It's a shame, Hawke," Varric smirked, "All this revolution is going to push back the print date of the final book."

“So tell me now,” Hawke asked, “Does she live in the end?”

“I left that up for the reader to decide,” Varric admitted, “But truthfully…I think she makes it. Maybe that’s just wishful thinking. But I want her to live.”

"Me too," Hawke admitted. 

"Hawke..."

“Take care of them for me,” Hawke replied, glancing at his family pilled into the bright orange van. She saw Theron pressed against the window, waving at his aunt. Tali popped up beside him, her ears pinned back.

“Make it out alive, Hawke,” Varric said, sticking his hand out.

Hawke shook his hand and Merrill came down to sit beside him.

"I'm not saying goodbye to you," Merrill stated, "Because I'm going to see you again."

Hawke smiled, waving as Varric started the car. Neither one looked back as they drove away. 

Their car passed Cullen's as the man pulled into the parking lot. He exited quickly, saying, "Hawke, we don't have much-"

Neria and Cullen’s eyes met and the man froze where he stood. He walked towards her without a sound, his hand reaching out to touch her.

She murmured, “You’re him, aren’t you? My sister wrote to me, she told me about the man she wanted to marry. She told me…well…it doesn’t matter now.”

“You look so much like her,” Cullen whispered hoarsely.

Fenris came to stand beside his wife and Cullen nodded, biting back tears.

“Take care of her,” Cullen asked, “Have a good life and many children.”

Cullen stood, watching awkwardly as Hawke and Fenris embraced. Fenris stifled a whimper, holding her close to him. 

“I know,” she said, “I love you too.”

Fenris let go of her, putting his arm around his wife. Neria pulled from Cullen, the CBI agent downcast as the pair got to their car.

Isabela ran into Hawke's arms, embracing her closely. Hawke rested her face in her hair, trying to memorize the feel of her body against hers.

“We finally figure it out,” Isabela laughed, tears rolling down her cheeks, “And you go off and try to be a hero. My foolish, foolish girl.”

Hawke kissed her neck lightly and murmured, “It has to be me. I know you would follow me into hell itself. But…I can’t lose you again. And Aveline needs you. You’ll take care of her and Ben.”

“We both know Aveline will take care of both of us,” Isabela smirked, “Even if she had three more newborns, I’m sure she would still be stronger than me.”

Isabela’s face softened, “I love you. You know that, right?”

“I know,” Hawke murmured, cupping her face.

“You better make it back to me.”

“I will,” Hawke promised. 

“We have to go,” Cullen said quietly, starting the car.

Hawke nodded and followed him into the side seat. If one was watching carefully, they could have seen her whisper to him her plan. 

oOoOoOoOoOo

Cullen held Hawke’s head down as he led her out of the car. Bound, she remained silent as she was brought forth into the street compound. Her heart raced as she watched the CBI agents watch her, like prey.

She glanced at them, at the riot gear, at the arsenal of weapons by their feet. Cullen spoke a few words to another who led them to a makeshift tent in the street. They were brought inside after Hawke was patted down, some hands lingering too long on her sex and breasts.

She looked at Meredith, dressed in black riot gear, her long hair braided back.

“Thank you, Agent,” Meredith said, taking her gun from a holster, “It will be a burden off my mind to make sure she is off the streets. You're going to want to film this, gentlemen. The public will want to watch "the Champion" finally meet justice."

As she clicked off the safety, Cullen pulled out his gun and shot Meredith dead between the eyes. Hawke pulled her gun out, covering his back as they shot their way through the camp, racing towards the walled escarpment of the Gallows. They ran onto the edge, looking at each other briefly as Cullen was shot through the shoulder. He yelped and slipped, falling off into the waters below. Without thinking, Hawke jumped after him.

It felt an eternity for her to hit the water. The cold nearly shocked the air out of her lungs, but she breathed deep and dove under to find Cullen. She pulled him up, hearing him breathe shallowly. She swam them out, hearing the explosions rock across the city. They waded in the water, watching the city descend into hell. 

Cullen signaled her to a damaged motorboat floating from the docks. They helped each other over the edge, pouring into the body of the ship. She set the motor running, keeping her head down as it pushed them further and further to sea until it sputtered, fuel pouring out around them from several gun shots in the tank. 

Hawke looked at Cullen, stroking his uninjured shoulder as he bled beside her. She laid down in the boat beside him, holding his hand as they floated out to sea.

She was exhausted. She knew if she closed her eyes, they may not open again. She did not know how long she lay there, waiting, not knowing when her body would give up on her for one last time. 

In those last moments of consciousness, she thought of Anders. She thought of that first night in the woods. She wondered if she could have made him happy, perhaps this all would have been different. 

The sound of sirens caused her to stir, looking up at the whirling lights around them. She heard the call of a radio, the rotation of helicopter blades. She looked over at Cullen, his skin pale and icy. She had enough strength to wave before she closed her eyes again.

She remembered the lights overhead again, almost floating down a hallway. Concerned whispers and voices. It all ran together. She tried to ask one blurred face about Cullen, but her throat was too dry. She gave herself over to the darkness again.

When she woke, her body aching, the words washed over her. She had recognized the Warden insignia and realized who exactly had fished them out of the water. She felt set up, a pawn of those who could not openly act. They said more, more that she could not comprehend. An older woman suggested that Hawke needed space and she left her room. 

Hawke caught her breath as she looked out unto the water, the boat gently swaying with the waves. She guessed they were going north, but it was hard to tell. She had no idea how long she had been out.

A gust wind caused her to shiver and she turned to go back inside. Seeing Cullen out of the corner of her eye, she went instead to his side, leaning on the rail beside him.

“I’m glad you’re alive,” she said kindly, putting her arm around him. 

Cullen sighed as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“It’s still not over, is it?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she replied.

They glanced out at the waters, watching the sunrise across the waters. She thought of Aveline, of the trip across the sea. That too had been an adventure into the unknown.

She glanced up at her friend, who smiled weakly in return. 

Hawke said quietly, “Whatever it is, it’s nothing we can’t handle.”

Cullen chuckled, lightly punching her shoulder as he pulled away.

“Come on now, Champion,” he teased, “Let’s see if there’s a kitchen anywhere on this barge.”

Hawke smiled, pausing as she reached the door. 

Wherever Isabela was, Hawke promised, she would find her again.

oOoOoOoOoOo

“So you’re telling me you left her there at her apartment?” Agent Pentaghast accused, eyebrows raised, “So after all this, you don’t know what happened? Have you been telling me a fable, dwarf?”

Varric shuffled in his chair, coughing on the smoke in the air of the interrogation room, “What I’m telling you is the ending. That’s what happened. You want more of the story? You already know what happened to me. I was enjoying living in that little commune in Gwarin. And I believe you adequately scared the shit out of my children and wife by dragging me here. I remember you promising me you’d let me go.”

“Ease up on him,” Agent Nightingale said, patting her companion on the shoulder, “So we know. She and Cullen killed Meredith and the Wardens gave her and the rogue agent sanctuary."

“But how does he know?” Pentaghast replied, “How does he know what happened if he was not there?”

Both looked at Varric, who smirked.

“That, my dear seekers, is another story.”


End file.
